RE: The reality of "relocating" (Full Version)

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childoftheshadow -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 6:33:07 AM)

I moved from Michigan to the UK to be with my partner. It wasn't intended to be a move, just a visit, but I just never went back.



hardbodysub -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 7:05:19 AM)

I'm definitely willing to relocate for the right woman, and yes, I really could do it. But I couldn't really do it immediately.

We'd both have to be sure that this was something we wanted enough to warrant such a life-changing action. Many (probably most) of us also have other issues that would have to be straightened out before relocating (career, education, financial, etc.). It would have to be a match made in heaven for me to be able to do something like that very quickly.



chellekitty -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 7:09:24 AM)

the first time i did it i was 18, it was an intentional move, we visited several times, and finally i packed up all my stuff in my car and drove from San Antonio to Austin to live with my first owner...so far, he was my first and only owner..it was awesome...until it fell apart and he abandoned me....dropped me off at my parents house less than a month before my 20th birthday, said he was going to Mexico to make money, and he would be back in 6 months to pick me up, communication quickly dropped off, i never spoke to him on the phone again, i never saw him again, and after 3 months i had absolutely no communication with him again, 2 years later i found out he was back in Dallas from another young woman he had done a similar thing too...

the second time i did it....i went to phoenix to visit a Dom/sub couple in Phoenix and didn't leave...until 2 months later when the web of lies finally came off and the BS got too stinky to deal with....(the short version)

on the horse again...if i could find a Dominant locally, that would be ok...but i have been trying to get out of texas since i was 12....so....i don't put any limits on where i look....actually i don't look, they find me...and i have a possibility...we will see....

chelle



Dnomyar -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 7:56:04 AM)

Untill I retire there would have to be work avaliable in the area. The only exception is if the woman was rich. There are a few on here that are.



soultoshare -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 8:35:53 AM)

A Dom who was an interest left the area, and is again back in contact with me.  He has indicated an interest in having me relocate to him, has issued an open invitation, but has also stated he does not expect me to move for him.  The option is there, but I am thinking long and hard....first of all, I moved to AZ to get away from the cold and snow, he moved to North Dakota.  Can you say BRRRRRR??!!  Second, I have a very specific type of job that I love, and already know that I won't be happy doing anything else, I've checked out the opportunities, there are none at this point.  I will not become a financial liability, nor will I allow anyone to support me in any relationship, PERIOD!  Third, he is also thinking of coming back to AZ....which would solve the dilemma, but that is something to be seen. 

Relocation is NOT something to be taken lightly.  Maybe it's just my nature, but I always plan for the worst scenario.  That way, I always have a back up plan.  I'm not saying it won't work, but make sure you know what to expect.  Extended visits seem to work the best, it's tough to maintain a facade for a week or two.  It sounds like that seems to work the best, based on the postings here.  As far as moving simply for a kink....nope, ain't gonna happen.  Preparation is the keyword.....know what to expect, and expect the unkown.



Dnomyar -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 10:10:45 AM)

soultoshare. You have your head on right.



soultoshare -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 10:20:46 AM)

Why thank you...sometimes I'd forget it if it wasn't screwed on tight!

Actually, my reasons are pretty selfish.....while I would move for a relationship, my thoughts are still first and foremost about ME.  My biggest fear is being out on the street with no recourse or resources.  This may sound odd, but I trust no one but myself to take care of me, even tho the Dom in question told me that every need I had/have would be covered, including health insurance....he told me that he'd prefer me not to work.  We discussed it, and came to a compromise that worked for both of us.  But without the compromise, I would not have even considered being owned by him. 

We are still responsible for ourselves......



KatyLied -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 10:32:42 AM)

I think a lot of relocation has to do with what you can risk in making a new life.

I don't have a large toleration for risk, I have a good job, live near family, and I have a home with an affordable mortgage that I know I could not duplicate elsewhere.  I would not relocate with the thought of moving in with another person immediately.  I think that puts a lot of strain on a relationship and I would want my own place first.  I also would not relocate without having a job, as I would not want another person supporting me.  There are a lot of issues that go beyond the packing up and moving stuff.



softpjOS -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 11:00:13 AM)

I moved from Florida to Michigan after spending two years online getting to know Mistress. During those two years we both racked up many frequent flyer miles as well as driven miles bringing both families to the other state on vacations to check out the area as well as getting to know each other. 
 
Since the relocation included my immediate family everything had to fall into place before it could become reality.  Jobs, education for the UM, housing/cost of living differences... you know, comparing everyones living differences... not just my ability to see Her daily. 
 
It was no secret to anyone that knew me that I hated Florida and would rather live on mars then spend the rest of my life there.  My husband had been tossing out resumes in states that interested us so, we were considering a big move before I even met Her.  Now, I'll admit, Michigan was NOT on that original list.  It was added after several trips up (by both of us) but we didn't just pack up and move.  It was a little over a year later that we went from looking into it/considering it to actual packing. 
 
For anyone considering relocating my advice is to take it very slow.  Get to know the person you are relocating to on more levels then just BDSM, life doesn't just involve that ya know?  Increase visit time from just weekends to vacations, include any family members you are relocating with so they can get to know the area as well as the person you are bringing into their life. And remember, day to day real life is far different from the weekend visits and online.  The visits typically are time set aside from real life, mini vacations from reality if you will.... be prepared for day to day to NOT include as much kink as you see during visits.  Wrap your head firmly around that fact and hold tight..it's a wild ride going from a LDR to 24/7, but one that can be done!
 
 



childoftheshadow -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 12:08:05 PM)

Hmmmm, looks like I did it wrong then. I came here after spending three weeks (in total) physically together, no plan to actually move here, we hadn't even talked about it. Then again, I was young and stupid. I have been lucky though, it's all worked out very well.



elderrook -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 12:41:34 PM)

I'm less than a week away from doing it. Mistress is in another state a few hundred miles from where I live. At this point, even though I've yet to move totally, I'm committed to doing it. Most of my things are there already.

The biggest hurdle for me was career. I've given notice at my old job after locating a new one close to where I'll be living. Getting a good job was probably the hardest part of the process.

As for family, yeah that's hard. But it can be done. People move away every day. Nothing special about me doing it, except for the fact that it's me and not them this time.

I see it as a new start to the things I've always wanted and dreamed about. Not the easiest road, not the most common. But Robert Frost had the right of it when he said that famous line. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,  I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference".

I'd like to think that somewhere ages and ages hence, I'll tell this story with a smile rather than a sigh.



meticulousgirl -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 12:56:16 PM)

To be honest there are still days when i ask myself if i was nuts for choosing to move to be closer to my Owner, for 3 and a half years i flew to spend time with Him as much as i could but the end result was, watching Him drive or walk away never got any easier, the last day of a visit was always the same and it always ended the same, i knew what to expect, was always prepared but my God was that hard.  So now i'm here but i question myself and the decision that was left up to me constantly because when you choose to relocate the structure of the "relationship" changes in some way shape or form, and it's never what "your use to" whether that makes the relationship stronger or not depends on the dynamic but before you go ahead and make a decision I suggest you talk it over long and hard with the Domme prospect and find out what they have to say and how they feel. 

~meticulous~



Gwynvyd -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 1:30:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

I am also currently involved in an LDR  was not seeking out, it started as a friendship knowing I had no intentions of moving because of my job and family,  He asked me to consider him and if things work out he has agreed to move here. Pretty much all the relocation stories I read about, it was the sub that relocated  I don't even think I have read of one where the Dom moved to be with his sub, htough i am sure it occurs


Actualy it happened recently.

I moved last month to be nearer to my sub. I had lived in his area about 13-14 years before.. and had been thinking about moving back within a couple of years anyways. We love one another dearly, and have a great bond. It was hard for me to move my whole family away from long time friends and family. I miss back home, and felt a bit lost up here.

His home life has kept us from spending a lot of time together, and it sucks hardcore.. but I have reconnected with friends, gotten involved in my hobbies up here and church.. and not lost who I am in the new realtionship that folks seem to do when they move to someone elses city.

I do miss my best friend back home badly though... but we are going to visit this month.

Good luck to any who take the leap of faith.

Even though things arent working out between the sub and I in a realtionship form we are just going to be friends and in a Teacher/Student realtionship... the move was still worth it.

Gwyn



whiteslavebitch -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 3:42:51 PM)

I just moved to New Jersey from Washington State, last week to be with Master. We were LDR for over 2 years before that. I believe it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I want to add, though, that I didn't look for a LDR, or any LTR intentionally, things just came together that way. I actually fought against it for a while, but things worked out, and now here I am.



ELUSIVE1 -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 4:16:52 PM)

I moved from PA to NC with my ex-husband and 3 kids--or I should say we moved the family 500 miles away from my entire family...that wasn't ez, but it was a positive thing looking back....I am at a stage in my life that I really don't want to grow old alone, if that means I will move from my comfy carolina existence, then I will give that careful thought and consideration....definitley would not be a snap decision, as I just love living here



SingleRarity -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 4:34:26 PM)

I moved from the South to Chicago and things have fallen into place just perfectly.  Our relationship, both the kink aspects and otherwise, has grown quite strong.  I have found my Daddy.



CrescentLuna -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 4:37:57 PM)

I did a 300-some mile move from VA to NY to be with my ex, and then my current boyfriend did the same from NH to NY. IT can be done and can work out - some things as others mentioned are important though, like making sure you're going to have a job and such lined up. I don't have kids or a mortgage which makes it much easier for me.
Just as a note, though, make sure that even before you get there, try to look for friends in the area. Of course, don't abandon your old friends, no, but start looking for people in this new area besides your love. Pick a hobby you're interested in and find some local activity, from model trains to knitting. It helps a lot with the initial loneliness of being a "stranger" in a new place, even if you have your love.



downkitty -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 4:44:27 PM)

We both relocated, actually.  He's from the Pacific Northwest and I am from South Louisiana.  We lived a few years in South Louisiana, and  moved back to his home town in July of this year (7/7/7 ... how lucky is that?).  All is fantabulous and I couldn't be happier!

Respectfully,

Amy




Rayne58 -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 6:27:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think a lot of relocation has to do with what you can risk in making a new life.

I don't have a large toleration for risk, I have a good job, live near family, and I have a home with an affordable mortgage that I know I could not duplicate elsewhere.  I would not relocate with the thought of moving in with another person immediately.  I think that puts a lot of strain on a relationship and I would want my own place first.  I also would not relocate without having a job, as I would not want another person supporting me.  There are a lot of issues that go beyond the packing up and moving stuff.



Almost 4 years ago I packed up and moved to Sydney Australia from my little rural corner of New Zealand.  Circumstances seemed to be right for a complete change in my life at that time - I was unemployed, I was renting a small unit, I had no ties there apart from my daughter (mid teens at the time) who was happily living with my ex.  There was no real reason why I could not relocate and so I did - Sir and I have since married and we are very happy together [:)]



SteelofUtah -> RE: The reality of "relocating" (11/9/2007 6:58:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Idowhatyousay

Has anyone moved for their relationship, their kink?



IDWYS,

I want to address this before reading the rest of the post because I don't want to get lost in the other sides I want to tell you about my move and what it caused.

I moved from Vegas to St. George Utah (not Far only 148 miles but the furthest I'd ever been from home and lived .... EVER) I moved here to be with a girl that was lovely and on the phone she was sweet and submissive and we visited and she came out and behaved like the perfect slave in the weekends before I committed to moving out to be with her. (It was easier for me to move to her then her to me and there was better work opportunities in Utah at the time)

So I did it. I spent a day packing and Moved up in the night. I left everything I EVER knew and moved. The first week was great she was the slave I always knew and well behaved and let me tell you the sex was OUT OF THIS WORLD. but by week two the slave started to wear out and the very exact person came out who would cry because I like to soak dishes before washing them and she saw this as clutter or leaving it.

In a Month she had almost completely changed, we actually faught and got into arguments over stupid things and she would get angry and leave for days at a time. I would have said screw this noise but what did I have? Nothing I moved away from my entire support group and was left in a strange town where I knew no one.

Being the person that I am I refused to move back because I had made my bed now I needed to sleep in it. In a matter of 4 months she threw me out and I had to have a Judge Order her to give me my things back and that took three months, so I was left with next to Nothing and now alone in a strange place away from my support group.

I went Vanilla for awhile because Utah is a Mormon Mecca and the BDSM lifestyle is more Taboo here than other places and so I just started to disappear and that was when I met my wife.

I had been here for three years and she walked in and she knew nothing about BDSM but was willing to learn and she pushed me to be myself and today we are married and have a son and she proudly wears my collar and things could not be better.

Point of the Story?

It was the biggest mistake moving in with the girl I did, but if I didn't I wouldn't have met my wife in Utah. I say go with the wind but don't forget to learn from your mistakes.

As Always

Steel



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