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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 12:13:55 PM

psynymph

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i think it's interesting that nobody seems to think any of these emotions are negative.

i think that is because everyone likes to reassure themselves that it is ok to feel these emotions... to justify them so you dont have to correct them.

Jealousy, greed, and possessiveness are negative emotions, no matter how well you think you control them. They are not necessary emotions. Feeling these emotions does not help you to accomplish anything that could possible have a positive outcome.

It is natural for us to feel these emotions. It is animalistic of us. It is human of us.... *giggles* hell it's American. But just because something is commonplace does not mean it is ok.

Now pertaining specifically to relationships.... if you are in a healthy good relationship you may feel some of these emotions at certain times, but you should have the awareness to not encourage them or act on them. As someone very wise once told me (*wink*), you accept that you are feeling those emotions and you move on. But you should not act on them. You should not encourage them. You should not indulge them. For they are negative emotions.

As far as the definitions everyone presented...... *smiles* no one definition is right, though i suppose whatever the Oxford Dictionary said of each would be the closest. This thread will at least provide a varrying perspective on the three same words.

Oh and domiguy.... *grins* your funny... i've stalked your posts.

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 12:23:42 PM

treadingwater

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Hello psynymph

Yes, I do believe that greed and possessiveness are two different things.

To myself, greed is a state of always wanting more; no matter what that ‘more’ may be.

Possessiveness is a state of wanting to hold on to what you have. It’s a state of of believing in the ‘MINE” mentality. Everything is mine…mine…mine.

Technically, neither of these are really all that dangerous; it’s only when they are used to harm others that this becomes a problem.

Greed; constantly wanting more can cause a person to ignore and not appreciate what they do have.

Possessiveness is not overly a bad thing; it’s only when it becomes obsession that things can become dangerous in a sense.

I wish you the best

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 12:36:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Interesting. Perhaps you should read some of the past threads on jealousy. I haven't seen anyone justifying having emotions.

I do not believe emotions are positive or negative. They simply are. They may come from a place of security or insecurity, they may be used as a catalyst towards positive or negative behavior. But emotions are simply states of being and feeling.

Someone can have whatever emotions they want- that's not the issue. The issue is where the emotions come from and how we deal with them once they arise.

I'm ok with you telling me that never getting enough fill of my partner or my nephews is not ok :)

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 3:20:20 PM

littlebitxxx

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I agree that greedy and possessive are not necessarily negative things to feel unlesss they start ruining a relationship. I am greedy about my man because I wanted it all, I now have it all. And I still want more more more, like I can't get enough of him. I'm possessive to the point of not being accepting to a poly-household. We may have someone in to play once in awhile but they better go home afterwards. Nobody putting their shoes under my man's bed! But I'm not possessive of his friendship or time. He has a life outside of me, the same as I have a life outside of him. We can go off and do our own thing with our own friends (or mutual friends) and come home to each other.

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 3:27:38 PM

vegas0623

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Hmmm, guess that leaves me out!

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

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< Message edited by vegas0623 -- 9/5/2007 3:29:37 PM >

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 3:28:07 PM

psynymph

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LuckyAlbatross

i think emotions can definitely be viewed as negative or positive. in fact, our emotions are pretty much what defines the difference between negative or positive. it is how we feel about something, someone, some situation that defines whether we view it as positive or negative.

anger, for the most part though not ultimately, is a negative emotion. joy, for the most part, is a positive emotion. there are many "grey line" emotions, emotions that are purely circumstantially defined in being negative or positive.

i cant really see how greed, jealousy, or possessiveness could be a positive emotion though. i cant really think of a circumstance in which it would be..... positively productive to feel these emotions. there are circumstances where they are justified but i still dont believe that would make them positive.

you are exactly right in saying that the issue is where the emotions come from and how we deal with them... and that is where i derive my conclusion on emotions being defined as positive or negative. certain emotions just are not likely to have positive results.

um so yes... lol my point is.... is that it IS the way we deal with emotions that directly make them either negative or positive. and a generalization can be applied to emotions and how people deal with them. that is what i am doing, generalizing how most people react to certain emotions.

*grins* i'm glad this has managed to become an actual debate!

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 4:19:44 PM

gypsygrl

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quote:

Jealousy...I view it differently. What many are describing as jealousy, I would describe as envy. Jealousy is when I feel my relationship threatened by outside factors. Whether this feeling is justified or not does not matter...I feel the threat.

Right. I'm not especially greedy or envious of what others have. I am rather territorial though, and am very conscious of what I perceive to be my 'turf' and work to maintain its integrity. I'm also very aware of other's turfs and see it as a matter of honor not to encroach. I never thought of this as being jealous, but when I checked the dictionary definition against the one provided by CD, I can see that my territoriality could be a form of jealousy. #1 and #4 is the most relevant.

Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position.

Resentful or bitter in rivalry; envious: jealous of the success of others.

Inclined to suspect rivalry.

Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness: jealous thoughts.

Vigilant in guarding something: We are jealous of our good name.

Intolerant of disloyalty or infidelity; autocratic: a jealous God.

For me the disinction between greed or envy and jealously is that the former are focused on what one doesn't have and they interfere and they distract attention from what one does have. Jealousy is more centered, in my opinion. I don't care what I could have or what others have, but if I have something good, imma gonna wanna keep it. The challenge is to keep it from shading into a paranoid defensiveness.

Having recently entered a poly situation, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this stuff. For me, being a secondary in an unequal poly situation helps me to define my 'territory' (the appropriate bounds of my jealousy) in so far as my position is clear vis a vis my Master and relative to his wife. He was very good about laying this out for me right from the start, and I suspect I would feel very insecure in an equal poly situation.

(sorry about the out of control bullet points. i tried to fix it, but couldnt)

< Message edited by gypsygrl -- 9/5/2007 4:22:41 PM >

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RE: Greediness - 9/5/2007 5:42:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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You cancel out your own ideas.

You admit that there are no black and whites when it comes to emotions. You clearly state that MOST of the time, X emotion is likely to result in a negative effect.

So you agree that emotions themselves are neither positive or negative, it is simply how we perceive them, how we deal with them, and where they come from that makes them so.

And something MOST of the time leading to something negative does not MAKE the thing negative itself.

My greediness has brought me to where I am now- and I certainly think where I am now is the most blissful thing I've ever had- more than I ever thought I'd be worthy of.

I agree- some emotions are LIKELY to lead to negative things. I agree that emotions can easily lead down to negative or positive paths and most usually do so.

That is not at all the same as saying that emotions ARE good or bad or that they WILL lead somewhere negative or positive.

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