mastertarlthered
Posts: 12
Joined: 11/6/2007
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I’ve already written an introduction, not very enlightening I grant you, apart from the fact that I may have trouble spelling from time to time. Which as the son of an English professor is not entirely forgivable, at least not from his point of view.
Thank God for Microsoft word, having said that even that venerable operating system would appear fallible from time to time.
Whom ever chose to read my previous introduction, will know who I am, at least who I think I am.
For those who haven’t, but have found themselves reading this addition, I am Iain, aka Master Tarl the Red.
And as I said in my previous intro’ I am pretty much a novice as far as the sub/Dom lifestyle is concerned.
For those of you who may be curious about my pseudo and no nothing about the Gor books, it came about as a nod to a leading character in the books, a man named Tarl Cabot, a warrior who before he found himself transported to Gor was just an ordinary earthling who wore glass’s. The Red addition is a nod to my ancestry as a Viking. Plus the fact that I do have red hair.
The Master title, truth be told started out as a result of my solid belief that I am worthy of being known as a “Master”, whether this is infact true is still up for debate.
As the literal definition of master, denotes some kind of mastery of some particular skill. If I’m brutally honest with myself and not least the reader (I definitely intend to be), I do not possess any mastery of any one skill. As that dubious title goes “Jack of all Trades, Master of none.”
And I would imagine that there are those out there within the sub/Dom community, that would argue that a “Master” in the context of a Master/slave relationship, can only be considered a true “Master” if he already possesses the skills and practical experience associated with that title.
At this point in my journey, I would tend to agree with that statement.
Suffice to say I would now describe myself as a covertly would-be Dom, with pretensions of Mastery.
Whether that has a detrimental effect on any chance I may have pertaining to my intention to explore my dominant side with a like minded sub, also remains to be seen. If it does so be it. But then if any subs reading this are so shallow in themselves that they can not recognise that dominant men may have doubts about themselves, then I would wish to have nothing to do with them anyway.
If on the other hand you are a Dom, Domme or Master, Mistress and you are reading this with an air of superiority, which would never allow you to admit to anyone let alone yourself that you have doubts, then I feel sorry for you and your sub(s).
I truly believe we are all fallible, be it sub or indeed Dom. After all when all said and done we are humans first, and not Demi Gods as I suspect a few Dom’s/Domme’s like to believe themselves.
So to recap, I certainly do have doubts and questions about who I am, where I am going and not least my motives.
I have begun to seriously explore the possibility of finding a like minded sub, to share my life with. And I do mean share. In this day and age I am not so deluded to believe for one minute that an intelligent woman would really truly allow herself to be subjugated in such away that she would indeed be a true slave. With no rights at all. To be considered to be no better than an animal. I may be proved wrong in this, at this point I don’t know.
After all, legally true slavery has been abolished in the “civilised” world for over a century now.
Having said that certain elements of my profile/advert do, I would admit, require my “slave” to abandon much of her life and freedoms to me, such as her home for instance.
It is a pretty extreme requirement in its self. But in my case a necessary one. As I do not own my own home. At least not in UK. And I do not have the resources to enable me to buy one in UK.
Not that I would expect her to give me legal ownership of her home.
I have thought about how strange it is to find ones self contemplating a Master/slave relationship in a society that generally has no place for slavery of any kind. If I was a “Gorean” and I had some money, I would just have to go to the slave market to find and buy a suitable slave. The onerous of selling would be squarely placed on the shoulders of the slaver and subsequently the slave.
Where as here it is I who must sell himself to any potential “slave”.
Since I began my initial foray into this lifestyle, I have begun to come to some startling revelations about myself and why I find myself attempting to pursue this course.
It has helped enormously to have met my friend vavavoom and to have found in her a kindred spirit.
She is naturally very intuitive and has afforded me some powerful insights into myself.
Although, I have probably known much of these insights myself, at least on a subconscious level.
For instance the other day she made the observation that she believes me to be dominant only within intimate relationships with submissive women such as herself. And with people I know. Such as family, friends and work colleagues. Yet on a social level within an environment that contains strangers, complete unknowns, I am less dominant. Perhaps even submissive to a small degree.
I agree with this analysis, however I have realised since that rather than being socially submissive I am infact socially indifferent much of the time.
I tend to take a back seat socially, I allow other people to make the running. If I am honest I would admit that I do this because it is simply easier. Socially I am an observer. Which to a certain degree for a would-be author is a good trait I would imagine.
Through out my life I have selfishly done nothing, so that other people where then obliged to do those things for me.
For instance when I was a toddler, I refused to walk, obliging my mother to carry me from A to B. Not because I didn’t have the ability to walk, but rather because I didn’t need to.
So already there were the beginnings of covertly dominant behaviour. Perhaps.
This brings me to the question of how does one decide whether they are indeed dominant. Does upbringing influence this personal trait?
I would argue it does. However what kinds of upbringings do indeed influence that trait?
The answer is many. I would imagine.
But then if so, my question about my own statement that I believe myself to be dominant, is…..Did my own upbringing have an influence in making me believe myself to be dominant?
At this point I would guess that many of my would-be readers may express the opinion, “Who F***ing cares”.
My answer would be to expound on this theme regardless.
And try and explain myself and the reason for the question.
Through out my life as a child, teenager and a young adult both my parents have tried to dominate me and much of my life.
My father is a bully. And as such he tried to cow me, as a child and early teenager, he succeeded. As a result I was extremely with drawn. Introverted.
And yes I was bullied at school as a result. Some kids can be very unkind.
As I grew older and physically out stripped him in sheer size, his ability to try and physically bully me evaporated. With my new found confidence in my physical self I became less and less with drawn. And soon became wise to my fathers short comings.
He continued to attempt to bully me emotionally and still does to this day.
I love my father, but on the other hand I can only feel contempt for him.
My mother, I would say is not a bully in the traditional sense, but I would say that she can be very manipulative.
She has a very strong forceful character, very fiery and as a result not at all submissive. She is a proud woman. And highly intelligent with an extremely well developed intellect.
And I both love her and respect her tremendously.
We have a fairly good relationship as mother and son. But we do clash. And when we clash we clash big time.
I am obviously much bigger than her in size. I am ashamed to say that when we clash I do tend to try and use this to my advantage.
Not that I have ever attempted to strike her, you understand, but I do tend to tower and glower.
I am not a bully I do not take pleasure in causing other people physical or mental pain and anguish. Unless of course they have consented to me to do so.
I abhor physical violence, however I am quite prepared to use my physical strength to defend myself and others if threatened physically.
Usually if I am confronted with a potentially volatile situation I will try and deal with it through dialogue first if it comes to that, before anything more drastic. Other wise I just side step the issue all together.
I transgress.
Back to my question.
I have begun to analyse lately, whether my relationship with my mother has anything to do with my motives concerning my wish to subjugate other women.
If so is this healthy? Either for me and/or not least for the submissive in my life.
Admittedly, the question only arose after my mother expressed her opinion about sub/Dom relationships.
She has absolutely no understanding of why people need such relationships or indeed feel the need to label themselves as either sub or Dom.
And since she has discovered my interest in finding a submissive, our relationship has begun to deteriorate some what.
I have come to the realisation that my fathers influence on this is minimal, as I believe he has only made me determined not to repeat his mistakes. And in doing so learn from his mistakes.
My next question is two fold and concerns the dynamics of a sub/Dom relationship.
Does “romantic” love have a place in such a relationship?
And if so how should it manifest itself?
I mean most of the profiles I have read on this site, contain absolutely no reference to love, be it a subs profile or a Dom’s profile.
They all seem to focus on the physical needs of the individual and the mental, not at all on the spiritual. By spiritual I mean the part of us humans that seeks love for loves sake.
As I have said in my profile, I am seeking a long term 24/7 relationship with a sub.
And I am of the opinion that all long-term relationships require love to help nurture them, otherwise they tend to wither and die.
Further as a would-be Dom, does my need to be loved and to love lessen my ability to be a Dom or for that matter my standing as a Dom?
I have more questions, but they will have to wait until I discover them.
Iain.
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My Personal Voyage. Full of Questions and Self Discovery. - 
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