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Termyn8or -> RE: Overcoming being a submissive person. HELP! (10/12/2007 5:32:58 AM)
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Being insecure, submissive and having a desire to please others are three different things.
Big surprise, Domimants want to please submissives.Those submissives might not be doormats in the rest of life, they could be ruthless in business and personal politics, yet melt when they get to the dungeon.
I think the main problem is the insecurity. Nothing can be done about the basic insecurity of the world and it is natural to doubt the longevity of one's life, or the life of the human race. You never know when there is going to be another terrorist attack, or some crazy shooting up a restaraunt in which to are dining. There is nothing that can be done about that right now. But realize the odds. Alot of people died last year, but out of 300,000,000 what are your odds ?
The other kind of insecurity is a personal problem. It can be worked out, although it is difficult. It is difficult to develop assertiveness, but it can be done.
One way is thinking down. When you see a loudmouth spouting off, think "Bet this guy is compensating for his small dick". Similarly with a female "I bet she wears tight panties so her lips are not sticking out of her pantlegs". It doesn't have to be just that. "I bet this was the asshole that caused a 20 car pileup the other day". "What, is your brain starved for oxygen because you forgot to breathe between those stupid comments ?". Things like that.
Just like they used to tell shy people before the had to speak in front of an audience "Think of all of them in their underwear". Of course you don't blurt out your thoughts. In fact a pause at just the right moment can be quite useful.
There are many submissives out there who will plainly assert that nobody is going to dominate them unless they want it. A dominant can be a doormat at work, and a submissive could be a strawboss on a plantation. Your behavior in a relationship is independent from the person you are, or seem to be, in the rest of the world.
OK, I am listed as a switch, but in life I am one of the most dominant people you will ever meet. I doubt I have used the word please three times all year, and you know this is October. I DO, however, know how to make a request that does not sound like an order, but sometimes it is an order.
At my house, well I paid good money for a new toilet. This is not one of those ornate things, it's form is normal, but it is a high tech-high performance model. There is a sign over it that says "Do not put cigarette butts in the toilet". At least half of the people out in the world would put the word please in front of that, but not me.
Part of my job is to assist other technicians, when I first started one job I did this and got thankyous. I told them straight out "Don't thank me, this is my job, I get paid well to do it so there is no need to thank me. We are a team". OK I am a hotshot, one of the best, but not to blow my own horn, to also illustrate why I do not waste time on these anemities when on the clock. Please became "I need", thankyou because "Cool". However when my car got stolen and I needed a ride home, a junior tech, not really a trainee but not all that far from it, gave me a ride home. I said "Thank you", not thanks. Not cool. An actual thank you.
That is above and beyond. What he does for me in the shop amounts to being an assistant. Let me ask you this, on a football team, does the quarterback thank each and every one of the linemen for giving him time to get a pass out ? No, that is their job.
Then there are the absolutes. Recently I decided that a unit had to be scrapped. We were losing too much time on it, it had become the sourest of all lemons. I walked up to the owner and I did not say "We should", or "Get me out from under", I just said "Scrap it". The reply stated that doing that would cost the company money, I already knew this, I have run such a company, I have been on that side of the desk. My reply was literally "I know, but just how much fucking money do you want to pay me to bang my head up against a brick wall ?".
The point is that you need to have confidence in your own decisions, your own intelligence. This requires that you think things through. But when you know you are right, say so, in even tones.
Never yell. You can raise your voice, but there is a difference between that and yelling. That difference lies in your attitude. Even if you storm out of a room from a heated argument, raise your voice to get the last word in maybe, but do not yell. Many people don't really conciously think about this, either on the yelling side or the listening side, but subliminally it has a bearing on the listener's opinion of the yeller, or voice-raiser, whichever.
Never lie. To lie is to admit that someone holds enough power to make it necessary for you to lie to them. Of course when dealing with the government, everybody lies. But look at the power of the government. They will spend millions and send SWAT teams to make you comply. In that case it is an admission of the superiority of their position. Note that I DID NOT SAY SUPERIORITY. It is simply that they have a sound advantage against you. To lie to friends or acquaintences is to elevate them to that status in your mind.
Do you live independently and pay your own bills ? If so you are the God or Godess of your castle. If you are submissive, for example, and your Dom/me is over, it should be clear. When it is time to go into foot licking mode there should be a sign. For example (look where we are) putting on a collar. Or a certain outfit or something. Or it could be certain times or whatever. But in other matters you are allowed to be a real bitch if you please. Of course if you go over to your Dom/me's place you should probably already be wearing it, or in that mode.
Here's an example that just popped into my head. You are subbing at the time and a telemarketer calls, the Dom/me hands the phone to you. Sicem ! Let it all hang out now. And keep them on the phone for a while. Let the bitch show, in spades.
Just a tiny example of possibilities. But the point is, if you wish to be submissive, you only have to be submissive to one. Not the whole world.
If you learn to think and feel dominant in the world at large, you might no longer wish to be submissive, or you might. If you subliminate your submissiveness using some mental techniques, but do not embrace it, your need to submit will grow. For example going to work and bossing 40 people around would enhance you submissive nature with a mate or playmate. Going to work and being assertive all day would be like putting a chastity belt on a nymphomaniac. (or a guy lol)
Whichever way your life goes it goes. There is no way to predict it without psychoanalysis, and even if I was really qualified and do that, what they do in hourly sessions but takes me about a year of knowing someone, it could not be done on the internet.
It doesn't matter which way it goes, sounds to me there is an aspect of your personality you wish to change. If you succeed it is an improvement.
Hope you got something out of this. Be well, or get well.
T
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