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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 2:49:20 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

FR

i may just be reading between the lines here, but DFG, may i ask are you currently talking to a Dom who won't tell you anything about his work or allow you to meet his family because he says he is paranoid about being outted?

heartfelt

My old trainer was like that. It was really sad because we were great together. For the longest time, I thought he was using me because I never met any of his family or friends. He was very apologetic about the whole thing and once he became very emotional on the phone (sounded on the verge of tears) and said he didn't want to lose me. To this day, he still contacts me wanting to know how I am and encourages me in school (I'm a college student). I finally realized he's too nice of a guy to deliberately use anyone. He's just too paranoid to trust anyone. I think it's sad that some people are like that. Vanilla partners don't satisfy them but their too paranoid to trust anyone that does. I also think it's more common than many people think. I started this thread because I wanted to see how many others were ever paranoid to this extent or had a partner that was and how they overcame it.......or if they were ever able to.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 3:53:16 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Well I guess I should once again point out that it's not legal in most states to do what we do....so it is grounds for termination in some respects.

WOW, thank you SO much!! How kind. I guess I should point out ONCE AGAIN that I am in Australia and that we have entirely different work laws. I should also point out that, contrary to your seeming belief, I have not followed your OMFG 70 whole posts in this forum. ROFLMAO.

Domi, I love you and want to have your babies.

Wow it wasn't meant to be at all a criticism of you as much as not wanting to come across as beating a dead horse given the prior posts. I had no intent to offend or dissect your statements. I apologize if it came off that way. By the way, the number of posts a person makes on this site is not really a valid indicator of validity or lack thereof of their opinions.

Sexual identity is not a protected class in the United States like racism and sex (ie: male/female) are, although there was caselaw kind of indicating it may be heading that way prior to 9/11, now we are a bit out of the protection of human rights movement. However, the gay rights cases seem to be the ones that are opening this door a bit right now.

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Post #: 42

RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:05:28 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

I'm fairly out with friends and co-workers. My crew knows, my bosses don't. It may make a difference where I'm in security, and I would probably fail the lie detector test if I was given one, but I don't care. My close friends know, the others aren't close enough to be worth it. My son doesn't but his girlfriend does. My daughter knows as she is also a sub and that makes for some great talks. If anyone asks I'll tell them but I don't go around flauntiing it (yet). Mind you, if anyone googled my profile they would get an eyeful! lol I used to worry about my ex finding out whilst waiting for the separation and crap to go through, but I couldn't care less anymore. He wouldn't understand that either.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:07:42 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How can two people have a solid relationship if they hide their partner from everyone but the kink community because they fear something might accidentally slip during a conversation? I can understand a Dom not wanting to tell a sub where he works, but to never meet a partner's family or friends sounds too much like the whole married man's secret mistress thing.

I don't understand that, how or why would a dom not want his sub to know where he works? I find that a bit creepy that someone would feel the need to hide that.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:10:34 PM

painlovingsub

Posts: 44
Joined: 2/7/2007
From: my mother :p
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quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

How can two people have a solid relationship if they hide their partner from everyone but the kink community because they fear something might accidentally slip during a conversation? I can understand a Dom not wanting to tell a sub where he works, but to never meet a partner's family or friends sounds too much like the whole married man's secret mistress thing.

I don't understand that, how or why would a dom not want his sub to know where he works? I find that a bit creepy that someone would feel the need to hide that.

i totally agree with You camille65.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:24:21 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

1. Fear of career being ruined

Check, if you moderate "fear of" into "worry about".

quote:

2. Fear of family, friends, or roomate(s) finding out

Nope. They will deal or not, as with everything I am, and I'll find out whether they were friends or just people that appeared to be. I don't stick it in their faces, though. The ones who are into it may find me talking about it in the manner others talk about their friends, co-workers, bosses, family, loved ones, or whatever. Those who are not into it just wouldn't be constructive to talk with about it.

quote:

3. Fear of intruducing partner to family, friends, or roomate(s) because something might accidentally "slip out"

Family? Not once things have had time to find their natural configuration.
Others? See previous point about friends.

quote:

4. Fear of revealing home phone # or address (roomate might find out, family or friends might stop by)

Nope.

quote:

Have any of you experienced paranoia to this extent or do you know someone that has?

No and not that I know of, respectively.

Not sure why you'd term it paranoia, though.

Seems rather like the neuroses lots of people have about all manner of things.

quote:

If so, how did you get past it or help another to get past it?

n/a

Health,
al-Aswad

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From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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Post #: 46

RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:26:59 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Sorry to hear you lost your job, but glad it worked out for you. Did you ever discover how they found out?

Submitting personal details and accurate photographs on a site like CollarMe might qualify, as the site is indexed by Google and Internet Archive, along with all the posts. That may be a useful feature, I dunno, but it does make it an unwise choice for some of us to provide identifying details that would be useful to anyone who shouldn't know.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:28:31 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Well I guess I should once again point out that it's not legal in most states to do what we do....so it is grounds for termination in some respects.

Doesn't one technically have to be convicted?

Seems like being suspected of a crime is poor grounds for termination.

Statistically, just about every able-bodied person in the world is an unconvicted criminal.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:30:25 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Domiguy, have you ever considered becoming a comedian?

Decided, more like it. Though he occasionally doubts the choice and posts serious posts.

And in the best tradition of comedy, I might add, even if I don't always agree.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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Post #: 49

RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 5:33:58 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouspet55

I am paranoid about this...I am going into government work[...]

If you're going into government work, you should probably be open about it.

It's usually when you're not up front about it that they worry a lot.

That goes double for the military and the like.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

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RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds - 9/23/2007 6:00:37 PM

MDTopCouple

Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
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I've never lost a job, or friends. However, my ex did use my "lifestyle" against me in our divorce. It was introduced as my "lack of moral character" and "bad influence" on our children.

I'm not the primary custodial parent, but I still have "fair and equitable" visitation rights (um, right).

I'd rather have no job and no friends.

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