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Friends... - 8/14/2007 11:42:02 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

So...

I have this friend.

He's a great friend when he wants to be...

or when he wants something...

and sometimes those aren't even linked together.

He's one of my only friends right now. I did a lot of... sifting through people, and weeded a lot of people out of my life in the past year, due to poor quality... figuring that a few good friends would be a better idea than lots of shitty friends...

So, Its like... him... and my parents... and thats the extent of my circle of friends right now...
So, if I'm not hanging out with him... I'm at home... and thats about it.

Most recently, I had him re-do my web page for me. He did a fantastic job... theres still some work to be done... but it looks pretty good. Initially I told him I'd pay him for it... he said he'd do it for free...

Then he decided that since he was going on a trip this weekend, that he wanted the money for it...

I've seen him once in the past... 3 months... and he spends ALL his time with this one girl... saying that she used to be on drugs and she has an abusive ex so he's trying to keep her away from all that...

he can't even step away from her long enough to collect the $60 that he requested for re-designing my page.

I'm starting to not even see this as a friendship... its like a -I'm his friend and he just calls me his friend so that I am a source of money if he needs it-

:: sigh ::

suggestions?

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RE: Friends... - 8/14/2007 11:48:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Distance yourself.

Find new fun things to do to meet other people.

I've always been someone who doesn't have a lot of friends. And when I say that I mean filling out a standard wedding party with anyone other than biological family has always been a serious challenge for me and the Sex and the City girls is a whole sorority house compared to my social circle.

But it also means that my friends are mine- that they know ME, all of ME, and I'm always comfortable with them. I still go out and do fun stuff- I've got tons of people I KNOW, loads of people I can chat with, and I really can enjoy munches and social events and going out to parties.

Try meetup.com.

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RE: Friends... - 8/14/2007 11:55:34 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
Status: offline

i have a problem with meeting people...

most men (and women too, actually now that i thnk about it) are sex-minded (especially in my age group) and can't form a friendship without that person potentially being a sex partner...

i'd love to form a friendship with someone... but... not someone who can't wait to take me back to their place and take my clothes off...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 9:16:02 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Perhap's he is falling in love with this new girl and wants to be with her? Doesn't mean you are only good for money it only means he may be moving away from you and closer to her.
Friends hopefully do that sometime in life. Hopefully they find happiness. Even though it sometimes leaves us out in the cold we cannot dislike them for trying to be happy.

He needs money, and you offered to pay. That doesn't mean he is going to always come to you asking for money.
Don't take it so hard. Talk to him and tell him your feelings.

As adults friends are harder to find. I did the same thing 20 years ago when I joined the military. Dumped about a thousand people out of my active life. Scaled down to about 20 really good friends.
I have more than that now...but when I say good friends I mean those who would drop anything for me if I needed them. They are hard to find but well worth hanging onto when you do.

There are people out there who only want friendship with no sexual overtones attached. I'm one of them. I also distance myself from those who cross that line.

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 9:21:09 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Is it fair to him that you've chosen to roll up all of your friendships into one person? That puts a tremendous amount of pressure and expectations on him when he has no say in the matter.

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 10:20:16 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

As someone who actually knows you a bit, you don't have any friends. I don't say this to be harsh but the truth can be harsh. Someone who uses you isn't a friend.

How much of a friend are YOU? How independent are YOU of other people? The answer to all this sounds cheesy but it is true. Look inward, look for the patterns in your life that put you in the places you find yourself.

Looking for answers is the first step and it seems you are there. I wish you the best and if you want to pm me, feel free.

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 9:34:59 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm sorry you feel that person is your only friend. Kind of surprised, too.

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 9:37:41 PM

Alhazred

Posts: 134
Joined: 7/31/2007
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If your friends aren't good friends... you're better off alone.

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RE: Friends... - 8/15/2007 9:48:27 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I would cut the guy loose, frankly.

People who are sweet to you when they want something from you, will always cut you off and turn their back when they realize they won't get what they wanted out of you. This to me does not equate friendship; only pretense. Whether it's money or sex or whatever he is using you for, it most certainly isn't the mark of honor or friendship.

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