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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 2:17:53 PM

chadra

Posts: 32
Joined: 2/24/2006
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In my own opinion and experience, the answer is no. You can't.

But I also don't entirely agree with some statements here. I don't believe that all attempts at relationships where the person in the Dominant role isn't that way "naturally" are necessarily game playing or insincere. I suppose they can be. But not all are. It does depend on the two people involved. It depends on how much the individuals involved are prepared to give each other.

My advice, if you're serious about this, is to talk to your partner openly and honestly about your needs. Yes, there's risk there. Think carefully about that risk before you start talking.

Also, if the needs are strong, it's easy to begin thinking solely in those terms; spending some time also thinking about the level of investment you have in the relationship apart from those needs can be very worthwhile. In other words, is this a short term relationship or a long established one? There's absolutely nothing easy about trying to work these issues through if the other person isn't naturally Dominant. On the other hand, there's also nothing easy about finding a person compatible with you in many other areas of life if you are blessed to have that already.

Finally, an honest evaluation for yourself of the difference between your wants and your needs can be crucially important.

All these things were necessary for me back when I was asking myself the very question you are asking today. I wish you the best of luck.

chadra

< Message edited by chadra -- 9/18/2007 2:20:52 PM >

(in reply to pleeease)

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 6:03:29 PM

Guilty1974

Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

Acting and Pretending are right. But that's not to be viewed as negative or bad thing. I chose not to say "Act" or "Pretend" because they can be viewed as making someone a fake, fraud, or foney.

And that was a good choice, I think. I think only a few people can learn to be a dominant, but many can learn to be a decent top. And indeed, psychological experiments (slightly related to your mention of Nazi prison camps) show that most "ordinary" people are quite able to be cruel under the right circumstances (Milgram's experiments, Stanford Prison Experiment). So yes, I do think many people can learn it, on the condition that they are not against all forms of kink out of principle.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 9:01:34 PM

AMaster

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Joined: 8/4/2005
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I don't think so. But you might be able to bring out the DOM in one who has latent tendencies.

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RE: help!!!! - 9/18/2007 9:21:05 PM

Ponyboy7

Posts: 572
Joined: 1/14/2006
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While it is very much dependant upon those involved, I do not believe that someone who truly lacks dominant tendencies can be taught to become dominant; that falls under the rubric of changing someone's nature/personality, which I believe to be nearly impossible. Nevertheless, it is possible that the person involved has merely been inculcated with the conviction that s/he is not dominant. If this is the case, then it should purely be a matter of assisting this person to realize his/her dominant side. In any event, you can always teach someone to act dominant; the question is, then, do you want someone to be dominant, or do just want someone who appears dominant.

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