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DeviantlyD -> RE: Kink, Sex and Romance (7/7/2007 5:35:53 PM)
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A big Mahalo to all who replied! I found many words of wonderful advice in some of your posts. They were simple and practical, yet, until reading them, were ideas I hadn't even thought of. So know I am truly appreciative.
becca333: Thanks for your kind words. I've thought of attending the munch here, but I live on Maui and it's a very small community. Just by a numbers game alone, that diminishes the opportunity to meet a dominant man that would click with me and me with him.
slaveish: I appreciate your advice! I liked your comment about being the person I am looking for. :) Yes I've found it very dispiriting dealing with the hng's and those less than sincere, etc. etc. Reading your words...your advice seems so simple (common sense really), it just seems it should be so obvious to me! So why isn't it? I guess the answer to that fits in with the main reason I have decided to end my membership, at least for now. I'm really not in a position to be part of a D/s couple until I work on my insecurities and improve myself. I realized recently that I would just be setting myself up for disaster in this current mindset.
Valyraen: Thanks for your encouragement. *S* Do you have an older brother? Single uncle perhaps? *L*
Park: *sigh* You put it all very succinctly. Thank you.
Master96: *LOL* Thanks!
Level: *LOL!!* Thanks for the laugh! Twinkies dunked??! It never ceases to amaze me how many different ways certain activities and body parts can be described! While I am going to drop the membership for now, that doesn't mean I may not be back...just not for a while....maybe a few months from now, maybe next year, I don't know. But thank you for your supportive words. :)
PsyVamp: Like I mentioned to becca333, it really is a very small community here. Although I haven't been to one, I am fairly certain the munches here are attended by just a few - based on the meeting place the munches are held at. It certainly does seem to be a gender thing when it comes to sex and not limited to the role, based on what your experiences have been! I just wish guys could understand that with many women, regardless of the strength of our libido, blatant sexual advances aren't the way to attract us.
hejira92: I guess my feeling about communicating with a dominant man is that we both know sex is going to be there - if we get to that stage - but how we mesh as people is what I want to find first. It's also my opinion that the discussion of our kinky interests can be done without the "what makes you wet" dialogue. As for your situation, I'm sorry you had such a disappointing experience. My thought on relationships that fizzle, is that if he was meant for you or worthy of you, then he wouldn't have just dumped you as he did. (And I may have those who disagree, but I feel that Doms must be worthy of their submissives too, just as the reverse is true as well.)
SeeksOnlyOne: Oh I can so relate! I've been very upfront and open about myself and more recently, it's put off a few Doms I had been exchanging messages with. Maybe I should be more "mysterious"...pique his interest by not revealing everything. Hmm...
cuddleheart50 & slaveish: *LOL*!
AquaticSub: Forgive me for saying so, particularly if I am wrong, but you are young, you are involved with someone and I wonder if you have ever had to search for a dominant man or done any online seeking. The sorts of conversations that are presenting themselves are rarely those where he discusses his particular kinks, but are sexual in a way that doesn't really apply to kink at all. When a man discusses only this sort of subject matter, and doesn't express any sort of interest in who I am, it leads me to believe he's probably only interested in a sexual relationship - and those are rarely of the permanent variety.
SimplyMichael: Oooo! Thanks for the male perspective and some very good advice! :) I will take definitely use that for future conversations. Sometimes I think I make things too difficult.
angelic: Your comments remind me I need to hold true to my convictions. Thanks. *S* As for the latter part...well that made me laugh. ;) It isn't as if I feel that being here hinders me in any way, it is just not wanting to waste my time or anyone else's for that matter.
MasterFireMaam: You too offer some good advice. Your words definitely make sense. When I am ready to pursue and be pursued, I will come back and use the outline you have given here as a guide for my profile. (And no, I doubt I'll be back anytime soon.)
meticulousgirl: *L* Well, that's the sort I'm trying to avoid. Now if they think with their "twinkies" (to quote Level) maybe 1/2 the time...that's okay! *grins*
imthatacheyouhav: Despite your insecurities...I think you are very fortunate indeed to have one who values you so. *S*
sublimelysensual: *high 5's* You know how it is! As I mentioned earlier...it's a small community here on Maui. I'm not sure I will find someone here.
Mystique567: Thanks for the words...it's yet another confirmation of what I need to do.
Celeste43: *LOL*! I'm not "shocked" in the least about sex coming up in conversations. I'm just fed up with it as the primary focus of any conversation...and being steered towards a cybersex conversation. I know that discussions may develop along a certain line - simply because all of us are seeking a compatible kinky partner. (Those of us not involved already that is.) But in my mind, that doesn't mean he should disrespect me as a person just for his sexual gratification, with nothing else in mind, including a D/s relationship.
To anyone who's been patient enough to read all of this, kudos to you! And thanks again for everyone's comments. I hope to return here at some point with a better sense of self and feeling worthy enough to attract a wonderful dominant man. :)
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