Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Change in Your Partner/Relationship


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Change in Your Partner/Relationship Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:03:04 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		A sentiment that I see expressed frequently is that if the relationship or your partner is changing beyond the boundaries of what was initially agreed to then you should leave because that just isn't right.

I do know that there are constructive and destructive ways to introduce change into a relationship.  I also know that some changes are significant enough that it does end the relationship.  However, it seems that some are against any change no matter how constructively the partner approaches the matter.

Do people have an expectation that the relationship and their partner will not change over the years?

Have there been significant changes in your partner and/or relationship and how have you dealt with them?

What kind of changes will end your relationship?

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:05:09 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I would get bored without change.  I know we change and I thrive on that.  The only thing I can think of that would make me end a relationship is if my partner is harmful to either my family or me in any way shape or form.

Harm and hurt are two different animals.  We all hurt each other on occasion and that's life.  I refuse to spend my life in harm's way ever again. 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:12:40 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		why the hell married. I do not see the sense of it if ten years down the road you get all kinky out and change. how stupid and a waist of time in court and taking up or tax dollars. If i remeber correctly it means to death do you part.
now if you are not married. then do the flight or fight syndrom now you say harmful if it is physical abuse by all means i agree run forest run. but if you get in fight over who took out the garbage or one person left the seat and call each other names like two kids NO we all get fustrated. and alot of times there is some under line reason things happen but not always some times one just gets a stupid moment. SO what you have to say is comunicate how you feel make up and behappy. everyone changes when the heart rules the mind sometimes love is very blind. but thats normal

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:18:21 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline 		Hi kyra,

It has been close to a decade and the things that make him who he is have not changed at all. My place in his life has changed pretty significantly but he did it slowly over time. We have had some pretty significant work-related changes but nothing I can say ever made me consider leaving. I did have some foot-stomping, bag packing in the early years but that is because I couldn't impose my will upon him and he was imposing his upon me but it never went beyond that. All the changes have been for the better for our family.

The things that would potentially end the dynamic for either of us are all what ifs and until faced with any of it, we couldn't say what we would do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

A sentiment that I see expressed frequently is that if the relationship or your partner is changing beyond the boundaries of what was initially agreed to then you should leave because that just isn't right.

I do know that there are constructive and destructive ways to introduce change into a relationship.  I also know that some changes are significant enough that it does end the relationship.  However, it seems that some are against any change no matter how constructively the partner approaches the matter.

Do people have an expectation that the relationship and their partner will not change over the years?

Have there been significant changes in your partner and/or relationship and how have you dealt with them?

What kind of changes will end your relationship?

Knight's Kyra


_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:22:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The question is "When is change too much change?"

I think it's something the same as asking what someone's priorities are.  Some things are highly important and some things aren't at all.

People will change.  Relationships will change.

Even more- PRIORITIES themselves will change.  This can really mess things up.

Sometimes people SHOULD end relationships when they no longer serve everyone involved.  Sometimes people SHOULD stick together and grow with the change to accommodate the new parts.

But it's up to the relationship where those lines exist- and where they shift.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:25:58 PM   
FullCircle


Posts: 5713
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe it’s a US thing but I don’t see that many constraints are put on relationships by either partner when they begin. You can’t easily predict how relationships and individuals may develop so how would you govern them when you start out? Does one partner suddenly turn around to the other and say “I thought you always knew I liked poly?” What things do you agree on? I tend to think most have an understanding about what each person wants and needs when they start out. From that point on it is all about negotiation and changes are either rejected or accepted but they can’t be predicted in every circumstance.

_____________________________

∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 1:55:37 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		This may be a stereotypical answer, so i will preface it with that comment, but i have often heard this statement made about relationships and the people in them, that the men in the relationship are going into that relationship desiring that the other person it in never change and that women going into a relationship plan on changing the other person. This is something that i have heard about heterosexual relationships and maybe more widely seen in vanilla relationships than in D/s ones, but i have seen it in both types.

So having said that, then in answer to your first question Kyra, i think yes some people honestly do go into relationships thinking that the other person won't change and others go into relationships assuming that the other person will change. i think a lot of people go into a marriage to use that as an example doing all the planning for the wedding and don't plan on how to keep the relationship strong after the wedding because they don't think about it potentially changing.

Also the next thing would be to define what is a significant change, a career change to some might be considered a significant change depending on how it affected the relationship, ie working significantly longer hours, away more, etc. for some it is a change they can't manage, while for others they can deal with those changes and keep the relationship strong. Have dealt with a number of career changes, moves, and just adjusted to them. However changes of who that person is at his or her core (change in sexual desires (straight to homosexual) or change in D/s desires) would make me reevaluate whether i could get what i needed out of the relationship any more.

heartfelt


_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to FullCircle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 2:32:54 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

why the hell married.  Because I am in love with my husband.  I do not see the sense of it if ten years down the road you get all kinky out and change.  HUH?  how stupid and a waist of time in court and taking up or tax dollars. If i remeber correctly it means to death do you part. Yep...so my abusive ex husband should still be married to me cause we wasted tax dollars. lovely.
now if you are not married. then do the flight or fight syndrom now you say harmful if it is physical abuse by all means i agree run forest run. but if you get in fight over who took out the garbage or one person left the seat and call each other names like two kids NO we all get fustrated.   I qualified the difference between hurt and harm.  Read a post will ya?  And for the record my husband and I NEVER squabble like that.  We talk when we have issues.  We always will.  Why are you attacking my marriage when you know nothing about it?  and alot of times there is some under line reason things happen but not always some times one just gets a stupid moment. SO what you have to say is comunicate how you feel make up and behappy. everyone changes when the heart rules the mind sometimes love is very blind. but thats normal

What makes you think that when I said I love and thrive on change that means leaving a perfectly happy marriage?


_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 2:43:43 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

why the hell married.  Because I am in love with my husband.  I do not see the sense of it if ten years down the road you get all kinky out and change.  HUH?  how stupid and a waist of time in court and taking up or tax dollars. If i remeber correctly it means to death do you part. Yep...so my abusive ex husband should still be married to me cause we wasted tax dollars. lovely.
now if you are not married. then do the flight or fight syndrom now you say harmful if it is physical abuse by all means i agree run forest run. but if you get in fight over who took out the garbage or one person left the seat and call each other names like two kids NO we all get fustrated.   I qualified the difference between hurt and harm.  Read a post will ya?  And for the record my husband and I NEVER squabble like that.  We talk when we have issues.  We always will.  Why are you attacking my marriage when you know nothing about it?  and alot of times there is some under line reason things happen but not always some times one just gets a stupid moment. SO what you have to say is comunicate how you feel make up and behappy. everyone changes when the heart rules the mind sometimes love is very blind. but thats normal

What makes you think that when I said I love and thrive on change that means leaving a perfectly happy marriage?



um why is it you think that everything i posted was about you. I think you have to take step back and look at the general meaning was talking in a general sense but what ever

(in reply to earthycouple)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 2:58:14 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Seriously, it all depends on what you expected could change and what actually changed. Heh, I mean there are certain changes few could tolerate.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 7:40:29 PM   
Mistresssubrina


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/18/2007
Status: offline 		My spiritual teacher says
"the nature  of the world is to change , the nature of the man os to ressist change"
We all do so or did in our past
I feel the best thing ever happened to me is when I didn't control them ( funny comming from a a FemDomme...lol0 but I do know that somethings are best just to be and unfold.
I started my relationship with out expectation with my sub and now we live "normal" lives and "vanilla " to the world but we are in a D/s relationship and verey much in love too.
the relationship ievolved to better then I expected and I could ever imagined
In the past I was involved in relationship with a TV and that was  a hard limits for me but I learned so much from him/her , it opened so many world to me I never knew are there and that I could enjoy.
so just like you hit the lottery
You never know
just be there and wait and see.
Ms D

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/7/2007 8:46:43 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Do people have an expectation that the relationship and their partner will not change over the years?

Have there been significant changes in your partner and/or relationship and how have you dealt with them?


Relationships evolve, if they don't then they die and become stagnint, which is as good as dead.
 
Over the last 4 years of knowing MJ, I have gone from seeing Him as an a**hole, jerk, bastard, friend, someone who knew how to push my buttons and make me fume and scream and want to hit a wall; to the man who makes me wet at the thought of Him, who makes me laugh and purrrr, want to grow deeper in my submission and learn more about myself in a multitude of ways, He makes me happy and  just because He is around or talking. Its amazing at the changes that have occured over the last 4 years, in both of us.

quote:


What kind of changes will end your relationship?


Lies, growing apart as people often do, different things. I try not to focus on the negative and stay looking at the positive and live in the moment and my relationship at this time. Not the 'whatifs.' 

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/8/2007 3:45:26 PM   
MsSophie


Posts: 142
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Stockholm, Sweden
Status: offline
quote:

Do people have an expectation that the relationship and their partner will not change over the years?


I think it's inevitable that both I, and my partner, will change over the years. No one ever stays the same, and if we did life would be rather dull. I suspect the difficulties would set in should it be that we both changed too much in oposit directions.

quote:

Have there been significant changes in your partner and/or relationship and how have you dealt with them?

Our relationship has changed significanly over the years, as has our life and lifestyle. I think what has carried us over it has been that we are best friends and the friendship has been the glue to keep us together during the rough times.

quote:

What kind of changes will end your relationship?

The only thing I could see breaking us apart would be death - we've been through most of the other things that break people up. Poverty, homelessness, illness, lies, cheating... you name it. We've managed to solve the problems. Not without a huge amount of work, though


_____________________________

My site: http://www.euro-kink.com

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Change in Your Partner/Relationship - 8/8/2007 5:58:35 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

A sentiment that I see expressed frequently is that if the relationship or your partner is changing beyond the boundaries of what was initially agreed to then you should leave because that just isn't right.

I do know that there are constructive and destructive ways to introduce change into a relationship.  I also know that some changes are significant enough that it does end the relationship.  However, it seems that some are against any change no matter how constructively the partner approaches the matter.

Do people have an expectation that the relationship and their partner will not change over the years?

Have there been significant changes in your partner and/or relationship and how have you dealt with them?

What kind of changes will end your relationship?

Knight's Kyra



I expect change to happen as time goes by.
People grow learn new things and sometimes change.

Yes there have been several,each situation was handled according to what the change was.

For Me changing wont end a relationship...lieing will.
Not changing a destructive behavior would be one thing that would possibly make
Me end it,but not until I have given it My all.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Change in Your Partner/Relationship Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063