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feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 9:33:44 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before. I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...

The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him. Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address. The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense. My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be submissive to this man in particular. Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom?

Thanks in advance,
oct

Post #: 1

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 9:44:37 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Is this a question you meant to post in "Ask a Submissive", or is it up for anyone to talk about related experiences?

In any case, I've never had a relationship in which is started out as D/s or M/s and the sub/slave called me by my given name and changing later. I mean, it's what you've learned to call him, you know? It's almost part of the him you know.

So, there's three large possibilities I see.

1. Stick with what you're doing and enjoy it. (Why change a good thing?)

2. Don't worry about changing his name but how you say it. Perhaps the manner of voice you speak his name with can reflect the respect without having to call him by an alien title.

3. Go through some sort of major change, picking up the new title with it. Such as, if you haven't been formally collared, perhaps you can go through a formal collaring, at which time you'd be to refer to him by "Sir" or whatever new title he decides on.

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 2

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 9:57:16 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I don't like "Sir" and to be called "Master" I feel like I need to have mastered something. Phoenix had a desire to call me by a title, so we settled on "My Lord". To me it is a refrence to the lord of the manor, or head of the house type of thing.

~Ki

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 3

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:06:59 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I am not a Dom, but personally I like "Sir".
It is short and a simple sign of respect.
But then I love the old ways of "Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir".

I have no problem at all with the term "Sir".
But then the choice will be up to you, you can always call
him by his first name.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 4

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:10:45 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

If you are submissive, call him what he likes and what makes him happy.

Me, I like "ma'am" - I like "Mistress" when I find the right person, but "ma'am" makes me smile no matter what.

Focus on him what he prefers, and you'll be fine.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 5

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:11:21 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hiya octavia,

try this; call him Sir for a week. If it still feels weird, chuck it. I think once you get over the giggling "this is so silly feeling" you'll find the Sir form of address coming quite naturally. Say it aloud, when he's not around, and see how you feel.

Every woman I've had a significant D/s relationship with struggled with titles at first. I insisted on them (well, without being overly aggressive) because of my military experiences giving me a perspective on what they mean, and the power they can hold. Every one of them came to embrace the usage of the words, and genuinely seemed to enjoy them.

Good luck,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 6

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:13:20 PM

Daddysjezzy

Posts: 54
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline

I dont like the word Sir either and my Dom isnt keen on being called Master. So after trial and error we decided that I would use either Daddy or my Lord. If Im being a brat who doesnt agree with the task I have been given I sometimes call him Sir. Go with what feels respectful and right to you both even if you end up with something like the Grand Poobah. If you are both happy with it, who cares what others may think.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 7

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:15:09 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before. I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him. Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address. The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense. My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be submissive to this man in particular. Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom?

Thanks in advance,
oct

Of course! In fact when Michael and I first got together, it took me a really long time to call him anything other than "Michael".. He completely understood and never asked me to call him anything else. He loves to hear me say (er..scream) his name..
When I began to call him by other names, it was when I felt comfortable..But I still prefer Michael...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 8

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:18:45 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i'm quite fond of UberLordGobblyGook...or if that doesn't work for you, every time he says anything say "aye aye Cap'n" ....of course i like having fun with whatever i do...so....my options might not work for you....but seriously....there are a huge number of male titles out there in the world...if the english language titles don't work for you...try another language....there are some great titles in other languages....find what suits you...bablefish is a great tool...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Daddysjezzy)

Post #: 9

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:19:16 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

Call him Admiral Van Hugen-Schlong.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 10

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:21:57 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before. I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him. Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address. The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense. My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be submissive to this man in particular. Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom?

Thanks in advance,
oct

Of course! In fact when Michael and I first got together, it took me a really long time to call him anything other than "Michael".. He completely understood and never asked me to call him anything else. He loves to hear me say (er..scream) his name..
When I began to call him by other names, it was when I felt comfortable..But I still prefer Michael...

Exactly! I haven't felt a bit of pressure, it's just something we have both mulled over a bit. We have tried a few things in dialouge to see if something would pop out of my mouth more naturally or comfortably, but i just felt this resistance.. I don't know how to explain it. The funny thing is, ( and this relates to what you said Stephan) is that I take martial arts and I felt very weird at first bowing and calling my instructor by sir, but now I do it gladly. It feels good to show respect in those ways. Maybe that has colored the title Sir for me? I mean, I use it in TKD class for pete's sake!

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 11

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:29:15 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Is it really important to have something you call him? Is what you call him going to have any effect on the relationship you have, or the D/s dynamic you feel? I would call him what you are both comfortable with, at the moment, and try not to stress overmuch about it. I think it will come naturally over time. I know when people insist on me calling them "Sir" before I am ready, I get very uncomfortable (well, in most cases), and ti has ruined any chance of a good relationship.

Just don't call him "boy"...or "asshole"

That might go over so well. Good luck.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 12

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/15/2007 10:56:04 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I'll pipe in as one of Stephan's sucess stories and vouch for the "oh, I don't know about that..." and giggling phases, but yes, it feels very natural, fitting, and enjoyable after just a few days. I even say it in public whether on the phone or in person and don't have a second thought about it, because it just fits, it is what I want to say and who gives a hoot if other people wonder what is up with that.

What I do still have confusion about is what to call him in the third person. My _____ ? Neither of us likes "Dom", Sir sounds dumb to me as a noun, I'm not a slave so Master doesn't fit, my Man sounds too vanilla and trite... I've mostly been just using his name, but it seems like there should be some other way to refer to him that would fit... I should ask him I suppose lol. Oh Sir...

Edited to add: I think she's saying that calling him by his given name doesn't feel quite right anymore and they want something more demonstrative of the D/s dynamic. I relate to that, and for me, at this transition time, Sir didn't quite feel right at first, but grew on me very quickly once I actually started using it. I think it goes back to an almost Biblical notion that the power to state something or someone's name gives you power over it. Doesn't feel quite right to use his given name most of the time, though there are some times I still do.

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 10/15/2007 11:06:09 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

Post #: 13

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 1:44:25 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Given you use Sir in a different context, perhaps you and He could check out other male titles. Sire might be useful ... very Knightly, seems to roll off the tongue quite easily, and similar enough to Sir. Or use a specific term of endearment ... my Dear, my Beloved ... they can be respectful also. Or do as another poster suggested and check out other languages. And do try one consistently for at least a week (research says it takes 21 days to create a new habit!) to see if you get past the odd feeling.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 14

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 3:47:41 AM

Daddyskittin

Posts: 58
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

My Daddy is Daddy to me because it's a simple shortening of a past inside joke nickname... but when it comes to others he prefers to be addressed as Mr. R... of course he is sir'd which is fine with him too... master isn't often something thats tossed around so that is really a nonissue for him... perhaps a simple Mr. infront of his name might work for you... or perhaps.... you old sick dirty perverted bastard might work too.... works for me sometimes lol.

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Daddyskittin... formally YourShyPet

myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 15

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 4:03:52 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

2. Don't worry about changing his name but how you say it. Perhaps the manner of voice you speak his name with can reflect the respect without having to call him by an alien title.

Agree with this. Sometimes, it's all in the way you say it. You can think 'master' but say his name, until his name is a prayer on your lips, a promise and a reverence.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 16

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 7:50:32 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before. I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him. Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address. The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense. My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be submissive to this man in particular. Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom?

Thanks in advance,
oct

You have to find what works for the two of you. My first submissive called me by my given name or Sir at first, using Sir mainly in scenes and as she became more comfortable with it and developed more respect for me, it was used more often. My second submissive used my name at first, then Sir and then, after collaring, Master. My last submissive went from Sir to my Sir. It differentiated me from other dominants that she respected and yet, did not go the Master title which we both felt uncomfortable with without the collaring.

You noted that you use Sir in your TDK class because you respect your teacher. If you are beginning to respect this man more and more, then do not let the intimacies and romantic feelings you are experiencing divert you from the fact that you ARE in a D/s dynamic. When considered from that point of view, it might become easier to address him in a more formal ... and yet with its own intimacy ...way.

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 17

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 7:56:50 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before. I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him. Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address. The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense. My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be submissive to this man in particular. Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom?

Thanks in advance,
oct

A word is basically a word. What you call him only depends on what you two agree and works for both of you.

If he likes Sir just concentrate on using it and after awhile it will cease to be an abstract thing and become very personal to you. You could call him fluffy bunny at first and laugh every time but after enough times and intense situations fluffy bunny would probably be between you a very sincere respectful term.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to octavia)

Post #: 18

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 7:59:29 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

We've always both had an issue with the "Sir" title....him from the military...he's basically gonna remind you that he is neither an officer or a knight and tell you not to use Sir with him....Master..well...he just hates that..seems soo...over the top roleplayish to him.....so for years...I called him Boss....we came up with it one night after watching "cool hand luke" on the classic movie channel...and it stuck. Lately its morphed into Daddy...but our relationship has changed dynamics a bit too. There is no age play or regression or anything like that..it just..well..works for us..I wrote a bit about it in my profile....

besides...we have UMs...and well..they call him Daddy..and so it doesnt get all confusing cause the littlest one was learning to talk and started calling him Boss too....and well...anyway....

Sir to me...well, just isnt all that "special"...I was raised in the south. Calling all males Sir just kinda comes naturally...why would I call someone whom I love cherish and respect that much, the same thing I call every other male I talk to in the day at work?.....

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 19

RE: feels funny to call him Sir... - 10/16/2007 8:04:35 AM

sapphirepleasure

Posts: 411
Joined: 4/27/2006
From: Land of Enchantment
Status: offline

I have always struggled with calling anyone Sir. Here's a thread I started not too long ago about it that might be helpful to you: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1248069/mpage_1/key_sir/tm.htm#1248144

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 20

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