Shyness (Full Version)

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fieryangel21 -> Shyness (8/20/2007 7:23:49 AM)

I have not been actively searching for a sub for long, but I am beginning to discover just how many of them (though certainly not all) are unusally shy. They will begin by contacting me and showing interest only to answer my replies and questions with fewer than five words. A lot of these people seem like someone I would like to get to know, as a friend or otherwise, so it's rather unfortunate. Do they think it's cute? I certainly find it frustrating. Or are they just intimidated? I don't think they realize that I'm not out to intimidate them... yet.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 7:27:57 AM)

That's not "shy," that's "not interested." 



PleaseTieMeDown -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 7:30:37 AM)

Agreed.
That or they are just not willing to put in the effort.

Im a shy guy, i get nervous as hell when meeting other people in the scene.
All my emails, conversations with dommes are always quite long though... probably too long sometimes.

Ask them to elaborate, and if they dont, go on to the next email.



mbes -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 7:32:29 AM)

I don't know exactly what your exchanges are like, but I can tell you that if I am primarily getting questions, I tend to reply with the short answer. If there is a conversation going on, with both parties giving and receiving information, I'll go with longer ones. Maybe this is what you're seeing?



becca333 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 7:53:05 AM)

We need a whole new board here.  The 'email problems' board.  The 'why do I keep getting nasty emails' and 'why won't people answer my emails' and 'OMG people in cyber lie' and 'how do I find a real Dom/Domme/sub/slave online' board.  Keep them all in one place.



CrazyC -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 8:00:36 AM)

Did it ever occure to you that the questions you asked can be covered in a few words, or that the sub is so busy they don't have time to reply in a way that would get the conversation going. Please tell me you don't end the line of communication because of this. At least there are replys back. Communication is a funny thing...you just don't know where the other person is at and you can't assume you do either.



johnnyak -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 8:34:26 AM)

I agree with PleaseTieMeDown.If they don't elaborate,move on.Communication can be picked up wrong at times but if you have an interest there is always room to elaborate regardless of the question.Me on the other hand i tend to elaborate a little too much and my email turns into a damn novel! Personally i would'nt regard shyness as a factor.



paleseptember -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 8:38:48 AM)

Not to worry, fieryangel21.  In time, you'll find a subbie that you can't shut up. Welcome to the lifestyle.



MsSophie -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:07:12 AM)

Far too many tend to type one handed, and rather absent minden, once they actually get a mail from a domme...
You do, at least, get answers to your questions, albeit one worded. Me, I tend to get answers to questions I didn't ask and have the ones I did ignored.



Dnomyar -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:13:42 AM)

Whats wrong with typing one handed. Hard to type with a hook on the other hand. On the serious side. I type short replies weather talking or writing. It irks some people. Why tell your life story when you can answer in a few words.



fieryangel21 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:22:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSophie

Me, I tend to get answers to questions I didn't ask and have the ones I did ignored.



I find that problematic as well. How can you have a conversation with someone if they aren't paying attention to what you're saying to them? Even ignoring the fact that they want to be your sub, it's common courtesy to pay attention and show interest in what another person is saying when you are conversing with them.



leadinghand -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:24:14 AM)

Fieryangel21:

Consider that even though we live in an e-mail world, many people are still not comfortable writing their thoughts and feelings.
Recently I had an exchange of mail with someone and after one note when I asked several "thought provoking questions" (her term not mine) she suggested that I keep my questions to those that could be answered either yes or no. Frankly that stumped me.
I can only suggest that you keep communicating and keep asking for details. This is too important  and too complex for short answers.



fieryangel21 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:27:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why tell your life story when you can answer in a few words.


I might want to clarify here. I was more talking about email correspondence than chat. I don't understand why people write one and two word emails after I took the time to respond to them in an intelligent and thoughtful manner. It's also sort of a lament over the fact that the traditional letter has gone by the wayside. I'd like to receive an email that opens "Dear Angel" or at least "Hello" and ends with "Sincerely, [name]." Or am I just old-fashoined?



MissyRane -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:36:54 AM)

If I receive a oneliner I usually respond with a oneliner.
I nearly always begin with a hello unless its some ongoing conversation. I don't do the endings though I just always end the mails in a certain way..and well that's just me and my style.
I hate when I get a "Hello" and that is IT so you kind of have to pull every single word out from the persons ass it's horrible I feel ya, some babble endlessly though :) but well I'm a sub talking about dominants..don't know what it's like from the other side of the table.



goodgirl85 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:40:03 AM)

I admit I can be shy when getting to know someone. But that's usually in person. I have actually given up on trying to find someone withing my group of friends/co workers/etc because not only is there nothing there, but because Im shy. However, I find online, shyness usually isnt a factor. I mean what's the worst that will happen the guy won't return my email? O well. i move on. I find it easier to be myself when talking to someone online, thru email or IMs. Shrugs.

My point is its kinda of hard to be shy online I would think. Maybe they aren't interested anymore, but don't want to be rude. Maybe your just asking questions so they don't feel the need to do anything but answer the question.

girl



satyrsnymph28 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:49:57 AM)

I find it to be a little different

I chat with guys on here and have fantastic conversations... then I meet them in person and can hardly get them to say one word...

I don't try to be intimidating... though I know the last one I met, fell in love with me physically, the second he saw me in person... and gave me looks like "you're so beautiful, i dont even know what to do with myself" (granted, he wasn't overly attractive himself, which makes his attraction to me a little more understandable :: giggles :: )

I dont know what creates shy subbies...

but I don't like it



Aileen68 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:52:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fieryangel21

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why tell your life story when you can answer in a few words.


I might want to clarify here. I was more talking about email correspondence than chat. I don't understand why people write one and two word emails after I took the time to respond to them in an intelligent and thoughtful manner. It's also sort of a lament over the fact that the traditional letter has gone by the wayside. I'd like to receive an email that opens "Dear Angel" or at least "Hello" and ends with "Sincerely, [name]." Or am I just old-fashoined?


If they're answering your emails with one or two words then they're not interested.
If they were there would be more words.



fieryangel21 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:57:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

I find it easier to be myself when talking to someone online, thru email or IMs.



Good points, all of them, but I especially relate to this which is why I wonder what's up with all the single word repliers out there. I used to be shy, too. Then I stopped caring what people thought of me. I'm still much more verbal online, though, not because I'm shy, but because I find it slightly easier to articulate myself in text.



fieryangel21 -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:59:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

If they're answering your emails with one or two words then they're not interested.
If they were there would be more words.


When I'm not interested, I either say so or don't answer at all. But maybe mine is not a method of expressing disinterest widely in practice.



MissyRane -> RE: Shyness (8/20/2007 9:59:55 AM)

I used to be shyer than shy, now (in person) I'm overall not shy and can be honest to a fault with people I don't know a thing but I don't know - some people I simply can't seem to get to I mean I can talk to them but I won't let them get to know me even though I try, maybe it's that way with others? but that usually doesn't make me completely unable to held a conversation.
I  don't find a reason to be shy online but yet the only time I'm extremely shy is this crossing  i.e. if I get to know the person online but am moving it over to phone, I haven't done the real meeting but I can't imagine that's any easier lol but I guess if you just jump into the situation...you can't do anything else but making the best out of it eh?

I don't consider one a submissive or a dominant I just go hey how you doin whether its dominant or submissive, I don't know if other 'subs' do it the same way but I could imagine it'd be a barrier if you keep thinking about you being the submissive and the person you're talking to is the dominant..and can't get that out of your head through the whole conversation. Maybe that's what some subs do? I'm sure that would make me endlessly insecure if I were trying to focus on showing my best submissive side while meeting a person for the first time.............if you get my point



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