Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world

Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 8:40:41 PM)
Today I had a meeting with a sales rep. The first thing I noticed when she sat down was her collar. I told her that her "necklace" was very nice and asked her if it was from Eternity. She reached for it and blushed a bit, saying that most people don't readily identify it, especially by brand. I just replied that I have worn my fair share, which seemed to make her comfortable. The rest of the meeting went really well as she realized we had a bit of a connection. When you meet people who you believe are obviously lifestyle, do you ever ask some careful questions?

MisPandora -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 8:44:37 PM)
No, not usually. I'm out, but most others in the pan and het communities. While it would be relatively easy to reveal we're of the same clan, I choose not to place the other party in an uncomfortable position.

Redoubt -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 8:51:51 PM)
erin great post :) I was working for a custom ordered computer dealer as a telephone rep to help pay some bills. A customer called in and wanted a new computer, and I asked her if she ever played games... she replied that she played games, but that they were far too interesting for the computer. I asked for some clarification, and she mentioned "The Secretary" - I laughed and said I had seen the movie, and asked her if she spelled her first name with a capital C or a lower case c.... she paused and indicated the latter. Needless to say, I got the sale after that... ;) Its wonderful meeting folk from the lifestyle in vanilla land - your story sounds so much better tho :)

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 8:58:13 PM)
Sometimes the smile or nod works. I do remember one time driving down 80 chasing down this hot girl that had the leather pride sticker on her car (I've done that 4 or 5 times). Sometimes it's ackward other times it's empowering.

DesireDeeva -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 9:02:21 PM)
quote: Its wonderful meeting folk from the lifestyle in vanilla land *Agreed indeed!!![:)]*

szobras -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 9:25:58 PM)
Yes, from time to time we meet people that just tempts to make subtle, and not so subtle,..lol..comments. See what the response may be. Just recently someone that we have known in a quite different circle. later on that evening we had great conversation. From there on out it is almost a "fight club" acknowledgement when seeing them again in certain "vanilla"company.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 9:26:42 PM)
If it's a professional sitting, definitely not. Otherwise, if occasion arises and I feel it's right I might put some feelers out, but nothing big. And I'm ok if they ignore it or give me a cold shoulder about it.

CuriousLord -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 9:36:41 PM)
Far more subtle than I would've had. Observation, too, when it comes to observing the particular type of collar. No, I haven't run into anyone else yet in the lifestyle in the vanilla world. In public, I'm very much the eyes-forward, official-business-or-no-business type. Such a disposition likely leaves me prone to miss something like you noticed in this story. Sometimes, I think I see a slave girl. Still, my demeanor often forces me to dismiss them without a second thought. It can be a shame at times.

YourShyPet -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 10:38:03 PM)
I run into people nonstop everywhere I go... I'm completely nonsubtle I just ask... rarely do I get the "What"??? or the funny "huh"?? look... but even if I do then I get the 20 questions... and just become the facilitater for D/s... if your not kinky when you meet me... your kinky when I get done with you LOL.

SusanofO -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 10:54:03 PM)
I occasionally run into my ex-Dominant at the dinner group I host on a monthly basis in my home-town for a social organization of which we are both members. We did not end our relationship on good terms, but we knew eachother via this social group before we ever got into a BDSM-oriented relationship w/each other (in fact, it's where we originally met each other). He is a VP of this organization, and he isn't going to leave it (and neither am I). So, we're stuck seeing each other, on occasion (maybe 2-4 times a year). Nobody else in that organization knows either of us is into BDSM (at least I am pretty sure they don't). It is better for both of us if they never find out, either. So it behooves both of us to just keep quiet about it, and about the twists and turns of our past relationship. He knows that. I know that. It's rarely completely comfortable for us to even be in the same room together (although it's tolerable) - however, we do have an "understanding" that neither of us will bring up BDSM, and our involvement in it, in front of these other "Vanilla" people in this group. In relation to almost total strangers (or even someone whom I think I know fairly well, if I think they could be into BDSM), my inclination is "No", unless they bring it up first (but can't say for sure what I'd do as any kind of "rule" - because I think every situation has its own nuances, and is truly different). There are situations where it would be a fine-line judgment call, and I could go either way, as far as hinting about if someone is into BDSM or not. I do believe there are people who give off vibes they'd not be horrifically offended were you to venture an innocent question about their involvement in it (but I haven't done it). But maybe someday I will, I dunno. - Susan

NefertariReborn -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 11:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MisPandora No, not usually. I'm out, but most others in the pan and het communities. While it would be relatively easy to reveal we're of the same clan, I choose not to place the other party in an uncomfortable position. Not to hijack the thread, but didn't you leave the other day? looks at the door Is Todd back ?

MaamJay -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 11:29:59 PM)
No Nefertari ... that was pandorasvampire ... a different person! But I can understand the confusion for it took Me a while to work out they were separate people when I first came to the boards. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

proudsub -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 11:44:10 PM)
I am copying my reply from another thread: RE: Spotting BDSMers in the vanilla world There is a young lesbian couple that attends a lot of the same bowling events that we do. One of them always wears a leather collar with a ring in the front. I was sitting alone with her partner one day so i said something like i think it's nice that her partner wears her collar in public. She said, oh she just likes to dress that way (she also has pink hair and tats). So i said i assumed she was her submissive and she said no, it's not lke that. I hope i didn't embarass her and am still not sure if her partner just likes to dress like that or maybe she didn't want to admit the lifestyle to a 60 yr old mother of a friend of theirs.

SusanofO -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/23/2007 11:49:43 PM)
Good point to remember, proudsub: You can't necessarily assume that someone wearing a collar (or a particular type of one)is into BDSM - for some people, it is strictly a fashion item, not an indicator of a D/s relationship. That probably goes as well, I imagine for other clothing or jewelry items that might be construed as "BDSM wear". It may indicate they're into BDSM, but it might not. In which case, I imagine can probably still gently probe, if you think it's appropriate, becausse if it's not, they'll maybe just ignore you - or give you an answer that indicates they have no idea what you are referring to at all. - Susan

AquaticSub -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 4:59:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Today I had a meeting with a sales rep. The first thing I noticed when she sat down was her collar. I told her that her "necklace" was very nice and asked her if it was from Eternity. She reached for it and blushed a bit, saying that most people don't readily identify it, especially by brand. I just replied that I have worn my fair share, which seemed to make her comfortable. The rest of the meeting went really well as she realized we had a bit of a connection. When you meet people who you believe are obviously lifestyle, do you ever ask some careful questions? Sometimes. It depends on the setting and if I think they might be embaressed by being asked there.

VadFarkas -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 5:45:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SusanofO Good point to remember, proudsub: You can't necessarily assume that someone wearing a collar (or a particular type of one)is into BDSM - for some people, it is strictly a fashion item, not an indicator of a D/s relationship. That probably goes as well, I imagine for other clothing or jewelry items that might be construed as "BDSM wear". It may indicate they're into BDSM, but it might not. In which case, I imagine can probably still gently probe, if you think it's appropriate, becausse if it's not, they'll maybe just ignore you - or give you an answer that indicates they have no idea what you are referring to at all. - Susan So true! Being that I make collars, I am always on the lookout to see if I can spot someone wearing one. Then when I do, I wonder for what reason. I would try and pick up on other discreet signs to confirm before starting a conversation.Today you can pretty much wear anything. Not everyone has a clue about Gor / BDSM or the commitment and meaning behind the collar. They might just assume it to be a Goth or another fashion statement. I have seen news anchors wear chains that look like they might hold up a cruise ship's anchor. [:D]

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 6:00:29 AM)
I do a lot in the computer geeky field they seem to be lots and lots.. or in the music part in seems artist tend to flock to this arena.. shrugs

caught4u -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 6:42:05 AM)
i ran into a beautiful girl wearing a chain collar while shopping one night. we didn't say anything, but just gave "knowing" smiles.

pearlmoongirl -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 6:57:59 AM)
I had a terribly embarrassing moment in the grocery store a little while back. I was holding my lil basket, browsing the produce, and there was this Dom Man. And I do mean with capital letters - everything about His posture, His demeanor, and even His leather vest made my whiskers twitch. So naturally I made the goof of staring until He noticed me. Then He gave me an amused, knowing, tolerant smile and I realized I was staring, and I blushed to the roots of my hair - the kind of blush where you feel it burning in your neck and up across your face (SO embarrassing). I keep looking and not looking for Him every time I go back. Looking because I feel the crazy urge to apologize for my horrible manners (because I know better, I really do) but not looking because I am afraid the very same thing will happen again! grins pmg

Mercnbeth -> RE: Running into lifestylers in the vanilla world (8/24/2007 10:09:08 AM)
We've initiated and had conversation initiated with us based upon various visuals ranging from our tattoos to beth's collar. The problem in LA is that there are more fashion statements versus lifestyle statements on display. Even at some of the clubs there are people there who are under the impression that S&M Club means 'Stand & Model Club'. Someone wearing a collar or sporting a tattoo should realize that any 'closet' they may be hiding is open a crack. Then again, you can't rely on the response as accurate. One time I went into a store wanting to pick up something quick and the cute female clerk commented on my BDSM trinacria emblem pendant. I looked into her eye and knew she knew but didn't have the time. So I told her it represented Sicily. BDSM: http://emblemproject.sagcs.net/is.htm Sicilian: http://web.mit.edu/~jsylee/www/photo/symbols/palermo_trinacria.jpg Information Link: http://www.painreliefchat.com/arthritis-pain-relief/Trinacria

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