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Patience - 8/10/2007 3:03:15 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Since I am having issues with this right now, I feel the need to vent.
I am sure others will have the same issues, and I will hear a lot from both sides of it. I just know that I have been driving myself unnecessarily insane about this lately.

When someone tells you they are going to be in touch, but they dont tell you when... how long do you wait for them to get around to it?
If someone has fallen out of contact with you before, do you find it harder to be patient and wait for them to get in touch with you than if they have always been good about it?

I have been talking to a boy on here who I have met previously in real life. When we met before, we had very good chemistry but things in real life made us have to part. Now, out of no where he contacts me again. For 2 or 3 days we chatted just like nothing had changed. And then, he gets silent. Again. And Me, I find it hard to be patient and wait for him to get back to me by whatever means he can. I worry that he has disappeared again, for good or bad reasons. I mail him and check to see if the messages have been read just to see if he has been around. I am not attached, but I get very frusterated not having heard from him when I do knwo that he has read my messages.
Then, today, he tells me that he hasnt been able to get in touch, and doesnt have the information I asked for so he hadnt gotten back to me. We are going to have to have a talk about what sort of contact I expect, to keep this from happeneing. For now, though, I have to be more patient, and just let him wait until he can get in touch to do so.
I jus needed to get this out. Comments, opinions... whatever would be welcomed.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

Post #: 1

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 3:09:24 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I have no patience when someone starts chatting with me and expresses interest, I express interest back and then they do not follow up. It is my pet peeve. So many do this; it is all going somewhat well for a few days and then they disappear only to re-emerge a few days/weeks/months later as if nothing had happened.

They wonder why my response is always negative. I feel if you are interested in someone, you keep up the contact. No one has time today to check and see if emails were read or wonder.

If there is no interest, just say so for god's sake, but many men and women would rather cut off their wrist than face you.

Also, when making it clear to someone about the type of contact I would like, I sometimes hear, Oh You are NOT submissive enough if you are trying to control how I contact you.

I then wave good bye. So, no patience.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/10/2007 3:11:15 PM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 2

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 3:17:11 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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DV, there is no time frame that's set in stone. Play it by hear, if it does not suit you, tell him, or move on, IMO.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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Post #: 3

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 3:27:29 PM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

oohhh..recent pet peeve of mine too...I dont really have much to add...other than add to the rant that it just sucks. I got stood up by the first girl I ever asked out on an actual date a few weeks ago. Took me alot of fricking courage to actually ask her and decide to go too..and she never showed up...sucked.

And then last weekend Sir and I actually hit it off pretty well (we thought) with this couple at a swingers bar, and we exchanged emails, and we sent them one after the weekend was over and they have yet to respond......

Anyway, I dont know how long you should wait.....but I just wanted to agree that it sucks and venting is good.

ghita~

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Post #: 4

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 3:36:13 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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This is what I do...It is cold. If the person is off of here I just act like they are dead...I never contact them again....In real life I use my cell...No one memorizes numbers anymore....You pull up their name and dial...If I feel like I am getting yanked around at all, I simply delete cell phone numbers, e-mail address and they are gone....Poof! Problem solved.

If, at some point in the future, they do get back to me then it would depend entirely on the reason for the lack of courtesy...Chances are slim to none that things will progress any further.

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Post #: 5

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 4:09:45 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Domiguy's right.

I had a girl pull this bullshit act with me for five years. She'd drop a line every now and then like 'old times.' Talk for two days.... poof.

Finally I confronted her. Told her I knew she wasn't going to meet, that she enjoyed the fantasy of an 'us' every time she felt lonely, and I told her to piss off. She admitted it was true.

It didn't feel much better afterwards, but I don't feel badly for a day or two after she contacts me anymore. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 6

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 4:50:38 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
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I don't wait for people to get in touch...I either make contact myself, or just forget about them until they get around to contacting me

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 7

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 5:45:11 PM

UR2Badored

Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
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DV--
I have nothing to add but that type of situation is sooooooooo frustrating. Just seems indicative of communication in all forms being shotty down the line.

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Post #: 8

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 6:07:16 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

if someone intrigues me, makes me laugh, or makes me think, i will communicate with them on-line, but until i meet them, they remain in that special little "this is the internet" pouch of my brain. that pouch can pretty much be emptied like a recycle bin, with no emotion attached to it.

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 9

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 6:31:43 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

if someone intrigues me, makes me laugh, or makes me think, i will communicate with them on-line, but until i meet them, they remain in that special little "this is the internet" pouch of my brain. that pouch can pretty much be emptied like a recycle bin, with no emotion attached to it.

Ideal, but not so easy to do...
super that you have found your way to contain the 'virtual' :)

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Black Water Dragon

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Post #: 10

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 6:34:51 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

if someone intrigues me, makes me laugh, or makes me think, i will communicate with them on-line, but until i meet them, they remain in that special little "this is the internet" pouch of my brain. that pouch can pretty much be emptied like a recycle bin, with no emotion attached to it.

Ideal, but not so easy to do...
super that you have found your way to contain the 'virtual' :)

never said it was easy........and never said i did it immediately.......i like to think its either maturity or just not giving a damn......sometimes i get those 2 confused....

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to kiyari)

Post #: 11

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 6:38:28 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

Sounds to me (and genuinely no offense remotely implied)
as though this character resorts to you when
*WHOMEVER ELSE THEY ASPIRE TO*
'can't come out to play', or some variation thereof.

A 'phone that does not ring' (relative to a watched pot n boiling) stinks, big time.

Something I see quoted betimes, which may apply here:
"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."
(paraphrased)

In my opinion, that one has something going on in their background,
and you have the dubious honor of being their fallback. =(

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Black Water Dragon

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Post #: 12

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 6:41:10 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

never said it was easy........and never said i did it immediately.......
i like to think its either maturity or just not giving a damn......
sometimes i get those 2 confused....

LOL...

Never underestimate the Power of 'Not Giving a Damn', seriously!

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Black Water Dragon

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Post #: 13

RE: Patience - 8/10/2007 7:00:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

For the moment, I am stil in the phase where I am not attached, but I am really annoyed that he isnt trying as hard as I am. Though, today I was informed he isnt accessig anything from his own computer, he has to borrow time on someone elses, adn accessing CM is not necessarily an option depending on where he gets to log on. I can understand that, but I should have known that from the beginning...
He has been told that we are going to have a talk about contact.

Thank you all, by the way, I dont feel as bad knowing I am not the only one who really hates spotty contact like this.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kiyari)

Post #: 14

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 7:20:52 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiyari

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

never said it was easy........and never said i did it immediately.......
i like to think its either maturity or just not giving a damn......
sometimes i get those 2 confused....

LOL...

Never underestimate the Power of 'Not Giving a Damn', seriously!

lol-youre preachin to the choir

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to kiyari)

Post #: 15

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 7:36:23 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

For the moment, I am stil in the phase where I am not attached, but I am really annoyed that he isnt trying as hard as I am. Though, today I was informed he isnt accessig anything from his own computer, he has to borrow time on someone elses, adn accessing CM is not necessarily an option depending on where he gets to log on. I can understand that, but I should have known that from the beginning...
He has been told that we are going to have a talk about contact.

Thank you all, by the way, I dont feel as bad knowing I am not the only one who really hates spotty contact like this.

DV

Sadly, it's not uncommon at all. I'm sure there's a million different reasons for it, but it all boils down to one thing - they're usually not ready to make the efforts to move forward.   Online is safe - real time is scarey.

I too have people that contact me, talk, then disappear, then reappear.   It's a pattern that's recognizable. If I'm interested in talking to them online when they reappear, I will (or not if I don't feel like it) but I don't kid myself that it'll ever lead to a r/t meeting.   More often than not, they'll eventually bring up meeting/serving and are flabbergasted when I say no thanks because of the pattern of previous contact. And if I'm seeing someone when they reappear?  Surprise and disbelief that I'm not available and waiting until they find their balls and want to meet.

If you're really interested in this individual, you can have a talk with him about your expectations and his expectations about contact and how things will move forward.   If he can't (or more accurately won't) meet your expectations, then I'd move along. He may be an online friend, but nothing more.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 16

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 8:51:23 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Maybe I didnt make it clear. He is not just an online contact. We have already met face to face. And when we did, there was real interest. Hwever, his real life made it impossible for us to do anything about it, and then he fell off the face of the earth. Now that he is back, it has been online only for a while, since we havent been able to schedule time together. BUT I am concerned he wil fall off the face of the earth again, whether it is by need of real life obligations or whatever. The less he contacts me, the more I worry he will have disappeared.

For the most part, when someone is only online and I have never met them face to face, it doesnt really bother me if they flake out and dont meet. I chalk it up to another scared online RPer and move on. However I have been with this boy in real life, and I know he is real. Scared, yes, but real. Thats why I am more interested in getting him face to face, and speaking with him.

I have mastered the find art of not giving a shit when you are just online. Even once we have moved to the phone, until I se someone face to face and verify that there is some real connection offline, they arent all that important to me. Even in Angel's case, until I visited him the first time for real, as intense as we had been I was ready to give him up if the chemistry wasnt there.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 17

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 9:48:10 AM

HaveRopeWillBind

Posts: 514
Joined: 7/15/2006
Status: offline

My personal lack of contact rule is 3 days if involved and 1 week if not involved. When the time is up I initiate contact and if there is not a satisfactory response then just forget about them, they are obvioulsy setting other priorities.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 18

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 2:44:36 PM

SugarMyChurro

Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
I had a girl pull this bullshit act with me for five years.

Quick questions:
Do you even have testicles?
Five years?!!!

I appreciate your honesty and feel bad for teasing you, but damn...

Upward and onward, Stephann!

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 19

RE: Patience - 8/11/2007 3:02:02 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I don't mean to paint it like it was anything but an online relationship/friendship. She knew I wanted more, and after talking for a day or two, she'd say she would too... then a week later she'd vanish. Three or six months later, I'd get a 'hi' from her... and it'd start again.

I reasoned, I could either ignore her, or I could just interact with her until she came around. When we talked, really was that good, that I'd be willing to wait.

Finally, though, it just got too silly, and I blocked her. It's quite unlikely I'll ever bump into her again.

Hope that explains better.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Post #: 20

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