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Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 8:32:02 AM

Carrisa

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/11/2007
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My first experience being tied up was wonderful. I never felt safer, more secure or more like I was right where I belonged. I loved the feel the rope on my skin.
However upon being untied I became depressed, I wanted more. My partner had no interest in tieing me up after that and we soon parted ways.
Ever since then I have craved and longed for the feel of the ropes.
My question is: Is this normal ? Do other subs or slaves feel a sense of loss when being set free?

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 8:35:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 9:23:08 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Carrisa
Ever since then I have craved and longed for the feel of the ropes.
Is this normal ?

Its normal for some and not for others. No such thing as 'normal' since we have nothing to compare 'normal' too.

quote:

Do other subs or slaves feel a sense of loss when being set free?

I do, I LOVE bondage, my nickname was 'bondage baby' I could fall asleep in it and I loved it when I was playing on a weekly/regular basis. It was almost as if something was 'missing' when I was 'free.'

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(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 3:51:07 PM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
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Yes. It's common. It's like learning that there's a new plateau to sex, or that your favorite author has been writing under a pseudonym for years so there's a whole shelf of books you haven't read by them, only to discover that you can't reach that new thing by yourself using your old skills.

That can be depressing, yes.

(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 3:55:52 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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You also have gotten a taste, but not much more than that. That makes it a tease as well. You want to learn more, and feel more. Subs are not the only ones who go through that. Ive felt the same when I have been able to do a certain something to someone, but then we parted ways and I couldnt do it again. Or worse, having done something badly, and wanted to learn more about it and try it correctly.

So, you are not alone

DV

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(in reply to teamnoir)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 4:02:33 PM

PONYSEEKER

Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
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Carrisa, everything you are talking about is the same thing I have heard from a few first timers that turned out to really love the lifestyle. Your just being teased by it thats all. You do have to educate yourself about sub drop and what it is that we do and make a few friends that can explain stuff to you and answer any questions you might have about it. Once you find the right guy for ya though it could open up a whole new world to ya. Take everything slowly and carefully though becaues the wrong person can cause an incredible amount of damage.

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 5:49:42 PM

CelticPrince

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carrisa,

what has happened to you is a form of subdrop and that normally does not happen so soon to a newbie.

The freedom that you felt is the basis for many submissives that come into the path. You felt safe because you allowed your partner to assume the responsibility for your safety.

Hang in there girl, it get better.

CP

(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 7:46:17 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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Every time I'm tied up, I feel a sense of loss when the last rope comes off. Bondage gives me a feeling of security, and rope bondage even more so. I feel warm, secure, safe, loved, encased...and as each rope slips off I'm still in that sensation. But the last rope just...whisks it all away.

I have spoken to other rope bottoms who experience similar feelings when the last piece of rope comes off. Also, a sensation of being comfortable in your skin, and then the last piece of rope comes off and the room suddenly feels 10 degrees colder is common.

A lengthier depression and feeling of loss can be something called subdrop, which is just a term to describe the feeling of coming down from the endorphins and other pleasure chemicals in your brain that you enjoy during a good scene. If it happens so much they have a special term for it, I think you are ok, it's normal. ~teasing smile~

I hope you enjoyed your taste and find it doesn't become an addiction...

~E

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 7:53:57 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
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From: NYS
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Another rope freak joins the fold! Welcome.

Yes, for those of us who love bondage it is an amazing experience. These days my dom usually leaves the blindfold on me at the end so I don't have to immediately rejoin the world. I find it allows me to slowly come back and I take it off when I feel ready, frequently after a nap.

For those of us who are bondage types, there's never enough. You can play by yourself to a certain degree; tie your legs together, keep a string looped around your wrist so you can stroke it in need, I used to have a piece of rope that I would put around my big toes and slowly pull it back and forth. Since I also love my feet being played with, this was like a double scoop sundae!

(in reply to Elorin)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 8:21:06 PM

mstrjx

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With my partner, any separation, be it undoing the knots, taking off the cuffs, things more intimate I won't go into here, is something approaching devestating. Part of that is because for the next little while we'll still be long-distance from one another. It's not because her partner (me) only wants 'that' periodically or once in a blue moon or just as an experiment. When we're together, not in public, there's usually something unusual going on.

Some people do not understand how bondage can give the feeling of save, snug, secure. Similarly on the relationship side, how submission and/or slavery can be freeing, rather than constricting. Obviously you have been charmed with these feelings, and wish to keep them with a partner in the future.

Now that you've had a taste, don't settle for going backwards. Just my advice.

Jeff

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(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/12/2007 9:56:48 PM

PairOfDimes

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Some people get a sense of loss or blues after the end of a good scene, yes. I don't think it's exclusively a submissive thing--you might search "top drop" or "sub drop" for more information. I also don't think it's especially a BDSM or sex thing--when I've done something exciting, and that exciting thing has stopped, I've felt a letdown. It's important to control those emotions, like all others.

As for craving and longing for the feel of ropes, it sounds like you had a first experience with bondage and liked it a lot and wanted to do it again, despite a bit of sadness. That's also pretty typical--you do something fun and satisfying, you want to do it again. You might have felt a bit of a stronger connection with your bondage partner and regretted the loss of that intimacy--that's also typical, and again, also not a BDSM thing--tons of "help your marriage" books recommend periodically doing new things together, because it increases fondness and helps bonding.

(in reply to Carrisa)

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/13/2007 4:28:39 AM

mythi

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
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I don't know if I'd say approaching devastating as Master said, but I'd definitely say there's a feeling of cold, empty, 'not right' loss when I'm unbound. And it's pretty much each and every time for me. Maybe I'll grow out of it someday...but I kinda hope not.

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RE: Newbie with question. - 7/13/2007 4:55:02 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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Bondage is arguably the ultimate physical embodiment of being controlled by another. And the more a submissive trusts that other, the more you can "let go" and just enjoy a predicament you have absolutely no control over anyway. And the more you "let go", the more likely there'll be an emotional low (we call it sub-drop) after....

So yes, I'd say your experience was "normal" for a submissive. From the Dom side, while bondage is often used in conjunction with other sexual/erotic stimuli, I also love it solely as a control dynamic and often use it in that context to reinforce our respective places in each other's lives.

Focus.

(in reply to Carrisa)

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