RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self?

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/18/2007 6:24:49 AM

julietsierra

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Finding one's self is ALL about dropping everything you've ever been taught about what and who you are supposed to be. It's ALL about dropping everything you've ever been taught about how you're supposed to act and maintain yourself. And it's all about exploring what and who you are as well as how you want to act and maintain yourself - FOR YOURSELF.

So, like everyone else has said, forget about all those people who are telling you that there is no such thing as who you are and just be you. If they're not in your bedroom, then they have no say in what you do or what's right for you. They have no say in how you or your husband contributes to the health and happiness of your relationship or yourselves.

Just do it my way (hehehe...just kidding)

Seriously though, if they don't live in your house, they don't get a say over what's right for you and what isn't. And if you don't like what they say, smile, say "fuck em all" and go be happy with your husband.

And THAT is "finding yourself" in a nutshell.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/18/2007 6:26:49 AM >

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/18/2007 11:51:50 AM

ExSteelAgain

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Realizing your sexual fantasies are self-defining even if you can’t always act on them is a start.

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/18/2007 7:44:58 PM

MadRabbit

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To me, its simply trying to see past a manufactured identity and find that which is simply "my self".

We often ask questions and think things such as "How should I feel about this?" or "I should feel this way about it..." or "What should this mean to me?". We try to "figure ourselves out", but all we figure is out is what we believe the norm "should be".

I used to do this. Sometimes I was happy with the answers I found to the "shoulds". Sometimes I took those answers and made them my own, manufacturing something that wasn't real. For awhile, I would be happy with it, a false sense of comfort in "being normal" or "being what I should be", but in the end, there was still just despair, because "what I should be" wasn't "what I am".

So over time, I taught myself to ask and say "What do I feel about this?" and "What does this mean to me?" and "I do feel this way about it...". Once I came to realize the answers and came to terms with them, all there was left was following them.

To steal a catch phrase I really like from someone... "Self Awareness, Self Realization, and finally Self Actualization."

(And on a side note, you should listen to Lucky Albatross. Her way is the right way.

)

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/18/2007 8:40:17 PM

cwytch

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insandouts....it is so wonderful that you two are discovering your lives together...so many i have talked to have had to do their exploring without their partner...whatever label that fits it seems to work for you guys and i hope many blessings upon you...good luck and good luv...and an xtra blessing from a fellow floridian..

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To you, I will be unique in all the world...
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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 7:47:48 AM

InsAndOutsFL

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This post turned into so much more than I thought it would be and that is a GREAT thing! There is such wonderful advice, thank you all. It is nice to know I was right and wrong all at once, right to think we just needed to be ourselves and wrong to let someone elses ego driven words bother me. We have just joined up with a munch group, not sure how that is going to be but hey ya never know until you try (and I am a firm believer in trying everything twice before you say you hate it *giggles*). I think this post is great for not only me, but many newbies who are acosed in the same fashion we were. *hugs* to everyone who is untied and able to....

Jenn

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 9:00:16 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InsAndOutsFL

I made it saying we were a switch couple, which was what I thought, but I have gotten alot of nasty grams telling me there is no such thing, that people are one or the others, and that we were wanna bes.

Jennifer

Whoever told you "there is no such thing" is as wrong as the ocean is wet.

Be who you are, become who you want to be. Be brave, and smart, and patient.

Look inside yourself. Go over the things that make up the kinky life. What makes you feel good? Right? What excites you? Scares you? Revolts you?

Be honest with yourself, brutally so.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 9:25:11 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InsAndOutsFL

We have just joined up with a munch group, not sure how that is going to be but hey ya never know until you try (and I am a firm believer in trying everything twice before you say you hate it *giggles*).

Good for you! Approach your adventure with an open mind and don't be afraid to say hi. There are many people that go to a munch, sit there, not saying a word to anyone and then complain that no one said a word to them. As with anything good, it takes effort. Oh, and you might want to amend your "try anything twice" philosophy to include a third time - to be sure. Once to try it and get over the newness, twice to see if you like it, three times to be sure.

I've had a lot of things I've done that have absolutely bombed the first two times, but then, I've discovered that the third time was the charm.

It works for me. No telling if it'll work for you, but just a suggestion.

juliet

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 9:27:35 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Be who you are, become who you want to be. Be brave, and smart, and patient.

Look inside yourself. Go over the things that make up the kinky life. What makes you feel good? Right? What excites you? Scares you? Revolts you?

Be honest with yourself, brutally so.

Excellent advice, and something Mr. Wonderful has had me examine regularly. Even yesterday when I had trouble admitting something to him that was terribly humiliating for me to admit, he said, "Who are you trying to fool - yourself?"

And really, what's the point of fooling ourselves. We should be who we are and glow in it. Brutal self honesty - I'm a huge advocate. How else do we find peace within?

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 9:31:29 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Brutal self honesty - I'm a huge advocate. How else do we find peace within?

It's amazing how many people do fool themselves, or at least try to. Fear plays a huge part in it, I think.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 9:36:23 AM

ownedgirlie

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Fear played the entire part of it with me in the past. I had trouble accepting that it was OK to like certain things. I tried to fit the paradigm I had developed in my own mind of "the way it ought to be."

How'd that work out for me? Not so well!

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 10:29:09 AM

sophia37

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There is no right or wrong way. L.A. had it right with, "you sound like a fem top/male bottom newbie couple"

Welcome to the forums. Somedays it can be just like Rome.
Some people do get tossed to the lions, but nobody ever dies from it.

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 12:48:58 PM

BoundDragon

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I have always known where I've wanted to be in life... its the finer details I've had to discover. I've been fortunate to do most of this discovery on my own.... usually sat in the car with some real heartfelt music on as I watch the sun go down.
Its amazing how inspired & spiritial you can be during something like that.

Now I am with my man I find his desire and hopes mirror mine and although we differ to what a lot of people think is normal or common place behaviour we are comfortable with it & each other that is all that matters... and now I have someone to sit with as the sun sets... its when the deepest conversations & insights will happen guarranteed... be happy with yourselves cos anyone else is on the outside, their opinions only matter if you let them in.

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RE: How Does One Discover Ones Self? - 8/19/2007 1:40:03 PM

sirguym

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Experiment. Consider. Did it work? Did you enjoy it? Do it again, then.

Did it feel unfulfilling, pointless, needlessly painful, demeaning, degrading? Don't do it again, then.

As a woman on a site like this you will always be a target for a lot of nasty unsolicited mail.

You to realise that most men are basically OK, but we are not the ones spamming anybody who seems to be a woman.

The losers who resort to that kind of tactic fire off hundreds, probably, thousands of messages to anyone who seems female.

That gives the ladies the false impression that most men are wankers, losers and abusers.

They get very little response, get all angry and twisted and increasingly embittered. Just block them out, or raise the bar.

As to the idea there are no 'switches' that is utter bullshit. It seems far more likely to me that there is nobody incapable of switching. It is just that some like me have tried it did not enjoy it and probably won't ever do it again. Or the people who won't let themselves try the other side in case they enjoy it.

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