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julietsierra -> RE: divine, anticipate, intuition (7/20/2007 8:55:49 PM)
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Nod... what everyone else has said..
I addressed the alcohol part of your post. However, it seems to me that there are actually three issues that are difficult here.
First there's the obvious issues with alcohol that I and others have addressed. You're going to have to make up your own mind about that, but seriously, one of the things I see you saying is that the evil you know just might be better than the evil you don't know, and ultimately I believe you'll find that that's just not the truth. However, only you can come to that conclusion.
Second, there's the issue with feeling directionless. This in itself doesn't really have to be that big a problem. There is a school of thought out there that in NOT telling you things, you get to behave in a manner that comes naturally to you. And from there, correction - mild and constructive - can happen so that in essence, you're actually becoming more of who you are, not just some construct of the dominant's. It's not a bad way and actually promotes a feeling of belonging while at the same time allowing the submissive to gradually come to understand what she's doing without the presumption of force along the way. This school of thought most often (but not always) entails little to no punishment for errors. Instead, the errors are corrected in such a way as to allow the submissive success in her efforts to submit. Because directions are not always so obvious, confusion can result, but more often than not, the confusion comes from your changing point of view - not because you end up thinking that you MUST have done something wrong.
However, this school of thought and how the dominant generally reacts within it is a far cry from what you're describing. Which brings me to the third issue that I see you talking about. You see, to gently lead the submissive toward a way of behaving that fits the dominant's larger plan, pretty much requires that her efforts along the way not be belittled and/or denigrated. There is no such thing as "you're not a good submissive." Instead, what a submissive is more likely to hear is "Ok, you did that pretty well. Next time, don't do ________." This leaves the rest of the options very open for you to explore within yourself while still helping you to adjust to the dominant's way of doing things. When you hear the denigrating comments, it makes your position as a submissive that much harder because now, instead of operating from the position of discovery, you're operating from a position of fear and feelings of imminent failure. Those kinds of feelings will tend to make most people behave in ways that are increasingly desperate, which in turn cause them to make more mistakes, get confused and generally feel poorly about themselves.
To then know that he can't even talk to you about his concerns without alcohol and that once he begins drinking, his comments are denigrating in nature - well, that can have a devastating effect on self-esteem and the ability to submit from a place of being healthy in one's self.
So, there we are...three issues in effect, become four and out of the four, only one seems to be workable - UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES. Now, the question to ask yourself is do you have the right circumstances. Ideally, the alcohol issue shouldn't exist at all. Beyond that, on the balance sheet of life, if more is negative than is positive, and if someone is seriously making a committment to operating her life in a healthy manner, then there are only a few options available.
But even with those few options, I will say that although it is frightening to make change, once someone does decide to change what she's doing, she invariably finds that the evil she knows is NEVER better than the opportunity to discover something other than evil outside of what she's involved in. In other words, the evil you know is NOT better than the evil you don't. It just seems that way. More than likely, the evil you fear is actually the joy of discovery and the comfort of finding something that works better than you ever imagined it could. You just have to have the courage to make that change.
It is possible. You do have the strength. And most importantly, even though you do this, you WILL find happiness. Someone IS out there who does things the way you need for them to be done and you CAN get what you want even as you are submitting.
juliet
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