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Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:13:09 AM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		Hey everyone,

Some of you may remember my other post, if not here is the link.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1226428/mpage_1/key_steelriven/tm.htm#1226495

Let me explain...

When I first came down and met Sir, we both knew we would end up living together. We fell deep in love with each other. The plan was for him to come up to me, but that didn't work out for many reasons. So, I came down to him.

We were both dealing with alot of drama and BS. Mostly having to do with his family. His mother, and sister. We moved to get away from all the drama. And it seems as if the move was all in vain.

His mother moved in with us. I lost my job. We slowly started to cut her off, from the extra things in life. I.E. coffee, smokes, creamer ( I've never seen anyone drink so much in my life!) She eventually got the point, and is now working part time. We have no problem helping her with a place to live. It's just the extra things that we couldn't afford.

Wait... there's more... Than his sister broke up with her boyfriend. Which was a good thing, because he was an abusive ass. She's now staying with us... She does have a part time job, but because I lost my job we need to move. We don't know what to do because we can't keep this place, and we can't afford a bigger place. Initally we were just going to get a very cheap place, because we are leaving state in a few months.

Can you say drama? I hate, no I abhore drama. So, now we don't know what we are going to do. I know we are still going to move, but now there is talk about them coming with us! Shoot me, please...

It seems like no matter what we do, we can't get away from it. I love this man, and he loves me. And what we have together is.. well... hell... I really can discribe it.

How do I break the circle?


_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:17:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		My first question would be WHY are you allowing two grown adults to dictate your life?

My second would be why are you asking complete strangers how to deal with them?

In my opinion, you and he need to discuss this and come up with a workable plan. Then you just deal. If HE cannot tell them to get their asses out the door and act like grownups then you need to decide wether you want to stay with him and his baggage (mom and sis), or you get your own place and have it your way. If you allow the drama to continue then it will, simple as that.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/17/2007 8:18:54 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Steelriven)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:25:39 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		look- i have a 12 room house. people try to move in. avoid these people. the few bucks ild get isnt worth the agravation.

maybe im selfish.

if she is stilll there mark the calendar teh day she is to be OUT. things flow so much better if all parties know a departure date.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:26:05 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:27:04 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		oh forgot something...


BangggGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  !!! !!!

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:30:24 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		even when i visit my brother on a vacation we all know my departure time. this way if some dust irratates him- he over looks it. it is only fair.

you have more power then you know. the fact that it is your household. family is to be helped but TEMPORARY. not as permanent support-

(in reply to pahunkboy)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:31:28 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		Do you have the same family as me?? lol

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:35:57 AM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Latigresse. I dont know for his sister but it seems to me his mother is enjoying a little too much the hotel comfort you got there...
They understand the situation i think ( hope! ) so why arent they doing the effort in helping you two instead of you helping them?
Breaking the circle will require efforts on them to get on with their lives...i dont see why *you* would have to do the effort, as you have your own problems to deal with.
That's his part of the family, his mother, his sister...what will happens when your own starts having trouble?

edited cause i can!

< Message edited by murmur -- 9/17/2007 8:36:57 AM >

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:36:39 AM   
privatelives


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/26/2007
From: UK
Status: offline 		if you rent a house id say just tell the landlord/lady you are moving and they are taking over the tenancy...they sound pretty immature if they cannot stand on their own two feet. sometimes ya gotta be cruel to be kind, OR offer them a set time to vacate & find somewhere else to live, surely between them they could get a small 2 bed place.
if you own your property - in my opinion they need to stop sponging and get out...do you own half of the property? is it in joint names? then you have a say! especially if your Sir is not demanding that they stay with you!
Good luck!
(red)

< Message edited by privatelives -- 9/17/2007 8:37:36 AM >

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:38:19 AM   
tmo2


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		They can't come up with a simple workable plan because some of us believe we shoudl be there for our family no matter what. Including when they are driving us insane. Asking strangers because sometimes they give a point of view we do not see or help us confirm our thoughts and feelings. Which in turn gives us the extra strength we need to do what we feel in our guts but are torn about doing.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:45:23 AM   
kikinymph


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Okay Steelriven... Being submissive doesn't mean being the welcome mat!

He is supporting these two extras, as well as you at this time.  I'm sure you are looking for work--that only makes sense.  They are working part-time.  Are they contributing to the household?  Are they saving any money for the inevitable moving day that you are mentioning?  If you and he are moving because you can't afford where you are, then it makes sense that you will be moving to a place that is smaller, and less room for extras.  If they are moving with you- (and you can't get away from that potential)-then NEGOTIATE what they will be contributing to the household.  If they don't want to cough up the money to help with the next rental deposit, and utilities deposits, then they don't want to move with you.  If they don't invest in the household, then they have no motivation to help maintain it.  That includes Food, Housekeeping etc.  If you end up getting a fulltime job, then hey, as part timers, they have more time to help clean and such.  And as they don't have a place of their own, and are dependent on yourself and Himself, then they really need to have some tolerance--and to keep their opinions to themselves.

And where do you start with all of this?  With a long conversation, including all the bills on the table, with your One.  What are you willing to do, and what plays are you willing to back?  What is he willing to do?  What plays is he willing to back?  And then, as a united front, present all the options that the relatives have to them.  Let them choose--and then let them live with the consequences.  And Do NOT BACK DOWN.




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"That which yields is not always weak." Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey

(in reply to Steelriven)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 10:02:11 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Rather then duck the issue - it is my opinion to be direct.  most families will help family out as a TEMPORARY solution.

I would come to the point- that you want your household back- and that thru nobodies fault is is hindering your relationship [potential]  therefor xxx has till October xx,2007 to find new place.

I would not play games with the landlord and such. BTW- most leases allow only a 2 week visitor- if longer one must notify the landlord and a higher rent is charged.

The place simply isnt big enuff for 3 people. Not with "my" issues/stress levels/health concerns.

Mark boldly on calendar when the last day is. Put Calendar where it clearly can be seen.

Behind the sceens look into any homeless shelter/ batterred womans shelter/ room mate ads.

As I say- I am just one person. My house could fit many people...but if family came and they will- Ild limit it to maybe 2 weeks. Unless it is my own mom-brother= ild give them longer cos they have done for me in the past.

Meanwhile get boxes and plastic bags so as to assist in packing. Now is a great time to paint- have the rugs cleaned- throw a garage sale- and do a complete makeoever.

See?

As I say- come to the point. It solves any delusions before they get too carried away.

(in reply to kikinymph)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 11:49:24 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Master needs to put his foot down.  He needs to determine who he wants to live with him and under what circumstances.
 


_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 11:53:38 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sorry but if your life is this miserable and your other half agrees that it is miserable and he won't get rid of them, then I'd think about getting rid of him.  At some point there is a "this ends here and now one way or the other" I have been where you are and a man who is run over by his family now, in the early stages will always be run over by them.  If you are miserable YOU need to fix it, if he won't.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 12:57:00 PM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with D. It is natural for family to want to help each other, and it is admirable for a man, especially, to look out for his mother and sister. BUT--- many, many times it comes down to one child in the family having been selected as the "responsible one", "the helpful one", etc. And with the force of years of habit, the rest of the family will drop problems on his doorstep and expect a fix. I know, because, God help me, I married "the helpful one." It was a struggle for years, to finally get the rest of his family to accept responsibility for themselves, and for him to stop feeling like he was abandoning them if he let them muddle through on their own. And it was way more work to change HIM than it was them.

There is no easy answer to this situation. All I can say is, don't just hope it is temporary; it is more likely to be a lifelong pattern than a short term dilemma, unless he can get over feeling like he has to rescue them at each stumble. A helping hand, yes. A free ride....hell, no. Good luck to you, my best wishes for a good outcome.

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A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 3:31:31 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

It seems like no matter what we do, we can't get away from it. I love this man, and he loves me. And what we have together is.. well... hell... I really can discribe it.

How do I break the circle?


The same way you got into it. 

The other person involved needs to decide if he loves you enough to let Mom and Sis stand on their own two feet.
Staying in the situation will not change it for the better.

(in reply to nyrisa)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:12:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Find a one bedroom or even efficiency apartment..thus no room for any more than 2.....you and your Master...actually better make that an efficiency..then no living room to camp out in either as that will be both yours and your Masters bedroom as well..:0)..of course you do not have to do this forever..only until the others find someone else to take them in...and think of how cheap an efficiency can be?...better able to assist saving for somewhere else later on..Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 8:57:27 PM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		Okay, perhaps I should have just labled this post as a rant. I am looking for a solution. But mostly I just want support from others. Yes, Sir's sister does have a part time job. And yes, now his mother does too. Yes, we are still talking things through. Eventually ( in about three months) Sis and Mom are moving to another state, and we are as well. So they are not coming with us.
Yes, of course I am and have been looking for another job. This area is just horrible to find one... It's a military town...
Sis is responsible, just in a bad situation. Glad to help her out, for a little while. It just seems like Sir and I have gone full circle, and are at a starting point again. It's not that we don't want to help. It's not that we are making ourselves welcome mats. It's just that it's very stressfull dealing with all of it. I guess all I wanted was just to be heard.

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 10:30:49 PM   
kinkbound


Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steelriven

How do I break the circle?



1) Tell them that you are going on an extended vacation.  

2) Infest the place with snakes and big hairy spiders just before you leave town.

3) Have the electric turned off a day later. (Oops, you must have forgotten to pay that Final Notice payment of $563.24.)

4) G'bye folks.

(in reply to Steelriven)
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RE: Somebody just shoot me please... - 9/17/2007 11:29:04 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Steelriven: I feel for you. I hope you remember that you are entitled to some peace of mind. It's your God given right.
Good luck.

- Susan


_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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