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Frustration! - 9/23/2007 2:54:00 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Afternoon A/all!

I am becoming more and more frustrated with the lack of sincere, responsible, and most importantly, mature people on this site. I am not limiting my (admitted) rant to subs, bottoms, Tops, Doms, etc.... It just seems that there are many many people who claim to be looking for "sincere people" and yet, when presented with exactly that- they disappear.

This past summer is a good case in point. We met a very good prospect. We chatted online, then phone, and eventually invited her to our home. We spent the first 24 hours getting to know one another (to help all feel safe), and the relationship and training seemed to be progressing well. She took a lot of pain, punishment, and had her domestic skills down! Then, on subsequent visits we began to discover some less than desirable attributes present in our prospective submissive. She promised to make particular changes that were not kept. One night, she even self-inflicted injuries onto herself and then told us she wanted to drive home- being close to hysterical! The final straw came when she stormed from our home, went to her car, and began using an illegal substance! In our driveway!

I guess I sound a bit like sour grapes, and perhaps I need to toughen up. I was hurt by this situation. We shared a considerable amount of our lives with this person, and then she turned out to be much less mature than she originally portrayed herself to be.

I know this has probably been discussed a number of other times. I am somewhat new to the message boards, so please forgive me and pass me by if you are sick of the topic. I am frustrated by my willingness to put forth a considerable effort to find a genuine person to share our lives with and the lack of response we get. I put a lot of thought and consideration into our messages and our profile. What gives?

Anyone else feel this way?

How do you deal?
-Daisy

< Message edited by MDTopCouple -- 9/23/2007 2:55:01 PM >

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

Post #: 1

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:06:46 PM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

One person isn't everyone on this site, any other examples?

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 2

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:09:04 PM

NeedyBrat

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/12/2007
From: SW Phoenix, AZ
Status: offline

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience. Mine so far have been limited to people saying they will email/phone after we meet and they never do.

Some people just want the experience of 'playing' I guess. Who knows what other people are thinking?

She could have really been just an immature girl who was in over her head, or just bored of the 'game' or she could have been an emotional basket case who couldn't deal with *any* kind of relationship very well. She even could have been giving you her 'worst' persona to see how you'd deal with it or been overwhelmed in her life and hoping you'd help her find herself.

It's hard to just brush it off as a bad experience and 'live and let live' sometimes.... but there is really nothing else to do, is there?

_____________________________

Dina

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 3

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:11:04 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i can understand why you feel this way. there is a mass of people who think we are cattle not human beings. But it is not only this site. It is all over the bdsm lifestyle comunity. Sure there are going to be some that say oh that is not so. But as of late even with prodommes and other long term lifestyle people We all can see it. some change is good some is bad. you just have to say i am going to be apart of this and not that. STick to your guns in the end that is all you have

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 4

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:12:12 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

You are very right, one person isn't everyone.

We have messaged at least 10 different people that seemed to mesh with our interests in the past two weeks. Chatting (online) always seems promising. Most of the time we part ways with a promise to connect again later that evening, the next day, etc.

Then they disappear!

Or, we speak to people more in depth and there is a distinct lack of maturity. This is very frustraing.

Am I whining? Yes, most likely. Perhaps we need to look at ourselves more.

-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 5

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:13:08 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

ummm learn from the experience and move on?

btw...this was not a very good first impression....try again...i'll conviently forget this one...you're welcome

chelle....the judgemental, intolerant, noncomplacent, benevolent (haha!) one....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to NeedyBrat)

Post #: 6

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:13:57 PM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

One person isn't everyone on this site, any other examples?

Seconded.

Also, this is your very first post on these boards, and you haven't had that profile all that long either. Perhaps you need a little more patience? Not that there's anything wrong with ranting about a bad experience, just make sure it is directed at the deserving.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to FullCircle)

Post #: 7

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:14:58 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Needy,

You are very right. I appreciate your comments. You made a number of very logical points that we had not considered. I'm glad I posted.
-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 8

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:18:37 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Total,

You are right, we have not had this couples profile very long. We had singles profiles since early 2006. I did admit that this is/was my first post to the boards. We have been "looking" on a number of sites for quite some time. I understand the confusion, but we have been patient- of that I can assure you. It just seems that there are people who do enjoy the "game" and "being chased" more than they enjoy meeting real life people. Either way, I appreciate your reply. Thanks.
-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 9

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:20:56 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

Needy,

You are very right. I appreciate your comments. You made a number of very logical points that we had not considered. I'm glad I posted.
-Daisy

Can I just ask are you a couple looking for a submissive single woman??
In my experience these are the rarest to find. You mentioned also her training was going fine but hold on......that's where I get the impression perhaps that she wasn't aware of the perhaps emotional distance this would involve in all honesty and the snese of exclusion from you as a couple???

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 10

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:25:48 PM

FullCircle

Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

People make these types of post all the time MDTopCouple and it honestly doesn’t do any good because the people you are talking about are not the type to post on the message boards. The people whose ways you may seek to change by writing this type of post is never going to read it. All you achieve with posts of this manor is the agreement that many people here waste the time of others for many reasons.

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 11

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:25:52 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Prinsexx,

Ah yes, the emotional "exclusion". You are very right there. It was a point that was brought up that I had forgotten to mention! Thank you! I admit that we have tried, have been patient, but it did take an awfully long time for us to come together as a couple. To include someone in our lives, it does require a considerable amount of emotional intimacy- something I wonder about. I appreciate your feedback.
-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 12

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:28:15 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i am a single bi female looking for a couple and i have been looking for 4 years...if i am in such a high demand.......why am i having so much trouble???

btw...that was rhetorical...i know why...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 13

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:28:47 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

FullCircle,

Thanks for your point there. When I originally wrote the post, I was not thinking that I was trying to change someone's actions. I was honestly just venting (and dispaying some of my own immaturity in the process). I understand that this was not the best place to air my grievances with another person. I do appreciate the comments I have received, as they have cuased me to look at or remember points I had not.

-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 14

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 3:30:33 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

You are very right, one person isn't everyone.

We have messaged at least 10 different people that seemed to mesh with our interests in the past two weeks. Chatting (online) always seems promising. Most of the time we part ways with a promise to connect again later that evening, the next day, etc.

Then they disappear!

Or, we speak to people more in depth and there is a distinct lack of maturity. This is very frustraing.

Am I whining? Yes, most likely. Perhaps we need to look at ourselves more.

-Daisy

Daisy,

It never hurts (much) to look within. You'll either find something that needs improving, or you'll reassure yourselves that you're basically good people running into 'phone'ys who are wasting your time.

I know when I first arrived I'd not known such attention on a bdsm board.

But weeding out the fakes and 'phone'y-sex seekers has left me with one (questionable) prospect.

I know of at least one who used multiple accounts to get my attention. I 'met' her three different times

Just keep in mind that for all their cowardice and need to betray trust to get what they want, they are just pitiable creatures too afraid to live a real life.

You've got the real deal and they can never take that from you. You are living life where they can only dream about living.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 15

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 4:02:57 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i am a single bi female looking for a couple and i have been looking for 4 years...if i am in such a high demand.......why am i having so much trouble???

btw...that was rhetorical...i know why...

Oh I had thought to answer your question lol xxx
It was a sweet supportive answer but if you already know far far be it for me to say.....

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 4:11:57 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MDTopCouple

You are very right, one person isn't everyone.

We have messaged at least 10 different people that seemed to mesh with our interests in the past two weeks. Chatting (online) always seems promising. Most of the time we part ways with a promise to connect again later that evening, the next day, etc.

Then they disappear!

Or, we speak to people more in depth and there is a distinct lack of maturity. This is very frustraing.

Am I whining? Yes, most likely. Perhaps we need to look at ourselves more.

-Daisy

You get sooooooooooooo many emails as a single female, I wouldn't take their lack of prompt response too personally, sometimes it's just hard to keep up with everyone. If they do it consistently, then of course, they may not be serious or just flaky.

I don't think this is unlike any other form of dating in that you meet someone and discover an interest and go through the honeymoon phase where everything seems glowly and glamorous, then reality hits and you start to see the flaws (which we all have) and try to decide if you can live with them or not. I guess I try not to enage someone sexually until I get to the flaw stage for that reason, although I'm not always successful in seeing things that are right in front of my face when it comes to my own relationships for some odd reason.

I dont know if this is true everywhere, and I've never searched for female submissives, but at least here I have found a large majority of people on these sites (meaning the personals, not forums, don't start flaming me) to either be gameplayers or unstable. I think patience is the greatest gift in a search, although I understand and share your frustrations.

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

Post #: 17

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 4:15:02 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

the answer is not simple...part of it is, i was not ready....part of it is, it is hard enough to match up two puzzle pieces, the type of relationship i want requires all three puzzle pieces to match...part of it is, i don't want a closed poly triad...part of it is, just plain when it is meant to be, it will be...and i am ok with that...*smiles*

i have God with me all the time and i am not lonely...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 18

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 4:56:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

OP- next time spend more time getting to know her BEFORE making a commitment.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 19

RE: Frustration! - 9/23/2007 5:22:51 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

OP- next time spend more time getting to know her BEFORE making a commitment.

And how much time is required to guarantee results?

I am quite sure I could have talked to those who wanted nothing more than online 'sex' for years and years to their contentment.

But they would never have agreed to meet.

When I dated my wife we talked for two weeks on the phone nearly every night for several hours before we finally met.

So what did time have to do with it?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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