RE: First experience on Friday and... (Full Version)

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BoiJenSA -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 8:23:10 AM)

Yes I have taken my accountant AND my mechanic out to dinner...fuckin hectic months let me tell you. Hmmm...I think your ass is showing



Samaria -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 9:11:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

I serve a Pro personally and here's what I gotta say:

don't ask for any traditional sexual activities...strap-on (penetration), anal play, blow jobs, "oral service" none of it. That's what gets to be considered prositution.

be open and honest that you've never done this before...tell the Pro what your interests are ahead of time and share some about yourself...the more the Pro knows the better they can make your first scene. Also, negotiate ahead of time...it sucks to use up all the first bit of your time in person going over shit you could have already dealt with.

and lastly if you have fun TIP the Pro. They have to clean up your mess after you leave...(or in my case I gotta clean up after you leave) show some appreciation for that. In the lifestyle outside of Professional sessions, you pretty much gotta clean up your own mess.

If its' everyhting you wanted and more go back...become a regular and ask if the Pro has any suggestions as to a Leather bar or club local. Ask to take the Pro out to dinner not as a date but as a thank you...they get so many no-shows and assholes thinking they're gonna blow 'em at the end that it's SUPER nice to run into a client that treats them like human being rather than an expensive sex toy. Pros have feelings too..they have specific things they LIKE to do and often if you end up coming back they being to feel "connection" to you as a person and whatever role you assume within this lifestyle. You have a chance to form a relationship with someone for who they are...whether it remain Professional, friendly whatever...that's up to you and the Pro.

Do unto others and all.


Thank you BoiJen!!!
People tend to forget that Pro's are real people and too often do view them as prostitutes and look down on them. 
I work as a Pro and will agree that if you approach Her for any sort of sex you are going to piss Her off.  On the first meeting, keep things simple.  You should already have an outline of wants, likes, dislikes, tribute etc.  laid out but there will still need to be a bit further discussion.   Fuck yes, gifts and tips in addition to the actual tribute paid show true appreciation for Her allowing you to serve Her. 

DiaperDude, I always give my clients more leeway on the first encounter.  Many act shy and trip over their words and do things that otherwise I would punish them for.  I understand how awkward this must be and allow such things to put them more at ease with the entire experience.  I do however, explain all of the things they have done wrong so that they will know how to properly behave the next time.  Every meeting is different but they do get better and better.  I am not here just to beat your ass  - like some Pro's out there.  I train my clients in areas they are curious about and help them explore sides of themselves they would have no way of exploring without my help. 
- On your fear of spending too much money and not enjoying it - Every Pro handles her session differently.  It can be a wonderful and extreemely rewarding experience, but sure is the off chance that you and your Pro are just not compatable or she may not be the right one to train you.  If things don't go well, I think you should explain to her your issues with the experience and she may be able to fix whatever you didn't like or refer you to someone better able to train you in that area.
- Also, if you don't pay her for any sex acts and don't ask her for sex you should have no fear of being charged with prostitution.

ARPIG - Actually, yes I do take my mechanic out to dinner and get better service for it!!  Just because you pay someone for a service doesn't mean you have to be rude or unappreciative when a they perform a service of any sort for you.  People in the service industry get walked all over every day and do appreciate you going the extra mile to show how much you appreciate their hard work and expertise.  You tip the bartender for making a good drink, you tip the waitress for serving you in good time and making sure you get everything you need, you tip your barber for taking good care of that beautiful hair, your mechanic for keeping your car reved up, your doorman for opening your door, your maitre d' for getting you a good table....the list goes on.   Tipping is always appreciated no matter what sort of service you provide, especially when it is something so personal.



BoiJen -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 9:22:49 AM)

Samaria,

Thank you. You pointed out something I had forgotten to mention. Most Pro's know other Pros. If they aren't compatable with you and vice versa then they are likely to refer you to someone else. If they do and you do the things suggested in my first post you're going to walk into another session with a different Pro who will be excited to see you. And this is simply because of what the other will say about you. They talk. That's all I can say dude. They talk to eachother just like friends talk. They warn eachother about people who have fucked them over and they sing praises for those who have shown them respect and gratitude. What goes around comes around...start off on a good footing and you'll be golden.



Arpig -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 10:53:00 AM)

quote:

People tend to forget that Pro's are real people and too often do view them as prostitutes

That's because they ARE prostitutes



Samaria -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 11:40:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

People tend to forget that Pro's are real people and too often do view them as prostitutes

That's because they ARE prostitutes


well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise dank world.
As I always say...if you don't have something nice to say .....keep your fucking mouth shut.



BoiJen -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 2:45:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

People tend to forget that Pro's are real people and too often do view them as prostitutes

That's because they ARE prostitutes


Sounds like a guy who's pissed because the only way CAN get laid is by paying for it. Last I checked sex has to be involved for it to be prostitution...and I don't know a Pro know offers those services...not even jack shack services.



Saraheli -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 3:18:43 PM)

....



Arpig -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 3:19:53 PM)

quote:

well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise dank world.
As I always say...if you don't have something nice to say .....keep your fucking mouth shut.

Well doesn't that just make for a lovely world...no dissenting opinions.
quote:

Sounds like a guy who's pissed because the only way CAN get laid is by paying for it

You assume to much...I have never paid, and yet have never lacked for sex.
Pro-domme's provide a sexual service in exchange for money...thus are prostitutes...and that's why they are illegal in some jurisdictions. Now a lot of you are going to assume that I have some sort of problem with pro-dommes...I do not, I have no problems with them (other than the word Domme...hate it, much prefer Domina or Dominatrix). I also have no problem with the more traditional prostitutes, but a Pro-Dommme is a prostitute, and no amount of hair-splitting will change that. I think Pro-Dommmes provide a very valuable service, and I have great respect for many of the Pros on this board, but that in no way changes the basic facts...if you are paid for a sexual service you are a prostitute.



Samaria -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 4:44:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise dank world.
As I always say...if you don't have something nice to say .....keep your fucking mouth shut.

Well doesn't that just make for a lovely world...no dissenting opinions.


quote:

Sounds like a guy who's pissed because the only way CAN get laid is by paying for it

You assume to much...I have never paid, and yet have never lacked for sex.
Pro-domme's provide a sexual service in exchange for money...thus are prostitutes...and that's why they are illegal in some jurisdictions. Now a lot of you are going to assume that I have some sort of problem with pro-dommes...I do not, I have no problems with them (other than the word Domme...hate it, much prefer Domina or Dominatrix). I also have no problem with the more traditional prostitutes, but a Pro-Dommme is a prostitute, and no amount of hair-splitting will change that. I think Pro-Dommmes provide a very valuable service, and I have great respect for many of the Pros on this board, but that in no way changes the basic facts...if you are paid for a sexual service you are a prostitute.

It's not that my world doesn't allow dissenting opinions, it is that you are spouting off, negatively about Proffessional Dominas when this thread is not for that.  He asked for advice for his first meeting, and you are not giving advice nor helping the situation, nor giving healthy advice so I say your negativity is not needed.If you wish to ProDom bash - start a thread and have all the bashing you want - in the proper place. 
Now, you say we are prostitutes because we provide a sexual service.  We do not have sexual intercourse so I wonder what you mean by service?  By sexual service do you mean the scene in it self?  If that is so then the man that gives me a massage is prostitute because i have a massage fetish and consider this an intimate and sexually rewarding experience.  So is the woman that gives me my pedicure as I am a foot fetishest and love foot pampering and having her worhsip my feet as she makes them pretty.  So is the guy that cuts my hair because i pay him to wash my hair and brush it for me....so is the police man that patrols my neighborhood because i have a thing for watching men in uniform and having them order me around....do you see where I am going with this? 
Seriously, what you say are not basic facts - they are your opinion.  Your basic, close minded opinion.  What you are paying for when you serve a Proffessional Domina are her abilities to train, her knowledge of various fetishes and how to properly introduce you to things you are curious about, her time, her wear and tear on her tools - none of which are cheap, her discretion, her training(yes it costs money to go to workshops, conventions, and munches), clothing, rental for the provided space, and sometimes security.  I  have relationships with my clients, just on a different level than a strict D/S relationship.  I do not look down on them, nor look at them simply as a $. 



Saraheli -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 4:56:33 PM)

quote:

well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise dank world.
As I always say...if you don't have something nice to say .....keep your fucking mouth shut.


maybe follow your own advice?  

I may not agree with everything Arpig says, but I also noticed all he was saying was why take your pro-Domme out to dinner?  He didn't start out insulting anybody.   If a pro-Domme provides a service for pay, she is not your date.  Do you take all those who provide other services for pay out to dinner?  You have a professional relationship, not a personal one, unless you already know and are friends with the service provider, and that is a different circumstance in my opinion. 



bipolarber -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:01:25 PM)

Diaper Dude,

Relax. You're paying for a BDSM session, not sex. (If you think you're paying for sex, I think you'd better talk with your pro a little more about what to actually expect.) Cops? Possibly... but highly remote. Most cops don't bust scenes in progress, unless the sub IS the cop, or the Domme IS the cop. That way, they control the scene, and can attest to EXACTLY what went on... whereas if they just kick in the door, they can't be sure of any of their facts, in case it gets contested in court. So chill.

Also, don't listen to Arpig. His attitude is cynical in the extreme. I am good friends with several pros, and believe me, they rather like being treated as real people, and not like a used Kleenex. You can certainly politely ask if you can take them to dinner, but don't be surprised if they politely turn you down. Most like to keep things on a professional level. Still, the gesture would probably be appreciated.

Boijen has the right idea. If you really want to show your appreciation, then a little extra cash is always good. Despite the public fantasy of pro Dommes living a lavish lifestyle, the reality is that they often have troubles making ends meet, like everyone else. If you are really worried about the money being wasted, then I suggest you join a local support/play group. There you can hobnob with folks who do this sort of thing because they LOVE it. If you have anything on the ball, you should be able to hook up with a Domme fairly easily, provided you are honest, polite, and not a jerk. I mean, hell, I'm not the most handsome, or well-hung guy around... but I do reasonably well finding partners. So you shouldn't have any problems at all.



Arpig -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:02:10 PM)

quote:

It's not that my world doesn't allow dissenting opinions, it is that you are spouting off, negatively about Proffessional Dominas when this thread is not for that.  He asked for advice for his first meeting, and you are not giving advice nor helping the situation, nor giving healthy advice so I say your negativity is not needed.If you wish to ProDom bash - start a thread and have all the bashing you want - in the proper place.

He asked for advice, and was given what I consider bad advice, so I presented a different opinion.....somehow it seems that what a Pro charges isn't enough, somehow she is entitled to more...if she wants more she should charge more, but the idea that a Pro is somehow entitled to more than her fee (and it is a fee, not "tribute") is not only wrong, it is inane. Pay the fee and get what you pay for and don't pay anything more, that is my advice.
It was not Pro dommes I was bashing, but the idiotic idea that one should court and woo them in addition to paying the fee.



rick19 -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:07:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

People tend to forget that Pro's are real people and too often do view them as prostitutes

That's because they ARE prostitutes


Sounds like a guy who's pissed because the only way CAN get laid is by paying for it. Last I checked sex has to be involved for it to be prostitution...and I don't know a Pro know offers those services...not even jack shack services.



As harsh as Arpig was, he does have a point. It is still sexual gratification in exchange for $$$$.



amiciaN -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:19:08 PM)

(using fast reply for a moderate hijack/momentary detour regarding gifts or tips)

My divorce was (finally) finalized late last year and I was owed a decent amount of cash on the property settlement that had not yet been paid.  My finances were getting extremely tight, and I had made mulitple calls and visits to the county clerk's office trying to determine where a large payment my ex had made was (it was processing through all the various appropriate channels).  When it arrived, she recognized my name, looked up my case and phoned my attorney to inform him of the check's arrival so I could pick it up in person rather than waiting for the mail.  That was way above the duties of her job.  I hand-delivered a bouquet of flowers when I went to get that check and I don't even know the woman's last name.  Needless to say, she made my day, the least I could do was to try to return the favor in some small way.  Judging from what I heard that day, I think I succeeded.

Most people work every day with little appreciation for what they do.  A gesture of gratitude for the goods and services they provide us can never hurt and just may make someone's day. 



BoiJen -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:39:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

He asked for advice, and was given what I consider bad advice, so I presented a different opinion.....somehow it seems that what a Pro charges isn't enough, somehow she is entitled to more...if she wants more she should charge more, but the idea that a Pro is somehow entitled to more than her fee (and it is a fee, not "tribute") is not only wrong, it is inane. Pay the fee and get what you pay for and don't pay anything more, that is my advice.
It was not Pro dommes I was bashing, but the idiotic idea that one should court and woo them in addition to paying the fee.


And all I said in my advice was that I've noticed that when one goes above and beyond in their appreciation of a service they are in term shown a service that is above and beyond. Biggest bang for your buck type thing. I know SEVERAL Pro's who give deals off their regular pricing for clients who have in the past shown that they truely appreciate the effort and energy these (mostly) women put out there. Being a Pro is an emtionally and physically demanding job. Showing someone that they have touched you in a personal way by how GOOD a job they've done in providing a service is what I would expect is considered being a decent human being. Then again I guess my expectations are a little high at times.



Samaria -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:43:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saraheli

quote:

well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine in an otherwise dank world.
As I always say...if you don't have something nice to say .....keep your fucking mouth shut.


maybe follow your own advice?  

I may not agree with everything Arpig says, but I also noticed all he was saying was why take your pro-Domme out to dinner?  He didn't start out insulting anybody.   If a pro-Domme provides a service for pay, she is not your date.  Do you take all those who provide other services for pay out to dinner?  You have a professional relationship, not a personal one, unless you already know and are friends with the service provider, and that is a different circumstance in my opinion. 

I am following my advice.  I am offering helpful, insight into the ProDom/client relationship. 
Arpig may not have started off with insulting anyone but he sure as hell wasn't giving positive imput to the thread when he said that.  It was off topic and uncalled for.  I personally would have to judge each situation differently as to whether I would go to dinner with a client, and what his mindset would be in asking.  I do however uphold the belief that a sub that appreciates a good ProDom should show her his appreciation with additional gifts/tips.



Samaria -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/27/2007 5:51:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

It's not that my world doesn't allow dissenting opinions, it is that you are spouting off, negatively about Proffessional Dominas when this thread is not for that.  He asked for advice for his first meeting, and you are not giving advice nor helping the situation, nor giving healthy advice so I say your negativity is not needed.If you wish to ProDom bash - start a thread and have all the bashing you want - in the proper place.

He asked for advice, and was given what I consider bad advice, so I presented a different opinion.....somehow it seems that what a Pro charges isn't enough, somehow she is entitled to more...if she wants more she should charge more, but the idea that a Pro is somehow entitled to more than her fee (and it is a fee, not "tribute") is not only wrong, it is inane. Pay the fee and get what you pay for and don't pay anything more, that is my advice.
It was not Pro dommes I was bashing, but the idiotic idea that one should court and woo them in addition to paying the fee.

Again, as with every other area were you show extra appreciation for a job well done be it with a monetary tip, gifts, and the like - they are not always expected but always appreciated.  You probably don't tip at a restaurant do you?  Are the waitresses paid enough on their 2.15 per hour wage for you to justify that as well???  I think you are wrong.  You should court and woo them to an extent.  It shows appreciation and willingness to serve whether it is the "normal" standard or not. 



bigtrouble1 -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/28/2007 7:42:19 PM)

to the OP, tell us how it went!



feralcat -> RE: First experience on Friday and... (9/30/2007 4:46:13 PM)

Actually I have been known to bring my mechanic bagels and juice/coffee...and a proDomme is a wee bit more intimate than my accountant.But hey,to each his own as far as giving. Some pros actually become very friendly with their clients,and remember things like birthdays or other important events.....again just suggestions, not "must dos".

Ms Feral



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