The ideal of intimacy. (Full Version)

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MistressGala -> The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 8:41:47 PM)

Tonight I had a submissive send me an unscolicited opinion concerning a statement made in my journal. I am of the opinion that such intimacy is something a submissive has to earn. He has to earn my favor and my interest before I allow him to engage me in an exhange of opinions as I am formal in my approach. Some say arrogant.
There have been a few such submissives in my life. Ones who were trusted, who teased me in fun, and whom I dearly loved. However these intimate moments were at my instigation and when set boundaries were crossed the submissive was corrected.
One may not be my submissive, but if one is a submissive that is a role that he or she has chosen to cloak themselves in and there are understood behaviors that are expected.
A submissive may not wear my collar and as such, I do not expect them to be submissive to me. I may not be a person's dominant but that does not give a submissive the right to to approach me in an overly friendly manner or take intimate liberties simply because I do not hold their collar.




MissOchistic -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 8:56:11 PM)

If a submissive is not your submissive, then submission and Domination. have nothing to do with it.  Look at it as another person. You still have every right to feel they were too forward, however, submissive or Dominant, what they do in relationships is irrelavant to their transgression.
As far as expected behaviors, again, that only applies in relationships. There are certainly no behaviors I am expected to show simply because of my lifestyle, and most people who say there are are mocked on the boards, usually involving the word "twue".





undergroundsea -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 9:10:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGala
One may not be my submissive, but if one is a submissive that is a role that he or she has chosen to cloak themselves in and there are understood behaviors that are expected.
A submissive may not wear my collar and as such, I do not expect them to be submissive to me. I may not be a person's dominant but that does not give a submissive the right to to approach me in an overly friendly manner or take intimate liberties simply because I do not hold their collar.


I understand what you mean that you might find a comment inappropriate for whatever familiarity or not that exists.

I think what makes the matter complex here is that there is not universal agreement about what the understood behaviors are. Your approach is formal, which is shared by many. And there are informal, more relaxed approaches as well. My local community, in line with the culture of our city, has a relaxed approach. People interact mostly as peers, much like in any other social gathering. I rely on whatever general social etiquette (versus BDSM etiquette) I observe, and find this approach works reasonably well for me. And I adjust to the situation at hand--at an event with a more formal culture, I tend to be more formal. Personally, I find the relaxed approach warmer and feel more comfortable in it.

I think that while it is not reasonable to expect a submissive to adopt your philosophy, it is reasonable to tell a submissive that you are not comfortable with a comment or the tone of the conversation. Saying so may end the conversation, it may not. The more gracefully this message is delivered, the greater the odds that the conversation will continue if the same is desired.

Cheers,

Sea




pixelslave -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 9:16:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGala
Tonight I had a submissive send me an unscolicited opinion concerning a statement made in my journal. I am of the opinion that such intimacy is something a submissive has to earn. He has to earn my favor and my interest before I allow him to engage me in an exhange of opinions as I am formal in my approach. Some say arrogant.


Since you posted the statements in your journal in a public venue for all to read, I'm having difficulty understanding your objection to a submissive commenting on them.  Are you saying it would be acceptable to you for a Dominant to comment and not a submissive?  Or are you objecting to the nature of the comments that were made? [&:]
 
It's unclear to me what it is that you are objecting to.  I hope it's not simply because the comments were made by someone who views themself as a submissive.  If so, I think you do yourself a disservice by limiting your sources of input and knowledge. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]
 
 - pixel

   Collared to Majik 6-23-07




Aimtoplease101 -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 10:00:04 PM)

I tend to agree with pixel on this one. If you put a statement in your journal, I think you have to expect that most will assume it's fair game for comment unless you also add some form of instruction advising people not to send you unsolicited comments, and to ask you for permission before engaging in substantive dialogue.

Otherwise, commenting on statements in one's journal tends to reflect a thoughtful, reflective approach to that person, instead of just a bland "Hi-- I really like your profile."

You can set the rules, but if you don't announce what they are, how can you expect someone to adhere to them?

Regards, ATP



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/9/2007 10:11:31 PM)

When you put yourself out in public, you should be willing to accept commentary.  That's true of the boards, and it's true of journals as well.    

I'm guessing he hit pretty close to the bone.

MSS



Grlwithboy -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 12:25:10 AM)

I like what MissOchistic said about this. If you didn't know the person's orientation would you still be bothered?




Politesub53 -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 1:57:41 AM)

i am the odd one out here i think. If a submissive, or anyone else for that matter, emails You. It`s Your right to decide whats appropriate. i admit to having sent a message about a certain comment or whatever, that a Domina has written. However i always put "please excuse me for writing" or something similar to denote the line between D and s

As for messages about something in Your journal. Well yes, its is on a public board, but that doesn`t mean people have a right to send abusive comments, if indeed it was abusive.

You can only do this Your way and if You think a submissive has overstepped the mark, then You can block them. My view is that its fine for a submissive to contact a Dominant in the correct manner. Normally just being polite covers that.

The downside to thinking that no submissive can email You though, is that You may miss out on some great contacts.
[;)]



earthycouple -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 4:05:02 AM)

How elitist.  I write fairly extensive journal entries and I've heard everything from I'm a bored horny housewife to I must be the most amazing domina ever *S*  I choose....um....answer B! *S*

If I don't like what someone emails to me I move on as simple as it is to click the delete button.  If you don't want to chit chat about yourself then don't put yourself out there but to presume subs don't have a "right" to email you about something you say in a public venue, specially if it's controversial then you are deluded.



thetammyjo -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 5:42:06 AM)

I have to agree with several others. As soon as you put it in your journal (or blog or any public venue for that matter) you have in effect offered up your words to comments, for other people's fantasies and for other's education.

Don't like what you get then I think you have two realistic and honest responses.

Ignore.

Stop putting things out in public.



MistressGala -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 6:57:02 AM)

To quote myself,
".....overly friendly.....intimate liberties..."
Sometimes people in modern society do not comprehend inferences and prefer to have everything spelled out. Plus having slept on the issue, I can see that my post was more cryptic than intended, therefore I will bend to the modern convention called common sense clarification and explain more fully.[:)]
"Overly friendly" equates to "hey baby you sound like a hot ass old bitch. Let me kneel at your feet and I will let you lick my ass hole."
"Intimate liberties" include "Mistress, get on yahoo and turn on your webcam. I want you to dominate me a little then watch you play in your pu**y while I beat off."
These are not statements that would earn my favor or interest. Although while I concede to being a blatant bitch with no apologies, I do not own a webcam so I realize I am such a disappointment to many do me subs. It is quite clear to me that this is not a set of behaviors expected from any submissive. These are behaviors one expects from the typical horney teen and dirty old man. Yes?
I welcome intelligent discourse from submissives and dominants alike, even unnecessary criticisms and name calling from those that do not closely read my mind and understand cryptic comments. [:D]
The whole idea of being on a board or having a blog {journal} is to generate an exchange of ideas, at the risk of unsolicited ignorance making its way to my inbox. If comments were not welcome then one should simply not participate.
Some comments do go to far and that was the gist of my initial comments.



earthycouple -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 7:07:20 AM)

lmao and they said this because of your journal entries...heads off to read the excitment....

damn I didn't see anything that would make me say: "hey baby you sound like a hot ass old bitch. Let me kneel at your feet and I will let you lick my ass hole."  "Mistress, get on yahoo and turn on your webcam. I want you to dominate me a little then watch you play in your pu**y while I beat off."

Actually what I read in the OP's journal was exactly as I thought before...what an elitest.

Um...OP...welcome to the internet.  I reiterate....you have a delete and an ignore button.  Try them!



MsKatHouston -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 7:16:12 AM)

Thank you for your clarification.  I believe the comments that were directed to you were uncalled for and rude.  I do not see how this has anything to do with dominant or submissive nor about your particular philosophy and approach.  I can not imagine those comments being welcome by anyone simply over a blog entry.  Even though the comments would be rude across the board, I do understand about identifying as a submissive.  One would think because the person claims to be submissive he may want to garner favor thus act in a civil manner. 

Unfortunately, you will come across many people who will try to bait you or send rude, overly familiar comments to you that were unsolicited.  It will happen and there is not a thing you can do about it to prevent it.  The best thing you can do after the fact is delete, block, put it out of your mind.



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 7:17:43 AM)

Thank you for decoding inferences for those of use modern folks who can't figure it out on our own.   What did we do without you?

Usually it's male subs who come on the boards and cavailing about why they're not getting play, but I guess you're breaking the mold on this one.  You've been on for a week, and you're already talking about how dreadful it is here.  And while you are complaining about the quality of men who contact you (and, yes, there are wankers a-plenty online), you are looking down your nose as the folks you want sympathy from.  How does that work?

Chill out, acquaint yourself with the delete button, and welcome to the boards.

MSS



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 7:32:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGala
A submissive may not wear my collar and as such, I do not expect them to be submissive to me. I may not be a person's dominant but that does not give a submissive the right to to approach me in an overly friendly manner or take intimate liberties simply because I do not hold their collar.

Yes they were inappropriate to foist their negative opinion of you in your email box like that.

But their orientation has nothing to do with it.

No one online needs "rights" to do anything- if you keep the email box open, then you're going to get messages like that.



Red82 -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 9:33:28 AM)

After the elaboration, it doesent sound like a submissive mailed you at all, a troll did.

And yep, agreeing with most people here. Orientation does not play a role in this instance.



thetammyjo -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 10:08:13 AM)

Those examples have nothing to do with your journal -- that's just horny bastards sending out crap to anyone they can imagine. Sadly no matter what you do folks like that are unlikely to change simply because they lack the basic social graces in my opinion.

I'd ignore them all myself. Block them if it pleases you.



Grlwithboy -> RE: The ideal of intimacy. (7/10/2007 11:00:41 AM)

LOL well I wouldn't be thrilled about that regardless of the posters' orientation.

It's like porno junk mail, it's probably mass mailed.




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