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julietsierra -> RE: Deception, and forgiveness, where to draw the line? (7/24/2007 4:20:08 AM)
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From what I can gather here, he did the deed, realized within a week that it was wrong, and told you about it. This doesn't sound like the machinations of someone who is intentionally setting out to deceive you over the long run. It sounds amazingly like a human being. It also sounds like the activities of a man who prior to that confession, was not exactly sure where he wanted the relationship to go and in fact, was exercising his right to <gasp> date..
The flip side of what we've been told is that he could have kept the other relationship going without your knowledge. He could have stopped the relationship and never said a word. In the first case, you may have eventually found out. In the second case, you may never have known. In either case, you are both new in your relationship, whatever that may entail (since you said you only had "hopes" of something more), and rather than looking at this as some grand and planned deception, you might just consider that he's not committed to you and as such, has the right to see who he pleases, when he pleases, if he pleases. The fact that he is telling you about what he's done, rather than that grand, planned deception, may indeed be him making the decision in your favor.
If he is breaking things off with the third party, who knows nothing about you, and probably only a little more about him, then what's the big deal about all the melodrama surrounding "telling the third party."
Cripe! Dating means you can decide not to see someone after a week. It implies no deep and everlasting relationship, and other than the fact that you're attempting to force public acknowledgement of your relationship with him in an effort to secure your position with him (nothing like a little peer pressure to keep the Dom in line), there is no rational reason for doing the big confession and contrition number.
If you want to look at it as deception, that's what you'll see. If you choose to look at it as a choice he wanted to make and you were chosen, you will see that too. If you are holding out your "forgiveness" as the golden carrot, then If I were him, instead of chasing that imaginary oh so blessed and valued expression of forgiveness when the relationship hasn't even been established beyond the friendship stage yet, then hell! I'd be walking away.
You might want to ask yourself if your expectations for his actions are in line with the level of your involvement with him and consider that just perhaps, you're expecting more from him than is appropriate. Just friends and hoping for more does not give either of those people the right to dictate the actions of the other.
juliet
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