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RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 11:57:47 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: malloves69
yes sex is a big part of it for me with my mistress yes i pay her but LOVE our times together everything we do is special and i dont think i could get that in a vanilla relationship now ...love when she fucks me with her strapons love when she fists me anally once her fists slides into me i give up myself completely to her and her desires can you tell i got some yesterday ? ..still smiling the 2 times a week get togethers we do have are the best times of the week for me ...other then seeing my kids on the weekends being a submissive male isnt all bad ..she can take my ass anytime she wants to ahhh and the ways she makes me cum are awesome have fun ..i know i do mal

And to think that I have been viciously accused of overusing smileys. Finally someone who is "worse" than me....lol....Just had to note that.........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to malloves69)

Post #: 21

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 12:07:29 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Congratulations on your revelation. I always like to hear about growth. For me, S/m is all about pain, M/s is all about power and sex is all about sex. Sometimes two or more of those things mix and it's all good.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 22

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 1:06:38 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

It's about having a completely satisfying relationship for me.
Which has to include sexual satisfaction for both people.
I'm a very sexual woman.
But I'm a lot more than that.
My experience with men has been that they have rarely taken the trouble to get to know me.
I am hoping that one day I will find a man who will.
I'm a dominant woman. I can have a D/s vanilla sexual relationship but that doesn't satisfy my sadistic or my masochistic sexual desires.
Lots of people never find a partner who is completely right for them so they either don't have a partner. Or they make do with the one they find. Or they do what I am trying to do and have more than one.
I've done almost all the sexual outrageous things that I want to do with men who aren't my partner.
It's finally time to settle down and enjoy the good things in life with my partners.
Which of course includes BDSM and very kinky sex.
I've just got to find the right person or people to do them with.
So for me it's about everything in life that's worth having which has to include sexual satisfaction.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 23

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 3:42:11 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Why on earth people think getting naked and beating each other and pulling on the soft bits is sex is beyond me. Sex is when the lights are off, nobody talks, she is on her back s just waiting for him to be done so they can both fall asleep.

oops.. you mean she is supposed to wait until after to fall asleep?

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 24

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 4:01:13 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I want someone who I can talk to about anything, have compatible outside interests, can laugh with etc.

But none of that will matter unless I am totally hot for that person.

So we can intellectualize all we want, but to me, sex is the driving force.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 25

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/24/2007 4:34:56 PM

exogenous

Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

I want someone who I can talk to about anything, have compatible outside interests, can laugh with etc.

But none of that will matter unless I am totally hot for that person.

So we can intellectualize all we want, but to me, sex is the driving force.

I agree that there needs to be a certain physical chemistry that initiates two people getting together. Yet, for me that "someone I can talk to about anything, have compatible outside interests, can laugh with, etc." tends to be the driving force of my desire to submit and enjoy a physical side to the relationship.

Certainly, there are times when two minds and hearts click but the physical side is not so great. Yet, if I cannot get that mental or emotional compatibility, no matter how well he can flog or cane me, or enjoy hot sex, eventually my desire to give my all will fade. At least, that has been my personal exprience. That non-physical compatibility is what motivates me to give more, or want more.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 26

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 2:33:01 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

My point of view comes from the type intimate play I do. Sex does not have to be part of my play, but it turns out that it has always been. If I am going to be close to someone, why wouldn’t it be is how I look at it. If a sub told me she simply wanted to be flogged and we were friends or something, I could do that, but I’m not sure I would develop an intimate relationship with someone who didn’t want to have sex with me. I would be doing it as a favor, more or less.

I do wonder about those who are adamant that sex and bdsm should not go together and expect a relationship to always remain sexless. It is fine if they simply don’t combine the two, but when they start preaching that sex has no role in an intimate D/s relationship, I start looking for other reasons they are not into sex.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to exogenous)

Post #: 27

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 6:09:39 AM

Kidsphoenixx

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

FAST REPLY
I had long ago concluded that a good proportion of ANY relationship was sex-based..... hell, a good proprtion of a lot of stuff is sex-based lol.
I certainly don't "preach" that sex has NO role in BDSM, though there is sure a lot of information about how sex is not the BASE of BDSM.
As someone who has never felt "the hots" for anyone,I guess I'm just weird, in a weird mob.

Thanks to all who responded.

_____________________________

T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 28

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 7:25:21 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kidsphoenixx

FAST REPLY
I had long ago concluded that a good proportion of ANY relationship was sex-based..... hell, a good proprtion of a lot of stuff is sex-based lol.
I certainly don't "preach" that sex has NO role in BDSM, though there is sure a lot of information about how sex is not the BASE of BDSM.
As someone who has never felt "the hots" for anyone,I guess I'm just weird, in a weird mob.
Thanks to all who responded.

You're welcome.

To me, a big part of the problem comes in when one partner or the other...in a relationship that is not only D/s and friendship based but also, emotionally and mentally based...concentrates on only one aspect to the neglect of other aspects. I saw it happen in my own marriage in the last years of it and while my increasing interest in D/s and BDSM ( in comparison to her curious-but-not-evolving interest) certainly did not help, I think that the D/s BDSM interests could have been dealt with easier if the walls of resentment over the lack of physically relating to each other in any way had not come up. We related well on an intellectual level and an emotional level and in the ways we were involved with our UMs but that did not seem to translate over to the physical. I've heard other men describe it...without the D/s/BDSM...in much the same way.

Conversely, I have listened to women in my office and women who are my friends tell me how they resented the fact that they enjoyed, and gave their partners enjoyment in, the physical aspects of the relationship and then felt that they were being neglected more and more in the emotional and intellectual areas.

Of course, there is overlap...cases wherein men felt the second scenario happening and cases where women were having the first scenario happen to them. In either case, no matter which one you are experiencing, it comes down to a feeling of being "used". I grew weary of it...these other men and women were either growing weary of it or had reached that point.

This is one reason why I am upfront about what I want and expect from my partner in terms of the physical. I KNOW that I can bring the emotional and intellectual "goods" that they want...or will damn sure try every day...to the table. But, just as they do not expect me to expect perfection in the physical sexual arena, they cannot expect perfection in the emotional/intellectual arena. It is a matter of balance.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 29

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 7:56:34 AM

hotwater07

Posts: 65
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

Sex in a relationship is like oil in an engine: makes all the parts run smoothly.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 30

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 8:17:14 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

It is about sex for me, even when I don't have sex. If my mate speaks to me in a certain way, my cues are sparked in arousal. "Andrea" He would tell me, and I would stop and listen .. and need, even if I know there will be no sex. Now that he is not my mate any longer, he can still say that and I stop and listen.. and need.
Sure it is not ALL about sex. But sex is the trigger for many of us. Sex draws us in and feeds our imagination, even when having sex is not going to happen. The endorphins are stroking us and reminding us that there are things that give us warmth. And what better place to feel warmth then down below?
If ds was solely service, then it would be enough to volunteer at homeless shelters, become a waitress, or wait on your family, all without kink.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to MsOpal)

Post #: 31

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 8:46:59 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I believe that for many people, BDSM, in whatever form they participate, has some sexual element in it. However, I also know from personal experience, that while it is all about love, respect, kindness, nuturing and anything else attached to having a significant other in your life, the sex is intensely fabulous!

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to MsOpal)

Post #: 32

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 8:56:40 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the mental aspect to the whole M/s relationship. I am not ashamed though to tell you it is also a very big turn-on. Maybe it has to do with the brain being a huge sexual organ and the whole package gets me off, I really don't know. I just know that the sex is the best I have ever had and I can't imagine going back to a vanilla relationship again. Although I don't always get it as much as I would like (I mean, we do have to sleep, work..etc), it is the most fulfilling sexual relationship I have ever been in.

Bella

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 33

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 9:42:13 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Actually I don't think the BDSM lifestyle it is based on sex. It IS based on sexuality. Big difference.

If you can imagine that magic power exchange between Dom and sub that, no matter what they are doing, there is a heightened sensuality, a feeling of being "turned on", all senses functioning on overdrive. A flowing of intense energy between the two of us, passing back and forth like a feedback loop. These are the same qualities that lead to sex itself, and often does. But it doesn't have to. The stimulation can be there even playing with someone at a play party, where both people know it isn't going any further.

BDSM is all about messing with your head, directing emotions, feelings, energies in desired directions that are exciting for both involved. The brain tends to associate all these feelings as sexual in nature as sex is such a powerful force in most of our lives. A Dom can use this as a powerful influence on a sub, have them hot under the collar (so to speak) even in the most innocuous situations.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

p.s. General Disclaimer A1A. Yeah I am saying this is the way it is, and someone will pop up and say it isn't necessarily that way for all. So let's just agree up front that is correct and understand I am talking about a generality.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 34

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 3:30:11 PM

Kidsphoenixx

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

Well crap!
All of this leads me to some pretty scary thoughts, and I wish I had never started this thread.

_____________________________

T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 35

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 6:18:57 PM

sabis

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
Status: offline

For I and my Owner, in our dynamic, it's pretty much all about the nookie. He particularly enjoys focusing pain on my erogenous zones. He knows I am not a masochist, so taking this pain from him, in such sensitive places and making that sacrifice of myself, suffering for him, is enormously arousing. He and I talked recently about vulnerability, and how it is part of his definition of what femininity is. When I'm suffering and weeping and shivering from pain, but yet staying open to him to do more, I am enormously vulnerable, and in his eyes, at my most feminine. And my most sexy. We rarely have a 'play' session that does not, at some point, break down into some pretty animalistic yummy sex.

~sabis
owned by Cumulus

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 36

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 6:30:23 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Having a female slave who will do anything you desire? You better believe that sex will play a big part. I'm not stupid.

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 37

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 6:50:50 PM

Petronius

Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

My standard response to "bdsm isn't about sex" was: Yeah. And going to a restaurant isn't about eating. Going to a boxing match isn't about violence. Going to a museum isn't about art.

OK, one can state directly that bdsm isn't about sex the way that sex is about sex.

But that aside, yeah, bdsm is damn sure about sex.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 38

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 6:55:22 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

<---what Petronius said.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Petronius)

Post #: 39

RE: Let's Talk About Sex, Babeeee... - 7/25/2007 8:06:50 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I was once told that when the sex is unfulfilling, it becomes the biggest thing in a relationship. But that when the sex is fulfilling to all involved (see .. I don't want to discriminate against anyone ) then other parts of the relationship can blossom. I guess that pretty much mirrors my feelings. We are creatures of both intellect and basic drives. When we take care of the basic drives, our intellect can unfold.
Michael

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to MsOpal)

Post #: 40

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