RE: How do I please him?

RE: How do I please him? (Full Version)

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JustSomeDom -> RE: How do I please him? (8/26/2007 2:24:54 PM)
quote: If you need to take it onto your own shoulders at first to process the situation, here goes: Yes, you may not be a person who has what it takes to please him... no matter how much you love him, no matter how much you wish to please him or not. This might sound very harsh, but really is not. It just boils down to not being the right type of people for each other. Puella, you are exactly on the target, in my opinion. I don't think the OP has given her Dom a fair shake. More exactly, she has made certain assumptions about where the relationship OUGHT to go, and not where HE wants to take it. Perhaps he has decided (for whatever reason) to keep it on a low burner, to make it no more than he can afford to give her it at this time. She interprets this as rejection and cries over the loss of love, from her point of view. In fact, it may be that he has great concern and devotionfor her but has decided that the realtionship has certain perameters that she refuses to recognize. That could be the whole thing. It isn't that he doesn't have certain emotional involvement with her; it's just that she wants more all the time and feels neglected and rejected because she can't have it all -- meaning more of him and the D/s relationship. She interprests this as never being able to satisfy him. I don't know if they are not the "right kind of people" for each other, as you say, Puella. You may know better. You have been on these boards a lot longer than I have. But I think it's just that people meet people at certain times in their lives, and they may find each relationship lacking because it didn't come at the perfect time - and not deeply enough to satisfy one or the other. BDSM is not a perfect science. It finds people usually at certain junctures in their lives, maybe after a long marriage, maybe at a time when they are just starting out. But each person has certain experiences and expectations. I think, at this point in the OPs' life, she needs someone who can give her overwhelming attention so that she can smother herself (figuratively) in his love. It's all about perception. Subs do things like that. We all know they need the love to follow up with the devotion. But in this case, the demands are too high; the desire is too great. ----- Just Some Dom

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: How do I please him? (8/26/2007 2:37:09 PM)
3 year relationship yet youre seeking a dom? hellifiknow hon-good luck with that one... <<<walks away all confused

AquaticSub -> RE: How do I please him? (8/26/2007 3:24:21 PM)
~Fast Reply~ I admit... I'm curious as to more details.

Carrianna -> RE: How do I please him? (8/26/2007 3:41:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NightSoftWhisper To all those both Dominant & submissive a question please. What do you suggest to a submissive who consistently seems to displease her Master even though unintentionally? I don't mean to be disobedient but I have a dark, somewhat self destructive personality at times and I tend to let it overpower my need to please him. I love him dearly & don't want to destroy a 3 year relationship with a wonderful man but I don't seem to be able to ever quite meet up to his expectations. I only want him to be happy but I always fall short of that goal. Respectfully, Night For him to be happy, you need to be happy... Yet you dont sound happy... If you are trying and not getting anywhere, I honestly dont think its you... But I do hope you get what it is you want...

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do I please him? (8/26/2007 4:12:26 PM)
Lots of great responses here, that's so nice! Personally I say that until you stop playing the "It's not my fault, it's just how I am" tune and turn it into the "I've got issues and I am in control of and need to change my behavior" tune, nothing will change.

puella -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 3:24:08 AM)
Hello JustSomeDom, I just wanted to clear up that I think you misinterpreted my words to NightSoftWhisper...which I think is an important clarification if she is in the state of mind which I think she presently is in. I am not trying to blame her and vindicate her Dom....I do not think blame is at all valuable in this situation. (I do think, however, that a Dom should be able to be fully aware of where his relationship is and where his sub is within that relationship, and if he doesn't that reflects upon him.) If he has different needs than he recognizes his slave/sub needs and sees it causing her destruction....I do believe that as the controlling/Dominant partner in this relationship, he needs to make some serious decisions beyond his own pleasures and desires. I really think trying to persecute the submissive for what she needs to function heathily in a relationship is not going to prove at all productive in this thread and certainly not in any relationship. I just wanted to clear that up. Jen

feastie -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 3:43:34 AM)
No additional details have been provided by the OP. Wolf, anyone?

puella -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 3:49:36 AM)
I have chatted with NightSoftWhisper before...I really do not think she is the type to cry wolf, but that is neither here nor there. I figure, that as a discussion forum, we do not know any of these people or how present or hypothetical any of the queries posted are. I have no need for her or anyone to justify her right to post a question for discussion on these forums, and as for me, I was just tossing in my input given the ideas presented. I certainly do not need a blood sample and Dr.'s note from the parties involved before I toss in my own, unqualifed, unprofessional and very very random two cents. I do think the problem posted, regardless of the person, is a valid one that probably a lot of submissives deal or have dealt with at some point in their growth within this 'lifestyle' (I hate that word)...I know it is one I grappled with quite brutally and that there was help in clearing my head and in moving along for me by reading ideas and discussions of ideas and problems by others here on this forum. If that can be had here, there really need be no justifying by the OP in my personal opinion.

feastie -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 4:17:24 AM)
Puella, reel in your claws. I used fast reply, forgive me for being here very early in my day and forgetting to note it. You may not feel that additional information is needed from the OP, and that's certainly up to you. However, what information given by her is at best, vague and requiring assumption on the part of the reader as evidenced by the completely different interpretations of her posts. Whether you've spoken with her is irrelevant to anyone who has not had the privilege. I have not, I know nothing of her situation, save what she posted here and her profile. If I'm to give any sort of intelligent, thoughtful answer at all, I need additional information. Of course, I'm not referring to an entire life's history, just an illustration of a time when she's failed and he's been unhappy about it. What did she do? What were his expectations? I could be like others and throw out a pat answer. Oddly, I don't find that it would be helpful to her at all. It could be that she has a notion in her head that just isn't true, but needs to discuss her feelings with her dominant. It could be that he's a complete jackass and she needs to cut him loose. From what she's posted, I could take either tack. Since she hasn't come back, I'm throwing down the bullshit card.

JustSomeDom -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 3:35:26 PM)
quote: I am not trying to blame her and vindicate her Dom....I do not think blame is at all valuable in this situation. (I do think, however, that a Dom should be able to be fully aware of where his relationship is and where his sub is within that relationship, and if he doesn't that reflects upon him.) Thank you, Puella, for the chance to clarify my own thoughts. I agree that assigning blame is not the key. Rather, the area that intersts me is that the OP is unhappy and blames herself; she "implodes" every so often. I can understand why this might happen. Perhaps she feels that this relationship is not satisfactory because it lacks something -- or it has something she doesn't like. People don't usually do things without a reason. So her imploding might be generated by a constant or occasional feeling of inadequacy, not to herself but compared to how he treats other subs, or maybe just one other sub. It could be something out of the past that she won't let go. Perhaps he has her convinced that she is the problem, but in actuality, she is expressing a thought-out, logical concern for her relationship to the rest of His world. I could see how in that case, she would blame herself but actuallly be more or less "commenting" on her own general situation. I think she ought to consider that her best course of action is, once talking to Him about it, to try to see only the relationship with Him. If there is some extraneous experience that haunts her, she has to let it go; just concentrate on serving him for now. Do what he says. Don't go further. Put herself in His hands, ignore the past, live in the moment. By her own words, she thinks Him to be a good Dom. It's really hard for subs to do this in my experience. But if she can do it, I think a lot of her problems will be mitigated. And he will get a good, responsive sub. JSD

NightSoftWhisper -> RE: How do I please him? (8/27/2007 4:38:52 PM)
Good evening all, I'd like to thank all that have graciously responded to my query. I believe I have enough good advice to proceed in a manner that will be satisfactory to both myself and my Dom. I'd like to also personally thank puella for her thoughtful and unbiased remarks. As we have known one another for sometime online it was truly appreciated. I can assure everyone that I am indeed real, have been in the local scene quite awhile and have impeccable references from the respected people in the BDSM community. I must say that my first venture into the Collarme message boards was definitely eye opening. It's amazing how fast some will attack in a way that would indicate to me that unfortunately there is prejudice in a lifestyle where tolerance and acceptance should be the norm. Fortunately I don't take unwarranted attacks to heart. I am very lucky to know that there are people out there that really do care and are willing to give sane, sensible advise to one that seeks to better herself so she might be a compliment to a safe, sane & experience Dominant. Respectfully yours in submission, Night

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