RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (Full Version)

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lovingdomwanted -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 12:54:05 PM)

My interpretation is being Assertive is voicing your opinion on something you care about but without being arrogant to think your opinion is the only one that counts......Every day we learnt something new or to see things from a different angle.....I may be wrong but that's what it means to me

xxxxx



mbes -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 1:01:41 PM)

I didn't realize that the definitions would be so close, either. I tend to think of them differently.
I see an assertive person as one who defines his or her own space.
An agressive person defines his or her own space--- and yours, without your permission.
Sorry if that's not clear, it's the best I can come up with.



Bobkgin -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 5:08:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I think "Assertive" means  being direct, without being rude.

I think "Agressive" means being direct with a tinge (or more) of hostility, and possibly with an "agenda" in mind.

I realize these definitions are subjective for people (and I don't have a dictionary close-by at the moment).

Just wondering what anyone else thinks these terms mean - and how they differentiate the two terms.

Thanks very much for any replies.

- Susan 


"assertive" is when you are confident in your truths.

"aggressive" is when you are so insecure in your truths, you have to force someone else to validate your beliefs.



Damocles809 -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 5:52:38 PM)

IMO,

Assertive:  Not taking crap from other people. 

Aggressive:  Giving other people crap. 



Bobkgin -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 6:14:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I guess maybe we need to define "respectful" - I think I know what it means (and you as well), and think I generally try to be that way, w/ other people. But I guess it can be a relative term.



"respectful" is treating other adults as mature adults intelligent enough to know the diffierence between an opinion and an announcement from God: talking to people as if they are secure enough in themselves that they can hear another opinion without a need to have their own opinions acknowledged/validated.

"disrespectful" is treating others as if they are too immature to tell the difference, or too stupid to tell the difference: constantly reassuring others their opinions exist and are valid.

Secure adults don't have egos in need of coddling. To treat an adult as if his/her ego is so fragile that they need to be coddled is disrespectful.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 6:31:06 PM)

I like what Erin said and will just add that I think assertive is always related to a specific point of view, while aggressive can simply be random energy from and towards nothing particular.



UR2Badored -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 7:09:16 PM)

FR~  Webster's definition aside--
Disclaimer: I see flaws in my own definition so please do not read beyond this line
_____________________________________________________________________
For me in the context of my perception (possibly posting styles or personalities?) 
of the OP's question:

Assertive means simply expressing one self with confidence. 
This may be classified as being direct or blunt.
(whether one appears rude or not  is very subjective and not very applicable to my definition of this term unless we had other elements like biases--see below) 

Aggressive means expressing in a way that adamently states your claim without letting up (repetitiously brutal) or an attacking sort of way (harsh) without regard to others or worse through a warped perception of righteousness to make a gain or lay claim on something.  For example: being absolutely right, winning someone over, saving face, etc  (though one might not admit to this or be able to see this with clarity)   The use of aggressiveness as a tactic has a motive, in my opinion, many times. (psychological or an emotion gain of some kind)
  • Getting the last word in and such
  • This aggressive behaviour can be passive or expressed openly 
  • I dont subscribe to the theory that being passive is the more polite alternative.
  •  I also think aggressiveness (particularly) on these boards is exhibited with the intention of humour or satyre.







My beliefs are that someone can be bias in there assertions without being rude.
Whereas someone cannot be bias in there aggressions without being bold or somewhat in attack mode. 

On the other hand, It is a slippery slope because just because someone feels attacked. I dont necessarilly believe it would be considered "aggressive".  It can also simply be a statement or action that triggers an emotion in someone that has little to do with the person making the assertion.

OH gawd, I dont know if I made a lick sense tonight.  Good night[:-]

In life, I believe that being assertive and aggressive has it place in communication depending on the circumstances particularly life and death situations.

Jax's post below is on mark.  Very simply stated and well said.



jaxnsax -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/13/2007 7:13:46 PM)

Greetings
My definition of assertive… Confident and strong
My definition of aggressive… showing a readiness to attack another without provocation
jaxon



came4U -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/14/2007 6:34:34 AM)

Assertive people act upon something to get sh*t accomplished.

Aggressive people act sh*tty to get something accomplished.

In the end, aggressive people usually do a sh*tty job and the assertive people get a raise.



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/14/2007 7:23:02 AM)

Thanks for the replies, people. It is appreciated.

- Susan



slaveluci -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/14/2007 6:52:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

IMO,

Assertive:  Not taking crap from other people. 

Aggressive:  Giving other people crap. 


I like your definition.  A few years back, I went to a professional management workshop about dealing with your employees with tact and skill.  The definitions of "assertive" and "aggressive" were discussed there.  Basically what was agreed upon there was that being "aggressive" is violating others' rights in some way and being "assertive" is not allowing them to violate yours[:)].  Makes perfect sense to me.........luci 



catize -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/14/2007 8:37:08 PM)

Assertive:  ‘Nice blouse.  Take it off now!’
 
Aggressive:    Rrrip!



MasterMagnus321 -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/15/2007 8:07:13 PM)

  I think "assertive" is very direct, clear, and unequivocal.  More importantly, I think an assertive approach during communication with other humans is born out of having two specific things:  1- a very deep understanding of one's wants, needs, preferences, principles, and values, and 2- complete acceptance of self exactly as one is, and total comfort with all of the abstractions mentioned in #1. 
I think "aggressive," as you mention, has a tinge of hostility in it.  In my opinion, I think aggression is born out of a desperate need to satisfy unfufilled personal needs.  By nature, and by definition, the phenomena of "aggression" has an element of antagonism in it.  It is a negative, toxic reality.
For example, I do not accept tardiness on the part my subs.  I clearly tell them being late is simply, and totally, unacceptable to me.  I am assertive inasmuch as I take a disciplined, structured, consistent approach, and I do so "proactively," rather that reactively.  If a sub is late after that rule is explained (barring unforseen extraordinary circumstances), there will be consequences... that is a given.  If a sub is ever late again, I will dismiss her immediately, as that tardiness is something which I choose to not accept.  I am neither antagonistic or hostile, I am (very comfortably) consistent.  I am assertive in that I explain myself clearly the first time around, I am very in touch with (and accepting of) my self and my desires, and I never disrespect myself or others by breaking my word, especially my word TO myself.



SusanofO -> RE: What is your definition of "Assertive"? (9/16/2007 1:37:01 AM)

Good explanation. Thank you.

- Susan



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