new sub needing advice (Full Version)

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mytruth2u -> new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 12:51:12 PM)

i dont know if this is where i should be..but im kind of lost and i dont know what to do ..im compleatly new to the D/s world and i was introduced by a new Dom as well... i have never been in a sceen or done anything but read about the D/s world... i thought i had finally found what was missing in my life....

then last week my new Dom just stopped talking to me..no explanation, no its not working out, nothing...my biggest fear is abandonment and He new that and said he wouldnt just leave me but now Hes gone..i thought maybe He got hurt or something but i just looked at His profile on here and it said He was on 2 days ago...

the only thing i can think of is that i had breast cancer last year and lost my right breast...i am going through some treatments now and my back started to hurt recently and right now im going through tests to see if it's the cancer spreading to my back...maybe this scared him away...cancer is not something you can control....

but either way im now alone and i dont think another Doms going to want me with all my problems and being so compleatly new...i cant go to clubs ...im missing a breast and im way to scared to go alone anyway...

i just want to submit...to give everypart of my self to someone...i dont want it just in bed but all the time...everything i read makes me want it more...ive always secretly been turned on by brutality and force but i just thought i was a freek...i hate making decisions about anything....when i was with Him everything finally felt right and now im so horribly alone and so much worse off because i trusted Him more then anyone before.....

should i just give up?....i know how can i be a good sub if i need so much care myself?...i dont know....i guess i just wanted this so much....



Aileen68 -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 12:56:16 PM)

Was this online or real life?



plspickme -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 1:03:39 PM)

First let me say that there is a pot for every lid. you are very lucky that he left you now before you had a chance to really become vested in him. 98 percent of the people on these sites are either players, liars, wannabe's and people who just want to spice up their sex life. This is by no means a reflection on you. It does take a while and experience to know that. Be very careful and take what every one tells you with a grain of salt until you find the one. i would suggest you start going to local munches in your area. Meet real and nice people in this life who can and willingly guide you to where you want to be. For exaple go to your search engine type in your state and the word munches. For instance florida munches. It should tell you exactly where they are. you will be nervous at first, but after a few minutes when you see how nice and down to earth everyone is you will totally enjoy yourself. That's what i did. Whatever you do don't give up. i have found spmeone who is perfect for me and you will too. i just know it :)



NewJustlookin -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 1:05:18 PM)

So why give up on it? You want it so much that you can't stop thinking/reading it. You should keep going Keep reading, and Keep learning. You will get better as you go on. But quiting will get you no where in life and as in BDSM. Try to make new friends it hard I know I'm shy too when meeting new poeple, But I believe anyone can just be themselves. If not who would we be? You can always find someone that is compatble to you. Just think how many people are in this world. I'm sure there one person for you. Unless you want to keep your other Dom. As long as you put forth the effort of learning. Nothing can stop you. We all herd the Lance Armstrong story not even cancer stop him. If it did scare away him I guess he didn't care for you.



mytruth2u -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 1:05:21 PM)

We met first in real life from a posting on another site and were together for a short time...when we were together he was very Dominant in bed and in general and i loved it...i didnt at that time know anything about D/s....then we took a break as he was thinking about things...then he emailed me and brought the D/s world to me...we have been talking only by msn and email for about a month now as we were exploring eachother...now nothing...



MasterEntrancer -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 1:12:57 PM)

you have not indicated how long you knew this Dom. you became emotionally invested, which is not at all unusual, but did he? If there is an imbalance, then one party feels pressure and will be pushed away. This is a characteristic of all types of relationships. IMHO, as a Dom, he should have handled it better, but sadly there far more immature or insecure Doms than not.

Being alone is not always fun, but it always beats being with the wrong one! There will be One because you want One, but you need to determine what you want and need in One.

-Steven :)



SirCache -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 1:19:29 PM)

There are,  regretably, a great many people in the world that will use other human beings without any intrinsic human decency.  I'm sorry to hear that you ran across such a person.  All I can recommend is the same thing you already know deep down.  You'll have to shake it off, and learn from the experience, learn not to fall prey to the tactics he used to bed you the first time.  For what it matters--the fact you feel hurt and betrayed by him is a good thing--it means you're too decent a person to do hurt others in a similar way.

Good luck to you.



HottLicks -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 3:07:26 PM)

There's some great advice here, but I would like to address the health issue part of things.  I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of thinking people run because of health issues, because many or I might go out on a limb and say, that most do.  It is very hurtful, but one must think of how they are placing themsleves out there to be hurt sometimes.  New relationships are just that and you can't put so much of yourself into them even if you need a relationship.  Many people say it isn't good to be needy.  I feel that need is a part of life, we just have to balance it with wisdom.  It's okay to need something, it is not okay to take emotional risks because then we hurt ourself.

Please know that even someone who has medical issues can find someone.  It might take a bit longer or be harder in many ways, but there are people out there that will see 'you' and it won't matter to them if you have these issues.  If you need support during it all, there are many places to get it and I encourage you to do so. 

No matter what the reasons were, and you may never know them, just temper your need, do all you can to feel good about yourself and don't let this guy upset you.  He clearly wasn't the one for you and in my opinion, wasn't very nice to not communicate with you, but then he might not have felt the relationship was a relationship and warranted the need to say why he dropped our of your email box or life. 

Good luck to you!



curiousexplorer -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 3:16:39 PM)

Doesn't this thread pop up every few days or weeks? I'm am certain I have read this scenario several times.



MissMagnolia -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 3:24:45 PM)

And I'm certain I've seen people pointing out the obvious on a daily basis, which doesn't help anyone.[8|]

OP, you have been given some really good advice here. Your main focus right now is learning to see your own beauty, missing breast or no missing breast. If your Dom can shoot through because of something like this, he definitely is not worth your time. Someone who loves you won't care what bits you have or what's missing.

Believe it or not, there are Doms out there who won't give a shit and will love you for you. DON'T give up. You beat cancer, you can beat this.



sundownhawk -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/27/2007 9:46:01 PM)

Yup, what they said. Don't give up there is no reason to. And if he moved on for the reason you think he did then he was undeserving of you.



ehlovindom -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/29/2007 8:53:01 AM)

Don't give up on the lifestyle, just give up on him. Move on. Concentrate on yourself getting better. Think positive thoughts about what you have to offer and don't dwell on the negative, disease thrives on negativity.



breatheasone -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/29/2007 11:44:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousexplorer

Doesn't this thread pop up every few days or weeks? I'm am certain I have read this scenario several times.

Yes...



scwomankf -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/30/2007 7:18:54 AM)

MasterEntrancer, what great advice. And Mytruth2u, take it. It is well intentioned and in your best interest. Take care of yourself first, get what medical treatment you can, take the medications, see to your comfort and safety first, then consider a new Dom.

I hope this helps you Mytruth2u.

k



missbehaeven -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/30/2007 1:55:34 PM)

~smiles~
Hello mytruth2u,
I'm sorry you were hurt.
It's been my experience that in both bdsm and non-bdsm relationships there will be men and women who simply can't handle adversity, whether it's health related, career related, a family crisis, whatever..They withdraw.
Take care of you first.
Make getting stronger in all ways your priority.
Build a circle of friends and family who you know will be there for you.
When you're ready your strength will draw the right one to you.
 
Please stay safe, and if you can, keep us updated on how you're doing....miss
 



spanklette -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/30/2007 5:13:33 PM)

From an emotional standpoint...are you ready to move on or do you need time to mourn your last relationship? And, maybe you need some time to mourn your breast, as well?
 
From a logical standpoint: Start looking at what makes you a good catch! You're a beautiful woman with a "soft fuzzy bald head". You're strong. You know yourself and what you need and want. What else?
 
Meeting someone is sometimes just a matter of being a good salesman to other people, and more importantly to yourself. If you don't feel like you're worth a relationship, why should anyone else? These are hard questions to find answers to and sometimes the answers are hard to hear.
 
I wish you well in your recovery and in your journey! I do hope that your new symptoms aren't indicative of anything serious, but you're in my prayers.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/30/2007 6:38:08 PM)

Well at least you know now why type of person he is. He is not a representative of all doms. As long as you are honest about things then you will find someone that will accept you for you. Don't blame your health or physical condition on his inability to be honest about his feelings. Move on and keep going.



grlneedstolearn -> RE: new sub needing advice (9/30/2007 8:43:01 PM)

Do not give up, continue searching. Crap, i have a load of mental health issues that i'm working on and yes i'm embarassed to let another Dom know. But everyone is unique in their own way, don't give up hope and keep your head held high. You will find someone.



mytruth2u -> RE: new sub needing advice (10/1/2007 1:19:35 AM)

Thank you everyone for your kind words and your advice. I feel like i have already grown so much since i posted this. Yes in a way i do still morn my lost Dom but i am now more secure of my self and i am moving on.

i feel like it was a long time ago that i was the scared new sub that wrote that message but it was only a few days ago. It shows how much you can grow in such a little time. i have had a few members contact me personally and help me with some of the issues i am dealing with.

And spanklette i do not really morn my breast. i have never been overly concerned about my appearance. The loss of my breast does make me a little lighter on one side though and so i can tend to walk in circles if im not careful hehe.

thank you again everyone.  i will be around for a long time now

- truth



PsychoticWolf -> RE: new sub needing advice (10/1/2007 1:46:38 AM)

Glad your feeling better, about the whole situation, and hope you get better from your Cancer. It really does suck having it.

Don't let your previous Dom get to you, it's not just Dom's who do it, but their's a lot of subs out there you can spend months on end talking with, and out of nowhere they will decide to drop all communication with no explanation what-so-ever.

It's not you, just a matter of the person you meeting being a complete jerk about it in the end.



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