RE: Ethics Question (Full Version)

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came4U -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 3:26:19 AM)

My friends and my daughters are way too clever to let this guy bull$it and weasle himself into their life.  So, no, it wouldn't happen. He is too dumb to be that manipulating and clever (thank god) to not admit to whomever he met here that he is not experienced at all in bdsm. He would admit it and take his chances because he actually believes he is 'above' dominance although his life is full of submissive behavior (occupation and relationships).  He goes into phases of actually believing he is a superman. The world is safe, he is too cheap to date to attract any females anyways LOL.



Aileen68 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 5:33:41 AM)

If a personal friend of yours comes up to you and says that she's thinking of getting involved with this guy and wants to know what you think of him then by all means tell her.  But a net stranger?  No.  Not your place.  Using "being a newbie" as an excuse for not having needed relationship skills is a cop out and only places the blame for getting burned or hurt on someone else instead of someone taking responsibility for their own actions and choices.  If I pick an asshole then it's no one's fault but my own. 



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 6:14:50 AM)

This is a two side snake. While we can say things about someone that did not work for us. It may work for them with someone else. Karma will always come back and bite you. I have lost friends and partners to gossip. and out side opinion. sad thing of it is when things came back around it is always too late to change things do to the damage caused. my best advice is keep your nose out of it. let them find out on there own fate will dictate what should happen.  you will be better for it. Now if this person is dangerous that is different



domiguy -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 10:26:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

This is a two side snake.


Hmmmmm...I thought pretty much all snakes have two sides....They actually do probably possess "sides" which might make them all four sided snakes.....

You all have way to much time on your hands to worry about the "bdsm internet world" of people who do not portray themselves accurately......My only regret, which unfortunately cannot be avoided, is that he will start seeing DBG...And we will unfortunately have to hear about this "bum" for the next year or two.



kirii -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 11:09:15 AM)


I do not interfere in the lives of others unless specifically asked to; and even then, I only do so minimally. I make sure that the choice is still left to the individual and that it can not come back to ‘well she said I should do this, I did, and it went wrong’



Celeste43 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 11:20:07 AM)

The fact that there was no feeling of dominance by you doesn't mean that he isn't capable of dominating someone else. All it means is that you two weren't compatible.

As far as him being poor, I'm sure she'll figure that out once he tells her she pay her own way on a date at McDonalds.

And the fact that right now he's only looking for casual doesn't mean he won't meet the right one next week.

All you've told us from your own experience is that their wasn't any chemistry or connection between you, that you and he didn't fall  madly in love, and that he doesn't make enough money to rate with you. None of which says he won't have chemistry with someone else, that he won't fall in love with someone else, and that someone else may not choose their partners with an eye to something other than his bank balance.



kirby104 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 11:34:37 AM)

The jerk has right to have a profile on the site. He seems to be a con-artist. Just protect yourself and don't harass the jerk.



IrishMist -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 12:44:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLegs

A male of my aquaintance, less than a year ago, tried to top me & could not, did not know how.  He was always broke & whining about it.  After a friend reported that he was at a swingers club, approaching coupels, did i confront him & find that he was looking for a woman to keep him  that he just wanted to have as many women as he could.

Now he is on here, claiming to be a Dom with 20 years experience and has some poor newbie utterly confused, except for the certainty that he loves her.  

So what is our responsibility to new people?  Ones we don't know?    Warn them or let them find out for themselves?

What other people do with their private lives is not my business; they are not my responsibility. End of story.



kittyinpink -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 1:48:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLegs

As much as I would like to help people avoid pain (not caused by me) I think those that say it is futile are right. 

Perhaps this man is actually a master of Florentine flogging and just chose not to share that with me. 


I completely agree.  I'm sure it's tempting to want to save someone from pain you've already experienced, but most likely the "newbie" will not really heed your warnings.

I'm a pretty open person, but i can only think of one time in which I really paid attention to an anonymous person's email telling me to "watch out".  Good thing I did...



Prinsexx -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 2:05:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLegs

A male of my aquaintance, less than a year ago, tried to top me & could not, did not know how.  He was always broke & whining about it.  After a friend reported that he was at a swingers club, approaching coupels, did i confront him & find that he was looking for a woman to keep him  that he just wanted to have as many women as he could.



1. I don't know you and I don't know him but I wouldn't want to get involved in what sounds like unfinished business betwen the two of you.
2. Sgowing up as vanilla on here means nothing.....it just means you are new on here and I have known instinctually by the content of some newbie posts on here that they are experienced in bdsm
3. Someone not being able to top you doesn't mean that they can't top someone else.
4. wgar's wrong with a man 'living-off a woman'...that's just a sexist judgement.
5. Although in terms of power dynamics, swinging is quite contray to bdsm dynamics, I don't judge swingers (always).
6. Outing someone is fine just so long as you are certain they don't actually 'top' you by outing somthing about you. Thta's just dirty sexual politics and it belongs back in the prfumo era.
7. I have been the subject of public blackmial and actaully at the end of the day nobody really cared. All publicity is good publicity as at least I was having a sex life.
8. My code of ethics states that I can inform a third party in three cases only: if I KNOW A CLIENT PREMEDITATES MURDER; COMMITS PEADOPHILIA AND OR COMMITS INCEST.
9. In my pesonal opinion what else other than the above
could your ex really be doing which is so wrong?




Prinsexx -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 2:12:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
Karma will always come back and bite you.


Yes surely; with a hiss and a whisper and a forked tongued bite and the paralysis of not being able to do anything about it and the poison of attachment....Those you meet on way up

you simply meet on your way down
meet on your way down

meet on your way down
Prinsexx


PS Slippery hugs for you latex boy.....X



submittous -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 4:51:15 PM)

The ethics you are asking about are yours. not his and certainly not ours. You know what you need to do in order to feel good about your behavior on this issue. Do that.

Bill



Prinsexx -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 5:01:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

The ethics you are asking about are yours. not his and certainly not ours. You know what you need to do in order to feel good about your behavior on this issue. Do that.

Bill

If this comment is in reply to me I think youwill find the issue was never mine to begine with but belonged to the OP
I always, as far as I know, act according to my own ethical principles.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 5:12:41 PM)

thank you slippery huggles back purrrrrrrrr



Prinsexx -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 5:23:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

thank you slippery huggles back purrrrrrrrr

a boy can really go places with some latex, lube and a good hug........far more interesting than talking about other people's ethics don't you think......



leatherette -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 5:24:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

The last thing a place like this needs is an underground rumour mill.


I totally agree Bob.
Thanks!



goodgirl85 -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 7:06:48 PM)

Ive been in certain situations like this. Both situations actually. I normally make the choice to tell because if and when it was me in the situation I would have liked for someone to tell me. Because at least if I didnt believe them, I still have the power to make the choice. And when i got screwed over because I didnt take said advice it would be no ones fault but my own.



Bobkgin -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 7:22:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

Ive been in certain situations like this. Both situations actually. I normally make the choice to tell because if and when it was me in the situation I would have liked for someone to tell me. Because at least if I didnt believe them, I still have the power to make the choice. And when i got screwed over because I didnt take said advice it would be no ones fault but my own.


And would you wonder how this stranger managed to find out you were talking with this other person on the system?



LadyHugs -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 7:41:32 PM)

Dear LadyLegs, Ladies and Gentlemen,
 
I have witnessed many a person who have posed as something they are not and watch on scared for others, knowing there is something wrong but, the other person I care about is dead set on their choices.  I just tell people that what ever happens-- I will be there as a friend.
 
Now, I do Florentine flogging, canes and other whip work--there are ways to trip such a person up and any other aspects a person may feed another person--it is done in private and must be done by the person themself so they can come to their own conclusions--not mine.
 
Another situation is, if you warn or cause rumors or gossip, it can be seen as sour grapes by the person you worry over--pushes them further away.  Unfortunately, everybody has to go through the process of finding out for themselves.
 
There are cases where some individuals are bad news in our local community and smell like a rose for those outside of it.  People know of these individuals--some are really big wheels in the community but, burned bridges and history--local community old timers won't associate with them period.  Regardless, those who are the 'ugly' hearts and intentions among us manifest their own manure and people will see what is going on about five years into the exposure to these cliques, politics and such. 
 
It is difficult to watch a train wreck about to happen.  But, nobody will really grasp the concern until a group witnesses for themselves and come to their personal conclusions.  Just be there for friends and pray for the safety and welfare for those who are of concern. 
 
In cases where I am asked for my observations and or opinions; I will say from my heart and my own gut instincts and include my personal experiences and knowledge.  I will voice my concerns and why they are my concerns.  This will let that person know where my focus of concerns are.
I think answering the 'why' and 'where' and or 'what' my concerns are is more than a vague reply but gives more meat to my concerns.  It still is up to the individual--not me.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Stephann -> RE: Ethics Question (10/7/2007 7:51:27 PM)

On a couple occasions, when I was interested and involved with someone from the internet (this was years ago, mind you) I had trouble with this sort of drama.  A girl who I had met real time, and we absolutely despised each other, would regularly try to find out who I might be talking to, and 'warn' them of me; everything from drunk driving convictions, to heroin abuse, to having AIDS. 

I wish I could say it doesn't matter, but online reputations can be pretty easily damaged.  I feel pretty fortunate that this wasn't an issue recently.

For the OP; as others have said, stay out of it.  Any involvement you have will come across as putting you in a bad light, regardless.  How would you feel, if he started writing people you were corresponding with and started 'warning' them?  Why waste a moment of your life worrying about what two consenting adults are doing, so long as her life isn't in jeopardy?

Stephan



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