D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length)

D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

GhitaAmati -> D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 10:26:09 AM)
I spent around three hours this morning reading through past threads on weight loss and dieting. All in all some great discussions but I would like to start one more. If you would like to comment but rather skip the length, I have condensed my actual question into a few highlighted sentances near the bottom. Some background info: I have always been, uhm, stocky. As long as I kept physically active I kept muscle tone but have never been smaller than a size nine as an adult. I got pregnant with my first child at the age of 18. I was one of the lucky ones in that my body rebounded almost immediatly and I was at my pre-pregnancy weight within 3 months. I was actually alot healthier because I followed the doctors orders to change my diet and cut out the McDonalds that so many high school students live at after friday night football games. With that being my only pregnancy and weight gain experinace, I got pregnant again at 25. I gained the average 30 pounds during the pregnancy, but before I could lose more than 10 pounds of that, I immediatly got pregnant again. I gained another 30 pounds during the second pregnancy and also managed to lose quite a bit of muscle tone because some pregnancy related health problems kept me inactive for much of those two years. Whats going on right now: At 150 pounds and no muscle tone, I've decided its definantly time for a change. I have tried "dieting" but I am one of those mothers who spends all day making sure her kids eat healthy and then just grab "whatever" for myself. Its frustrating that we live in a society where fast and cheap equals unhealthy junk, and time consuming and expensive equals expensive. I have considered a gym, but all the ones around here that offer childcare are way outside my price range. I tried walking everyday with the kids but now the two year old wants to get out and push the stroller and after 30 minutes we've gone one block and someone needs to go potty. Im sure its great for the kids to be included in daily excersise, but it doesnt get much done for me. For a long time I used the excuse "its ok to be overweight, I just had a baby" but now that the youngest just turned a year old, that excuse doesnt work as well anymore. Last night I went to my Sir and asked him for his help in this matter. I don't know enough about nutrition and health to even know where to start, but he's been doing this kind of thing for longer than I've been alive and I know he has the knowledge to get me where I want to be. Because of job requirements, and having small children at home, adding large amounts of vigorus activity isnt an option for me right now..which has always been my way of controlling my weight up until now, I never worried about what I was eating because I was active enough that it didnt matter. This time though, im going to have to go the "diet" route. My question: Im not asking what diets have worked for you, Im not even asking about the benifits of diet vs excersice vs combining the two. What I am mainly interested in is how does this work within the D/s dynamics of a relationship? Sir is compleatly knowledgeable about this subject and I will defer to his tactics in this. Sir seems to have a problem treating me like one of his army recruites, even though I think its what I need. I dont want this to cause a problem between the two of us. When I asked him for help last night his first words was that He thinks Im beautiful and he sees no reason for me changing. But after he saw how upset I was over what I see as a very unhealthy body right now, he agreed to help me. Unfortunantly as he talked to me about what needed to be done, he says I got very dis-respectful and was continuously questioning him. It came from I like to understand the scientific basis about why something works better than something else. If Sir asked me to stand on my head and stick out my toungue I would do it without question, knowing only that I was doing it because he asked me to. That is the unquestioning obediance he has come to expect from me. But last night when he was discussing different strategies, I kept asking why..and it irritated him to no end. We talked about it after taking a break for a few hours and he understands my curiosity, I want to be able to understand the "how" so at some point I can make my own choices without having to constantly ask him what to eat (we are so not a micro-managed relationship). He is Ok with that now, but I am still worried that issues like this will constantly ruin our dynamic, even though I desperatly want his help. What tactics have you used, succesful and non succesful, in helping a submissive/slave to reach her weight loss goals? How does D/s dynamics effect this issue? Thank you, ghita~

ownedgirlie -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 10:48:48 AM)
Report to him what I am eating on a daily basis (we both found this a bit tedious, however, and abandoned it once I had become totally aware of all I was eating, all I should stop eating, and all I should be eating) Report my weight once a week Stick to the exercise regimen he laid out for me (difficult due to recent schedule issues) At least once a week, display myself on cam for him (I do not live with him) for him to see my progress As part of my nightly rituals, stand before the mirror, naked, for at least 10 minutes, observing my body and reporting my thoughts about myself and my self image to him He uses humiliation in my regimen, but only because I respond well to it; I am not damaged by talking about my fat. He encourages, telling me when he has noticed my body becoming smaller, and praising me for it So far this has worked, albeit slowly. I've lost about 30 pounds in the last 6 months. Other unavoidable personal factors have come into play which distracted my focus from this particular project, which he has made allowances for. Good luck to you!!

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 11:06:10 AM)
Forgive me for not answering your actual question but I have (and sort of am again) in the exact same boat as you and I know it sucks. Honestly, if you are not able to really exercise, join Weight Watchers. Not only is it the most sensibly balanced diet out there (forget the word diet, it is an extremely healthy way of life to adopt permanently), it is extremely educational in that in a very short time you will realize that their plan of high fiber, low fat, balanced meals (you put together your own menus) works like freaking magic! If physically going to meetings isn't an option for you, or the price (it's really not expensive though) is too high, look up Weight Watchers on EBay and you can get all the guides and literature very cheaply. Again, sorry I wrote about exactly what you didn't want answered, but I felt a kindred spirit there and I just have a hard time shutting up..[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m27.gif[/image] Good luck!

fairerthanshe -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 11:17:54 AM)
Greetings Ghita, The M/s dynamic can positively or adversely affect ones desire to improve health through proper diet and regular exercise. With my former Master, he went through a period of intense focus upon what we ate and how much we exercised. We both became more fit in the process and enjoyed the time spent either in planning meals or in workouts. However, when his focus waned, I was left to pursue it on my own. Since his focus had shifted, so had my time allotments for when I previously would have been exercising. To continue, I had to readjust my 'free' time and not allow it to interfere with His time. It may or may not be an answer to the question, but it is what I have experienced. well wishes ~ fairer

lighthearted -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 11:18:11 AM)
no alchohol unless we are together. you could modify this to whatever might be a roadbump to your weight loss, ie chocolate, ice cream, etc.

CelticPrince -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 11:50:52 AM)
ghita, There is a built in problem for you to start with and you recognize it. Sir does not much care about your weight, but to your credit you do. I once started a relationship with a sub who while on line indicated that she was the classic 125lb, blonde hair, blue eyed humble submissive. She was several states away and we continued on line for about six months. Then as I was arranging my travel schedule to meet real time, the disclosure came. She was actually 300 lbs. Further she was simply caught in a circle of self pity etc and did not disclose it because she was afraid I would drop her. ( I came close for the dishonesty) but I knew she would see it as an excuse because of her size.. I put her on a program of what to eat together with a weekly weigh in with benchmarks to get to 180 within one year. It was tuff on her as well as me as sceens had to be altered etc. Bottom line she made it after one year. The next year was to shed another 50 lbs, but then I was in Europe for a few months and upon my return she had poofed. Bottom line, Sir has to get a new mindset to match yours for the goal you want to reach. Good Luck CP

julietsierra -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 11:50:56 AM)
My advice will be absolutely of no help to you. I have a relationship wherein I'm given a task and it's up to me to decide to do it. If I don't, I'm making the decision that I am refusing to submit. So...he talked to me, and then waited till I wrapped my head around what he was asking me to do. The day he said "that's it, this year, it's happening" I knew I was out of options and I got started. Actually though, I think it was that his time line began at exactly the right time for me beacause I was sick and tired of being sick and tired due to the weight. That's what's worked the best for me. Now see? Absolutely no help whatsoever. Ultimately, it's up to YOU to decide if you're going to abide by his directive or not. If you choose not to, it's not going to matter what he does. It still won't happen, and even if it does, the loss will likely be temporary until you feel the pressure's off and then...it'll be back to the same old same old. I've been on this roller coaster before. juliet

GhitaAmati -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 1:25:40 PM)
Thank you everyone for your replies.....(and thank you so much to the folks who decided to reply to me privately, I respect your privacy and thank you for sharing your stories with me, several of them were awesome) Im not going to cut and paste quotes from above because some of what Im replying to is private emails, but let me see if I can respond all at once here..... This is a choice I am making on my own, I am not hoping to lose weight to prove anything to anyone or please anyone. I really could care less if I get skinny or sexy or whatever, I just want to get healthy for myself and for my kids. I understand SOOOOOO much those of you who mentioned problems with doing it only because someone is telling you and then rebounding when the pressure came off. I cant promise I wont have tough spots and ups and downs in this, but even if he decided to stop at some point, or god forbid the army drug him back to iraq and he wasnt there to pressure me, I am really hoping to actually "learn" how to make the decisions for myself in the long run. I have always been an emotion eater...choclate icecream is the only thing that gets me through a period.....when I was young and active it never mattered what I ate, but now that Im older and my job involves a comfy chair and a desk, its all catching up to me. These are both physical and mental things I need to change, and I understand no one else can do them for me. I am only hoping to use Sir as a fitness and nutrition instructor (I hate the word "using" in the same sentance as Sir, but its true...I see him as a wonderful asset I have) and I dont want that to ruin our relationship. CelticPrince, thank you for your story, Sir has jokingly told me in the past (yes, I know it was a joke, we have a great relationship in that sense) that he doesnt want me to get skinny cause then all the other Doms are gonna come steal me away....lol.... again...thank you all so much for sharing your experiances with me, I know sometimes body image is a hard topic to talk to strangers about....sometimes to those we love too... ghita~

proudsub -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 2:18:02 PM)
quote: I just want to get healthy for myself and for my kids If health is your goal, please look at the South Beach way of eating. It was developed for heart and diabetic patients and the weight loss was a side benefit originally. I've followed it for 3 1/2 years, it's very easy to follow. At age 61 all of my blood chemistry numbers are excellent. It works by keeping your blood sugar even throughout the day which prevents sweet and starch cravings and hunger, and helps prevent diabetes and heart disease. As for exercise, if you can't get to a gym or out for long walks, you might consider exercise videos that you can do at home and the kids can even participate. Good luck with it. Your dom can help by giving you support, but weight loss and health improvement are things you have to do for you, not for another. JMHO

chellekitty -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 5:40:26 PM)
i know this was not your question, but i totally second the south beach diet...and i belive diet is a misnomer with this one, its about learning what to eat and what not to eat....and the whole family can go on it...it encourages you to eat your fill of healthy food...it's worked for me and so many of my friends...actually many of us were so over weight that we could not exercise...and this diet has helped that...as for exercise, i have found the biggest thing for me was, if i can walk around while doing it, i do...talking on the phone, fixing dinner, doing laundry...stand and keep moving while you're doing it... as for your actual question...i have never stuck to anything i didn't want to do even when i was owned and devoted myself entirely...perhaps it was a little passive agressive...ok a lot passive agressive...so i am not sure how to help you...i also think that the majority of people, heck most living creatures, do better on a reward system than a punishment system...the good is rewarded and the bad is redirected unless its is intentional dissobedience...at which point you have to figure out if you want this or if you have a need thats not being met....and i don't just mean the requirements to be kept alive...i could go all into it but Maslow explained it better in his hierarchy of needs.... chelle

octavia -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 5:51:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GhitaAmati ... This is a choice I am making on my own, I am not hoping to lose weight to prove anything to anyone or please anyone. I really could care less if I get skinny or sexy or whatever, I just want to get healthy for myself and for my kids.... These are both physical and mental things I need to change, and I understand no one else can do them for me. I am only hoping to use Sir as a fitness and nutrition instructor (I hate the word "using" in the same sentance as Sir, but its true...I see him as a wonderful asset I have) and I dont want that to ruin our relationship.... ghita~ Just wanted to chime in, I can relate 110%. Often people misunderstand and assume that I am motivated to seek this change because of some outside factor when really, for me, it's an internal desire. I have no answers, I am Domless actually but am seeking a man with good insight into health and wellness and a willingness to help me. I have discovered that when i can stop spending mental time beating myself up for failing to excel in some of these areas, and instead examine what I might need to be successful, I have a lot better luck. Why is it that I find it so hard to be that supportive for myself most of the time? [8\|]

dovie -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 6:21:57 PM)
greetings ghita, 3rd person chiming in on the south beach diet....i lost 50lbs on it. a serious ankle injury in April/06(short of a torn achilles tendon) ended my exercise program. a year of physical therapy later, and i'm back in the gym and on the diet. dovie ps. having a Master would make it easier for me ~woiee~ accountability to someone other than myself and all that....all good things in time.... good luck to you!!

Sirandpet10 -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 8:29:09 PM)
"What tactics have you used, succesful and non succesful, in helping a submissive/slave to reach her weight loss goals? How does D/s dynamics effect this issue?" I know you want a specific answer, and I don't think you'll get it from me. But, I really know what you're feeling now and I just wanted to talk about it. Well, even if you took out the D/s aspect, you could still lean on your man for support. I've been dealing with my weight on and off for a few years now. I've always been "big boned" but have been putting it on for a while now. I've tried Weight Watchers three times (I really, REALLY do NOT recommend it.) and countless "fad" diets. I'll tell you: Jenny Craig. I lost 40 pounds in a three month time span. The food is actually really good and not very time consuming. It is sort of costly though. Now, what you were actually asking: I know, it took a while to get here, lol. Well, I left JC (Jenny Craig) almost two years ago. I gained back almost all of my weight and have been struggling for a long time to keep it under 300. Master has been a huge help and a great supporter of me these past few months. I think D/s or not, your man's biggest contribution to your weight loss adventure is to be a support stone. Because when you're losing weight, you NEED someone who will be there to hold you when you don't lose for the week, or gain and you NEED someone who will be there to hold you when you jump for joy when you lose! Master has been so good to me these past few months, helping me eat wisely (when I say I want something rediculously fattening, he is very good about helping me choose something more healthy) and helping me organize my time better so that I can go to the gym more often and exercise some more. Again, I don't know how great I was with your original question, but I really hope I helped! Twink--

proudsub -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/21/2007 8:33:53 PM)
Hey dovie and chelle and anyone else interested in South Beach, would love to have you join our SB support board: http://messageboards.aol.com/aol/en_us/articles.php?boardId=530403&func=3&channel=wmb_aolweb

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/22/2007 9:49:36 AM)
This isn't his forte in life and it would be unfair to ask him to be a manager of something he's not knowledgeable or experienced with. Now, he CAN certainly understand the rules, enforce them, encourage you, show pride in you, help you stay motivated and all that. But when it comes to making up a game plan, you really should talk to a program or specialist in the area- preferably as a couple.

GhitaAmati -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/22/2007 9:55:26 AM)
LA, could you please clarify? I am not sure if you are responding to me or someone else in the thread. I am lucky in the fact that this is a topic that my Sir is knowledgable about. I would not ask him to come up with my "game plan" if I didnt know without a doubt that he has the fitness and nutrition background to do it. My issue is having him inforce something that he doesnt seem to think needs to be inforced, and I dont want that to effect the rest of our relationship dynamics.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/22/2007 10:08:57 AM)
I understand you don't want it to, but it will. That's just how the dynamics work. He got huffy at you being a bit too adamant. This is obviously a sensitive area and you may have been a bit too vehement due to the insecurity. In the end, this isn't a big deal. Have another calmer talk today with the awareness of the mistakes you made yesterday.

GhitaAmati -> RE: D/s dynamics and weight loss (apologies for the length) (7/22/2007 10:21:02 AM)
Thank you for clarifying what you meant, I thought you meant I the nutrition stuff wasnt his forte...sorry for the mis-understanding. We are definantly going to continue to talk about things and come up with a solution. He understands that this is something that means quite alot to me and is willing to come up with a solution, even if that means having me "report" to someone else other than him, even though he has the knowledge to do it.

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875