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So, I've noticed - 9/15/2007 11:58:42 PM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

The men on here who claim that the women are posers or whatever (ok, its not just a man thing... i'm sure, but those are the only profiles i regularly see, thus the ones i notice complaining)

well, they're the same guys who want to Dom a girl the second she starts chatting with them....

so, it makes us a poser or whatever to not want to submit to them from the second conversation starts?

i mean, is that accurate?

i don't get the dynamic of auto-submission... i think its something thats earned... over time
not something to be handed out because someone says i should...

The Doms that seem worth while are the ones who want to converse... learn about me, and allow me to learn about them... the ones who aren't in any hurry to collar, or claim me... or demand that i obey them

But, I guess the question is... Isn't everyone (or most everyone) a poser in the eyes of someone who expects "auto-submission" if they're not willing to do so?

Whats going on in the heads of the men (and women) who demand that from the beginning?

I guess it goes hand in hand with the Dom(me)s who tell a sub to cut all conversation with everyone else the second they start talking to eachother...

I just find all of that annoying... because it takes everyone off the market temporarily at some point because someone feels like power tripping and demanding it of them...

Being a Dom(me) isn't about power tripping, its about establishing a relationship with someone and nurturing it... in my opinion...

Post #: 1

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 12:05:41 AM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
The Doms that seem worth while are the ones who want to converse... learn about me, and allow me to learn about them... the ones who aren't in any hurry to collar, or claim me... or demand that i obey them

Funny, I get the exact opposite from a lot of subs.

I often won't bring up bdsm at all in the first conversation or two.

For that, I get accused of not being a 'real' dom.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 2

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 12:12:29 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

i prefer your approach over that of the "submit now or i'm not interested" kind...

everyone has their thing... you should let those subs know of the other Doms on the site who require submission right away... sounds like a better fit...

then we could occupy all the time of the instant submission types, leaving the more reasonable request of chatting a bit first, to be received by those who aren't gonna question your legitimacy as a Dom because you'd like to know their name, and what they like on their pizza before you tie them down and beat them... or make them lay in sheets covered in sandwich and cum...

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 3

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 12:12:50 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

You are seeing child like personalities with a bent for fantasy. Living in an instant gratification society.

This works better with a beginning in reality-that allows a fantasy to come to life.. They have the cart before the horse.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 4

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 12:26:58 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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but they always get the cart before the horse. other wise you would have nothing to put in it

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 5

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 12:28:26 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

but they always get the cart before the horse. other wise you would have nothing to put in it

Dude,the cart ends up in the ditch that way.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 6

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 5:02:30 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Well kudos to the dom "posers" - they at least get their mail answered, apparently.... lol (and <shrug>)

Focus.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 7

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 5:19:41 AM

SirDraco7

Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

i don't get the dynamic of auto-submission... i think its something thats earned... over time
not something to be handed out because someone says i should...

The Doms that seem worth while are the ones who want to converse... learn about me, and allow me to learn about them... the ones who aren't in any hurry to collar, or claim me... or demand that i obey them

But, I guess the question is... Isn't everyone (or most everyone) a poser in the eyes of someone who expects "auto-submission" if they're not willing to do so?

Whats going on in the heads of the men (and women) who demand that from the beginning?

I just find all of that annoying... because it takes everyone off the market temporarily at some point because someone feels like power tripping and demanding it of them...

I have a couple female friends who endure this, sometimes on a near daily basis.
Thease are the same guys who ignore/block any 'posers' instantly because any logic sent to them might make their heads explode or something like that I guess.

The reason why they exist is because they get reaction sometimes from this. And usually the only reaction they get is from other real 'posers'. Like you said, they find each other eventually.
The problem with such is that the submissive posers usually just want a quick fling or some wanking ideas and scenes, and the Doms want good sex and some wanking stuff untill rl meetings happen.
(The funny thing is that most of the 'women' they are wanking about... I'd guess are anything but. :))

But the nature of such relationships based on wanking is that.. eventually the thrill ends and it has to get serious or end, and they end because they are 'posers' and don't want such. So both come away from the 'relationship' thinking that their style worked, and move forward looking for more of the same knowing that the next one will work out!
So them meeting each other only encurages them, it doesn't stop them. Culling them might be our only option lol.

Depends how you look at it.. everyone could be a poser in some way or another to a poser. The only way you are not, is if you go with their desires and play their game, then you are 'real'.

Just my observation and thoughts of such... :)

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 8

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 5:49:06 AM

murmur

Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

Whats going on in the heads of the men (and women) who demand that from the beginning?

Lots of folks seeks instant gratification cause it's what they have on the internet and while cybering. It's then very easy for them to confuse reality and role-playing.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 9

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 6:01:27 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

nymph,

some well presented thoughts that i hope more folks read.

CP

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 10

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 6:03:35 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

I agree with you entirely about nurturing a relationship. A Dom and a sub are just that--it doesn't matter what they are doing, it is the nature of who they are and how they respect one another. If someone came to me telling me that they were bad and needed a whipping... well, if I don't know them, who they are, what they like, etc., it is just an exercise--it has no real meaning. It certainly can't replace a real relationship.

I figure it's easier to accept it's how they are, and then go seperate ways if things don't gel correctly.

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 11

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 6:44:25 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

To answer in a quick and crude way.. he who smelt it, dealt it. Some men (and women) are quick to point fingers and start throwing blame around when they're the ones who did it in the first place. Keep that in mind when you see profiles like that. (Another cliche for it would be.. takes one to know one.)

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to SirCache)

Post #: 12

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 7:53:30 AM

SolarAndViolet

Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline

I see so many profiles of people talking about others playing games. It's interesting. Back when I was on B.com actively, I couldn't get anyone at all to respond to an email. I never sent form letters, I didn't send one to everyone.. if I saw a profile that appealed to me, I'd write. Didn't get me anywhere and I gave up on the place.

I think it's pretty obvious that if people are instantly demanding and have expectations of you, they're already playing a game. Perhaps they don't even realize it, but they are. I'm guessing it isn't too often that 2 complete strangers on the street cross paths and one instantly submits because the other one instantly was the Dom(me). Even if it does happen, they're at least face to face and it's not completely anonymous. Here.. anyone can be bogus.

I sometimes wonder if I should feel sorry for the subs that jump at the first sign that someone's paying attention to them or if I should be glad that it won't be long before they're single again and they'll have that ever valuable 'learning experience' under their belt.. assuming there's a learning curve, of course. It's not the most pleasant thought, I'm certain, but if people really can't fathom someone earing respect and not jumping through a hoop right away.. well, they'll have to learn somehow. Just like 2 15 year olds that tell each other they'll make it and get married, they'll show the world because they love each other.. that actually works.. how often? You can't tell them, they're determined.

Dom(me) so_and_so tells someone by mail or chat that they're expected to submit right away? That's not being a Top or in control, that's hoping that people fit right into the recently read novel.

Sub so_and_so tells someone by mail or chat that they're expected to show they're not a poser, to be in control right away, etc? Heh, if the Dom(me) so instantly wants to control everything in sight and doesn't actually have a connection with that sub, I'd say they're both in for a wild, if brief, ride. Else.. the sub can learn patience, even if it is the hard way.

Frankly, I don't think it has anything to do with gender.

-Solar

_____________________________

Vici, Vidi, Veni... (S)

Happy to be owned by Sir (V) (violetaelf)

(in reply to satyrsnymph28)

Post #: 13

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 8:55:35 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

The same advice I give to all women who complain about the quality of their mail.

Turn your profile off, and do your own research. Punch in the criteria for men that you want; age, location, interests, whatever. Start writing those people thoughtful intelligent letters. Even with a profile turned off, you can receive mail. I think while the quantity of mail you receive will drop dramatically, the quality will rise drastically.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SolarAndViolet)

Post #: 14

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 9:00:12 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

The same advice I give to all women who complain about the quality of their mail.

Turn your profile off, and do your own research. Punch in the criteria for men that you want; age, location, interests, whatever. Start writing those people thoughtful intelligent letters. Even with a profile turned off, you can receive mail. I think while the quantity of mail you receive will drop dramatically, the quality will rise drastically.

Stephan

Bingo.

But I imagine the emotional masochists would rather suffer, than correct the problem.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 15

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 9:35:24 AM

InkedMaster

Posts: 342
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Funny thing the internet, the total anonymity of it allows anyone to say or do what they normally wouldn't face to face. It has brought alot of good information about BDSM into the lives of people who may not otherwise have access to it. Who's to say the significant other you're seeking lives within 10 miles of you and shops at the same Piggly Wiggly, it affords us the opportunity to reach across counties, state lines, even countries. But it has also Bastardized the lifestyle in my opinion to a degree. Case in point, auto-submission, "on your kees bitch!....ya ya ya, F off ya Squirrel Turd! Weed em out, keep going. But seriously 29.95 a month for an isp AND quality entertainment, just can't beat it.

_____________________________

TOURETTE SYNDROME: It's no mother f*cking joke, you God d*mn c*ck sucking f*ck!

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 16

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 9:40:44 AM

JackM1

Posts: 137
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline

i had one guy recently send me a messaged that read "hello slut" to which i replied "hello asshole". he then proceeded to accuse me of being a guy, to which i responded that it was horrably unrespectful to call someone a slut without even knowing them, and that it didnt make me a guy because they were rude to me. to which they again responded that i was a guy.

go figure, logic is just LOST on some of these people.

(in reply to InkedMaster)

Post #: 17

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 9:46:23 AM

Kizanth

Posts: 14
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

Inked, you made me chuckle pretty hard there.

Auto-submission.. let's see.. I'm more wary of the ones who automatically bend a knee without knowing anything about me.

I'm relatively sane, but the first thing that comes to mind is that the ones I've run across who are kneeling and Mistressing and this and that within two messages of meeting me are asking to be hurt, and not the kind of hurt they may be seeking. Trust is bred, not instantly laid at the feet of strangers via the internet.

The types of folks demanding instant gratification will either learn, or not get talked to, either way it's good in my book.

(in reply to InkedMaster)

Post #: 18

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 9:53:48 AM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

InkedMaster I agree, and since this site is free.
We can get a lot of information, read about different points of views,
and get a lot of laughs.

(in reply to InkedMaster)

Post #: 19

RE: So, I've noticed - 9/16/2007 10:16:06 AM

Satyr6406

Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline

I will answer this question but, only after you've knelt in front of me and given yourself to me! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace and comfort,

Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,

Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

Post #: 20

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