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SusanofO -> RE: Involvement (8/21/2007 11:17:39 PM)
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This is a particularly challenging situation for me, because I am a Switch, and I can picture having a male submissive and a male Dominant partner at the same time (and my current male submissive interest has no problem with that. In fact, he suggested it).
Problem is - I am kind of like you: I only deal really well with this situation, when I am getting to know one person at a time. It's basically an issue of time management for me. I am currently trying to sell my house, my father is in the hospital, and the rest of the time I am spending with family, other friends, and running the rest of my life, and conversing with the male submissive I am interested in (plus, I admit I might spend too much time on the CM message boards, hehe).
But - that leaves me a very limited amount of time to actually seek out a male Dominant partner (I already have a male submssive I know I am interested in, and don't need or want more than one, right now, or maybe ever). When I decide I need a male Dominant - I will manage it, but it might be a slight challenge for me, just due to the amount of time I've got available fot pursuing that, and giving it the attention I believe it rightly deserves.
**I have talked, at times, to more than one person, and e-mailed with more than one at once (but rarely phoned more than one at a time). But never, ever more than 2-4 at once, (who I am considering in any potential LTR kind of way) and usually not for longer that about 2 weeks (or less) - because by that time there is always one of them I am attracted to the most, and then I remain friends (or correspondence drops off) with the others.
I also tend to know what kind of person I like - and although I am open-minded and friendly, I also know what I am not interested in, as far as the kind of person I am seeking (submisssive or Dominant). This helps a lot.
**But - as far as "juggling" like 4 or5 (or more) people at a time - Geez, No. Not only do I think I'd probably be really bad at this (knowing me, I'd probably end up getting them mixed up, and address my e-mail with the wrong names, or something), I just have to wonder where some people find the time for that!
**Then again, like I said, this might be easier for me to do, since I know pretty much what kind of person I am seeking (but not super picky, I just know what I want and don't want). I may intitially seriously e-mail with anywhere from about 4-6 people, but that number dwindles to between 2-4 within about 3-6 e-mail exchanges. So, realisitcally, I am usually only dealing with 2-4 people, ever, at a time. And in 2-4 weeks, it's down to one person - the one I am most interested in.
Of course I have friends I e-mail, and will get to know others - but that is different. They are people I consider truly just to be friends. There is chatting and e-mail, and possibly phone calls, (and locally maybe coffee, dinner,etc.) but no BDSM relationship committment talk (and little if any, innuendo, save an occasional scene with a local friend, and that has dwindled to zero these past 2 months).
**As far as how to handle this situation - at the beginning of a relationship, I demand next to nothing from anyone - whether I am in "Domme mode" or Sub mode". I just come out and flat-out tell people if I am pursuing anyone else - and I definitely do feel free to ask them the same thing (after I've progressed to a stage with them when I actually feel it's a pertinent question (or they do, and want to discuss it). Usually within 2-4 weeks of a first e-mail, but it depends on the person and situation).
**I don't feel an obligation to anyone (and refuse to be roped into one) - unless we've made plans to meet (or have met) and it's gone well - and of course only of I've talked with them on the phone extensively, for several weeks, and we know we are seeking the same terms and kind of relationship. At some point early on, I try to make that clear. If this doesn't suit them, then they need to find someone else, instead.
After that, I remain exclusive with that person. Except for having a male submissive and a male Dominant at the same time - I don't picture myself needing to be any more "Poly" than that (even though I do consider myself Poly). For one thing - who has the time!? It isn't me, that's for sure (but to each their own, of course).
I do have other friends here at CM,(and one locally, who is into BDSM with whom I am friendly) and maybe sometime this year, I will visit the ones who are in other states (we might even do a "scene" together, if either of us is interested) But - I'd consider that more of a friendly thing, never a romantic committment. And if a scene with a friend happens, it is a very, imtermittent and also pre-arranged type of thing (and how we feel about it, and how it could, or might, affect our other relationships has been discussed before-hand).
But that's just me. Hope this helps.
- Susan
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