CreativeDominant
Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
My personal code of conduct when it comes to relationships... is that I only involve myself with one potential partner at a time. I think I mentioned this in another thred somewhere, but I wanted to talk about it specifically.
Here's how I work. I send one message to one person who sparks my interest... I most always get a reply of some kind... Until that vanishes... in whatever manner... I'm only talking to that person.
I'm not out here to bait 20 men and then pick and choose. I have higher standards than that... both for myself and for the men I speak with.
We all have a right to our own code of conduct when it comes to relationships. My own code is pretty wide-open in comparison to most vanilla people in the area in which I live...my first submissive was married, her husband knew about me and knew me. That in and of itself would get me fried by most of the people I know around here. As for involving myself with more than one potential partner at a time, it depends on what you mean by involvement...if you mean just talking and sharing general interests and flirting, then I see no problem with talking to several. If by involvement, you mean having met and making a decision to go further...playing, definite planning for another meeting, moving more into a D/s relationship, that is when you are talking "involvement" in my mind. But meeting someone, deciding that you are great friends and can even enjoy playing with each other but are not going to make it as partners is, while more than friends, not exactly an involved, committed relationship either.{/quote]
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So here's the problem. Men don't work the same way. They have 4 or 5 (or more) women who they're speaking with as prospective partners... and that makes sense, I suppose, because the odds are better for them that way..
Actually, it is not just a male thing, as evidenced by the responses of some of the women on this thread as well as some of the men. I know that one woman I speak with...casually...is also speaking with several other dominants. It doesn't bother me.
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But then isn't it his obligation to alert me to the fact that he's speaking with other women that he's interested in and wishes to potentially get involved with? Or maybe simply that I'm "one of many"? Unless you and he are moving towards something more serious, then no...he is not. I suppose one could say that in the interest of all knowledge upfront being considered a good thing, he could volunteer it but he is under no obligation to do so. If that is what you feel he should do, then make it your requirement but do not consider him to be "not as responsible" as you because he doesn't just feel this same way.{/quote]
I put a lot of thought and consideration into who I contact, and I think (judging by some of the mail I've gotten) that men just send a message to every good looking girl in the state they live in. Most of them even fail to notice whether I'm dominant or submissive...
So, my questions are...
- how many people out there only pursue one potential partner at a time?
Some do, some don't. It is up to each individual and they all have their reasons for doing so. Whether they do so or not is their business, not yours unless you are making it an obligation to only pursue you when they contact you. If that is what you want, put it in your profile..."If you choose to contact me and you receive a letter back indicating that I have interest in you, at that time I expect you to stop pursuing anyone else until you or I decide we are done."
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- Is it my obligation to ask if he's involving himself with anyone else?
Only if you really wish to know. Understand that you may have to decide what you consider involvement and then be able to explain that to him. If he chooses not to answer, then you have your answer...of sorts.
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or should he offer that information? If he chooses to, he can. He is under no obligation to do so and, as previously noted, that does not make him a cad or a heel. quote:
Is it weird of me to not want to play with (or chat long term with) someone who is playing and chatting with multiple people? It doesn't make you weird, it just goes into making up the person you are. I can understand the wanting to know whether or not he is playing elsewhere...after all, it is relevant in terms of physical safety and potentially, mental and emotional safety. So, I would consider it important to know whether or not he had sex with 1 or 5 or 10 others in the last 2 months. But chatting? That has been discussed already. I know that a lot of people see chatting in the same way as playing...my ex was one of those people that could not seem to understand that you could talk to another woman and not be "carrying on" with her and I have had girlfriends of the same bent. I won't deal with that anymore. The fact that another woman holds interest for me does not take away from my being interested in you nor even from commitment to you. How I behave physically and mentally in regards to that interest does. quote:
Do you think that most men don't inform others about their multiple potential partners because they are trying to decieve, or because they know their chances are better with each individual woman if they don't mention the others? This question begs multiple answers. Some men AND women do it because they are trying to deceive. Some men AND women do it because they get a thrill out of having multiple partners on a string. And some men AND women do it because they feel that they have a right to keep their field of availability as wide open as possible in order to have a better chance of meeting the right One (or more, tis true) for them than they would by going through the slow process of dealing with only one at a time. Perhaps age has something to do with it...for many, it is easier to see things from a more romantic notion when you are younger...when you are older, you realize that time has become a factor.quote:
I feel like if that isn't information thats provided up front, then its like starting out with a lie...
While you have the right to feel that way, do not be surprised that there are others who do not. For one thing, your mixing of casual chatting, long-term talking, and serious commitment makes it difficult to determine just whether or not you see any difference at all between them. I am friends with my first submissive...I make that clear to everyone I have ever been involved with as well as the fact that she is now a femdominant. That friendship leads us to communicate on a weekly basis. Does that mean I cannot be interested elsewhere? Does it mean that I should give up my friendship with her to pursue elsewhere? And if that pursuit turns out to be a deadend? Then, do I go back to my friend and tell her "O.K., we can talk again now...that went nowhere" ? Sorry...I don't see it that way.
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RE: Involvement - 
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