settling or easy way out?

settling or easy way out? (Full Version)

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notjustsomesub -> settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 12:45:55 PM)
Back in January, I was severely injured in a housefire. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and burned over 35% of my body. The Dom I was involved with at the time, (6 months), was not Superman and I knew He had difficulty dealing with my accident. I ended that relationship because I knew, that He was an admireable man and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I still love and miss Him every day but know in my heart, I made the right decision. When I wasn't even searching, another Master had entered my life. I knew the connection was a strong one and for about 6 weeks we had daily conversations on the phone and online. There were quite a few obstacles in the way, my scars being the minimum. But, during this period I had to move rather quickly back home and became involved with a former lover. I immediately told the Dominant and He said He understood, we remain friendly. The man I am involved with now, most definately is a Dominant man just never "as" a Lifestyle. He is enjoying learning. I know, in my heart that I could never fall "in love" with this man. He also understands that. My worries are that I settled. Knowing this is not my life partner. Nor will He ever be the love of my life, (as Dom #1 was), I will never be collared in this relationship. We are very close friends & are also lovers. But, He is my Dominant, not my Master. Neither of us know what the future holds but for right now... this "works" for me. The fact that He also feels this way helps but, I am curious as to what others may think? ~njss~

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 12:51:25 PM)
I'll let MasterFireMaam take this one :)

slaveish -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 12:56:16 PM)
As long as you're both on the same page about where this relationship is going (or not going), enjoy it. A good "tell" about the depth of your feelings is to ask yourself how you would feel if he found someone else and cooled or ended the relationship he has with you.

Azurenee -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 12:56:30 PM)
It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and self examination. I admire how genuine and gentle your heart and spirit are. I have been in situations where I accepted less, and situations that I eventually left because I could no longer accept less. There is not just one answer to these kinds of questions. It isn't a moral dilemma so I hope you feel okay about yourself with your choice(s). All I can say is 'be true to yourself and you will not be untrue to anyone else'. All I can do is the 'next right thing' whatever that is right in front of me.

KatyLied -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 12:57:01 PM)
I've tried that sort of relationship and it doesn't work for me. Mainly because I feel that if I am going to invest my time and energy in something, I would prefer that I be working toward a goal, building a relationship that has a future possibility. If I'm going to transfer authority, I want it to be with someone who can see that what we have is something worth building. Everyone is different though. I think that if the relationship works for you and him that you don't need to concern yourself with what others think.

Estring -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 1:24:46 PM)
It seems to me that after all the things you have gone through, this type of relationship may be just what you need at this time. It is possible that your feelings could grow and expand with time as well. Right now, just enjoy.

tricia -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 1:31:17 PM)
Not every relationship worth having ends in happily ever after. Enjoy it. Experience it. Grow from it. See outside of it. And if and when it ends - be a better person for having had it.

BitaTruble -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 1:39:33 PM)
But you haven't settled. You are living life in the moment because this is the moment you've got. You have an amazing attitude and you are being open and honest with those who are coming into your life as well as with those who are stepping onto other paths. Doing what we want is not exclusive of doing what we need as well. They do mesh on occasion, so don't worry about which direction your feet are going to point later on. If you just keep walking, you're going to get somewhere and it's almost always where you're supposed to be at the time you're supposed to be there. Celeste

LaTigresse -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 2:04:55 PM)
What tricia and Celeste said.

hana20 -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 2:08:12 PM)
just enjoy the relationship!

ChainedExistence -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 2:16:21 PM)
Some relationships aren't meant to last a lifetime, but they are important in that they fulfill a need you have at the time. You have been through a lot in a short time, and maybe what you need right now is a relationship that won't pull so greatly on your strained emotional reserves. Getting healthy and renewing your confidence is most likely a bigger priority for you right now and in the meantime, you can enjoy some pleasant diversions with someone you like. It's not settling to do what's best for you at the time. There's always some point in the future when you can look for your "forever" person, or he may end up being the person who was there for you all along.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 2:26:58 PM)
I go to a lot of business siminars. The best ones always say setting goals and keeping focused having a plan of action.. relationships are like this.. set what type of relationship you want. find away to get it. stay focused do not let others bump you from your plan.. so in a nut shell take care of number one first. shed baggage emotionally... remeber if your a sub not every dom domme is going to be like your last... if your a dom domme remeber that every sub is not going to be like your last stick to the plan of what you set out.. learn or burn choice is always yours

hotwater07 -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 2:40:41 PM)
Some relationships are like the spare tire in your car - just meant to get you to a place where you can find a long-lasting replacement. Be honest with with yourself and your lover, enjoy your time and understand if there is more that you seek, you will eventually seek it. Best of luck! K

AngelicPuzzle -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 3:19:33 PM)
I am curious about a few things, even if you do not answer perhaps it will help you sort out your feelings some more. why did you have to quickly move back home and what led you to become involved with a former lover? what needs is he filling that the new Master you found and had such a wondeful connection with cannot fill for you? are you keeping an open line communication with the new Master you found, what are the realistic possiblities? (just food for thought) Are you settling?? yes of course you are at least right now, you say as much in your post by listing the things your lover cannot provide you with but that you desire to have as a part of your life. However if its working for you right now, you both remain open and honest about the situations and your feelings then go for the ride and enjoy, just never lose sight for the things that you do want. In time perhaps he will be able to offer you more. it is good that you are searching yourself and being aware while living in the moment, that should lead to few if any regrets - hope this all helps and I wish you the best during your ongoing recovery. May peace and bliss be at your side ~ Mystery ~

chellekitty -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 5:59:37 PM)
i know this is not the point of the post but where did settling get such a bad conotaion...i looked it up online on several online dictionaries and there wasn't one inately negative definition of settling...

exogenous -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/23/2007 9:20:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub The man I am involved with now, most definately is a Dominant man just never "as" a Lifestyle. He is enjoying learning. I know, in my heart that I could never fall "in love" with this man. He also understands that. We are very close friends & are also lovers. ~njss~ Does he truly understand that or is it that he accepts your current feelings hoping that your heart and mind may change in the future? There are times when situations and relationships that may not last can allow much healing and growing, for both involved. It's definitely a matter of whether "settling" for a person or circumstance, long term or short term, is more of a deficit than an asset to the either partner. If I sensed or learned it was a deficit to my partner I would not "settle" for that person. I could not let myself seek personal support from someone knowing that person had certain hopes that I could not fulfill. I suppose it depends on the other person's true expectations.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/24/2007 11:18:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub Back in January, I was severely injured in a housefire. I was in a coma for 3 weeks and burned over 35% of my body. The Dom I was involved with at the time, (6 months), was not Superman and I knew He had difficulty dealing with my accident. I ended that relationship because I knew, that He was an admireable man and would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. I still love and miss Him every day but know in my heart, I made the right decision. When I wasn't even searching, another Master had entered my life. I knew the connection was a strong one and for about 6 weeks we had daily conversations on the phone and online. There were quite a few obstacles in the way, my scars being the minimum. But, during this period I had to move rather quickly back home and became involved with a former lover. I immediately told the Dominant and He said He understood, we remain friendly. The man I am involved with now, most definately is a Dominant man just never "as" a Lifestyle. He is enjoying learning. I know, in my heart that I could never fall "in love" with this man. He also understands that. My worries are that I settled. Knowing this is not my life partner. Nor will He ever be the love of my life, (as Dom #1 was), I will never be collared in this relationship. We are very close friends & are also lovers. But, He is my Dominant, not my Master. Neither of us know what the future holds but for right now... this "works" for me. The fact that He also feels this way helps but, I am curious as to what others may think? ~njss~ with a hearty laugh in LA's direction My mom's advice: Ask yourself two questions. 1) Would you miss him if he were gone? 2) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer is no to either question, you need to reevaluated what's going on. In doing that, you need to decide if what you are getting is an even barter (a good thing) or are you selling yourself (a bad thing)? Are you going to be happy and fulfilled by being in this relationship? If not, you're really doing not only yourself a disservice but him one, too. Perhaps you need some time on your own first. Master Fire

notjustsomesub -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/24/2007 2:52:12 PM)
smile i was indeed waiting for FireMaam, per LA's comments... but, i am extremely happy with the responses given... i thought i was a nut case. Unintentionally, i left the long part of the story out, (noone reads loooong whining posts, do they??) smile Dom #2 was Poly, not a 100% issue with me but, was also a LDR. Finances and personal issues were insecure, on BOTH sides. The strength from His family was phenomenal. But "now" just didn't work for us. "IF" Dom #3 found a true relationship, i would be very happy for Him. He was widowed in October/2006 and i truly believe everyone deserves another chance at happiness as long as they live. i think why i posted was because of that. i am here, in the NOW. Instead of being a rose colored glasses wearing submissive who seeks the "perfect One"... why not be a submissive who is aching the human contact/touch, to fulfill the needs and desires that have been percolating for so long? i feel guilty... dont ask me why, i dunno. i think i somehow feel i have taken 3 steps back, in order to finally have a tad of satisfaction on my part. i almost feel as if i am a let down to other submissives.... does this make sense? Again , Thank You! to everyone.... what an eye opener! ~njss~

BeachMystress -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/24/2007 3:41:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notjustsomesub this "works" for me. It works for you. You're happy; he's happy. How is it settling? It isn't in my book. You're already aware that things may not always be the same in the relationship, but any time you're happy.. be happy. Kudos for moving on from a long and very painful recovery with grace.

PairOfDimes -> RE: settling or easy way out? (7/24/2007 3:59:11 PM)
Nothing wrong with "Mr. Right Now." And nothing wrong with choosing a life partner who is pretty darn good, but not perfect in every way. If you're satisfied and happy with this relationship, and if you've been honest about what you're looking for and getting out of this relationship and your partner is okay with that (and even better if he wants exactly the same thing, as it seems is the case for you!), I don't see anything wrong with it.

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