RE: Help me to understand myself....

RE: Help me to understand myself.... (Full Version)

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GoddessTeaze -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 11:57:07 AM)
Hi Muttling, I so can relate to your feelings. I want 24/7 but then as Laurell3 stated. quote :" most will want chastity/masturbation/orgasm restrictions on a 24/7 basis. " I wouldn't want a subby crawling around here all day and nite, it would bore the shits outta Me, and being a singlemom, and not want to involve My son into bdsm, since that's none of his buzz. It will always be a parttime thing for Me, but not that it leaves My mind or anything, so I also seek an equal partnership yes. And it's hard to find that !! :D I wish you goodluck in your search. Warm Greetings GoddezzT`

DesFIP -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 12:51:56 PM)
OP, what you're not seeing is the difference between the amount of control the domme took on day one, versus how much control she has ten years in. Because nobody in their right mind hands over that kind of control until it's earned. We're four and a half years in and he's still in the process of taking control. Or possibly, I am still in the process of handing it over. He doesn't interfere in areas I flourish in because there's no need to. In areas I don't handle well, he does take over. But he doesn't demand control, he takes it as it needs to be done. Find yourself a dominant who respects a sub that is in great control of their career, and she won't interfere with it. If you get fired every six months then she will. Plus some subs know themselves to not handle their lives all that well so they look for dominants who will take more control. And some dommes enjoy this so they seek out subs in need of such control. I had this discussion years ago with a domme who called herself a trainer. She sought out subs who didn't know decent table manners, how to dress professionally, etc. She wouldn't take on a sub who already exceeded her in these areas because that didn't do it for her.

Muttling -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 1:19:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP OP, what you're not seeing is the difference between the amount of control the domme took on day one, versus how much control she has ten years in. Because nobody in their right mind hands over that kind of control until it's earned. We're four and a half years in and he's still in the process of taking control. Or possibly, I am still in the process of handing it over. He doesn't interfere in areas I flourish in because there's no need to. In areas I don't handle well, he does take over. But he doesn't demand control, he takes it as it needs to be done. Find yourself a dominant who respects a sub that is in great control of their career, and she won't interfere with it. If you get fired every six months then she will. Plus some subs know themselves to not handle their lives all that well so they look for dominants who will take more control. And some dommes enjoy this so they seek out subs in need of such control. I had this discussion years ago with a domme who called herself a trainer. She sought out subs who didn't know decent table manners, how to dress professionally, etc. She wouldn't take on a sub who already exceeded her in these areas because that didn't do it for her. Respectfully, I do see and understand what you are describing. I do well in life and do not seek another to help me to manage it. Instead, I seek a partner to share it with and one who enjoys kink. I would welcome training in bedroom skills or the like, but not life management training. What you describe isn't my kink.

petpete -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 1:45:21 PM)
Greetings Muttling.. i am a sub to that has my own issues as trusting the Domme that would take control of my life. It sounds that thats your problem of trust. Most Dominants like in most relationships wont try to make you there property from the start. It takes time to get to know each other and learn each others needs. i am courting at the moment with a very lovely Lady who i am privileged to say She is teaching me online Her ways and needs and how Her life runs. Both parties require some time before they settle in there roles. But i would prefer as a submissive to be owned entirely by the Domme who decides to take me. Only then i will feel my mission has been accomplished and my reason to be alive will be answered.

Muttling -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 2:09:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: petpete Greetings Muttling.. i am a sub to that has my own issues as trusting the Domme that would take control of my life. It sounds that thats your problem of trust. Most Dominants like in most relationships wont try to make you there property from the start. It takes time to get to know each other and learn each others needs. i am courting at the moment with a very lovely Lady who i am privileged to say She is teaching me online Her ways and needs and how Her life runs. Both parties require some time before they settle in there roles. But i would prefer as a submissive to be owned entirely by the Domme who decides to take me. Only then i will feel my mission has been accomplished and my reason to be alive will be answered. It's really not a matter of trust, it's a matter of what I feel are my boundaries in a relationship. I take responsibility for my actions and I would welcome questions like "do you really want to do that?" just a I would as a partner the same. I really do enjoy many aspects of kink, but I see myself about 2 steps shy of being a lifestyler.

laurell3 -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 4:16:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling quote: ORIGINAL: petpete Greetings Muttling.. i am a sub to that has my own issues as trusting the Domme that would take control of my life. It sounds that thats your problem of trust. Most Dominants like in most relationships wont try to make you there property from the start. It takes time to get to know each other and learn each others needs. i am courting at the moment with a very lovely Lady who i am privileged to say She is teaching me online Her ways and needs and how Her life runs. Both parties require some time before they settle in there roles. But i would prefer as a submissive to be owned entirely by the Domme who decides to take me. Only then i will feel my mission has been accomplished and my reason to be alive will be answered. It's really not a matter of trust, it's a matter of what I feel are my boundaries in a relationship. I take responsibility for my actions and I would welcome questions like "do you really want to do that?" just a I would as a partner the same. I really do enjoy many aspects of kink, but I see myself about 2 steps shy of being a lifestyler. Not wanting 24/7 doesn't make you less a lifestyler. I would actually guess it's more popular to not want it than to want it. Collarme might be a bit more geared towards that type of person, but that's not been my general experience in the lifestyle. Controlling another's life is very time consuming. I've never been in a 24/7 situation, I'm pretty confident it would never work for me. I don't think I'm any less of a lifestyler than someone else that it would work for.

Mastaziel -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 11:04:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout ......., but until men and women are exactly the same, not just equal in terms of rights, there will be different standards. ............. I really hope men and women are never exactly the same. I mean the inny and outy issue aside, I just don't think I could face the cramps and bloated feeling. Sorry Muttling, nothing important to add except that every relationship is different. just because there are more names for more dynamics in BDSM than else where, doesn't mean you have to be bound by them. The only factors that define a relationship are those within it. Luck and happiness dude. Hugs and bites.

Muttling -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 11:10:49 PM)
No worries Mastaziel, I LOVE a bit of humor getting thrown into my threads.

sexyred1 -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/3/2007 11:13:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InkedMaster Well lets see, Dominant, Top, Sadist, Daddy, Switch, slave, submissive, bottom, cumguzzler and a host of others. Did I mention cumguzzler? Anyway, all descriptive words, all with thier own meaning and conatations and our own perceptions of what we believe those terms to mean to us. People seemingly get caught up in labeling and to a point I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I mean if one is a male hedonistic bottom with submissive views and slave tendencies who desires to Top a Sadistic Domme thats a Switch who's a submissive cumguzzler only to Her Master but an Alpha to everyone else, from the bottom...Holy Shit my head hurts!, but you get the picture, we're just people, different, but still people and we want what we want. Is there someone out there for us that will meet all our needs, desires and cravings? Damn skippy there is! See, not only is this funny, but I wish more people saw it this way; it would make searching and meeting someone far easier than trying to explain where you fall on the BDSM grid that someone set up. I just had a chat about this with someone who said, you sound like a perfect slave, girl. I said, Hello? where in my profile did I identify as a slave? He said what are you then? I said (to fuck with him) I am a supreme Alpha femme submissive who was a total sex slave to one man, but usually a smart ass sub to others who wants an equal partnership outside of the bedroom but wants to be treated like a total whore inside. He said, I am perplexed by an Alpha female, how can you be TRULY submissive? Enough said?

ShellyD -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/4/2007 11:47:15 PM)
I too fit with the desire to have a dominant partner but do not want to be micromanaged, I am independant in all areas of my life. It does seem to be a fruitless search for the dominant that is my match though. My experience has been that the dominants want submission from me in more areas than I am prepared to be ( sexually and during play) I have found that it is the inexperienced men, self titled dominant with submissive fantasies, and men 'who type with hand on cock' are the ones I attract. Where are the self assured dominant men who are comfortable with independent women?? I know they are already taken, or live too far away, but I live in hope.

adoracat -> RE: Help me to understand myself.... (12/5/2007 4:16:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 See, not only is this funny, but I wish more people saw it this way; it would make searching and meeting someone far easier than trying to explain where you fall on the BDSM grid that someone set up. I just had a chat about this with someone who said, you sound like a perfect slave, girl. I said, Hello? where in my profile did I identify as a slave? He said what are you then? I said (to fuck with him) I am a supreme Alpha femme submissive who was a total sex slave to one man, but usually a smart ass sub to others who wants an equal partnership outside of the bedroom but wants to be treated like a total whore inside. He said, I am perplexed by an Alpha female, how can you be TRULY submissive? Enough said? its real simple. within the walls of my home, i am Princess of the Universe. and i bow to the King. just because i submit to him, doesnt mean i'll submit to just anyone. ;) kitten, slightly tongue in cheek

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