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CreativeDominant -> RE: The role of Ego in bdsm (o.O) (8/3/2007 11:59:54 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
As too often occurs, ego surfaces whenever an individual feels threatened. It is a defense mechanism, to bloster will power and inspire action. Actually, that's a lack of preparation, whether mentally or physically or spiritually for the confrontation. Inflated ego is present when you bluster into the confrontation anyway.
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It is also a security blanket, lulling us into believing no improvement is required (not knowing enough is also a form of threat to the individual). Actually, my ego is what reminds me that improvement is always required. It takes ego to do what I do as a professional...you have to believe you are good at what you do or you cannot do what must be done...and a well-modulated ego to realize that there are indeed others better than you at what you do and, as incentive to increasing the ego and bolstering that increase, telling yourself that you would do well to learn from them...and then go seek them out.
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However, it is my belief that ego should play no part in bdsm, especially no role in the decisions of a dom/domme/mistress/master.
From my point of view, these individuals have a responsibility to ensure everyone benefits in a manner appropriate for the individual.
I don't see this leaving much room for ego or selfishness. Again, I disagree. I think that if you are going to bring a cat o' nine tails down on someone's cute rounded ass or tie someone up in mid-air or control them in certain areas of their life and guide them in others, you better not only have the guts and intelligence and experience to do so, you better believe (ego) that you can and that you just might be the best individual to do it for this person, even while modulating that with the thought that there could well be someone better. As for selfishness...there are good kinds of selfish and bad kinds. To want to help someone to become a better being in the way they wish and to have it be your hands and mind and manner that does so...yeah, that could be considered selfish...but to me, it is a good kind of selfish.
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True, there are other forms of relationship where there might be little pressure to dispense with ego: one night stands, casual settings, etc.
But I do not see ego benefitting any long-term relationship. More likely the relationship will break up as a result of arguments spawned by fits of ego.
What do you think?
I think that it is a lovely, let's-all-have-a-hug-and-ignore-the-other's failings/accomplishments-because-we-don't-want-to-do-anything-to-either-deflate-what-may be-a-fragile-ego-or-inflate-what-may-already-be-a-healthy-ego worldview. It is not my view and in all honesty, I don't think you will find many who feel that, upon reflection, a healthy dose of ego is a bad thing.
MOO...YMMV
The right ego is a good thing.
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