RE: brother was in love with me

RE: brother was in love with me (Full Version)

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popeye1250 -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 3:26:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartofakajira quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 "Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named Jed....." LOL popeye!![:D] I wonder if he was any good in the sack? (Enquiring minds want to know!)

heartofakajira -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 3:30:07 PM)
And how would I know something like that, popeye? eyes Him

popeye1250 -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 3:34:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartofakajira And how would I know something like that, popeye? eyes Him Be patient, maybe we'll find out!

heartofakajira -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 3:36:44 PM)
LOL!!

CuriousLord -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:32:24 PM)
I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo. Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that? I mean, sure, I imagine it makes you feel weird, but that doesn't make your brother/sister relationship and less valuable. Some of the others gave good advice. I'm just offering encouragement in the way of.. I don't think you should see him as sick. Misplaced, maybe, or confused? That's up to you- but I don't think you should feel badly about him if he had such feelings.

kiyari -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:38:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 "Let me tell you a little story 'bout a man named Jed....." Oh! That was cruel! [sm=biggrin.gif]

eroticangel -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:42:42 PM)
whether you agree or disagree, i think it is just plain mean and rotten to make fun. if it makes people feel better to vent let them....if you don't like it don't read it. just keep the meanness to yourselves!

kiyari -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:44:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo. Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that? <snipped> In that manglish of the OP's original post, there was this: " i feel sick to my tummy. then he was the one who molested me and again when i was 20 ." As for the brother/sister/sibling taboo - it is akin, to me, of the boss/underling or any position-of-power/subordinate consideration. Just my opinion.

Rule -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:55:40 PM)
Love and sexual intercourse are often confused. Sexual intercourse does not imply sexual love between a man and a woman. The love your brother felt for you most likely was not sexual love. He probably felt sibling love only. He also saw that you were desirable and / or available and consequently abused you. He probably felt bad about this from the first moment and all his later life. This guilt in fact may have been the spiritual cause of his death. He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation. The thing for you to do is to understand him and to forgive him. Not for his sake only, but for your sake especially. It is only by forgiving that spiritually damaged people heal themselves. Forgive yourself as well.

FullCircle -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 4:59:09 PM)
I'm taking bets that none of the above will be here in a week or so.

kiyari -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 5:07:30 PM)
In the vein of your post, I offer this platitude: from a seriously Imperfect sage (likely she plagarised &/or para-phrased) Hate is like acid. It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured. ~ Ann Landers

Sinergy -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 5:40:26 PM)
It sounds to me as if the OP was traumatized by her brother for a certain length of time. I have met people who had similar situations with family members, and their feelings about their abuser are often deeply conflicted. Then we go with the abuser. Does something in the throes of sick passion to somebody in their life and then come to the conclusion later on how much they have hurt the person they loved. Guilt sets in. Self-torment. I would imagine that the brother put mons as his beneficiary as a way of expiating his guilt about what he has done to her. Actually opening a dialogue about it is probably not something the abuser is capable of doing. Perhaps he is taking the cowards way of showing he is sorry. But the money comes at the death of the one that the abusee is conflicted about. Happiness the person is dead. Guilt at being happy the person is dead. Gratitude for the financial windfall. Hatred of the person for leaving a legacy in the person he abused's heart. All of these emotions come wrapped up like a package of flaming dogshit and roses with a ribbon and a bow. I agree with the other posters, mons. Going to see a counselor might be helpful for you to understand your feelings and figure out a workable solution. Just me, etc. Sinergy

CuriousLord -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 6:20:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiyari quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord I don't have a sister (and, despite having a brother, I'm straight), so I can't claim to understand the brother/sister tabboo. Nonetheless, if your brother loved you- in a romantic fashion- what's wrong with that? <snipped> In that manglish of the OP's original post, there was this: " i feel sick to my tummy. then he was the one who molested me and again when i was 20 ." As for the brother/sister/sibling taboo - it is akin, to me, of the boss/underling or any position-of-power/subordinate consideration. Just my opinion. Yeah... I was kind of curious about that. Is she assuming that she was molested..? How does she not know who did it when she was already well into her fully adult years? So things I'm confused on. I think, too, that some people can molest someone that they care about- who they desire- not realizing the harm it'll do. He may've actually wished her quite well, and felt only good for her- which him leaving his estate to her seems to suggest- though, if he might've been a less-than-considerate individual, despite how he feels about her.. well, I'm not saying molestation is excusable, but I'd hope people can understand those who wrong them, especially when it's someone who mutually cares about them, you know?

nyrisa -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 7:10:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rule He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation. I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought.

kiyari -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 7:19:39 PM)
Quite so, I am in complete concurrence.

popeye1250 -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 7:23:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nyrisa quote: ORIGINAL: Rule He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation. I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought. Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools! Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble. None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!"

kiyari -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 7:35:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools! Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble. None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!" IMO, Monica was a stalker... Just my opinion, of course Clinton had awful taste in bimbos... didn't derail his being re-elected, oddly enough...

nyrisa -> RE: brother was in love with me (7/27/2007 7:35:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: popeye1250 quote: ORIGINAL: nyrisa quote: ORIGINAL: Rule He probably would not have abused you if he had other options to satisfy his sexual drive, like a non-relative girlfriend or knowledge of masturbation. I apologize in advance, Rule, but this kind of stumped me. How much knowledge of masturbation does someone need? I thought it was something that was just sort of easily at hand; you know, anyone could pick it up at a minute's notice, not hard to come by; maybe even an idea that could rub off on you. Most people have this kind of thing well in hand by their teens, I thought. Nyrisa, and then there was Clinton's Surgeon General who said masturbation should be taught in schools! Too bad she didn't give him a few "masturbation lessons" maybe he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble. None of us is ever 100% perfect as regards masturbation, therefor, "practice, practice, practice!" But you could bet your ass that would have been one class no one would cut. grins Can you imagine if your Dad was reading your report card, and you got a poor grade? "For heaven's sake, a "D"??? How could you make a D? You study 2 hours every night!"

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