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Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 5:08:17 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		This topic comes out of a recent issue I brought up on another BDSM discussion group I'm on. Actually, the issue came up after someone posted what I felt was one of those "perving" type posts...it was directed at female submissives and aimed toward getting them to reveal personal and even intimate information about themselves. I was uncomfortable with the post and the poster and stated as much. And I was then called on what I said by that group's moderator for personally attacking the poster. What I am now left wondering about is what exactly can those of us who might have certain concerns about an individual poster effectively DO to both voice those concerns for all to see and to discourage posters whose motivations seem questionable from posting?

Just to clarify further, that group's moderator suggested I could have said something like, "I'm concerned about recent posts asking for a lot of personal information from female submissives." However, to me, that statement does not address the real issue. So, the questions are (1) how can we, in this community that talks so much about how it places such high value on openness, clarity and direct communication reconcile itself to the vagueness that is so often called for on online boards? and (2) Repeating my question above, just how DO we voice our concerns clearly, directly and to the point?

All opinions appreciated.

MNN

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 5:11:42 PM   
ScienceBoy


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/21/2006
From: Bristol, UK
Status: offline 		Could you not, sneaky-like, make your point to a mod instead?

(Obviously that relies on there being decent mods.)

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 5:21:00 PM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		you can take a direct approach without mentioning any OP names......".I don't give out personal information to Horny Net Geeks for wanking fodder or more sinister desires. I'm sure self respecting posters will take caution as well."

no name calling....no real personal attacks...and you've alerted even the slowest of minds to be wary.

(in reply to ScienceBoy)
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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 5:23:24 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Presumably the mods are there to control things.

Additionally, just because a poster solicits comments from females which he will wank to, doesn't mean that there are no exhibitionist females who enjoy giving personal data which will be wanked to.

The fact that some people enjoy posting their experiences knowing someone else will get hot to it is as appropriate a response as is your finding this a turn off. Now if he's asking for names and home numbers, I have to assume that everybody will know it's inappropriate and the mods will step in.

Just because it isn't your kink doesn't mean it's wrong.

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 7:12:10 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I would like to point out that this seems to me to be another of those posts along the lines of "submissive women must be protected from themselves". Presumably they are adults, and thus can form their own opinion and decide for themselves just how much personal information to post on a forum.

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/24/2007 9:23:49 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

I'll take wanker fodder over censorship 7 days a week. I have a block button, I use it but I would not tell others they must use it or wear a gag.

Celeste

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 7:59:12 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		What is personal informaiton for some isn't for others. While I think it's noble to want to "protect" people, to some degree, it's up to the individual ADULTS to be smart enough to know that they're not being safe if they give out things like addresses and SSNs. Protecting these people is all but impossible. I mean, how DO we police stupidity? They don't deserve someone taking advantage of the information they give, but whatever happen to common sense?

Master Fire


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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 8:12:32 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		a) report issues straight to the moderators, not a public forum. 
b) realize that we're adults in the adult pool and can deal with posts in our own way

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 10:59:03 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		And if you try to protect all the poor subs from every bit of unpleasantness that comes along, they'll never BECOME adults.

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 11:29:47 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I just don't understand why people think it's impossible for adults to act like adults.  We should be smart enough by the time we are old enough to be on an adult website to know what to give out and what not to.  We should also know not to accept anything from Nigeria.  I don't mind watching out for my fellow humans (though I prefer animals, they atleast aren't at fault), but you can't protect people from being stupid.
 
We all have made mistakes, but if we don't learn from them then that is our own fault.  We must learn to do things in a different way or the outcome will be the same time and time again.  No one deserves something bad to happen to them, but they have to learn to pick up the ball and live without expecting everyone to come to their rescue.

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 1:11:46 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

I would like to point out that this seems to me to be another of those posts along the lines of "submissive women must be protected from themselves". Presumably they are adults, and thus can form their own opinion and decide for themselves just how much personal information to post on a forum.


Totally agree with this view point.

Perpetuation of the stereotype that being female and submissive makes us stupid, unwise and vulnerable that does an actual disservice to the community on the whole.

Opinions and likes are not right or wrongs and just because you find a topic too personal or too distasteful does not make the topic wrong, bad or dangerous.

If you feel someone has crossed the line then by all means report it to the moderators. To use your beliefs and tastes to define what is proper in the name of safety personally leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 1:50:53 PM   
MasDom


Posts: 375
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		This place is more buyer beware.

I,m sure most people arent that nieve, and would carry them selves like you would hope.

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 2:13:38 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Carefull Ladies, now that Ward "TONTO" Churchill has been Fired from his "job" he's going to be online a lot more!

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 2:26:36 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		The mods do a pretty decent job. They tend to knock out the obvious spam, and they keep things civil enough. To some degree or another, one must acknowledge this this isn't a playground, nor is it run as one.

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 4:07:02 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, first off - clarification: I'm not talking about anything on Collarme, so any assumptions that I might've been talking abt the mods here are incorrect and not all message boards have block buttons, but that's neither here nor there. Second, as I stated on the board to which I'm referring, of course we are all adults...that always goes without saying...but can't you be an adult and not be aware of something about another person? Personally, I would be very grateful if someone gave me the heads-up about something or someone who might be harmful to me. It's my choice whether I want to heed anyone's warning or take their advice, but I'm grateful for the information. Third, this issue just happened to revolve around female submissives. If he had been perving female doms or male doms, or male subs/switches. trannies or whoever, for that matter, I would've raised the same concern. But, here's an interesting point to consider. This issue comes up over and over...the issue of predators going after female subs. Obviously, someone or someone(s) out there think for some reason that female subs are an easy target. Could there be some truth in that? To the poster of the "we shoulds..." I had a friend who used to say, "shoulda, woulda, coulda and $1.50 will get you a ride on the subway." (in NYC-that was many moons ago and she's since passed on.) The point being there are a lot of things that "should be," but so often they are not. To the poster who mentioned respect of others' kinks. I have absolute respect for others' rights to have their kinks. Just not on an open forum where others become unwilling participants in this poster's kink scenario and/or observers. Where's the opportunity to consent? And If I wanna watch a scene, I'll go to Paddle's or a pvt play party or a demo.

And I guess, for me the question still remains whether there is really any room in this vast BDSM community for voicing concerns about others whose motivations may be questionable or who may be harmful to others.


MNN

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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 4:16:39 PM   
MasDom


Posts: 375
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Yes however how do you know the information is correct.
A jealous ex could be the ruin of an honest person, if this kind of thing were allowed.

I,m sure however mass offenders should be shown to the mods for permanent banning..
But well I do see a lacking in that option at least..

(in reply to MistressNoName)
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RE: Pervers, predators and other questionable posters - 7/25/2007 5:28:44 PM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasDom

Yes however how do you know the information is correct.
A jealous ex could be the ruin of an honest person, if this kind of thing were allowed.

I,m sure however mass offenders should be shown to the mods for permanent banning..
But well I do see a lacking in that option at least..


I don't. You don't. No one does. That is where individual assessment, consideration and judgment come in... I may have information about a person, place or thing that might assist in someone making a decision, for instance to play with someone...the information is only what it is. It may be that I know something abt person A that person B may not know and may want to know. Does that mean that B necessarily decides not to play with A? No. It simply means that now B has some new information. What B decides to do with that information is B's choice, not mine. But that doesn't mean that I should not share the information. And it also depends on the nature of the information.

I guess I'm also coming from the perspective of being a mandated reporter of abuse in my state. Basically, that means, as per UM abuse, I don't have to know for certain that an abuse has taken place, but I do have to report a clear suspicion of abuse. And I then have to let the proper authorities sort it all out. And lest anyone believe I am equating submissives with UMs, I am not. There are other things I am required to report. Like someone who threatens to harm another. I don't know for certain if the person will follow through on the threat, but I still have to act on it. And that is for the public safety. So, if anything, I am wholly guilty of being highly concerned for the public safety.

MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 7/25/2007 5:30:57 PM >

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