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RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 7:10:15 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		Ok... i've read a post or two of Yours before and i will say that i am usually impressed with Your ability to be respectful of pretty  much whomever comments - no matter if they're snide comments or not.
Now - to the point of the post. As a (ouch) middle-aged submissive woman, i have found the whole inundation of guys (many who call themselves "Dom") really has little to do with age. i have been approached by men of all ages just looking to stick it in any available warm spot. In my time here, i think i have initiated contact twice - both times just to comment on a journal entry that i thought was nice. i just don't initiate contact. i don't really know why - i just don't. When i read a message from a "Dom," i am always most impressed with the gentleman that can express Himself articulately... who tells me a bit about Himself... one who basically treats me as if He met me in the mall. So, my advice is this: go ahead and initiate contact - but think thru Your message and what it is You want to get across.
Good luck in Your growing and exploration!

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 7:31:21 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty

Ok... i've read a post or two of Yours before and i will say that i am usually impressed with Your ability to be respectful of pretty  much whomever comments - no matter if they're snide comments or not.
Now - to the point of the post. As a (ouch) middle-aged submissive woman, i have found the whole inundation of guys (many who call themselves "Dom") really has little to do with age. i have been approached by men of all ages just looking to stick it in any available warm spot. In my time here, i think i have initiated contact twice - both times just to comment on a journal entry that i thought was nice. i just don't initiate contact. i don't really know why - i just don't. When i read a message from a "Dom," i am always most impressed with the gentleman that can express Himself articulately... who tells me a bit about Himself... one who basically treats me as if He met me in the mall. So, my advice is this: go ahead and initiate contact - but think thru Your message and what it is You want to get across.
Good luck in Your growing and exploration!
nicely said, and my thoughts exactly..!..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:04:48 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Life is always better when you are yourself-rather than full of yourself.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:05:50 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		OK, I am an old dom, but you know what, the situation is the same no matter what. The numbers run against you my friend, the men outweigh the women here by (conservative estimate time, deep breath, really conservative, breathes out) about 10 to one. This means no matter what age you are you are going to face the same problem; it’s a sellers market. With that said, to refuse to play the game just because you don't like the ground rules is silly. This is not to say that sometimes submissive women won't contact you, hell for all I know they think you are the second coming of Brad Pitt and are throwing themselves at you like paparazzi at Princess Di.
It seems though that the real heart of the matter is this question of yours:
" So, as a young Dom, how do you avoid getting lost in the flood?"
Which is relevant to me. The answer I have found is to approach them with decency and try to accept the fact that you are going to have to do something to stick out from the masses. So send them something nice, well written and for Gods sake spell checked. Show some interest in what’s in their profile and put some thought into it before you write it. Talk with them as a human being first, a woman second and a submissive third. Crazy as it sounds those things just aren’t done a whole lot on Internet BDSM sites. Just by doing those few things you will have separated yourself from the masses and dramatically improved your chances. In the years I have been on here, one of the things I hear frequently is that submissive women often don’t feel comfortable approaching a potential master; they want him to approach them. Just my 2 cents worth.

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:31:29 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Most women automatically assume that any man  is only here because they are looking for sex, that they see BDSM as a great way to get it,. They assume any man is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot.


There we go, fixed that for ya. :)

It's not about age, nor is it about titles. The reality of the situation, is it's about supply, demand, and there being a whole hell of a lot of horny men.

To be fair, there are a fair number of obnoxious women, as well.

The moral of the story? The interweb is an obnoxious place.

It takes all kinds. Many, simply aren't compatible, some are comical, and sometimes you get really lucky and meet someone cool. *shrug*


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:34:15 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

Most women automatically assume that any man  is only here because they are looking for sex, that they see BDSM as a great way to get it,. They assume any man is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot.


There we go, fixed that for ya. :)

It's not about age, nor is it about titles. The reality of the situation, is it's about supply, demand, and there being a whole hell of a lot of horny men.

To be fair, there are a fair number of obnoxious women, as well.

The moral of the story? The interweb is an obnoxious place.

It takes all kinds. Many, simply aren't compatible, some are comical, and sometimes you get really lucky and meet someone cool. *shrug*



Patience and honest expression help too.. Women like to see the face behind the mask-drop the role facade, and one always does better. Trying too hard is about the worst thing you can do-it screams of insecurity if you seem to ALWAYS take yourself too seriously.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:45:32 PM   
writergirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

I agree that young people -- dom and sub -- have a difficult time in the lifestyle


i disagree...i have absolutely no problems in the lifestyle...i have problems online because my age is boldy emblazoned upon my profile...but in the lifestyle at large...no one knows my age becaue i don't act "my age"....or rather...like the numb nutz the OP was referring to....



You should consider yourself lucky then, I suppose. Most of the younger practitioners I know often complain of not being taken seriously, of older people brushing them off as if their opinions mean nothing, of being told that they can't *really* know what they want because they haven't experienced enough life. Just look at how many TNG groups have sprung up all over the country with the only real rule being that you must be between the ages of 18 and 35. So, again, I suppose you might count your blessings that you've not run into any of that sort of attitude.

Wellwishes,
wg

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:50:20 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

The age question, again...  Most subs automatically assume that any young Dom is only here because they are looking for sex...  So, as a young Dom, how do you avoid getting lost in the flood?

Not messaging people you wish to communicate with seems counter productive to the function of becoming a member here.  I am not a “young turk” like yourself but even the older community on this site has the same exact problems you mention.  I overcome it naturally with sincerity.  If you are as sincere as you say, then it should be no trouble.  If you are getting canned responses and flames, then either the person you contacted is so shallow that they weren’t worth further work or your approach is insincere. 

I have made genuine friends on this site, had a few dates and a relationship sprout from contacts here.  It’s a good site, give it time.  Like any online community, 90% of the people will have no interest or value for you.  It’s holding out for that 10% of the good ones that makes it worth wild.

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 8:57:30 PM   
writergirl


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari
quote:

ORIGINAL: writergirl
Whether your tactic in dealing with the issue is successful is only something you can determine. I don't necessarily recommend not ever e-mailing anyone. What's the point of being here, then? I do recommend sending polite e-mails to those you find interesting. If they respond, wonderful and if they don't, then just move on. You never know who you're missing by not sending out that e-mail.

I agree, except I’m not particularly here looking for anyone.  If everyone adopted my strategy then no one would talk to anyone. 


But again, I must ask, what's the point of being on a social networking site if you're not interested in connecting with other people?

quote:

I’m mostly here to post the occasional psychological question on the forums and see what people’s responses are.  This has been my first real post that is an attack, and the response has been interesting.


Ah, and here's the crux, then. So it's not so much social networking for you, but social experimentation?

I admit to not being familiar with your previous posts, as I am new to the forums, however I didn't get the initial impression that your OP in this thread was a troll for reactions. I suppose you got what you were looking for, though.

wg

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 9:19:39 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari
Back to the point, I don’t message subs, at all.  I just flat out refuse to be part of the deluge. 


So write something unique.  The deluge you speak of is boring email.  From what I hear, most email subs get from doms is just: a statement of bdsm experience, protracted compliments, and pointing out compatible fetishes. 

Say something they haven't heard before.



(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 9:24:48 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline 		I, last week, had a submissive man email me to let me know that he had read my profile and journal and how 'normal' I seemed. I thought it a bit odd to tell me that until I remembered the mini profiles I have been reading of late. That aside, I would have to agree that the vast majority of 20 something ''Dom'' profiles that come blurbing across my screen make me want to say what the fuck are you doing? You are cluless and ready to potentially mess with someone's mind!! Years ago here there were not nearly the number of very young ''Doms'' as I have seen this go round. I think I said in my journal I find it frightening and in many ways I do.

What is frightening are the dozens and dozens of young men stating that they have no experience and seek a live in slave to obey their every whim without question. I know you have all seen it. What angers me now is that if anyone here wishes to attack the way in which the OP was written then fine. But I wouldn't go attacking or judging someone personally. I do not see in the OP where anyone is on a pedestal or having delusions of grandeur. Some replies were great and others a bit to self serving in my opinion. Sounds as if many of you have your own pedestals which you should climb down from. Strikes me as a bit odd though that many of the attackers are men. Sorta makes you go hmmmm.

I happen to think that this is finally an articulate young man who knows what he wants, has his own style of getting it from here, and asked a reasonable question. I'd rather see him ask the question than go out messing around or trying to in someone's head before he is ready and able to do so.  It's fine if what works for him, works for him but what works for you who have judged is better??  I have been at this far too long to anger easily though I am and I just do not see the need for attack here.

I wish you well and we older ones are always available for questions,,,,IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily. 

Be Well,

EG


(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 9:27:20 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		dont forget you are not looking for just any one...you are looking for the only one....and to that end...trust me you will stand out like a lighthouse in the sea of her choices...and she will stand out to you as though she was radioactive and glowing....i promise.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Damocles809)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 9:31:33 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

dont forget you are not looking for just any one...you are looking for the only one....and to that end...trust me you will stand out like a lighthouse in the sea of her choices...and she will stand out to you as though she was radioactive and glowing....i promise.


Beautiful and oh SO true! Very well said though I may be biased as I just married mine 4 months ago back where I used to live . We are now seperated by an ocean though not for long. 12 years my junior and was that lighthouse amid a horrible storm.

Be Well!

EG

{Edited because I cannot spell on no sleep}

< Message edited by EvilGenie -- 10/24/2007 9:32:55 PM >

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 10:28:31 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily.


So, about that trip to Vegas...

Well said!


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to EvilGenie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 10:30:42 PM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline


hahahahaha. I don't see that can yet anyway!

EG

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 11:02:54 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinem

You say that like there's something wrong with wanting kinky sex!  I've passed the half century and still find it immensely appealing.

OK. Are you ready?

What do we want?
KINKY SEX!!
When do we want it?
NOW!!



The point is that, believe it or not, for some of us BDSM does not equate to kinky sex. I have zero interest in speaking with anyone, D or s, who thinks that what BDSM is all about.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Esinem)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 11:10:21 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EvilGenie

What is frightening are the dozens and dozens of young men stating that they have no experience and seek a live in slave to obey their every whim without question. I know you have all seen it. What angers me now is that if anyone here wishes to attack the way in which the OP was written then fine. But I wouldn't go attacking or judging someone personally. I do not see in the OP where anyone is on a pedestal or having delusions of grandeur. Some replies were great and others a bit to self serving in my opinion. Sounds as if many of you have your own pedestals which you should climb down from. Strikes me as a bit odd though that many of the attackers are men. Sorta makes you go hmmmm.

I happen to think that this is finally an articulate young man who knows what he wants, has his own style of getting it from here, and asked a reasonable question. I'd rather see him ask the question than go out messing around or trying to in someone's head before he is ready and able to do so.  It's fine if what works for him, works for him but what works for you who have judged is better??  I have been at this far too long to anger easily though I am and I just do not see the need for attack here.

I wish you well and we older ones are always available for questions,,,,IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily. 

Be Well,

EG




I agree 100%.  I didn't see anything arrogant about the OP and was surprised by all the nasty attacks.  I'm impressed by this young man's ability to calmly and articulately answer the unnecessary snide remarks that were made.  That expresses a lot of self control which puts you ahead of the game already.  I wish you luck and as EG already said, feel free to ask us older members any questions you may have.  We haven't all purchased a glass house.....yet.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to EvilGenie)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/24/2007 11:28:01 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		MasterShibari --
Honestly, I think you are doing very well in expressing yourself.
I have seen some of the other profiles written by young Doms and have wondered how someone that age could be at expert at everything.

Best wishes in your journey and I look forward to seeing your input here on the boards.

aJ

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 12:15:20 AM   
MasterShibari


Posts: 81
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with the people who have stated that a well written and articulate e-mail is a good start, and I also think having a detailed and expressive profile is key.

But, I still think there is a tendancy for these messages to get lost in the torrent and deleted, or skipped over.

M. Shibari

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. - 10/25/2007 1:39:11 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

I agree with the people who have stated that a well written and articulate e-mail is a good start, and I also think having a detailed and expressive profile is key.

But, I still think there is a tendancy for these messages to get lost in the torrent and deleted, or skipped over.

M. Shibari


It does happen. I distinctly remember a time or two where an email that I enjoyed was accidentally swept away on a "clear all" when I was meaning to reply to it.

There has also been a time or two when I have received a message that seemed sincere and well written... I just really didn't have anything to say. The presentation was nice, I just wasnn't feeling it for some reason.

Overall, however, a well written intro is always preferable to the alternative, and more well received.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 10/25/2007 1:40:08 AM >

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to MasterShibari)
Profile   Post #: 40
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