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RE: Questions - 7/31/2007 11:02:50 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

This is how he's stated a relationship with him will be run. You've talked to him about it and he answered. It's now up to you to decide if you will be fulfilled in such a relationship. It doesn't mean that you're less than if you decide that this situation isn't healthy for you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dddylilgrl)

Post #: 21

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 12:46:14 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Does this have anything to do with his being possibly Polyamorous (you think he might be, and maybe just hasn't told you, or you didn't ask - or both), and you being Monogamous? This distinction is a major belief difference kind of thing that people need to discuss with eachother within a D/s relationship, in my opinion.

In my experience, people either agree with the idea of being Polyamourous, or not, and there isn't much "in-between" as far as that goes (but that isn't to say they don't sometimes change their opinion about it.)

This can become a huge bone of contention in some relationships, and I think if it is in yours, you definitely need to decide which you are most comfortable with (although I think that might already be clear) - his possibly believing in Polyamory, or not (as well as what you believe yourself).

I don't necessarily think simply spanking someone else constitutes Polyamory, I mean, people do attend "play parties" where lots of people can spank eachother's partners, for instance - but, to some people, this just might be considered to be "Poly" behavior (I usually consider Poly to be actually having sex with more than one partner, or being "committed" in a BDSM relationship with more than one partner, anyway).

My own profile states I am interested in Poly (possibly) but I've never practiced it in real-life. And if it truly bothered a partner of mine, I wouldn't engage in it.

In case you do consider spanking to be "Poly", there are plenty of Monogamous Doms out there who say they don't "share" (sexually) their partners, either (should that idea ever come up with your current partner) that you can partner with instead, probably (who don't want to spank other people). Spanking is a BDSM activity, and all BDSM relationships do not automatically include sex. But I digress...

Even if this isn't how you perceive what is happening, I think you need to decide what you want to do about it (like maybe leave? Or just deal with it and stay).

*As far as the showing your pics on the Internet goes, he should be smart enough to realize that a "No" from you means "No", whether he is your Dom, or Master, or not.

Given the precarious (make that non-existent) legal status of BDSM relationships ("slavery" isn't legally a recognized status) - when it comes to things like custody of UMs (unmentionables, a.k.a children - for divorcing partners with a proclivity for BDSM activity - usually gaining custody can be a battle, if it's made public by a viscious and-or anti-BDSM spouse) - *then I'd think it would be quite a gamble for him to bank on a judge deciding that, simply because he's your "Master" - it is therefore okay for him to spread pics of your naked ass all over the Internet, despite your protests.

Plus (and more importantly), court cases have been settled already in this area (and the outcomes that I've read have mostly favored the persons who initially said "No, don't publish my pics on the Internet".)

If he has any brains, and doesn't want to possibly be sued, he won't do it - if you don't want him to do it. End of story. You may want to mention that to him. Or maybe he wants to find out "the hard way." Good luck.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/1/2007 1:46:08 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 22

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 7:39:32 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid to all.

The logical answers to your concerns have all been put ..........................but I certainly would not regard spanking nor having sexual relations in a power dynamic as Poly. I have been in a polyamorous relationship (two subbie girls) and it was essentially a relationships of three- that is polyamorous. Too many Lifestylers try to legitimise 'swinging behaviour' by calling it poly. http://members.aol.com/abbyanjack/polydef.htm

It's all perspectives but HEY! I'm still peaved about homosexuals.....I can't call myself a gay batchelor!

Umm, i might start a thread on this (cos it's a soapboxer of mine!)

Warm regards to all. Driver.

< Message edited by Driver1961 -- 8/1/2007 7:40:45 AM >

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(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 23

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 7:59:40 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

I dont see having sexual relations outside of your "couple" as being polyamorous, theres a difference between poly and swniging...anyway, thats another topic....

I dont know if I can be compleatly helpful to the OP, because both of those things she mentioned, I would have absolutly no problem with...well..seeing as how there are pictures of my ass on the internet, and Sir not only spanks other subs...he has sex with them too...

But, say Sir DID one day decide to do something I had a major problem with, I would disuss it with him: I would write about it in my journal, and I would talk to him personally about it. If even after a calm discussion, he still told me to get over it he was going to do it anyway, I think it would depend on how strongly I felt against whatever he was doing. If I truly felt betrayed against something he had previously promised to never do, our relationship might just be on the rocks, but if it was something we had never talked about before, I would do my best to understand how he felt about it and his reasons behind it. Your pics on the net, why is he putting them up? To embarrass you? To show you off because he's proud of how you look? To lure in potential play partners? Why is he spanking the other girl? There are lots of reasons, and sometimes the reasoin really matters more than they action.

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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(in reply to Driver1961)

Post #: 24

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 10:48:58 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Clarification: Well I agree with the above statments. I think of Poly as a committed sexual and-or BDSM relationship with more than one person at a time also (vs. "Swinging"). I should have been more clear. Thanks for the clarification. You'd think this would be the kind of thing two people already have clarified with eachother re: How they feel, as well as their personal definitions of Poly and Monogamy. But - "assumptions" can be made. They need to have a talk, maybe, to clarify that (that was my reasoning in my above post to the OP).

*If he Is actually Poly, that might mean he can look around for another partner. That might be what he is doing (and he just hasn't found one yet). *If that isn 't what he is doing, I agree, that it would maybe be (or possibly be leading to) just plain old _ucking around. Not cool, in my opinion. In any case, maybe they should confirm their personal definitions of Poly and Mongamy with eachother - if they haven't discussed it.

Some people don't discuss it until it comes up in a scenario like the OP has mentioned. And maybe if she just comes out and says to him:

*"Hey, are you Polyamorous and just didn't tell me ? Because I'd like to _uck around with other people, too - or at least just get spanked by a few, maybe..."- he will change his tune (If he is claiming to be Monogamous, but actually is screwing around with someone else, or thinking about it at least anyway, and just not tellling her). Maybe he's not doing that.

Sorry to be so potentially negative, OP. That may not be what is happening at all (but it might be, or could happen in the future, if ya'll don't discuss Poly vs. Monogamy and their feelings about each).

The OP has been good advice about talking this problem and ther feelings over (again, even if you've done it once) with him (via a journal, maybe, or face-to-face). Good luck to the OP.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/1/2007 11:42:24 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 25

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 11:17:33 AM

Damocles809

Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dddylilgrl
One is my Daddy wants to show some stranger on the net pictures of my bare ass.

And they say chivalry is dead...

(in reply to Dddylilgrl)

Post #: 26

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 11:23:19 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Really. That's kind of how I felt about it. Isn't a "Daddy" supposed to maybe care how you feel? I realize it's a D/s relationship, and maybe "Daddy" can just do what he wants . But still...I'd think how she feels about it would be at least of slight concern to him, if he cares about the relationship.

In any case, maybe they could have (another) talk, to re-clarify "where they stand" about this stuff.

It would be kinda fun to be a "fly on the wall" listening in on their conversation, when-if she tells him she wants to know if he is "Poly", and explains she wants to know this because she wants to spank (and possibly _uck) other people, too, hehe. Just to see how he reacts If he claims to be Monogamous, but is actually _ucking around on her, or something like that.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/1/2007 11:36:46 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 27

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 1:04:11 PM

Dddylilgrl

Posts: 56
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline

Well I have made my mind up now. I talked it over with my Daddy and things are fine now. Ty for all your repsonses

(in reply to cumulus)

Post #: 28

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 1:24:25 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I'm sick of hearing "submission is a gift". What a load of horseshit.

Sir says my submission is a gift. i say my submission just *is*...and my deciding to be with Sir is my gift to myself.

kitten, who knows darn well the can o wigglies that the statement "submission is a gift" really is.....

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Post #: 29

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 1:27:44 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cumulus

(super sub sister says,)
You don't have to put up with that, girlfriend! Give him a backsnap and kick him to the curb!

(Actual grownup in the lifestyle says,)
Three Choices:

a) Renegotiate the relationship to suit your reticence.
b) Leave the relationship.
c) Shut up and do what you're told.

"She needs to kick him to the curb, baybe! She needs to lose that ZEEro and get huhself a HEEro!"

"He needs to dump that trash girlfriend. It's all about respect. It's all about respect for yourself."

(Coughts.)

Anyway, yeah, what they said. If you dig it, do it. If you don't, ditch it.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to cumulus)

Post #: 30

Internet... und Dossiers - 8/1/2007 1:38:16 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

If exhibitionism was discussed and agreed upon, that is one thing. But posting it on the internet? I do believe one must have consent to do that to anyone. If you want it to be a hard limit, mean it. Don't forget if you do allow him to post it, once it is out there, it is out there forever. When you have children one day they don't want to know that mom's bumm been on the www since 2007. I think about that a lot, "what if my kids by fluke read something I wrote or viewed an indecent picture of me?" I watch what I say and what I do., at all times., and try to keep it light.

Xactly...
and won't just be your kids who dredge such things up,
in these days of mein Homelande Insecure

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Black Water Dragon

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 31

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 1:40:45 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dddylilgrl
One is my Daddy wants to show some stranger on the net pictures of my bare ass.

And they say chivalry is dead...

Ooooh!!!

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to Damocles809)

Post #: 32

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 2:06:52 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dddylilgrl

Well I have made my mind up now. I talked it over with my Daddy and things are fine now. Ty for all your repsonses

care to share what came of it?

(in reply to Dddylilgrl)

Post #: 33

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 2:38:00 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

guilt does wonders lol

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 34

RE: Questions - 8/1/2007 5:14:16 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Dddylilgrl: Glad to hear it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 35

RE: Questions - 8/2/2007 2:01:23 AM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bubbles4Daddy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dddylilgrl

I have some concerns, and a few questions. One is my Daddy wants to show some stranger on the net pictures of my bare ass and two He wants to spank others and I dont like the idea of that because I see it as a sexaul thing. Any suggestions? I have talked with Him about it but I want to hear what others have to say.

It really all depends on the dynamics of your relationship and what you agreed to before he became your Daddy. This is something that you do not agree with, did you speak up before you started this relationship? Another words, did he know this was a limit for you?

In the long run though, read your siggy, what is given can be taken away. I can tell you that if I were told 'I had no say in the matter', I would be looking for a new Daddy.

You asked my opinion, now have it. Good luck to you.

bubbles

I suggest you don't visit my Daddy in Fayetteville...he'll laugh at you for telling him such things.

Anyways like the others have said ehre you got a choice you're a grown up do it.

I got one example for you and then I'm done cuz this who deal breaker thing is bothering me.

I got issues around my past and while the Lady in Charge my take something jokingly and use a harsh tone just cuz She can and then smack me that's Her choice. I know for a fact that She's not gonna hit me if She's really pissed cuz I'ma masochist and I like pain...most of the time. The harsh tone thing is what triggers me. And that's mine well before I agreed to serve Her.

That being said it's mine to deal with period. If She affirms to me that just cuz it triggers me that was doesn't mean She feels that way then that's what I have to focus on. And personally that would be my suggestion to you. Deal with your stuff if you need help ask him. But don't go throwing important stuff away cuz of unimportant bullshit and misunderstandings. Try correcting it first.

< Message edited by BoiJen -- 8/2/2007 2:02:21 AM >

(in reply to bubbles4Daddy)

Post #: 36

RE: Questions - 8/3/2007 1:29:01 PM

Dddylilgrl

Posts: 56
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline

Thank you BoiJen, your advice is very helpful and I will keep it in mind. Its true you cant jst give up becuase of a disagreement or some thing like that. I still have much to learn.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that should never be demanded.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 37

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