Sexual Pleasure and BDSM

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Sexual Pleasure and BDSM

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sexual Pleasure and BDSM

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 6:58:53 PM

cyber

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

I am sure it is not a new topic, but I am still curious to know others' idea about relationship between sex and BDSM. I am sure some of you came cross the comment that BDSM is all about sexual pleasure. In the other hand, there are lot of strong ideas about BDSM as a life style and rather than sexual activity.

Personally I am interested in sexual pleasure which I get from role playing, discipline and domination. However, I heard a lot that some people enjoy a D/S play or bondage with no direct sexual pleasure. Or may I say no obvious sign of sexual pleasure.

So the question is that, how interest to BDSM can emerge in someone with no direct sexual pleasure or giving reality to fantasies that give of sexual enjoy.

Post #: 1

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:09:27 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

An old topic, that is frequently hashed out.

In short, sex comes into play the same way it would any other relationship. There are marriages where sex is of little or no importance. There are friendships with a powerful sexual drive behind them. BDSM relationships are relationships, just like any other; some people are highly sexual, others are not. Some people express themselves sexually through BDSM, others do not.

I personally have a powerful sexual drive that I enjoy expressing through my BDSM interactions with people I trust and (preferably) love.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 2

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:12:47 PM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
Status: offline

Greetings
For myself, I find no sexual pleasure, no sexual excitement; nothing sexual in BDSM at all. It’s all kind of hodrum for me. The few activities that I have experienced that DO bring a rush of sexual excitement for me are breath play and knife play. Everything else is just…whatever lol.
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 3

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:14:31 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I would not even engage in any of this if it were not sexual; that is the driving force for me.

(in reply to jaxnsax)

Post #: 4

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:21:03 PM

kikinymph

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

     Hoping I understand and answer the question appropriately.

    My interest in BDSM is not in the physical realm of sexual pleasure--or physical pleasure of any kind... although that is ONE Very Large Benefit of it! LOL..

    Making my Owner pleased with the Service that I give him is the primary pleasure I receive and give. When He says "good girl" I melt. That is one of the highest forms of simple, yet heartfelt praise he can give me.

   Physical scenes, or play, are a way to serve him, and to please him. I don't always like what he wants me to do--some people like to weed the garden, and some don't LOL.. but he tells me to, and I do it.

Hope that helps,

Kiki

_____________________________

"That which yields is not always weak." Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 5

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:29:07 PM

Mercurialdame

Posts: 66
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

My opinion has changed over the years to this.
I originally came seeking the wonderful play.
Whilst playing, i found other stimulation that was not sexual.
I now enjoy some forms of play, where sex is not even on the page.
I also enjoy sex with my bdsm.
Its nice to have the choice dont you think?
Mercurialdame

(in reply to kikinymph)

Post #: 6

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:31:31 PM

cyber

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/10/2006
Status: offline

So still you get sexual pleasure from some activities not alll of them. I guess sex by itself required some specific mental state and BDSM is the gate to this state for some people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jaxnsax

Greetings
For myself, I find no sexual pleasure, no sexual excitement; nothing sexual in BDSM at all. It’s all kind of hodrum for me. The few activities that I have experienced that DO bring a rush of sexual excitement for me are breath play and knife play. Everything else is just…whatever lol.
jaxon

(in reply to jaxnsax)

Post #: 7

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:44:48 PM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
Status: offline

Greetings cyber
The two that I listed; I do not always get a rush of sexual excitement from them. They just have been the only ones that DID bring one.
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 8

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 7:47:51 PM

SoulOfIron2007

Posts: 32
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline

I think that part of the problem is that many people define "sex" too broadly or too narrowly. For me, the sight of a woman kneeling in submission, or hearing her voice as she tells me how she feels serving me, is an intensely pleasurable experience in and of itself, just as protecting and nurturing her is a pleasure. Is there a sexual component to it? Always. Just not necessarily in the way that many people define the word. Too me, "sexual" means anything derived from the concepts of emotional and physical pleasure shared with another person. Whether actual bodily contact is involved or not is irrelevant to me... It's the ENERGY that matters.

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 9

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 8:49:08 PM

AFlyInYourWeb

Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline

I agree with SoulofIron. Life, sex, BDSM are all what each of us makes of it for ourselves. In the end, all three of these things are more in the mind than the flesh. It is the energy that matters the most.

(in reply to SoulOfIron2007)

Post #: 10

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 9:02:42 PM

HotFaerieMama

Posts: 2617
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

. .well my mentor intends to use me as a fuck toy.. does that answer the question?

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)

Post #: 11

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 9:08:03 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber

So the question is that, how interest to BDSM can emerge in someone with no direct sexual pleasure or giving reality to fantasies that give of sexual enjoy.

Sexualy arousing or not, there may still be a need to express controll or be controlled by another. Not everything I do leads to something kinky in the bed. Punishment and discipline are sometimes needed to ensure order and a good house hold. My sadistic side creates a sense of balance within our relationship and is used more for order rather than to become sexually stimulated with each other.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 12

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 9:12:10 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyber

I am sure it is not a new topic, but I am still curious to know others' idea about relationship between sex and BDSM. I am sure some of you came cross the comment that BDSM is all about sexual pleasure. In the other hand, there are lot of strong ideas about BDSM as a life style and rather than sexual activity.

Personally I am interested in sexual pleasure which I get from role playing, discipline and domination. However, I heard a lot that some people enjoy a D/S play or bondage with no direct sexual pleasure. Or may I say no obvious sign of sexual pleasure.

So the question is that, how interest to BDSM can emerge in someone with no direct sexual pleasure or giving reality to fantasies that give of sexual enjoy.

Honestly, how is it that people act as though this is such a mystery? -And often, most often, implying that it can't *really* be without a sexual angle, as about again did.

So, how's that sewing/fishing/mopping/reading/flower-arranging getting you hot? How can there *not* be a sexual side to that?

Not the same because there's not person-to-person contact with those?

Assume one's doctor is getting aroused from checking your ears? Or I am while piercing someone's nose? Must these also have some sex somewhere?

I am an intensely sexual person requiring sex a few times a day to be comfortable. I love it, it's a beautiful, tender, violent, spiritual, animal thing that I am thankful is in my life...

But my BDSM is non-sexual. I feel zero attraction towards my submissives. I get no arousal from topping another. Topping is more like drawing or body-modding for me. It's enjoyable in the same way, in a creative way.

Bottoming when there is no power exchange feels great but doesn't arouse me at all, either. It's mostly similar to meditating. Again there's no sexual charge, it feels good without it just as getting my nails done or getting a massage does.

The only time I ever feel sexual arousal during BDSM play is when submitting and bottoming at the same time to my spouse. And that's only rarely during very specific scenes. Most times with him I don't feel any arousal during it, I just enjoy the play as I would any other game and enjoy any sensations similarly.

I don't understand why some people can't grasp it.

You can sit on a couch with someone, legs touching, and never feel an ounce of stimulation.
Or you can sit there burning with lust.

It's the same thing. A person can yank another's hair and feel lust, anger, playfulness, or even nothing... Just because you interact with another person doesn't mean it's sexual.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 13

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 9:45:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Sometimes my kinky play is sexual, sometimes it's not.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 14

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 10:00:20 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I gain much sexual pleasure from BDSM activity, as a prelude to sex. For me, it really intensifies my sexual pleasure. If it wasn't for that, I most likely wouldn't be involved in it. Although I can engage in BDSM activity without sex (and even enjoy it), that (for me) was never the main attraction.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/10/2007 10:02:47 PM

jaxnsax

Posts: 106
Status: offline

RumpusParable
I like how you stated it J
jaxon

_____________________________

A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion.
~Chinese Proverb~

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 16

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 3:47:55 PM

TheScrivener

Posts: 91
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

The fact that I find BDSM sexually appealing is a bonus for me. An addition.

I don't believe that BDSM is inherently about sex, and I believe that people who see it as such are misinformed. This is not to say that you can't find great sexual pleasure within BDSM. I certainly do.

However, if you took away my sex drive, I would not lose any interest in the lifestyle. It's not about that for me.

_____________________________

"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

- Bill Hicks

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 17

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 4:09:05 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I would not even engage in any of this if it were not sexual; that is the driving force for me.

Ditto..

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 4:12:10 PM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

BDSM can also be about spirituality, trance, transcendence, descendence, tantra, piercing rituals, etc. That's neither "lifestyle", (whatever that means), nor sexuality.

And then there's a pile of stuff that just doesn't fit into any of these categories like genderfuck, age play, etc, which might be none of the above.

(in reply to cyber)

Post #: 19

RE: Sexual Pleasure and BDSM - 9/11/2007 4:17:17 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I need a highly sexual relationship. However a lot of stuff that happens isn't related to anything sexual. He may give me a list of errands, bank deposits, post office, wash his work clothes and I do them. But they sure don't make me hot.

(in reply to teamnoir)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Sexual Pleasure and BDSM

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125