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RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 3:56:39 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Great suggestion (hey twice).  Also, many cities and towns have a "senior day care" center.  Get her involved in that.  Call your local chamber of commerce or mayor's office and see what services the town has to offer.  Then tell her that she will check them out.  Don't just offer...tell her she has to do it.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 3:57:15 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Do not speak to her like this is a situation in which she has a choice. It is imperative she realize that it isn't a question of IF she will be leaving.The question could possibly be when she is leaving, but as far as that idea goes - I'd be polite, but firm:

"There will be a definite deadline, and here it is______..." Be prepared to enforce it.

If she doesn't like it, then that's just too bad.

She's got zero leverage here. It's either cooperate - or be homeless. She's a grown adult, and a manipulative one at that.

If she rants - let her. She hasn't got a choice here - and that's the way things are going to be (your way). Period.

I wouldn't bother to be overly nice about it- she will only proceed to try to take advantage of you.

And if your BF won't find a way to do this, I'd leave him. Tell him if he doesn't find a way to make her leave within a month, then you are leaving, instead. Enough dilly-dallying, and tip-toeing, and "second chances". The woman is a manipulative witch, and her SSI sob story isn't your problem anyway - it's hers.

It's that dire a situation - for your own mental health, and your BF is a big boy now. He needs to take this seriously - and soon. Or you're gonna be putting up with Mama forever. It's too icky too contemplate (at least it would be, for me).

Either that, or start saving up for your own apartment - sans Mama - and the BF.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/23/2007 4:22:58 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 4:08:59 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Here is the link to the Area Office of Aging  that lists the offices by county. While on the front page it states 60 years of age plus from experience (hospice nurse, these are all Fed Gov mandated programs) the fact that she is disabled lifts the age restriction.
 
http://www.dads.state.tx.us/

ps, good morning Bandit, grins.


< Message edited by Twicehappy2x -- 8/23/2007 4:09:38 AM >

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 4:19:27 AM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		If she doesn't yet have her SSI after 4 years then it seems pretty doubtful she will ever get it.  Something somewhere in the process is not adding up to qualify her for it.  Most likely even if she, by some miracle, finally qualifies for it, there is no guarentee she will be willing to contribute to the household fund.

I sympathize with your stress and frustration with the whole situation.  In my opinion the stress & frustration will continue until you and your Sir decide you aren't going to take it anymore.  There is nothing unloving in refusing to allow someone to take advantage of you.  Sometimes the best gift we can give our families or close friends is to choose to not participate in their self destructive or self defeating behaviors.  Tough love is still love.  It is just love without any excuses.

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 5:59:31 AM   
Steelriven


Posts: 300
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, heh I can see your shocked faces now... Sir's mom is 47! Not 55 or even 60, fourty-seven. She has and I'm going to misspell it scoliosis, she's had it since birth and has a whatcha call it rod in her back. She also calims to have C.O.P.D. but if she quit smoking that would go away.

Now I do sympathize with her because of her disfuction, I have a bad arm I can't lift more than ten pounds with it and it goes dead. However, I AM STILL WORKING! I find jobs that I can do, and I deal with it.

My mom same age, has an amune deffichantcy disease and a bad liver. I've seen that woman work and be sent home because she's as bright as a manila envelope. She's broken her ankle in seven different places and worked the whole time in a cast, and later in a boot.

My dad has no right arm, it was severed in a freak accident, SAME age. He refuses not to work, even when his arm gives him trouble. Or when a job requires him to sign waiver after waiver. He just recently broke his leg at work when a piece of sheet metal fell on him. Yeah, he's collecting from the injury, but I bet before his leg is out of the cast he'll be back at work.

I'm used to tough love in my family. It's the way I grew up, so I have a very hard time understanding why Sir's mom refuses to fend for herself. Like I said we had a very long talk last night, and he's realizing that this can't happen anymore.

It's going to be hard, because she's very good at what she does. Which is manipulating people into getting her way. She some how manages to turn things around on Sir alot. She's done it to me a few times, I see right through it though. We are giving her until the end of next month, because that's when we are moving into a smaller apartment.

We are also not taking the couch with us, so she'll really have no place to sleep accpet the floor. We're taking away her choices, and like I said before making it very uncomfortable to stay with us. Hence the reason she left last night.

Sir also said if she leaves again with out telling us and giving us a heads up I am to lock the door before we go to work. He's not putting her out, just letting her know that this is OUR house, and we won't stand for this crap any longer. It's going to be hard, but I'll be there to support him all the way. I'm very proud of him right now, because tough love is not just hard on the other person, it's hard on you too.

_____________________________

steelriven who's just a lil_twisted

-Don't asume, instead ask.

(in reply to DommeChains)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 6:15:33 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Steelriven

My dad has no right arm, it was severed in a freak accident, SAME age. He refuses not to work, even when his arm gives him trouble. Or when a job requires him to sign waiver after waiver. He just recently broke his leg at work when a piece of sheet metal fell on him. Yeah, he's collecting from the injury, but I bet before his leg is out of the cast he'll be back at work.



I got messed up at work the end of last month when a crane threw a 160 ton container at the chassis I was pulling in my tractor.  I was seat-belted in, but I was still thrown around inside the tractor like ice in a martini shaker.

I have fabulous workmen's comp benefits.

But I sit at home on my balcony and gaze out over the harbor wishing I could go back to work.

I had a friend who sat on his ass at home complaining about not being able to find a job for 3 years.  He refused to take a job he considered beneath his station.  I pointed out to him that work is it's own reward.

Your mother in law needs Morpheus to tell her to free her mind.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 5:28:15 PM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Well done & I predict you and your Sir will soon be free of the unwarranted stress.  Also I applaud you & your family for making the most of what you have instead of mourning what you don't have & using that as a reason to not even try.

Good luck and hopefully you will have a chance soon to re connect with your sister.

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/23/2007 7:38:58 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		I think you should be commended for your willingness to take action in this situation, and to stand by your Sir.  it's not an easy thing to do, and it's the kind of thing that rips couples apart.  you should pat yourself on the back for remaining so level-headed in all of this.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 8/24/2007 2:37:53 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		STOP COOKING WITH CHEESE!

Your own quotes from Journal:

Journal Entries:

10/13/2006 5:21:50 PM
Quote for today, "never rely on anyone, specially family." Long story short, I wish I had a car so I wouldn't have to rely on morons who only care about themselves, and their demented illusions of what reality is.

More news?

I am moving to another state in a week. My family has yet to truly belive me, even though my boxes are packed, and I've begun the cleaning part of moving. I guess they will finally belive me, when they come over to USE my computer, beg for money, or bitch about everything, and anything under the sun and I am not here, and my apartment is empty.

Okay less that 13 hours left! But I'm going to bed in almost four hours, so does that count? Cause I will be sleeping... And should I count the time I am talking to get on the plane and fly there? And I am still bouncing off the walls... VERY restless now... Can't wait... Next time I write in this journal I'll be in Texas... WHOA! With... Josh... speechless...

9/23/2006 9:34:56 AM
 
Nineteen hours! Breath Kim breath! Suit cases are packed, got my stuff ready for the tickets. Going to recheck everything, make sure I have what I need. Have to clean a little bit... Not to mention hide all my kinky stuff from my nilla sister, who knows what would happen if she found it...

Oh, am I rambling? Yes, I am... But I can't help it... Nineteen more hours until we finally meet! I think... I'm... going to... pass out! Wow...
 

Uhhhh anyhow, you moved to a younger guy, with a mooch mother and now work to possibly support both of them.

When I first replied to this post I assumed you left the continent for your man.  I know many who have and do ( I left the country to marry, when in Rome...) to me, your both seem immature and well....

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.




< Message edited by came4U -- 8/24/2007 2:42:21 AM >

(in reply to lighthearted)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 9/17/2007 8:49:29 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		If you work you can indeed loose your claim to SSI.  Most SSI is based on the ability to be unable to work, due to one reason or another, and working proves you don't need SSI, plus if you're already on SSI and you get a job they can cut your benifits wayin half. And Yes I am on SSI so I know  some of the pesky little strings attached to SSI.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Steelriven

She says she can't get a job, because if she does she'll loose the chance to get money from SSI... How ridiculious is this?

(in reply to Steelriven)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 9/17/2007 9:33:56 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		i live in Michigan. my brothers live in Brooklyn. Neither one has a good job. once a year they take their vacation time, what ever money they have saved and hit the Greyhound to come see me and the family. last year was a suprise on my birthday.
yes it can be a pain to travel long distance by bus. but my brothers think me worthy.
when they get here i have food and drinks waiting.
for a week we talk, play  & remember .
my parents in their late 50's drive here once a year and stay for 5 days.
it can be done. it will be time well spent.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I don't know what to do anymore. - 9/17/2007 9:43:43 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		SSI can be a long process - almost everyone is denied the first time and then have to appeal it, which can take years.  In the meantime can't she go on regular welfare and section eight for housing?  Section eight might have a waiting list but at least it will be movement on some direction.  Also, how about her applying for foodstamps? At least she will be contributing. 

i had my sister living with me and she got herself and daughter on assistance and she got food stamps.  She got on the list for section 8 and is now living in her own place in NJ (they have a long waiting list there)  i was more then willing to help her but ended up having to tell her to leave because she broke a HARD fast rule - no drinking (she is an alcoholic)  It was hard but i won't compromise my own family or enable her at all (been there done that too many years in my early life and would never put my own kids through it).  In the end people who feel life owes them something don't appreciate what they are given by others, simply because they feel entitled.  Who appreciates being given what they are entitled to? 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 32
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