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[Poll]

How many BDSM partners...

1-2

23% (10)

3 - 5

34% (15)

5 - 10

16% (7)

10 - 20

16% (7)

more than 20

2% (1)

more than 50

2% (1)

~100, give or take a dozen or so

4% (2)

Total Votes : 43

(last vote on : 8/29/2008 4:35:16 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 6:27:57 AM

GhitaAmati

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Im one of the posters who clicked 100~ or so partners.....but I made the decision to assume the poll was asking about general play partners. One of my very first night jobs was for a gentleman who built dungeon furniture. One part of my job was to travel around to fetish parties and conventions and help set up and take down his equipment....because what could be better advertisement for stuff like that than letting people use it? If we had an interested customer who would like to try something out....who do you think was volunteered as the demo dolly? I spent close to three years at a play party of some sort at least one evening a month. Plus My best friend at the time was a pro domme and occasionally during the week she would get clients who wanted an extra girl around for one reason or another...so I would get called over to make some extra cash. I was closer to being a pro sub than anyon else Ive ever talked to. Now, even though I no longer have that job, and Im happily collared, we still occasionally make it to a play party, and my Sir and I often play with other people. Sometimes we play privately with other couples into BDSM, sometimes it involves Sex.

Now, if you were asking about haw many BDSM partners we have actually been in a serious relationship with, the number is 4.

As far as the number of sexual partners, bdsm or vanilla.....I dont think you put a number high enough on the poll....and yea...I was born after AIDS and STDs were common knowledge. Yea I belong to a very tight knit leather community where I have been exposed to the horrors of AIDS and other things...and yea I still choose to be the slut my Sir wants me to be. Well...actually I was a slut before I met him...I just finally found someone who loves me and cherishes me for who I am and I no longer have to feel like a bad person when I am with him. I probably could teach a sex ed class on safe sex practices......we take a hell of a lot of procautions, but I am aware that nothing is fool proof......its a choice we choose to make.

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 6:34:00 AM

MsBearlee

Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
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iammachine, as I stated in my OP, what I’m interested in is the difference in how and why people engage in sexual-partners vs BDSM-play partners differently….the difference in intimacy regarding sex and BDSM.

I didn’t post this as a ‘low number wins’ kinda contest…but I’m sure you are every bit as moral as any other person here.

sambamanslilgirl, I agree…there are many ways of having intimacy. This thread is about how differently people perceive sexual intimacy and BDSM play. To me, they are quite different. You have added yet another dynamic here, it seems to me, by introducing the fact that your non-sexual D/s dynamic is apparently of the highest intimacy for you.

Perhaps I should reiterate; this is not a contest or a judgment call. I’m just curious about people’s perceptions regarding intimacy, fun, sex and BDSM play and how it all plays out for them. <shrugs>
DV, thank you. I have had several many play partners where sex was not included. To me, BDSM is an activity that MIGHT lead to sex…just in the same way hiking, cooking or watching movies together might. To me…it is an avenue by which people get to know one another; a way to decide if further intimacy is something worth pursuing.

I am fascinated, and sometimes jealous, that some people are able to be more casual about sexual partners; in my day being a slut was NOT a good thing. I’m glad times have changed and people are less up-tight about stuff.

I appreciate the several answers here, so far, thank you all.

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 6:42:51 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
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I've had one partner only and he's my Husband, that also pretty much sums up my non BDSM sex life too. I'm not much help am I?

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 6:47:27 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
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I dont think times have changed all that much MsBearlee, Im in my mid 20's...and have spent most of my life feeling very self concious about myself. Wondering if I was the only "bad" person out there. Being a slut was a very bad thing in school, god forbid anyone call someone that, it was the kiss of death in the dating world. Oh yea lots of guys would ask you out, but none of them ever wanted to get to know you. I spent a good part of my life from 16 to about 24 trying very hard to hide the person I naturally felt like I was. I led almost 2 lives. I had friends whom I felt really cared about me personally...and I had people whom I would go to for the flirtatious sexually promiscous me.....Its only been since I met my Sir that I have been abe to combine the two. And find a large group of people who honestly enjoy me for me. My personality as a whole. It has taken a LOT of time for me to get past the whole "social moral" consious..the "oh god what will people think of me?" that used to constantly flash through my mind. It still does occasionally...but I am getting better about it.

As far as BDSM play vs sex. I believe that for many people, its a very sexual act. For others it is a very intimate act..but not necessarily sexual. I personally used BDSM play for a long time as a way to escape and be able to flirt and get beat to the point of an orgasm, without actually having "sex" with someone.

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 7:06:16 AM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
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One bdsm partner; I was 17, she was 15, and it was all online (or through letters, which I kept.) Being a horny teenager with fantastic internet access for that day and age, I pretty much thought of it as just a different way of finding girls. But... many, many relationships later, I realized that having that kind of abject adoration, and obedience (even if it was all just playacting) satisfied something that was really missing in my life. So I found my way back again.

D

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 7:25:00 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
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My numbers pretty much match up.

For me then go hand in hand. Both are very intimate acts and happen at the same time in my relationship. I need the intimacy before I’m able to tie up or be tied up, it’s also the same level that I need to really be able to be comfortable having sex. I think BDSM is tied to my sexuality both are very much interconnected.

How long have I been interested in BDSM, well not actually practicing mind you, for about 12 years now maybe a little longer.

Thank you for posting this it has been very interesting to read.

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 7:31:15 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He dips His lid to all:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

Edited
It's funny; I've been chatting with a couple friends who tell me I'm whacked for not fucking the guy; more than one said he'd dump me for not taking him to bed on the first date, too! That just floors me... It's hard to believe I can be so involved in BDSM...and be old fashioned! LOL

Thank you for your comments; it's interesting how different we all can be about play and sex, huh?

B

Yes MsBearlee I read your quote here as extremely funny and am still smiling. Isn't is a real 'piss me orf' when friends can see something right under your nose. (Me thinks of many funny observations friends have said to me.)

Old fashioned? Is that putting yourself down for sticking to your values? Do you feel dumped? (I know I'd be a little mixed on my emotions in this instance)

I too share a similar disposition to you however it is with toservez that I resonate. Do you feel that to look for a relationship that 'real play' first is the predominate factor?

I think both go hand in hand as a beginning and that the play will evolve as we continue. I do however believe that if I wish to play with a prospective 'partner' (not casual) then the attractiveness of their smell to my senses is paramount at all times. I can't have sex with another if their smell does not excite me to 'beat my chest and enter with full gusto and the same goes for BDSM play; hence the hand in hand aspect.

I can certainly understand your willingness to wait on the sex aspect (although your friends obviously think you missed a stud- so what?!) but I am intriqued how you you do not see the sex and the play as being synonmonous if you were checking out a potential partner. The combination of both to me is ying n yang to sublimity and something I would not be able to seperate if I was believing the other to be a potential partner. I can both play n sex on a high level when it is a 'one nighter' however the smell of attraction must be present.

If I play with someone casually or sex casually without that 'smell' it is simply like flogging my half limp libido to a second rate climax. A climax that definately leaves me unfullfilled later as I dribble about on my decision making.

Thanks for your Thread, it has made me write some ordered thoughts that previously were largely random.

Warm regards Driver.

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RE: How many BDSM partners... - 9/19/2007 8:45:13 AM

MsBearlee

Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
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dancer…you are ALWAYS much help, if only that your presence is such a delight. Good to see you again; I’ve missed you!

GhitaAmati…thank you for your very thought provoking post..especially this part:

quote:

ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati
...
As far as BDSM play vs sex. I believe that for many people, its a very sexual act. For others it is a very intimate act..but not necessarily sexual. I personally used BDSM play for a long time as a way to escape and be able to flirt and get beat to the point of an orgasm, without actually having "sex" with someone.

…to which I would add: …and some find sex and BDSM play with sex, as well as BDSM play without sex, as casual as they wish to keep it. Those would be the folks I admire and perhaps am a little envious of…I really do not like to make ‘sex’ such a big deal; I just don’t like the politics of it when it’s not. Yanno?

DMFParadox…they say once ya cross to the Dark Side…we gots ya! Heh heh heh!   Welcome back.

Driver, I’ve appreciated your posts here… Thank you. No, I didn’t feel dumped by this guy; again…the humping my arm kinda squicked me and the flying off the handle in an angry tirade followed by a pouty-sulk was more than enough to turn me off from the guy. While I was willing, at first, to explore him in spite of his sexual quick-draw, I have no interest in a guy with anger-management issues.

You asked; “Do you feel that to look for a relationship that 'real play' first is the predominate factor?” I’m not sure what this means. I will say that yes…BDSM play, and some other aspects of D/s must be present in any relationship I will pursue, however so is sex. LOL I couldn’t agree more with this part: “both go hand in hand … and will evolve as we continue.” Personally, I just find it easier on my psyche to merely get flogged or flog, than to fuck or get fucked. <shrugs> Having said that, I’m only talking a date or two before I’ve determined if I want to get more intimate; and yes, I’ve had sex on a first date, too. I’m not lilly-white-pure, here! LOL Sometimes I just don’t wanna, for one reason or another on first meet. Still, for me a flogging would be one way to get to know him better.

ROFLMAO… and I also happen to have that ‘scent thang’. Yanno, we are not the only ones, either; Bondage.com even has it on their fetish checklist: “Barosmia: Being aroused from smells”.    I love it!!!

As an aside, when I saw your ‘sign-off’ on another thread, I thought ‘Warm regards’ was in reference to watersports!!!   <giggles wildly>

Thanks for your posts!
Beverly

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