the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (Full Version)

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LATEXBABY64 -> the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 6:52:30 AM)

In this lifestyle we tend to explore our road to happiness and fulfillment on a lot of levels. We analyze and compare notes and look how others walk down their path of discovery.  After all the years of I have been in the lifestyle., I find the relationships  change based on the world around us . you can see patterns of positive and negative formation of ideas in place some good some bad.  Like a popularity contest.
  Wither it be the young vs the old. The right vs left . Wither values go south and morals decay into mud. What substance does it bring . Wither  it is more important to your self or you and your partner.  We always are critical of nilla people. But we are not really any different.  So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well



SimplyMichael -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:03:03 AM)

quote:

We always are critical of nilla people. . 


Actually, most of the posters here DON'T bash vanillas, so drop the WE...

quote:

   So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well


You first...



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:18:34 AM)

Well my relationship is actually vanilla based.  However, what defines the authority transfer to me is simply that one person operates under the other persons domain of authority (in simplistic monogamous terms).

I don't lead a "nilla life" or a "kinky life."  I'm just me.  I think people would be a lot more calm and relaxed if they stopped trying to crowbar things apart and constantly trying to hopscotch between two imaginary "lives."



missturbation -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:39:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

In this lifestyle we tend to explore our road to happiness and fulfillment on a lot of levels. We analyze and compare notes and look how others walk down their path of discovery.  After all the years of I have been in the lifestyle., I find the relationships  change based on the world around us . you can see patterns of positive and negative formation of ideas in place some good some bad.  Like a popularity contest. 
Doesn't everyone in all walks of life analyze, compare notes and look how others walk their path? 
 We always are critical of nilla people.
Are we? I don't see this. I think as a community the cmer's are more critical of each other. We preach tolerance, non judgement, your kink is not my kink but thats ok and  yet half the time (or more) we are more judgemental than 'nillas'.
 But we are not really any different.
Everyones different in all walks of life, thats what makes life so interesting!!
  So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..
Is not all life everyday life? Dynamics and power exchange do not change between Sir and myself just because im at work or shopping versus kneeling before Him or serving Him.
How does it effect your nilla life as well
I don't think i have two lives, i'm just me. Sometimes life gets in the way of life but ........thats just life!





Celeste43 -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:42:36 AM)

I don't separate my life into neat little compartments that never mix.

The basis of my relationship is love. I follow him because he has proven himself someone I can trust to lead.

Although he has made a bad decision about this afternoon's activity. He's trusting me to give directions/read the map to a place we need to go. And by now he ought to know this is not a good idea!



missturbation -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:47:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Although he has made a bad decision about this afternoon's activity. He's trusting me to give directions/read the map to a place we need to go. And by now he ought to know this is not a good idea!


Lol im with you on this one, cant read a map or directions to save my ass [:D]



BeachMystress -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:55:48 AM)

Actually, TPE IS my vanilla life as well as my BDSM life. I'm a natural bossy bitch. As for being critical of vanilla people.. um.. Not I. Some of my best friends are vanilla and I respect their rights to their form of sexuality as much as I respect other D/s people's. I must admit I've not seen a lot of 'nilla bashing in these forums, so I'm not sure where your supposition comes from.. For the most part people show as much tolerance towards vanillas as they do towards other's kinks.



toservez -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:59:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

We always are critical of nilla people. . 


Actually, most of the posters here DON'T bash vanillas, so drop the WE...

quote:

   So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well


You first...


I agree with Michael, most on here and the people I know personally go out of there way to remind people just how this life has actually does not supplant much of vanilla life and therefore never cast dispersions on “vanilla” people.

Power exchange relationship in regards to vanilla just fills up the cracks and offers a different twist and mindset to how I live as opposed to a vanilla way. Priorities and mindsets change and on many things maybe something is different might be done but the core remains the same. Foundation of a power exchange is the exact same for all relationships. Shared important common values and beliefs, vision of how we want to live and be, a natural enjoyment of each other and throw in something magical that is intangible. The power exchange part is just within those pillars.

In the end though I love and care for a man and it is just how we chose to live and do things that might be different but does not come from a different place then any other human beings.




celticlord2112 -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 8:21:14 AM)

I look at it the other way around:  My spiritual inclinations inform my lifestyle.  That I walk a Buddhist path colors the nature of my domination of my slave, just as it colors the nature of my interaction with "vanilla" types.

With that in mind, power exchange is to me an expression of self--an articulation of who I am.  It has no greater meaning than as a persistent perpetual statement to the world: "This is Me."



AquaticSub -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 8:56:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

 We always are critical of nilla people.

That's funny. I'm critical of people who are critical of vanilla people.
quote:


But we are not really any different. 

Well... yeah. We are just people.
quote:


 So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.

I don't have "true" or "twue" power exchange. I have a power exchange and it's probably different than yours or LA's or Michael's or Celtic Lord's or Prop's. What it means to me? That I have an owner. That our relationship is d/s but it's nothing special. It's not extraordinary. We are just ordinary people living our lives and having the relationship style that makes us the most happy.
 
quote:
  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well



Our foundation is love and respect.

I don't have a vanilla life and a d/s life. I have a life. I don't change who I am when I'm around different people, I just change what I talk about. Some people know all my facets, other only know a few. But very few people are known completely by everyone, regardless of if they are vanilla or d/s.



callistaIn -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 9:56:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

In this lifestyle we tend to explore our road to happiness and fulfillment on a lot of levels. We analyze and compare notes and look how others walk down their path of discovery.  After all the years of I have been in the lifestyle., I find the relationships  change based on the world around us . you can see patterns of positive and negative formation of ideas in place some good some bad.  Like a popularity contest.
  Wither it be the young vs the old. The right vs left . Wither values go south and morals decay into mud. What substance does it bring . Wither  it is more important to your self or you and your partner.  We always are critical of nilla people. But we are not really any different.  So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well


You seem to be forgetting an important aspect here. Not everyone seperates their life into segments ( this is my alternative life, and this is my nilla life, and this is what is in between ); some of us just live life in one context. We are who we are and we incorporate that into ALL aspects of our life.

I am not only A submissive; I am also submissive. There is no seperation for me.

In addition, I don't look at others lives as a 'roadmap' to how mine should follow. I follow my own path and if it happens to cross with others somewhere along the line, YAY for me lol. If it does not, YAY for me still because I am making my own path.

To answer the actual question that you posed "what does true power exchange mean to me".
Simply that I have made a conscious decision to allow another to share my life in all aspects. I use the trust and respect that is between us to build a foundation; I use the good and the bad to strengthen that foundation. This kind of decision affects my WHOLE life; once made, everything then revolves around making that relationship flourish.

callie



Perplex -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 10:30:04 AM)

I got lucky after a few times of tryin' to find a girl who was heavy into the life but one I wouldn't collar..some birds die if you cage them..I think it can work, I've seen it work, but I'm not sure it'd all work for me.  In a relationship there is so much that has to be a 'we descion making', ..cuz lets face it if you decide to turn your living room into a hunting lodge, eventually she's going to go beserk and use your remington to blow rather large holes in the moosehead on the wall...and in life no one man can keep all the balls in the air, not with fianace descions, baby descions, all those other things, that when you make a mistake is on you soloely forever..let me correct that, yes one man can do htat, I'm simply not willing to be that one man. 

so we make the choices of life, so if we are wrong, then nobody has right to get pissed about it, we standback up, dust ourselves off and go on...it helps we have drastically different talents I'm pretty good at nuts &bolts and scouting what happens next, she's a grand dame with that star quality inner light..yeah we get bitchy at each other when everybody likes her more..or when she can't get out of a one door room without instructions *g*

and we can have our little scenes, but nothign that I would call real submission, more what I call B&P, (bondage and punishment) where all those things which require more effort than simple kink are left behind just for the joy of the thing itself. 

in another thread a couple of the guys talked about the competitive nature of things, which still strikes me a little strange, I wouldn't want anyone to do things my way teh same way I wouldn't want them to wear my underpants, things are going to work between people as they are going to work, and I'm not sure you can distill that down to a horserace. 



Aine -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 3:34:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

In this lifestyle we tend to explore our road to happiness and fulfillment on a lot of levels. We analyze and compare notes and look how others walk down their path of discovery. 



Since when is it just when we're in the lifestyle that we explore the road to happiness and fulfillment?  Isn't that what most people try for?  Whatever path they may be taking?

quote:


After all the years of I have been in the lifestyle., I find the relationships  change based on the world around us . you can see patterns of positive and negative formation of ideas in place some good some bad.  Like a popularity contest.


I'm not the same age as you, and I've just "entered" into this thing about 4 years ago, and I came to that conclusion back in high school.

quote:


Wither it be the young vs the old. The right vs left . Wither values go south and morals decay into mud. What substance does it bring . Wither  it is more important to your self or you and your partner.


You lost me there.

quote:


We always are critical of nilla people.


Since when?  Besides...we were all "nilla" once.  I personally have never seen someone I've met that is BDSM aware and practicing that go out of their way to outright criticize those that are not.

quote:


But we are not really any different. 


I actually agree with you on this one.  It's something that I've always said.   At worst, what I've seen is that people do try to seperate this from what they knew before.  That they throw everything they have learned in life out the window once they decide to pursue a kinkier life, instead of integrating it all into one and make it fluid.

quote:


So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well


It is my nilla life.  I'm more aware of what I am and why I do things now, and am in a welcoming and understanding relationship, but it's not really all that much different than when I was with my ex, who had no idea.  That was an unhealthy relationship in and of itself.  But in a lot of the core things within the way I act and do things, it's exactly the same in my current relationship, except that JL is aware and has been from the beginning of what I was about, since I had come into my own understanding of it in the couple years prior to meeting him, and it has deepened and progressed since. I will do things for him, I will curl up at his feet, I will clean the house when it needs it.  Things are in the order that we want them to be, and it is damned near unspoken, it's just understood and comfortable for us.  We both still have regular jobs, friends and obligations that "nilla" people do.  We just ARE.  There is no separation.



Joseff -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 5:20:38 PM)

42
Joseff



AquaticSub -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 5:22:06 PM)

Always the right answer!



ImpGrrl -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 6:40:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I don't lead a "nilla life" or a "kinky life."  I'm just me.  I think people would be a lot more calm and relaxed if they stopped trying to crowbar things apart and constantly trying to hopscotch between two imaginary "lives."


Amen!



earthycouple -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 6:58:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

In this lifestyle we tend to explore our road to happiness and fulfillment on a lot of levels. 


In what lifestyle do people not explore to find happiness?
 
quote:

We analyze and compare notes and look how others walk down their path of discovery.  After all the years of I have been in the lifestyle., I find the relationships  change based on the world around us . you can see patterns of positive and negative formation of ideas in place some good some bad.  Like a popularity contest.
 

Looks like someone is a fan of bob

 
quote:

Wither it be the young vs the old. The right vs left . Wither values go south and morals decay into mud. What substance does it bring . Wither  it is more important to your self or you and your partner.  We always are critical of nilla people.


We are?  Says you.  I'm pretty sure you needn't speak for me. I speak well enough for myself.
 
quote:

But we are not really any different.  So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well



my nilla life?  um....no, I just have a life...not kinky; not vanilla..... Just life and I live it well.



RRafe -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:09:31 PM)

I'm a pervert.........Why dress it up in glory?



ThinkingKitten -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 7:24:29 PM)

Awwww Josef... you beat me to it!
 
Look, vanilla is just another flavor of kink. Isn't it? Do what works for you.



phoenixsub999 -> RE: the true meaning of ds bdsm and life (8/31/2007 8:15:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

But we are not really any different. 


I actually agree with you on this one.  It's something that I've always said.   At worst, what I've seen is that people do try to seperate this from what they knew before.  That they throw everything they have learned in life out the window once they decide to pursue a kinkier life, instead of integrating it all into one and make it fluid.

quote:


So  in everyday life of your relationship . what does true power exchange mean to you.  What do you use to build your foundation with..  How does it effect your nilla life as well


It is my nilla life.  I'm more aware of what I am and why I do things now, and am in a welcoming and understanding relationship, but it's not really all that much different than when I was with my ex, who had no idea.  That was an unhealthy relationship in and of itself.  But in a lot of the core things within the way I act and do things, it's exactly the same in my current relationship, except that JL is aware and has been from the beginning of what I was about, since I had come into my own understanding of it in the couple years prior to meeting him, and it has deepened and progressed since. I will do things for him, I will curl up at his feet, I will clean the house when it needs it.  Things are in the order that we want them to be, and it is damned near unspoken, it's just understood and comfortable for us.  We both still have regular jobs, friends and obligations that "nilla" people do.  We just ARE.  There is no separation.



Couldn't agree more. For me, it took a while to be brutally honest with myself about who I am, what I like, what motivates me and realize when I was acting out of character or denying myself something just to be accepted. That has nothing to do with vanilla or bdsm. Kink & submission is just a part of that honesty, just another aspect of life and doesn't mean that I suddenly become a mindless follower. I'm happiest when I feel very dominated in the bedroom and love to pamper my partner, yet unhappy if we are not equal partners and pretty much "nilla" otherwise. Each person has to find what works for them and even if you give up your power to someone, you are still responsible for speaking up when something is not working for you, especially if it is harming you.



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