Curious

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FyreAngel -> Curious (10/2/2007 11:55:16 AM)
I've noticed that I am fantastic at being in charge of everything else BUT me. I'm competenet, on top of things and nothing escapes my notices. I locate problems, brain storms ways to fix it and then go about fixing it. I have lists that run in my head of what needs to be done. My neighbor took their dog to a "Class" - a trainer - and my dog who was hand trained by me is better behaved. So much that when their dog escapes, they come and ask for my dog to catch and bring their dog back. I'm on top of things and I have everything properly handled.................. but me. Its a bit perplexing when you think about it. I just cant seem to take care of myself like i need to be taken care of. I dont know why? I'm exclusively nursing a 4 month old (which i know sucks out alot of my energy) and getting very little sleep. Bed at about 1 am and up between 6 and 7 am. I NEED more sleep. This sleep thing is abit crucial, but i'm unable to conquer it. I guess my problem might be the fact that i really dont care. The only reason i'm here trying to figure it out is because it effects my ability to keep going. I want more energy = ) More stamina. I want to be able to sleep 4 hours a nights and constantly be moving all day long. Be nice if i could nurse my 4 month old while i steam cleaned the carpets = ) Not sure if its a submissive thing, a human thing... a what thing? Anyone else like this? Really crappy at taking care of themselves for no apparent reason - yet fantastic when it comes to everything else?

brightspot -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:08:13 PM)
*It's extremely hard to take care of yourself when you are a new mother of a 4 month old.* I don't know if you are a first time mother, but my advice would be sleep everytime your baby does. This helps you recoup and can get things done when the baby is satisfied i.e. feed, burped, diaper changed and is enjoying sitting in the swing or whatever he/she likes. *Things will improve when you can start adding cereal to your baby's diet, hang in and best wishes.* *Missy.*

came4U -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:13:04 PM)
It is and could be merely bad habit. Set habits now to pamper yourself daily, if not at least weekly/bi-weekly. A long hot bath, foot scrub, whatever. Make it a routine, a 'me-time'. It will pay off in the end as far as relaxation and stress relief goes. Maybe you will feel guilty at first but after that wears off you will realize how much energy you do have to take care of others after enjoying some peace and quiet time to yourself and how refreshed you actually are. It is also a good example for your um's to teach them that taking care of yourself is an essential skill, a learned skill.

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:17:00 PM)
I try to sleep when i can = ) He was taking really looooooong morning naps and last week decided he didnt want them anymore. Ah well. I've a 6 year old um too, so well those morning naps were nice. Plus i've a large house to clean, a dog, 3 cats and a variety of things to do. The sleep was just an example - there are other ways i'm sort of "failing" myself. For an example : i need, NEED to get to the dentist. I've a wisdom tooth that is very very bad off and is just currently throbs so my jaw throbs and my head throbs, non stop. (thank you excedrin) ::sigh:: Of course i excuse myself from this by explaining to myself that when i went to the dentist 2 months ago the woman was evil and wicked and petrified me. (and then kicked me out cos she couldnt figure out how to numb a tooth and take me out of pain LOL) Just examples though. I noticed - that I have a LONG history of not taking care of myself well........... but doing a good job with everything else. It was one of the things my boyfriend took care of. Me. Sleep, eating, ect, ect ect. So you think its just the circumstances though? Maybe right. Maybe i'm expecting too much of myself.

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:21:15 PM)
Ha! I dont have time for all that, but it does sound lovely. Bad habit, huh? Might be. Thanks for the thought .

came4U -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:23:55 PM)
What you should expect in general is a healthy mom, free of stresses as much as possible. Seems your history tells it. yep yep, do try to change those bad habits of seeing yourself perhaps as not entitled to free time or other such situations. I had my um's 10 mos apart lol, 3 in diapers at one time. Trust me, you have to take care of yourself first, somehow, someway and others will know it from you radiating an ability to heal others by touch and sound. You will feel more at ease with yourself and purrrr like a mamma kitten if your time is used wisely. be well..AND TAKE A NAP lol

babygirl005 -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 12:26:38 PM)
i know you want to be sure everything is done and your world is in perfect order around you, but why do you feel the need to do everything yourself? you don't mention if there is a partner or husband. If there is, engage him in some of the things you need to do. Since you are nursing, that is something only you can do, unless you express your milk and make bottles. But, there are other things that he or someone else can help you with. What i fear is going to happen to you, if you don't take some time for you and your health, is that you will end up with a mental or health crisis. Your body and mind can only take so much and then it will collapse. Then you won't be able to do all those things that you are so obsessed about getting done. You also won't be able to take care of your baby if you end up in the hospital. Remember that some things that you feel are so important, can wait. Spending time for you and spending time with your baby and loved ones are the most important things in life. That is where you make precious memories, and those are the things that feeds your soul and spirit. There will always be dust and dirt and things to do. But our children are only with us for a short while, friends and family pass on. We never realize how much those people mean to us, untill they are not there. i wish you well!

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:00:00 PM)
I have a partner. I just dont like the way he does things. My sister suggest i let him make dinner when he's around - but i dont like what he fixes. Its mostly unhealthy or something my um and i dont like. So i fix dinner = ) Yes, I understand the fact that if i dont find a way to take care of myself too, i will crash. I will not end up in the hospital or ect as i'm abit too stubborn for that. I understand what i need to do for myself and even how to do it. I just lack the motivation to do it. I have the motivation for everything else, but myself. If i could motivate to go to bed at 1030 i think i'd be better off. I just havent a clue why i lack so much motivation for myself. Its wierd really. Oh - and i'm a single parent 90% of the time.

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:03:16 PM)
Ha ha! I wish on the nap. I cant - the older UM will be here in about .5 minutes and then its off to the neighbors for a quick trip - then gymnastic class and before ya know it'll be 8 pm and its EVERYONE TO BED and me sitting here trying to do school work. I'll try and work on the bad habit = ) I just want to figure out WHY. I know that'll it come down to personal force. Basically forcing myself to do these things.

came4U -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:07:22 PM)
good gurlie! If I were a Domme, I'd force you to do those things lol, till you get into habit of doing it yourself. But, my porch door don't swing that way! lol

Maya2001 -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:08:37 PM)
I left my husband when my son was 9 months old / he was not involve in the caretaking whe my sone was younger and was sole parent for most of his life also had to hold down full time jobs to support us and still had to do the cooking cleaning and everything else requireed to running a home, later bought a house so added yard work to my do list. The more responsibilities you have the more tired you will be that is only natural . Make a list of your weekly chores, and when you normally would do , then start tweaking that list inorder to free up time for yourself, for example if you do dishes 3 times a day the so twice a day, if you vaccum every day do every other, if the baby sleeps normal in the afternoon try to free up that period so you can also have a nap at the same time. LOL yes the nursing stage can seem like a pain but thankfully pretty much at scheduled times so you have breaks in between , enjoy/cherish thise breaks now, the fun part is still to come when the baby gets crawling and walking at what seems every waking moment and you have to be watching and chasing after constantly . Pretty much all moms experience the same thing , it helps it you have a male partner or family that can take care of the baby for periods of time a couple hours here and there so that you can get a bit of rest. Not every one is so fortunate to have that kind of help but they do survive -- but learning juggling/prioritizing your time to make moments for yourself will help to get you thru, and don't forget to pamper yourself ocassionally it does not have to be anything major, a nice hot bubblebath can do wonders also make sure to load up your baby in the stroller and part of what you are feeling is post partum depression normal for many woman having a baby realy plays havoc on the hormaones get outdoors for regular walks the fresh air, sunshine and exercise will also help to revitalize you and make you feel better, if you continure to have problems talk to the doctor about

apiercedkitty -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:37:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FyreAngel i need, NEED to get to the dentist. I've a wisdom tooth that is very very bad off and is just currently throbs so my jaw throbs and my head throbs, non stop. (thank you excedrin) ::sigh:: Of course i excuse myself from this by explaining to myself that when i went to the dentist 2 months ago the woman was evil and wicked and petrified me. (and then kicked me out cos she couldnt figure out how to numb a tooth and take me out of pain LOL) Ok, the only thing i can even focus on is this portion... as a Nursing student, i have seen people DIE from an absessed tooth. There are some things you REALLY shouldn't fuck around with. And i know - this really has nothing to do with the original question but i couldn't let it go. Get yourself to a dentist or lack of sleep could be the least of your worries.

HollyS -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 1:47:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FyreAngel I've noticed that I am fantastic at being in charge of everything else BUT me. Its a bit perplexing when you think about it. I just cant seem to take care of myself like i need to be taken care of. I dont know why? I'm exclusively nursing a 4 month old (which i know sucks out alot of my energy) and getting very little sleep. Not sure if its a submissive thing, a human thing... a what thing? Anyone else like this? Really crappy at taking care of themselves for no apparent reason - yet fantastic when it comes to everything else? As someone with young children, can I make a suggestion? You're doing a great job of being organized for your kids (gymnastics, etc..), so if the problem is "I can't take time for me", perhaps think about yourself in the third person? Maybe try making a list that says "Here are the things members of this family need this week:" and include the dentist, doctor, clothing shopping, etc. on the list. Tend to it as if those items were independent of you - simply something that a member of the family needs. I agree with piercedkitty that your health is in jeopardy by not attending to your tooth (or any other medical matters you may have). It's very difficult to care for two small children if you end up sick as a result of the neglect. Depending on the degree of illness, you may even be put on a medication that prevents you from nursing. Caring for yourself is caring for everyone else - you are needed very much. Just a thought, of course. ~Holly

Celeste43 -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 2:34:02 PM)
You know, infections in the mouth are extremely dangerous and can cause cardiac failure. Call the dentist and ask for a referral to an oral surgeon. Or find a new dentist. In general, we tend to think of ourselves as immortal and therefore put stuff off. In reality, it's more like being on an airplace when the oxygen masks come down. If you don't get yours on you immediately, you will pass out and be unable to get them on the others. I understand your partner may not be the greatest cook in the world, but you can get by with a package of frozen fried chicken or a pizza a couple of times a week. Ums are fussy but they'll eat pancakes and canned peaches happily and that's an easy dinner. Anybody can follow the directions on a box of Bisquick. Otherwise, he can do dishes or laundry or vacuum. You need to make a schedule that makes everything easier. At that stage we went out to breakfast every Sunday morning at the diner, and we're usually alone at 7:00 AM. Then we went to the grocery store with the list that we'd been writing things on all week. The store being empty, the older um could run up and down the aisles, jumping from red to red floor tile like it was a giant game of hopscotch. If I needed to nurse, I went to the car and my ex and the older one continued shopping. Buying exactly what was on the list, one cut up chicken, one 2 pound package of meatloaf, 1 five pound bag of boiling potatoes etc. The older one got to pick the cookies and juice for the week and if she was good, she got a quarter for the little toy machine or the mechanical horse in front of the store. We were totally regimented but it worked. And when they started being too busy with outside activities, we cut it down to two things a week. Could be one art class and one ballet class or two horse back riding lessons but you couldn't do it all. Every meal doesn't have to be perfect. The fact that you're insisting they all are is a control mechanism, a way of not allowing him to be as central and important to the ums as you are. But don't beat yourself up about it, most mothers fall into this trap. Divvy up responsibilities and learn to let go.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 4:13:18 PM)
I will also add that a lot of people learn to use their "helping the world" abilities as a way to DISTRACT from actually looking inside and taking care of themselves, either because they don't believe they deserve it, or are afraid to deal with it, or create the world that if THEY don't do it, everything will fall apart.

HottLicks -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 4:36:26 PM)
Great answers! The only thing I can add to this is laughter. Get it in abundance if you can. It was the laughter that got me through two special needs um's and two other's, an errant daddy who left me holding it all and life. Laughter is a great re-charger in many ways. And if you're laughing a lot, it is easier to look into life mirrors.

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 5:24:15 PM)
Laughter is one of the few things i just cant seem to muster up. I can muster up smiling non stop, i can muster up what my older um calls "happy talk" - i just cant muster up laughter. I, ahem, over analyze things abit too much and I end up stressed about alot of things. Of course they are things i find important.

FyreAngel -> RE: Curious (10/2/2007 5:49:59 PM)
Didnt mean to post that yet.. my keyboard hit enter with out my approval. LA - Those are some good suggestions - the world falling apart might be it. Of course the world WILL fall apart if i dont do it. Who else will? Some ones got to stay on top of everything. My mother is around, but non of it is her responsibility and i refuse to dump on her. She does help out randomly - but still. Part of the problem is, i nurse on demand. He only has a morning schedule and depending on how well he does his naps is how well the day goes. I'll work on the tooth. I do have a scrpt of peniciilin, i just dont like taking it. Smells yucky. His Dad is around on the weekends and one would think i'd get more sleep then = but i suppose i havent nagged enough for that. So anyways - i've never heard of people dying from bad teeth - how fascinating. Cardiac failure? Much more interesting then why i dont take care of myself. Care to expand on the tooth thing?

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