D/s...M/f or F/m? (Full Version)

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probablyknowme -> D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 4:42:20 PM)

I was recently discussing the local scene here in Oklahoma with someone who is moving here soon. The person I was speaking to is a Domme, and she was asking about the parties and such. I came to the realization that in the lifestyle here, there seems to be an prepondertant group of M/f couples, triads, and such with the D type being a heterosexual man. I can count on one hand, it seems, the number of Dommes in the community here. It just seems to be a poor

I was simply wondering if this is the case in most communities. And if it is, any thoughts about why? Is the balance different in other communities, and if it is, is there a connection between those numbers and being in the larger metropolitian cities?

This is probably just my ramblings again...

Sitting here with my crayons,
kat




MRandme -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 5:35:49 PM)

i thought that was pretty much the case in the lifestlye as a whole? There tend to be more males that are Dominant than females. Might be more in the cities numerically, but probably not proportionately.

g



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 5:37:38 PM)

It's generally an overall culture thing, more so in the heterosexual culture.  Plus, if a group evolves over time to be filled with dom men and "typical male crap" then dom females might just not feel welcome and form their own groups elsewhere.



azropedntied -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 5:44:10 PM)

Arizona is more the melting pot , come here in summer and you shall see lol .many varied tastes, styles ,orentaitons ,genders  etc etc . Makes for a well mixed community . I do not think in my area anyway there is one ruling class .Though i would always love to see more FemDommes  personaly  wink . 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 6:21:56 PM)

That preponderance of male tops is is what motivated the founders to start Club Fem and get a femdom only space..  I think it might be otherwise in really big metropolitan areas, but I doubt it.

edited for clarity



LotusSong -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 7:43:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's generally an overall culture thing, more so in the heterosexual culture.  Plus, if a group evolves over time to be filled with dom men and "typical male crap" then dom females might just not feel welcome and form their own groups elsewhere.



Truer words were never spoken.  Het Dommes and their het male subs are basically on the bottom of the  food change in groups.  They fare better on their own. 



AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 8:40:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Het Dommes and their het male subs are basically on the bottom of the  food change in groups.  They fare better on their own. 


I concur.

"If you can't play nice together...don't play together at all." - Many anonymous mothers



Aimtoplease101 -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 9:29:22 PM)



Truer words were never spoken.  Het Dommes and their het male subs are basically on the bottom of the  food change in groups.  They fare better on their own. 
[/quote]

I don't know that I agree with this, depending upon what you mean by bottom of the food chain (assuming food change was meant to be food chain, and not what you get back after you buy a bagel with a 5 dollar bill). I think there is such a preponderance of male subs/switches that hetero female Dommes always have a robust fan base.

ATP



MzMia -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 9:35:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's generally an overall culture thing, more so in the heterosexual culture.  Plus, if a group evolves over time to be filled with dom men and "typical male crap" then dom females might just not feel welcome and form their own groups elsewhere.



Truer words were never spoken.  Het Dommes and their het male subs are basically on the bottom of the  food change in groups.  They fare better on their own. 


Thanks Lotus, guess that explains why I am pretty much on my own!
I never thought of it like this before.
I have noticed there are very few straight female Dominants with straight male
submissives around here.
Straight Dominant women/straight submissive males seems to be a rare situation.



darchChylde -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 10:29:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
Het Dommes and their het male subs are basically on the bottom of the  food chain in groups.




bah, i feel like i'm on top of the world



MzMia -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 10:53:31 PM)

Well actually me too, I enjoy being different.
I am rather used to it, by now.



onthenosetone -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 11:10:27 PM)

Seems a pretty even split here in the UK[:)]



Lumus -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/16/2007 11:33:11 PM)

quote:



Thanks Lotus, guess that explains why I am pretty much on my own!
I never thought of it like this before.
I have noticed there are very few straight female Dominants with straight male
submissives around here.
Straight Dominant women/straight submissive males seems to be a rare situation.


*raises his hand*

[:D]



MasterMike04103 -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/20/2007 10:57:54 AM)

Without starting a flame war or anything, From what I have witnessed on here and around the community up in the north eastern US where I live at the moment. There seems to be a stigma about any Female Dom in general. Most think Female Doms are all "pro" and that even the ones who arn't "pro" are just in it for some sort of gain. Again I am not saying I beleive or promote such thoughts but take a spin on the other side and you will find a similar result. I am not sure what sexual orentation has to do with the anything in this respect, only because, I am a straight male dom, and I have scenes with a couple of male submissive types and have mentored a couple as well. I truely think if you look at the culture, from its inception back 50 odd years ago, the hetro community as a whole is still quite green, BDSM as we know and love it wasn't always as open and acepting as it is today. Back then it was homosexual men only, then homosexual men and women only. In time I beleive that you will see the tide ebb a bit and more Female Dominants in hetro relationships.

Mike



bipolarber -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/20/2007 11:16:23 AM)

I'm just amused at how many of the "wise" comments... about how Femme Dommes and male subs are at the bottom of the "food chain" in BDSM... seem to be coming from people I've seen in the Gor area. Don't you think your viewpoints might be a little "warped?" After all, you guys come from a "philosophy" that males reign supreme... so naturally, you cast everyone and everything that doesn't fit that model (taken from 26 crap pulp novels) as being inferior.

(sigh) Seems BDSM has finally gotten big enough to support institutionalized bigotry.



CreativeDominant -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/20/2007 11:22:05 AM)

I have found this to be true in Colorado also, at least when I was attending Uncommon Ground.  I do not know that much about the Harbour or the Enclave as I have not been in awhile. (really do need to get back).  But I believe that what has been stated here is true...there ARE fewer female dominants than there are male dominants.  Another aspect that seems to work "against" them is the differing views of D/s interaction that many of them have as compared to many male dominants.  From what I have observed...and these are MY observations only...many female submissives seem to be more put off by the female dominant/male submissive interactions than their male dominants are.  That can make for uncomfortable situations...bad enough to have to deal with male dominants who deride you, let alone those of the same gender who do the same.



GhitaAmati -> RE: D/s...M/f or F/m? (11/20/2007 11:52:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

I'm just amused at how many of the "wise" comments... about how Femme Dommes and male subs are at the bottom of the "food chain" in BDSM... seem to be coming from people I've seen in the Gor area.


Strange, no one I saw above you making those comments are people I regularly see post in the Gor forums, and Im in the Gor forums just about all day every day. I think I probably am a bit "warped" as you call it. I truly believe its natural for the man to be the dominant one and the woman to be the submissive one. Its just the way I view the world and that will probably never change. I do know however that the world does not deal in absloutes, and there are men out there who dont fit into the dominant catigory, and I also know there are women who make great Dommes. I dont feel any one category is better than the other, although I personally have trouble understanding it. I can see why different groups would tend to stick together...not because of "bigotry" as you call it, but for comfort. And besides....would most straight men go into a gay bar to find a single girlfriend? You're gonna go to the group where you are more likely to find what you are looking for.



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