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greenie -> Guess I should introduce myself too (7/25/2005 4:20:16 PM)
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I found CM yesterday and I'm loving it! I'm a 32 yr old single female in the central valley area of CA. I have always been submissive but didn't even know there was a term for it until about 7 years ago when I discovered information online...hell I just thought I was old-fashioned when I envisioned myself getting my husband a drink after a long day of work, fixing his dinner just the way he liked it, fixing his plate, and setting it lovingly in front of him then asking him if there was any thing else I could do for him before I even considered eating myself. I felt so wrong. Wasn't I supposed to have some corporate career goal? Why was it that all I wanted was to stay home and take care of a husband and a family? It goes further then that though. Many women would choose home life over a career. I wanted to PLEASE! I wanted to earn a smile. I wanted to make him proud. Finally, 7 yrs. ago as I said, I realized that none of this is wrong, it's just who I am. I also discovered that I'm a control freak in so many aspects of my life and I had to be growing up the way I grew up. If I wasn't in control I didn't feel safe, I wouldn't be taken care of, I would be used and abused. But, oh, it feels so good to give the control to someone you trust, love, respect, and need. I love it when I'm going too far and I get that look! You subs all know what look I speak of, the one that makes your eyes widen and makes you think "oh crap I went too far". But it's ok because he will keep me in line. I love that. As I've said, although I've known for 7 years and have read alot and learned alot from others I have never lived it. My ex was very dominant in the beginning but that gradually changed with time until I looked at him one day and wondered "when did I start wearing the pants?" In the beginning he would give me that look but I wanted more. Maybe I pushed hoping he would show me who was really the one in control, in fact I know that's it. I can't count how many times I would beg him while in tears "I need you to be the man! Why do you let me get away with so much?" I wanted to be punished, kept in line, loved, and cherished. I knew I didn't want to be abused but lovingly shown limits. What a breath of fresh air it was when I discovered I was ok. My ex and I are still great friends, which is good for the kids, but we both finally realized that he needed someone who was more like him and I needed someone dominant. Sorry all I didn't mean to go on and on lol.
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