Thoughts on Cuckolding

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nickymaz -> Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/4/2007 4:19:16 PM)
Hello everyone; I am very interested in the cuckolding lifestyle and I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share their thoughts and/or experiences with it. I would especially like to hear from anyone who is or has done this. How did you get interested in it? How did it work out for you and your partner? Good experiences/bad experiences? Thanks alot; nick

MASTERLIX -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/4/2007 6:39:11 PM)
I am not a cuckold. But I have been involved with submissive females that also had cuckold husbangs. In that case, the females were the HOTWIVES and their husbands were the cuckolds. Now, there are different variations of cuckoldry. First, you have to understand the definition of a hotwife and also the definition of a cuckold. Hotwife: The Hotwife lifestyle is one in which the husband (known as the cuckold) enjoys having a wife who freely engages in sexual encounters with other men. The dynamics of this type of relationship vary widely, however most of the time the relationship will follow one or more of these patterns; Cheating wives - The husband enjoys knowing that his wife is "secretly" cheating on him. In many cases the wife is unaware that the husband has discovered the affair. For fear of endangering his wife's newfound relationship, the husband will make no mention of his knowledge of her activities and will secretly derive pleasure from finding clues of her infidelity. The ultimate pleasure for this type of cuckold is to be able to secretly witness the affair in action; Full participation - The husband is publicly aware of his wife's activities and encourages them whenever possible. In some cases the husband watches from afar while his wife puts on a show just for him by flirting, kissing, heavy petting, and more with other men. In other cases the husband joins in on group sex activities. Most of the times these activities involve multiple men pleasing the wife, but occasionally other women are involved; Humiliated hubby - In some cases the husband enjoys the humiliation he feels in having his wife have sex with other men. In this type of relationship the husband becomes excited when his wife's "Hotwife" status becomes public knowledge to friends and co-workers. In some cases the wife's lovers claim exclusive rights to sexual acts with the wife, or the wife will withhold certain sexual acts from the husband based upon the husband's poor sexual prowess or small penis size; Cum queens - The husband becomes aroused by the overall excess in his wife's sexual experiences. Many men find it extremely exciting to give their wives oral sex after one or more (or many!) men have left their cum inside them. Having a hotwife come home from a date with panties and pussy full of cum provides the husband the "proof in the pudding" that makes this variation so arousing; Other variations - The husband pimps his wife to clients, wife engages in sex act with men of other nationalities, wife becomes impregnated by another man, and husband is forced to engage in oral sex with his wife's lover. Knowing the definition of different variations of cuckolding helps determine who you are. Cuckolding can be a very complex thing. Cuckolding is like polyamory...that is something you can't share with just anyone. For some men that are cuckolds, the first thing is informing their wives that they are cuckolds. Because they do not want the stigma from their wives that they might be gay. Then after they get passed that, them and their wives wouldn't want people to know that he is a cuckold because he might be perceived to be gay. So, cuckoldry can be a little bit complex. Once the wife who in this case becomes a HOTWIFE, it is pretty much simple from then on. So, what makes it good or bad experiences solely depends on how you and your partner address it. Because it is usually to the pleasure of the female and the mental state of mind of the male to be either humiliated or just get the rush from the excitement of it all. Sir Lix

SweetDommes -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/4/2007 6:55:31 PM)
Not our thing - most that we've run across who wanted to be 'cuckolded' really wanted to watch us having sex with other guys so they could get their rocks off ... not really for our enjoyment - which isn't exactly something we are interested in. While we do want to find another boy with compatable kinks - we should still come first.

onthenosetone -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/4/2007 9:32:16 PM)
Sits back and waits for the "Holier than thou" brigade to jump on here and take the moral high ground........

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/4/2007 10:24:06 PM)
Miss Karen, With all due respect, I agree that there are those that don't quite understand the concept of cuckolding. They think of it as feeding their voyueristic fantasy. Or their forced bi-fantasy. Or their humiliation fantasy. In other words they think it's all about them. It isn't. Nor would I be involved with a cuck that thought that way. he isn't serving Me...he's serving himself. That isn't at all what I am seeking in a cuck. To me that is so far afield of what cuckolding is about that I don't even associate that with being a cuckold. I also read Masterlix's description and I respectfully differ. To me there is a very broad gulf of difference between being a Cuckoldress and the HotWife scenario. In my opinion and observation the HotWife end of the spectrum is very much of a Male led relationship. While her pleasure may be involved, I think it's much more about him and his control over the situation. Again, this is simply my opinion and observation over the years. My end of the spectrum is quite a bit different. I am not a Cuckoldress for him. I am a Cuckoldress because it is MY right to do what I wish, with whom I wish, whenever I wish to do so. I do not answer to him; he answers to Me. Whether he objects to it or acquieces to it makes little difference to me. he can participate or not; again, it matters little to me. he can also choose to not accept it and walk away from the relationship. That is most certainly his choice. I will not change who and what I am for the sake of a relationship. I will not compromise nor will I negotiate this aspect of My life. Ever. If his choice is that he will instead simply accept it as one of many facets of the relationship itself then that is all the better. It is an understanding and a concept that I make very clear from the beginning. There is no choice in the matter beyond his acceptance of it by continuing the relationship. It is what it is. Each individual cuckold relationship is as unique as the two people involved in it are. My version of it is that of a loving Female Led relationship in which the cuckold understands that My finding pleasure with another (if I so choose) has nothing to do with the realtionship that the two of us share. It does not reflect upon that relationship in any way. It is simply My indulgence of pleasure because it is my right to do so. he would be understanding and accepting of that...because his greatest pleasure is based upon my happiness.

nickymaz -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/5/2007 4:52:06 PM)
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I agree with you entirely, the D/s relationship and cuckolding especially is all about the Domme. I like how you said that her happiness is his happiness, I think this is the proper foundation for this kind of relationship. Even though I've never lived a cuckold relationship I feel it is something I want to do, I recognize my role in life is to ensure the happiness and pleasure of my Domme. Again, thank you for your post. I would love if you would share any experiences or advise that could help me learn or understand more about this lifestyle.

Griswold -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/13/2007 5:25:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck Miss Karen, With all due respect, I agree that there are those that don't quite understand the concept of cuckolding. They think of it as feeding their voyueristic fantasy. Or their forced bi-fantasy. Or their humiliation fantasy. In other words they think it's all about them. It isn't. Nor would I be involved with a cuck that thought that way. he isn't serving Me...he's serving himself. That isn't at all what I am seeking in a cuck. To me that is so far afield of what cuckolding is about that I don't even associate that with being a cuckold. I also read Masterlix's description and I respectfully differ. To me there is a very broad gulf of difference between being a Cuckoldress and the HotWife scenario. In my opinion and observation the HotWife end of the spectrum is very much of a Male led relationship. While her pleasure may be involved, I think it's much more about him and his control over the situation. Again, this is simply my opinion and observation over the years. My end of the spectrum is quite a bit different. I am not a Cuckoldress for him. I am a Cuckoldress because it is MY right to do what I wish, with whom I wish, whenever I wish to do so. I do not answer to him; he answers to Me. Whether he objects to it or acquieces to it makes little difference to me. he can participate or not; again, it matters little to me. he can also choose to not accept it and walk away from the relationship. That is most certainly his choice. I will not change who and what I am for the sake of a relationship. I will not compromise nor will I negotiate this aspect of My life. Ever. If his choice is that he will instead simply accept it as one of many facets of the relationship itself then that is all the better. It is an understanding and a concept that I make very clear from the beginning. There is no choice in the matter beyond his acceptance of it by continuing the relationship. It is what it is. Each individual cuckold relationship is as unique as the two people involved in it are. My version of it is that of a loving Female Led relationship in which the cuckold understands that My finding pleasure with another (if I so choose) has nothing to do with the realtionship that the two of us share. It does not reflect upon that relationship in any way. It is simply My indulgence of pleasure because it is my right to do so. he would be understanding and accepting of that...because his greatest pleasure is based upon my happiness. (GAWWWWD you write well).

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/13/2007 5:51:56 PM)
I really have trouble with the concept of cuckolding, and I continue to play with it to see why. When approached by men who identify as cuckolds, I tend to be turned off because those men are typically very fetish driven, and very focused on their own fantasies. For those people, the dominant is reduced to a vehicle for their needs. The irony is that I do want a primary partner without the fetters of monogamy (for myself, only). I want to be able to date and sleep with others. There have been two submissives -- wonderful men -- whom I enjoyed because they got such pleasure from pleasing and being other-oriented. As a part of this, they were both also supportive of their dominant having other partners. Talking about me sleeping with others came about organically in our conversations. It felt very natural, almost a given, and non-fetishistic. This is the kind of motivation I am looking for: generosity and open-heartedness. I find this incredibly moving. One of them had some trepidations about the idea, which both excited me, and caused me to believe that he had given it serious thought. I think my problem with someone who identifies as "cuckold" (and, Jo, this is not a critique of you) is that the emphasis seems displaced. I'm not looking for a foot licker, a whipping boy or a cuckold, but a submissive who is willing to lick feet, be hurt or stand by and watch me enjoy someone else, a man who is willing to please me by doing these things. They look similar, but they are different. I hope this contributes, MSS

Grlwithboy -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/13/2007 6:25:36 PM)
I cuckold, in the sense of my sexuality being on my terms, with whom I want for whatever reason I want without apology handwringing or debate. But my husband who is my cuck would never self-identify as "a cuck" or a fetishist in this way. Nor is it my fetish - it's just how I frame my sexuality. I like being with someone who is turned on by my sexuality, but that's a given.

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 12:20:35 AM)
quote: I think my problem with someone who identifies as "cuckold" (and, Jo, this is not a critique of you) is that the emphasis seems displaced. I'm not looking for a foot licker, a whipping boy or a cuckold, but a submissive who is willing to lick feet, be hurt or stand by and watch me enjoy someone else, a man who is willing to please me by doing these things. They look similar, but they are different. I hope this contributes, MSS MSS... I wouldn't take it as one regardless. I think I understand what you're saying. Do correct me if I'm misunderstanding this. You seek a single person that is a combination. Which I agee with as well. Many facets to that one gem. While I would prefer to do without the "labels" as well, unfortunately, it seems to be a necessity as well as the norm. It is the basis of how each of us identifies in regard to seeking the opposing end of the dynamic. A decade ago, the word cuckold wasn't even in use for the most part. Then along came the internet and a we come to find a wealth of information lay at our fingertips. The word suddenly surges in popularity due to it's increased use. We can label it many things...cuck. sub. slave. It really doesn't matter. What it all boils down to is that we simply want someone that will worship, adore, accept and love Us for who and what we are as a whole. A combination of all the facets.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 12:44:45 AM)
Yes, you've got it ... someone who identifies as "a cuck" holds no interest for me. I've never had a pleasant conversation that started with a submissive proclaiming that he desired to be a cuckold. But give me a person who I like, respect, who makes me laugh, is ethical and who will stand by and know that I am going to sleep with other folks ... and kiss me and smile while I get home. That's a headtrip. "Cuckold" has a such a nasty, "fuck you" tone to it. While I want to have a relationship in which I also sleep with others, it doesn't feel like cuckolding. MSS

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 1:11:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive Yes, you've got it ... someone who identifies as "a cuck" holds no interest for me. I've never had a pleasant conversation that started with a submissive proclaiming that he desired to be a cuckold. But give me a person who I like, respect, who makes me laugh, is ethical and who will stand by and know that I am going to sleep with other folks ... and kiss me and smile while I get home. That's a headtrip. "Cuckold" has a such a nasty, "fuck you" tone to it. While I want to have a relationship in which I also sleep with others, it doesn't feel like cuckolding. MSS I understand your point. Although I find that it's just a word, albeit a word that defines a very specific interest. Not all D/s relationships are non monogamous. I've met subs that had non monogamy as a hard limit and something they truly wouldn't be able to handle within a D/s relationship. Words only have the power we choose to give them. I simply find that the use of the word tends to make certain expectations and intents very clear from the beginning in regard to chastity, orgasm denial, etc. In other words...it tends to save a great deal of time as far as weeding out those that would expect there to be a mutual monogamy. I've had both ends of the spectrum. Great intellectual conversations with regard to cuckolding and some of the not so great or intellectual ilk. Then again, I could say that same thing in regard to submissives and slaves as well.

hotsub4u -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 1:16:20 AM)
i am a cuckold hubby. it was hard at first but now it is easier to take. it has brought us so much closer. i would never go back

SlND3R3LLA -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 1:19:09 PM)
I think what interests me about having a cuckold, is the turn on it is for me, not for them. I can imagine having my slave watch myself and my husband while not being able to do anything himself, or keeping him in chastity while I hold the key. I think to hold a mans sexuality in the palm of your hand, can sometimes be one the strongest holds you can have on him. It's a complete power trip for me (in a good way), and it gives me a lot of pleasure. I see it as my slave putting my needs and desires very much above his instant gratification. I do hope he does get pleasure out of it, even if it never includes physical. It would be the same as I have pleasure in serving my dominant partner, even if it doesn't do anything for me, it does (if that makes sense). ~Sin

hardbodysub -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 2:25:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlND3R3LLA I think what interests me about having a cuckold, is the turn on it is for me, not for them. I can imagine having my slave watch myself and my husband while not being able to do anything himself, or keeping him in chastity while I hold the key. I think to hold a mans sexuality in the palm of your hand, can sometimes be one the strongest holds you can have on him. It's a complete power trip for me (in a good way), and it gives me a lot of pleasure. I see it as my slave putting my needs and desires very much above his instant gratification. I do hope he does get pleasure out of it, even if it never includes physical. It would be the same as I have pleasure in serving my dominant partner, even if it doesn't do anything for me, it does (if that makes sense). ~Sin By definition, a cuckold is a married man whose wife has sex with another man. So if yours was truly a cuckold relationship, it would be your husband watching you and your slave.

nickymaz -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 5:25:47 PM)
Thanks for the amazing post! I really love it when people internalize the issue and talk about why it's so powerful rather than just focus on the kink. Your thoughts are right on the money as far as I'm conscerned, I love the scenario you described of having a slave bound, locked in chastity, while you and your husband make love. This is definatley a fantasy I share. I realize cuckolding has an image problem but like anything in BDSM if you do it with honesty and communication it can work. I also love your thoughts on the slave putting the pleasure of his Domme ahead of his own; the very definition of submission. Whether you are married to not I believe this is one of the ultimate power exchanges.

SlND3R3LLA -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/14/2007 6:17:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardbodysub quote: ORIGINAL: SlND3R3LLA I think what interests me about having a cuckold, is the turn on it is for me, not for them. I can imagine having my slave watch myself and my husband while not being able to do anything himself, or keeping him in chastity while I hold the key. I think to hold a mans sexuality in the palm of your hand, can sometimes be one the strongest holds you can have on him. It's a complete power trip for me (in a good way), and it gives me a lot of pleasure. I see it as my slave putting my needs and desires very much above his instant gratification. I do hope he does get pleasure out of it, even if it never includes physical. It would be the same as I have pleasure in serving my dominant partner, even if it doesn't do anything for me, it does (if that makes sense). ~Sin By definition, a cuckold is a married man whose wife has sex with another man. So if yours was truly a cuckold relationship, it would be your husband watching you and your slave. Classic definition, yes, my definition, no. We take things, we bend and mold them to our needs and desires. My husband by no means could have that role in my life, so bringing someone else in is how it will work. I just say whatever works for each person works, if you can't use it the way everyone does, just make it fit the circumstances where you need it to. ~Sin

Elorin -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/15/2007 7:53:00 AM)
Depending on your definition of cuckold, all my D/s relationships are cuckoldry. I am poly and have not taken any male subs as lovers. In fact, accepting that is one of the requirements I have for a male sub. If a sexual relationship develops, that's just fine. But a potential sub must accept that I will take lovers as I choose, and that he will not be one of them unless it's a rare situation. I agree with the sentiments expressed about not necessarily wanting a sub who identifies as a cuckold because it implies making the dominant a vehicle for their fetish. But if I found through talking with a cuckold that they simply did not want a domme to be monogamous or feel constrained sexually by the relationship, I'd certainly be open to it.

nickymaz -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/15/2007 8:36:20 AM)
Elorin, thanks for the great post. You make some good points, labels are very powerful things and depending on who you are and your desires the label of cuckold can apply or not. I'm not sure what you mean by the dominant becoming the vehicle for the sub's fantasy. This could essentially occure in every D/s relationship. The relationship you described certainly fits the broad definition for a cuckold relationship; a submissive partner who remains momogomouss while a dominant partner is free to have other partners. Just like in every D/s relationship a lot depends on the people.

Griswold -> RE: Thoughts on Cuckolding (7/16/2007 6:19:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nickymaz I realize cuckolding has an image problem but like anything in BDSM if you do it with honesty and communication it can work. (I'm taking collections to hire a good PR firm for all us cucks).

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