RE: Dommes on Top (Full Version)

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PairOfDimes -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/1/2007 6:38:23 PM)

Oh, hell yes. Casual play is great! Also, I don't consider having a d/s relationship and indulging in casual play mutually exclusive, but I'm goofy in that multiple-partners kind of way.



undergroundsea -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/1/2007 7:13:27 PM)

I respond more to mental aspects of BDSM than physical ones. My interest in physical play is mostly for its accompanying mental aspects, or that the physical play may be part of the dance towards courtship. So I usually don't seek physical play for the sake of sensation or bottoming.

However, I do regularly  participate in D/s play in a casual sense. This play occurs most often as service and can also include other expressions of dominance and submission.

To me casual play is not cold unless I am specifically seeking a dynamic that involves emotional SM. I play with only those with whom I feel some form of attraction and chemistry. I harbor good will towards them. Sometimes this play occurs as I have just met someone, and there is excitement about the potential for chemistry. Sometimes this play occurs with someone whom I have gotten to know and there is enough chemistry for recurring play but not an exclusive relationship. And sometimes this play occurs casually because circumstances (distance, other relationships, lesbian domme) allow only that.

I have had many beautiful moments through this type of play and am grateful for these moments even if the play relationship has now waned.

Cheers,

Sea




skareamoos -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/3/2007 4:11:54 AM)

From the male perspective ... in the (sadly distant) past I have worked both sides of the street, so to speak, and in the absence of a more settled and permanent relationship I have indeed just played, but would never do so while I had a devoted sub OR domme ... UNLESS it was her unlikely preference for me to do so.  For me, at least, the whole question is largely moot, since there appears to be little demand for  a 70-something male, no matter how young he is.  (Please don't take this to sound bitter; I fully understand, am am reasonably content with this age-enforced abstinence.)



LadyHugs -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/3/2007 11:30:11 PM)

Dear LadyPact, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my opinion --just because you are in an 'in between' state that doesn't mean one shrivels up like a dried prune.
 
Topping is just fine in my mind's eyes, while in between relationships you have yourself out there, to be seen and also to maintain skills and reputation.  For some of us, it is a healing time and a bit of 'me time,' as we aren't tied down into a relationship so we only invest as much of ourselves as we want to/wish to and with whom we want/wish to; on a short term basis.
 
Owning slaves is a huge responsibility and for me, if I cannot do the job fully and with all my energy and devotion, I dare not try to have a full time slave.  Having real time duties as a care giver, I place myself in a Topping mode due to the situation currently but, not due to the lack of experience as a Mistress/Master.  Other than Topping, one can always help the community by being a presenter, mentor, teacher/instructor and or participate in the community when and or however they can.
 
Speaking for myself, I am secure enough to not be worried about what others think of my situation in a Topping capacity.  Most who talk with me quickly find out I am more than just a Top--I am a woman who is a Dominant and has a lot of mileage under the belt, per se.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 



Aimtoplease101 -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 10:22:31 AM)

As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP



MiladyElaine -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 12:15:09 PM)

Yes I think the friends element has a LOT to do with it!
I played casual for awhile and decided to focus on LT because it was too much like " loving and leaving".  I got too attached to a couple and they weren't into LT. 



VeryMercurial -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 12:21:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP


I agree with your correlation between casual play and professional sessions.
They are very much in the same category.
They both serve a need for those that have the desire to participate in them.
I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.
But they are a viable alternative for those that can pull them off.



LadyPact -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 3:55:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

As long as casual play encounters don't violate an agreement of exclusivity that you have going on in a committed relationship, I think they can be great.

Humans are complex beings. We have a variety of different needs and personality facets. Committed relationships are great, and often provide a depth of emotional satisfaction that casual play can't attain. But we have physical desires as well, and experiences to enjoy. Casual play-- or even professional sessions, which I put in much the same category-- have something to offer. You can learn a lot-- about yourself, about new techniques, etc.-- that can be imported into committed relationships later. The sum of your life experience contributes to who you are and that, after all, is what you bring to a relationship. The people you meet and interact with along the way are part of that summation.

Regards, ATP


I agree with your correlation between casual play and professional sessions.
They are very much in the same category.
They both serve a need for those that have the desire to participate in them.
I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.
But they are a viable alternative for those that can pull them off.


From reading this, I would have to say that I don't agree with the correlaiton.  I think there is a difference between casual play and professional services.  I'd see it if there was a comparrison to say, your accountant doing your taxes for free because of the pure enjoyment of it.  Some of Us still do it just for that reason alone, rather than a monetary transaction.
 
Lady Hugs, I have to say I very much enjoyed your post.  Quite the similar view.  Play, rather than play dead.



ocilla -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 6:18:34 PM)

Hey LadyP,

I have been doing casual play while seeking LT.  The casual is not with strangers or people I do not care for - but they are not folks for whom LT is a good fit.  As I am in the exploration and learning phase I see the casual play as a way for me to get experience and see what I like and don't like.  Like others though, so far, I have not desired oral or other sexual servicing - just too intimate for something casual.  I would prefer the dynamic of my pleasure to be exlored in a D/s dynamic which for me will be LT.  And I just have not had a sexual desire for my casual playmates at this time - might in the future - time will tell.  I am wanting that D/s LT connection and focusing on that more and more but the topping play and technical practice has been good experience and much needed. 

I think if you are having fun and enjoying yourself - you should not look back.  And who knows a casual thing might turn into something else. 

Also I concur that pro and causal topping are not alike.  I encouraged one playmate to see a pro because I thought he could satisfy some of his "do me" energy that way.  It worked rather well - I mean he was paying for a service that they negotiated beforehand - so for the most part he got the specific activity that he wanted.  He was dissappointed that the pro he choose does not allow her bottoms to cum (she said it had to do with the laws or some such?) and her cropping skills were not that good as she did a pretty thorough job of wrapping his hip bone raw. 

Anyhow in the end the play thing is not about my pleasure so much since I do not get turned on by just the act of giving pain.  So the LT female supremacy is more what I seek and fpr me that is not done casually.



MisPandora -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 7:20:45 PM)

Yes, while I do not have a LTR attached to me at present, I occupy myself with casual encounters.  These days, I don't spend my time meeting people for casual encounters.  Thankfully, I have two gentlemen who keep me suitably entertained in that area, plus there are always casual hookups for play at events I attend and willing bottoms for the classes I teach (and those that follow afterwards for "tutoring"!!!!)



MisPandora -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/4/2007 7:25:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

I have never been inclined to participate in casual play or relationships, because I have
to have the emotional, mental and sexual component.

That's quite bold to imply that those who engage in casual play to whatever level involve no emotional, mental or sexual component.  There are a number of us who've replied on this thread that have said we have "casual encounters" (read: not a long term relationship/contract with) folks whom we consider friends.  These are people we care for, have built a level of trust with and clearly don't consider them "just some trick."  I hope that's not what you were trying to imply.



LadyPact -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/5/2007 1:15:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Hey LadyP,

I have been doing casual play while seeking LT.  The casual is not with strangers or people I do not care for - but they are not folks for whom LT is a good fit.  As I am in the exploration and learning phase I see the casual play as a way for me to get experience and see what I like and don't like.  Like others though, so far, I have not desired oral or other sexual servicing - just too intimate for something casual.  I would prefer the dynamic of my pleasure to be exlored in a D/s dynamic which for me will be LT.  And I just have not had a sexual desire for my casual playmates at this time - might in the future - time will tell.  I am wanting that D/s LT connection and focusing on that more and more but the topping play and technical practice has been good experience and much needed. 

I think if you are having fun and enjoying yourself - you should not look back.  And who knows a casual thing might turn into something else. 

Also I concur that pro and causal topping are not alike. 


Hey neighbor!
 
I missed seeing you at the munch last night.  If you attended and I didn't say hello, please accept My apologies.  There was a good crowd, and even aside from that, I was quite occupied.  (If you could see the big, wicked grin on My face just now!)
 
I am smacking Myself on the forehead for skipping an important detail in the OP.  I was not in any way relating casual play to oral service, sexual service, or any other activity that would be related to that group.  I was referring only to those things that are within the confines of most public dungeon rules.  I probably should have been more specific about that and My apologies if there was any confusion on that issue.
 
Btw, if you're up for it, contact Me on the other side.  I'm going to be hosting an event in Atlanta next month.



ocilla -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/5/2007 1:57:52 PM)

Oh I wish I had known you were there it would have motivated me to go. I went to 1763 for the last one which was a bit unsatisfying due to some odd drama that ended the evening rather abruptly. But the usual Georgia crowd is just a lovely bunch of folks and so welcoming.  I will definitely contact you to get the details of the event you are hosting - gotta back up and support my gal in the neighborhood.  smiling



sting516 -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/10/2007 6:39:35 PM)

For me...since i've felt the need to be owned as a slave...casual play just doesn't work for me anymore...maybe because i need that connection now to really give myself to that person...submission just for the sake of submission has a hollow ring for me.



RaynaSub -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/10/2007 8:22:17 PM)

Casual playing does nothing for me either.
I need to be in a relationship, in order to really open up and be able to commit.



BotanicalMiss -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/10/2007 9:02:36 PM)

I've recently begun to play on a more casual basis for pretty much the same reason of not having a sub of My own right now. I try to make a habit of meeting them and have at least a decent level of attraction and friendship with them first. And while it's never as fulfilling as the play is with one I own, it's certainly enjoyable and I'm gaining some experience in some types of play I'd not yet gotten into.... such as with one I've known online and over the phone for quite some time who's bringing his TENS unit for Me to play with when he's in town here in a few weeks. Kinda looking forward to that one.

I also have to say that I'm with MsCameron on the intimacy issue. Casual partners are never allowed physical intimacy with Me. They may ask or even beg for it, but I'm always very honest about it upfront... it's not happening, and if that's what they're looking for they can go play elsewhere.



Griswold -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/10/2007 9:25:54 PM)

(DAMMIT!!!!  I read half the post, wanted to say something...and then realized the question was "for Dommes").

(Just know....what I wanted to say may in some future generations, may be considered not only important...but historic....however, I've already forgotten my point...so...I blame you).

(Said, of course, in the most submissive of ways).



Hrmnence -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/10/2007 11:56:48 PM)

Griswold, you needed to continue reading the OP, as LadyP clearly stated ...

Oh, and just so Our submissive friends are not left out, just reverse the pronouns.  I realize this is Ask A Mistress, and I put the post here for that reason, but it's always good to hear from the other side, so submissives, feel free to chime in.

Looks like there is no one to blame (smile).



MsCameron -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/11/2007 4:59:37 AM)

quote:

LadyPact wrote: I am smacking Myself on the forehead for skipping an important detail in the OP.  I was not in any way relating casual play to oral service, sexual service, or any other activity that would be related to that group.  I was referring only to those things that are within the confines of most public dungeon rules.  I probably should have been more specific about that and My apologies if there was any confusion on that issue. 
 

 
 
No worries :) I was also making reference to casual play that taked place in private settings.

In response to some of the replies (and to no one in particular), I appreciate that some of you  may need the emotional connection or to be in a long term relationship etc. There is another side to the coin though.
Most of us seem to play with friends.. or people that we know well and although there may not be a long term relationship, there is a connection.

Play can just be for fun :) It doesn't always have to be gawd awful serious with sub drop and taking someone to the moon and back (although it can be).
I have enormous fun when I play casually and so do the people I play with.

A month ago a group of us were playing at a local dungeon. The whole room was laughing as we chased the submissive around the cross who was yelling "4 out of  5 Dominants agree you guys are mean"

Chuckling still. I was laughing so hard I could hardly play.

MC



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Dommes on Top (8/11/2007 8:19:13 AM)

Casual play is kinda empty for me.



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