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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/13/2007 4:07:12 PM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
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If it feels good, do it.

Denying yourself from doing things you enjoy, just to fit some community definition of dominance, doesn't really sound dominant or submissive. Just stupid.

(in reply to Siona)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/13/2007 7:44:45 PM

pinioned14Me

Posts: 50
Joined: 1/22/2006
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I don't switch..hard wired I guess.

I have heard of Dommes or Dominants that wish to experiment and "see how the other half lives" so to speak, even knew of a Domme who really wanted to submit to a stronger personna but I have never heard of "his **** is so good I'll do whatever he wants"

(in reply to Siona)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/13/2007 11:32:19 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
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Sometimes I like face-fucking, sometimes I like laying back and getting a blowjob. In neither case am I ceding control, since I'm still the one deciding when and where and what is to happen. But there's a huge difference in how much control she has over the moment-to-moment act, and I'm trusting her skill.

Penis-in-vagina sex is no different -- domination in the bedroom isn't about who's pushing harder.

(in reply to pinioned14Me)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 6:10:25 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Apparently there are two entirely different discussions going on here.

One, assuming that the dominant is allowing the submissive/slave to "top" them in something. I don't know if those individuals are assuming BDSM play or sex or what.......

The other group that includes myself, or at least just me...who knows, is seeing the dominant laying back and luxuriating in having a submissive/slave sexually worship the dominant. Which can include but not be limited to things like massage, oral sex, whatever. How that is the dominant allowing the submissive/slave to top them.....is beyond me!!!

Does every male dom have to have their blow jobs standing up while the sub/slave is on their knees or do they lay allow themselves to lie back and enjoy the ride? "OMG she is hovering over me, whilst sucking my dick!!!!!!!! She is topping me!!!!!! The HORROR!!!" ...........evil lesbian domme envisions wilting dick and panicking dom....

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 6:19:07 AM

Twicehappy2x

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Joined: 3/27/2007
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Good morning Beautiful.

I am in your camp on this one. When Scooter lays back and says"oh no i am asleep" i know he has just told me i can please him any way i want.

Am i topping him, no way in hell. I am giving him pleasure. It is only that he has given me permission to do it however i choose. Of course he is secure in his dominance so does not feel the need to to tower over me every time we fool around.

(OK, admitting i just love this because i get to indulge myself with every inch of his gorgeous self)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 6:24:38 AM

LaTigresse

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Good morning to you also, oh gorgeous one!

I was kinda wondering if I was missing a chapter in my dom/domme handbook. Was almost ready to turn in my badge and declare myself simply, a kinky vanilla person.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 6:39:55 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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It's been said but it's worth saying again.
Just because I like to be lazy and lie back and enjoy his expertise sometimes doesn't mean I'm allowing him to top or dominate me.
It means I've done a damn good job at training him to please me so I no longer have to direct his every move or do all the work myself.

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 6:51:41 AM

imtempting

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What if he wanted to do it his own way to begin with?

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 7:10:46 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

What if he wanted to do it his own way to begin with?

if his way and her way match.........does it REALLY matter?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to imtempting)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 7:11:09 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadySeraphina

I am a Domme. I do not switch. That doesn't change the fact that I occasionally like my boy to pounce me. Am I less Dominant for wanting him to aggressively pursue what we both want? Hell no. I'm also no less Dominant for my Hello Kitty fixation. (Or maybe I am, but try saying that while I hold a sharp implement!)

I love Hello Kitty as well! I have a black HK tshirt with studs and rhinestones that I frequently wear with my leathers. Woe unto the person who mocks it in the dungeon!

To go back to the OP, I call the shots on what I do and what happens to me in the bedroom. Just because I may be on bottom position-wise, it doesn't mean I'm not in charge.

(in reply to LadySeraphina)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 7:44:01 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

What if he wanted to do it his own way to begin with?

If he wanted to do it one way, and the submissive another way...and he gave in to the submissive...and this happens frequently...then they should look into redefining their relationship.

It's no kind of D/s I've ever heard of. Dominants, as a matter of definition, do not submit, and submissives do not dominate - unless they are both switches, of course. That is what you are asking, yes?

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 7:45:45 AM

therealboss

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my slave does not get sex,only humiliation,by consent

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be the best

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 7:48:31 AM

LATEXBABY64

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am reading that you are of the mindset that wether their laying back and enjoying you, pleasuring them, is a submissive act?

If so, how?

The reason I ask is that if they wish it to be so, then they are still dominant. If the submissive has not demanded it to be this way, then the submissive is still complying with the dominant's wishes, no?

The reason I pose it this way is that for me, I feel very dominant and desired when just laying back and allowing someone to have their entire focus on pleasing me. Their whole being is focusing on me and my pleasure.

This is how a submissive should be. But you better watch out cuase they will call it a label and you will be branded for life as a none belever in the ways of ds rofl

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 1:14:57 PM

kc692

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I think the OP asked for control one time(large and in charge, or at least in charge, in other words) and afterwards they wanted him to take control, from direction etc, to everything else.

Rest assured, smiles, if I LET you be the busy one and me not, I would still have control....that first time of you having the control and me having no say so would never happen....."free roaming" within certain parameters, yes, but for you to decide everything based on what you would like to do only......nope.....

Did I read the OP correctly? Especially with the added input of the latter post concerning you being in control?

< Message edited by kc692 -- 10/14/2007 1:17:16 PM >

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Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 8:50:52 PM

dawntreader

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

The other group that includes myself, or at least just me...who knows, is seeing the dominant laying back and luxuriating in having a submissive/slave sexually worship the dominant. Which can include but not be limited to things like massage, oral sex, whatever. How that is the dominant allowing the submissive/slave to top them.....is beyond me!!!

Greetiings La Tigresse,
i am in this group as well

i have never been with a Dominant Man that felt threatened by bodyworship while they layed back and enjoyed it. i never felt like i was dominating them either, regardless of my physical position, and i can assure you i have been in a few "interesting" ones

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/14/2007 8:55:15 PM

RRafe

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Joined: 8/29/2007
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Heaven is being able to tell the girl riding you............"Just sit on me and be still when you feel to close to the edge-I want this to last as long as possible."

And she did (though she tended to cheat and grind on me a bit)

Funny, I didn't feel controlled. Compressed pleasantly-but not controlled.

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/15/2007 1:50:44 AM

KiandPhoenix

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A couple weeks ago I was talking to my friend about my relationship. I told him that before work, Phoenix lays out my clothing for after my shower, because she won’t be home when I take it. I went on to explain that she was not only giving me a service, but that one of the major reasons I have her do it, other than serving me, is that I have no clue about fashion, and she knows what looks good. So in reality, she was picking out what she wanted me to wear. He then asked me "isn’t that like you being submissive to her wishes?" and I replied "So". She is happy because I look good. I am happy I look good for her, I am happy with her service, and she is happy she has one other thing she can do for me. Point is that it works for us. It does not matter the activity, be it sex or clothing, if it works, and everyone is happy, then it works. Is it weakness? No, it is just how you like to do things.
~Ki

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RE: Sex and dominating - 10/15/2007 6:05:35 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

My question to the dominants or dommes etc would you submit while having sex if your partner is good at sex? or would you prefer to keep control on what happens? How many would also consider this a sign of weakness?

Reason being is i've slept with three mistress and the first time they take control in the bedroom but I ask to just let me have freedom to do what I want with sex atleast once and then I find in future they just submit and give me total control while having sex.

Whatever floats one's boat. If a few find the labels bandied about inappropriate, I have to shrug, because labels only have to mean what you want them to. By that same token, you're not always right or wrong.

To address the questions put forth directly:

I let a curious sub try to dominate me once. She gave up in about five minutes. I was held down and couldn't stop laughing. My nature is to become more aggressive and defiant in direct proportion to the challenge presented until I break it or realize I'm not going to...I don't view submission as a weakness at all, perceptually letting someone perform well sexually on me is something different entirely [as has been already voiced].

Related, in a tangental way...a sub [so she claimed, I suspect she was a 'topper from the bottom'] once told me I wouldn't be a good Dom until I had learned to submit, to understand submissives better. I responded something like this [I doubt verbatim, but the essence is there]:

"What in the hell ever gave you the idea that I've never submitted? Submission, as a generalization, may be viewed as accepting loss of control. I have control freak tendencies, yes; but I don't always 'win'. I didn't pass every test; didn't attract the prettiest girls at school; didn't get every job I wanted. I didn't have perfect relationships with my family, my friends, or my lovers. To top it all off, I'm going to die one day - try controlling that genetic quirk! There are things I have given into and accepted in every facet of my life. I've known defeat. I've learned that sometimes it's better to accede than struggle. I appreciate that all too well, and have done my bugger best to learn from it every time. Submission can make you stronger and wiser. I respect submission for what it is, and because of my nature yes, I value it."

She replied:

"ur 2 wurdy k bye" [Now -that- part is verbatim.]

*sigh*

Still, you get the gist, yes? Some might not agree with it. *shrugs* Oh well. They don't have to. This is just my warped view.

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