How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

Kelika -> How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 4:51:56 PM)

Some may not agree with what I will post (as it is about someone who plays about being in the lifestyle), and some won't read it because of it's length, but it DOES have something to do with our lifestyle.  When I watched the news clip, yet again, we were shunned in a bad light because someone lied.  But that wasn't enough...they talked about our deviant behavior and a woman ruined a family's life. 

She is not on this site to my knowledge, so I don't think it is flaming her, but I leave that to the mods to decide.  This is what I posted on my blog just a few minutes ago in regards to a story that is sweeping the lifestyle internet as we speak!  If you don't know about, I suggest going to the link of the story first. 

The news bit http://www.woai.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=a33661ef-cc7d-46a2-a2e6-...


Ruining a family's life - Those who play God, Judge and Jury
  
I am absolutely positively LIVID at what I have seen and heard today in regards to someone outing someone else in chat. No, I’m not just talking about a minor thing, I am talking about a *coughs* “woman” deciding to go to the news and outing a man because he is a preacher and frequents dungeons in chat rooms and has extramarital affairs. Now mind you, when she found out he was married, that didn’t stop her from communicating with him in this manner.

Now, I admit that I don’t have all the facts, but from what I have been shown, this is the deal…a friend of this woman was apparently threatened with a whip if he didn’t give her a blowjob. Mind you, she –chose- to go see him. She –chose- to not do a thorough background check on him to see if he was who he claimed. She –chose- to stay there with him. She –chose- to carry out fantasies in a chat room and then try or hoped they would happen offline when she went to go see him.

When he threatened her did she call the police? Nope. Could it be because she didn’t want to be exposed? Probably. Could it be because she was afraid…I am sure. However, that doesn’t exclude HER responsibility to HER own welfare and by not doing a thorough background check and by meeting him without it and by not calling the police if she felt unsafe, she is saying she has no value, so why in the hell should it matter if he is a preacher?

Is he hiding who he is? Absolutely. I wonder how many of us out here hide at least part of ourselves from people? Does everyone in your family know you like to take a single tail whip and strike the woman or man you are with? Does everyone know you enjoy getting on your knees, sucking cock or pleading up to lick your “Mistress’” boots? So, you would be okay if all of your family, friends, neighbors and bosses knew what you like to do in your personal life?

While I am “out” to my family about the lifestyle, I don’t rub it in their faces. I have lost jobs because I am different in my thinking, but I haven’t mentioned bdsm. I don’t hide who I am, but I sure as fuck don’t think it is everyone’s business what I like and don’t like in the privacy of my own home.

This “woman” decided to out this man and my first question was, why is she not being outted if she has nothing to hide? She –chose- to do an interview and have her face blacked out, but nope…he doesn’t get that benefit does he? She played God, judge and jury.

This is what I understand…she gave him a chance to resign from his job or she would expose him. She told his wife, told powers that be in accordance with his church and decided since they weren’t taking action, she would. Now, here is my tiff with this. You talked to his wife, talked to the congregation, and at what point did you decide that you were more important than they were in how to handle the situation? Let’s not pussy foot around it…he lied, and he was a troll and a user, but what the fuck do you think it makes you that outted him on a television? A savior or something? Because your friend was too stupid to protect herself?

Now for those that have been around for awhile you KNOW I am not talking about something I know nothing about. I have been hurt by lies myself and even been abused in sexual manner in the lifestyle. You know what though? I hold some accountability and responsibility in that. I didn’t think enough of myself to walk out. And yeah, if you are afraid, if it doesn’t feel right, ABSOLUTELY you should walk out!

When I meet someone offline for the first time, I keep an extra change of clothes down to shoes and socks in my car, I keep a credit card, my driver’s license (I have two for just such an occasion) and I hide a key on the outside of my car, so if I need to leave somewhere in a hurry I can! Let’s see, the one time I didn’t do that what happened to me….*tries to think*….I was DATE RAPED. Do I blame him for it entirely? NOPE. Because I was the stupid one who didn’t do the background check or have a way out so that I would feel safe about leaving. Does he hold some responsibility for it….YEP, but I do too!

This is making me sick to my stomach that she isn’t taking any responsibility for her CHOICES. She was not kidnapped, she was not bound and locked in some dungeon. She thought she would play sex slave and didn’t like in person what he had said in private in an IM.

*shakes head*.

The really sad part about this is that she didn’t punish him anymore by making it public. She punished his children. Does he hold partial responsibility…YES. But she decided that she wanted to stop his “abusive” behavior as she called it (I wonder if she called it that when she liked the idea of him dragging her by her hair) and in the process took out his wives security for her children. I hope you are proud of that. I hope you are proud of the fact that his children will suffer humiliation because of the choice you made. I hope you proud of the fact that his wife…who did NOTHING to you, will suffer humiliation from YOUR choice to put it up on a news broadcast.

I am not condoning what he did, but I sure as hell am not going to sit by and condone the choice you made. He may be a sick motherfucker who lies about what he likes and preaches something different, but you are a coward for keeping your face and name shielded (as you didn’t give him that choice) from the press, and you are nothing but a vindictive woman who apparently has no problems with what she does in regards to her spiritual or religious beliefs…I wonder if your family would feel the same. I guess you have never lied or done something wrong. I hope for your sake you have not because to ask for God’s forgiveness when you cannot or choose not to forgive your own fellow man is sick and hypocritical. I will leave you with this…..

In regards to his behavior, You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, you can’t control it, but you can cope and cope the best you can. I wonder if this was the best you can….or did you try to control him?



curiousexplorer -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:06:32 PM)

"and outing a man because he is a preacher and frequents dungeons in chat rooms and has extramarital affairs."

The key word here is preacher. Honesty is meant to be abig part of that, or so the propaganda says. ALso temptation is meant to be resisted. Hypocrite deserved to have his flock informed.

"When he threatened her did she call the police? Nope. Could it be because she didn’t want to be exposed? Probably. "

If she went to the media, exposure was not a concern. Her details are only quiet if there is no story to them. If she was a preacher it would be news.

"so why in the hell should it matter if he is a preacher?"

Are you completely ignorant of the concept of practicing what one preaches?

" I wonder how many of us out here hide at least part of ourselves from people? Does everyone in your family know you like to take a single tail whip and strike the woman or man you are with?"

LOL, whay are you comparing average people with a preacher? The job brings standards and responsibilities with it, or it should. The preacher should have given up that part of his life if he wanted to pursue bdsm or extra marital affairs.

"She played God, judge and jury."

LOL. Actually if you believe in god, then god sent her to straighten out the fraud of a preacher.

"You talked to his wife, talked to the congregation, and at what point did you decide that you were more important than they were in how to handle the situation?"

One word. Peadophiles. The church, congregation and spouses do not always do what is right.

"*….I was DATE RAPED. Do I blame him for it entirely? NOPE."

Then I feel sorry for you. The blame always lies completely with the rapist.



Kelika -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:21:52 PM)

I am not justifying his lying, I am however saying that by putting it on television it was wrong because she was not only screwing with his life, but the lives of his wife and children.  This was not a pediphile, this was two consenting adults to whom she didn't care that he was married.

Do I think he should be banned from his congregation...absolutely.  But at what point was it the children's fault?  And in the newscast, she asked that he face and name be hidden; but it was ok to out his on television? 

They talked about the deviant behavior and gasps, even the tone of their voice when the word "slut" was mentioned on the broadcast.  That does NOTHING but put us in a bad light. 

The woman was scorned and frightened I'm sure; but at NO place in there (and they spoke for over a year!) did she take any responsibility for it.  The newscast only put the lifestyle in a negative light. 

And I didn't follow my own safety rules in regards to me getting raped.  I take ownership of that and that is what I have to deal with.  And yeah, my lifestyle therapist agrees with me on that one.  Should he have stopped because I pleaded no...absolutely!  But I didn't follow my own safety rules and they would have prevented from me feeling like I had no escape.



kirby104 -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:32:45 PM)

>>One word. Peadophiles. The church, congregation and spouses do not always >>do what is right.

At what point did this become about child molestation. I missed that.




kirby104 -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:33:47 PM)

I guess the witch hunt is on.



velvetears -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:37:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousexplorer
"and outing a man because he is a preacher and frequents dungeons in chat rooms and has extramarital affairs."

The key word here is preacher. Honesty is meant to be abig part of that, or so the propaganda says. ALso temptation is meant to be resisted. Hypocrite deserved to have his flock informed.


Most people are in some kind of occupation where they would be fired if their empoyer found out.  Are you saying anyone who hides who they are, are hypocrites?  Who are you to say what this man deserved or didn't deserve.  Did his wife and children deserve to suffer as well? Did this informer deserve to have her own identity protected as she pointed a finger in someone elses direction for a behavior she herself indulged in - you don't see the hypocracy in that??  Honesty should be a big part of being  a  "Master" as well but many lie and decieve woman just to get a blow job - should we out these men too - ruin families, careers, and lives because of it? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousexplorer

LOL, whay are you comparing average people with a preacher? The job brings standards and responsibilities with it, or it should. The preacher should have given up that part of his life if he wanted to pursue bdsm or extra marital affairs.


Who are you to say what he should or should not do in his life, or what he should give up in his life to become a preacher?  How do you know he didn't focus his preaching on tolerance and forgiveness and not the fire and brimstone stuff most people associate with preachers - you have no information about this man yet you cast the first stones to topple his life so easily and with no thought to any of the repercussions, hurt and pain it probably caused many people. 


quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousexplorer
"You talked to his wife, talked to the congregation, and at what point did you decide that you were more important than they were in how to handle the situation?"

One word. Peadophiles. The church, congregation and spouses do not always do what is right.



Oh ok so now because the church suppossedly had a "problem" with pedophiles and some congregations didn't handle it in the best manner lets now become vigilantes to anyone who offends the church in any way shape or form.  Pedos are in all walks of life - why should the church be immune to having them slip uner the radar?

What exactly IS right?  i am with Kelika, it certainly is not what that coward of a bitch did.



Kelika -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 5:48:49 PM)

As I was in the shower just now I thought of several of the things you pointed velvetears and kirby.  It makes no difference what his occupation is.  There are a TON of educators in the lifestyle that I know...so because they work with kids and are in the lifestyle are you saying they are pedophiles?  I mean, we hear about them on ocassion in the news as well so it must be so....*hmm*.  I can't follow that type of logic.

For that matter, a lot of the activities we do are illegal in some states if not most or all.  So that means no one in the justice system or military should be in the lifestyle either right?

He lied, he did nothing illegal though...not ONE thing otherwise it would have been on the newsclip as well.

She decided to play God, Judge and Jury and damn him because she went to go "play" slave and when he was the EXACT same in person with her (God forbid a man should tell a woman to get on her knees and suck his cock or he would whip her...*just shudders at the thought) and she couldn't handle the heat in that kitchen, she got scared. 

So instead of saying she made a mistake, and owning her responsibility in it, she plays a victim and suddenly it's "abuse".  No charges were brought up against this man.  But now, his -entire- family has been shamed and humilated all because she didn't get to control him when she commanded him to resign from his job?  Not just him, not just his wife, but their CHILDREN are effected by this.  He is partially responsible, but she sure as hell could have taken a higher road then selling her story to the media.



MstrDennynSlave -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 6:14:03 PM)

 






She wanted to ruin him and she did, in the biggest way she could find. Women like this will get theirs in the end, come judgement day. She had no consideration for his family. Any one who is going to out someone, should be showing their face to the public as far as I'm concerned. I'm not real religious, but I'm a firm believer in "those without sin casting the first stone." Not one of us on this or any other site like this, is in a position to judge others. She herself was on this site. As far as I'm concerned, she has no room to talk. Was her life ruined by admitting she was on this site? I'd be willing to bet it wasnt.








laurell3 -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (9/28/2007 7:48:27 PM)

First off, I'm not sure any media story puts "us" in a worse light.  The impression is pretty negative and that's not going to change, ever, for better or worse.
Should she have outted him? Of course not.  Was she participating in these "extremely deviant sexual acts" as well, it seems from the story she was.  She saw an opportunity at getting attention and took it.
How this story has anything to do with peodphilia, rape or anything else abusive or without consent is beyond me.  It doesn't.  Regardless of what the guy does for a living, he doesn't deserve to be outted.  Then again, what the hell is a preacher doing getting on webcam for an unknown woman?  In my opinion, the worse thing this guy did was being stupid and trusting.
l



kirby104 -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 4:32:14 PM)

I was being facetious.



came4U -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 5:35:28 PM)

This is not a bdsm or a collarme issue actually.

The courtesy 'rules' that one does not out someone applies to within these boundary walls.

What someone does or says OUTSIDE in the world is their own decision.

A NO Out-ing policy, as far as this kind of site, refers to something along the lines of "I recognize your picture (insert name), don't you work at (insert place) and your sister's name is (****)."



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 7:28:08 PM)

One of the more obvious reasons why "we" laugh and scorn at people who want to make "bad dom" lists.



SimplyMichael -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 9:09:09 PM)

Karma is just a great big bitch, especially if you are a great big asshole.  Imagine a preacher, probably a gay hating right winger too, outed.  I can just feel the outrage simmering inside me over this travesty of justice....yawn.



iammachine -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 11:34:59 PM)

Circumstances aside, all I can think is "invasion of privacy much?"

Maybe I haven't seen the entire story, but I didn't see anything in that article about the man threatening or taking advantage of anyone in person. Maybe he did, and that's bad, and sure, the authorities should be involve when someone crosses the line of consent.

But from where I sit, I see it as Mr. Preacher Man got his jollies talking dirty on the internet. Oh you naughty, naughty man! I agree that the woman that outted him is a hypocrite. Everything is fine and good, and you are free to enjoy your fantasies... until, apparently, you have a score to settle. You are free to enjoy your fantasies,  and your privacy, but someone else isn't.

So he was a preacher, if he wasn't forcing himself on anyone (without consent), I don't give a damn what he does in his private life. If he was doing naughty nonconsensual things, then that's where the authorities should be involved, and the media can have their frenzy then. If there was no need for police involvement, if Mr. Preacher Man did naughty things behind closed doors and wasn't infringing on anyone else's rights, then leave well enough alone.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, so they say.



SirPumpy -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/21/2007 11:48:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

One of the more obvious reasons why "we" laugh and scorn at people who want to make "bad dom" lists.




Ahhhhh yes, The "Bad Dom/me" lists.

Sadly one of those things best left to word of mouth and even then a dangerous practise in these litigious times.

Was she right to "out" the preacher? Probably not in the way she did.

However I feel that someone in the position the preacher is in plays with fire doing what he was doing and it just doesnt sit right considering what most organised religions preach.

I have to admit I laughed at the whole thing.

Pumpy



Prinsexx -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/22/2007 1:39:31 AM)

In response to Kelika:

Some thoughts.

We either embrace freedom or we don't.

Having said that the three main essentails apply: sane (difficult to diagnose), consensual (not if you contract anything goes) and safe (one woman's safety is another one's restraint).

But I agree having read through the posts: the sad part about this is that she didn’t punish him anymore by making it public She punished his kids. The sins of the father's etc etc.

The only punishment I know how to exert and I learned this way too recently is to withdraw all contact.

I have taken a man to court for abuse, I have made statements to the Police because of blackmail I have  been advised legally I had a good case for rape. None of it stuck: it simply cost me a fortune.

I have been advised to go to the Press. My conclusions;

All publicity is good publicity for all concerned one way or another. 

Those who are outed usually make more bucks than the whistle blowers.

It's still not all the news that's fit to print; it's all the news that fits.

One day it's an outing the next day it's wrapping fish and chips.

The only one who has the real power is the submissive since it is the submissive's right to say stop (or pink parrott/pickled onions whatever is the negotiated safe word).

Mastery and slavery is outside this framework but I assume since it was a so called dungeon scene the M/s dynamic did not apply.

I live on a small island. The worse punishment is a bad reputation which spreads like wild fire.

Confidentiality either is or is not maintained and very few practice what they preach.

Most who preach (I'm thinking religion) are hypocritical fkrs who woyldn't know good practice if it hit them between the eyes like a bolt of lightning.

This isn't karma, which is immutable and usually misunderstood. It is dharma.

It will all hit us between the eyes like a bolt of lightning one day anyway.

PS Hit men are easy to hire.

Ed. to say if you are religious and this has offended you this was not my intention. You are welcome to bring me to god if you think you have a hope in hell.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/22/2007 2:25:09 AM)

He is a preacher, but many religious types are in the lifestyle with poly arrangements and so on. To me that means he shouldn't be criticised in that regard. He could have still been an excellent preacher with outstanding moral values. From the article it appears he told the online submissive that he was married with two children.

Do we think bdsm is sinful and religious people shouldn't be allowed to participate? Do we think poly relationships are bad and religious people shouldn't be in those situations?

Why the TV station would expose the man for what is essentially an online relationship with the woman is beyond me. Do TV stations out others in poly or bdsm relationships?



CuriousLord -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/22/2007 2:53:14 AM)

This disgusting!  Did you see what this pervert preacher said?!

quote:

ORIGINAL:  Preacher Caught In Sexually Explicit Chatrooms
In the chats, he called her a slut and even said she needed a spanking. The rest was too graphic to show you.


Did you see that?  He said she needed a spanking!  OMG!  I can't even imagine what the rest that's too graphic to show might be!  The sick bastard might've implied getting NAKED before intercourse!  Outrageous!

Anyhow, the article's author has his email posted right on the article.  (Can't paste it here due to TOS.)  He'll be getting some lovely, affectionate mail from this concerned Christian over his great work.



Squeakers -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/22/2007 4:36:32 AM)

     All I can say is what happened to the block feature that most chatrooms have.   If she felt he was abusive, block, block, block.
            



sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: How far would you go if you were hurt by someone? (10/22/2007 4:56:22 AM)

Actually- the woman that informed did not hurt this guy- his actions did.  Anytime one plays at something along theses lines, they risk exposure.  Does it stink?  Of course it does- but he should have thought about that prior to playing.  Maybe he did think about it- and felt a calculated risk was worth taking the chance on.

No matter how you slice it; it ~is~ a consequence of his own actions.  He's married, had kids, and a job which would make him a prime candidate to be targeted for such negative attention if caught.   Not a judgement call- just a fact.  If the woman was making up false accuasations, it would be one thing- if they happen to be true, it's entirely another.  Yeah, the preacher messed up- big time, and it's going to come back to bite him on the bum. 

While I would never personally do what the informant chose to- I'd also not find myself in this circumstance, because I'd have ignored the guy and never have let things get that far along.  I think that it's just another case of people trying to place the blame other than where it lies- he cheated, he lied, he got caught- and he got outed.  Has nothing to do with BDSM really- and nothing to do with him being a preacher beyond the fact that it made it newsworthy.  



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.1875