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no safe-out - 6/28/2007 4:56:44 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		MP asked me to do a 'no safe out' scene with him...I do have the option of saying 'no', this is just the negotiating stage...first he knows me VERY well, and we both know my limits are pretty far out there now. He is the only one I have ever been with that continues the scene through tears...( I LIKE the release,most men stop)...My question is his motivation for this request??? is he just doing a good 'mind phuck' trying to make me afraid??Is he trying to blow my limits completely away??? any thoughts on this??

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"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 4:59:29 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmmm...i'd vote for the mind job...but i dont know either of you so its hard to say....

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*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 5:08:09 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

MP asked me to do a 'no safe out' scene with him...I do have the option of saying 'no', this is just the negotiating stage...first he knows me VERY well, and we both know my limits are pretty far out there now. He is the only one I have ever been with that continues the scene through tears...( I LIKE the release,most men stop)...My question is his motivation for this request??? is he just doing a good 'mind phuck' trying to make me afraid??Is he trying to blow my limits completely away??? any thoughts on this??


by "NO SAFE OUT" scene... I am understanding that you have no safe word to stop the scene.  That the decision to stop the scene will be his and not yours.  Would this be a correct understanding?

lastly.. to answer you question.. Only he knows... and we can only guess.... particularly since you both are but a fonts/pixels on a screen.  If you want to know... ASK HIM...  and well if he doesn't want to tell... Well.. then you have a much better chance of guessing the reason than those that are just fonts/pixels on a screen to you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 5:12:33 PM   
LadyJaye


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

My question is his motivation for this request??? is he just doing a good 'mind phuck' trying to make me afraid??Is he trying to blow my limits completely away???

As no one knows this man as well as you do I think these are things you need to ask yourself or him.  I detect a hint of being your being uncomfortable with this or you would not be reaching out here.

Do you trust him not to harm you, does he value what he has in you enough that he would not do that?  Does he realize if he breaks his toys he will not have anything left to play with?  This could be a very good experience if you can answer yes to the trust  question.  But you will not find that answer here as it is between you and him.

_____________________________

³§³§³§³º°´¨ Lady J ¨´°º³§³§³§³

"There's nothing either good or bad ... but thinking makes it so!"
- William Shakespeare

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 6:06:46 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Could be a mind fuck or him just wanting to push your limits further. Either way if you are OK with it then go for it.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 6:11:34 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Does he have any family members or close friends in need of a kidney?  Corneas, perhaps? 
 
I'm just wondering.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 6:18:02 PM   
EvilGeoff


Posts: 523
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		He may just be looking to see if your level of trust in him has reached that point.

But only he can answer your question.  Why are you asking us instead of him?

YIK,
- Geoff

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 6:23:22 PM   
subinsouth


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline 		ELUSIVE1,

i have been asked for this very same (in the past). 

He is the only One who can answer for His motivation for His request.

Are you afraid? 

Lots of questions that only the two of Y/you can answer.   Talk to Him.

BTW ~ i did the scene ~ i still smile about it.

_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 7:19:50 PM   
Casie


Posts: 450
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		Depends on the person I suppose. Seems pretty creepy to me tho.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 7:29:16 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Ask HIM, not us.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 7:31:07 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Casie
Depends on the person I suppose. Seems pretty creepy to me tho.

Yeah, it would definitely depend on the people.  "Creepy" to think about not being permitted to use your safeword?  Hmmm, we must be really creepy then because I've never HAD a safeword.  Everything we've ever done from the beginning has been done without virtue of one.  Never seemed creepy to me, but to each his/her own................luci

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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 7:33:51 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Casie

Depends on the person I suppose. Seems pretty creepy to me tho.


Why is it creepy because you would never do it?  Seems a bit judgmental to me.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 8:08:42 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		We have been constructing a role play that will be a "no safe out" scene that we plan to do in the next week. Our play is non-consent already however, because I don't safe word and he knows best when to call a halt to a scene or how hard to push my limits. Sure we have an emergency safe word if I'm incapable of saying what the problem is, but I have never used it.

You have to talk with your dom and get enough information to make you feel comfortable. You of course have to completely trust your dominant before you should play with them using a safe word or not.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 8:13:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My guess would be that he just wants to take it to another level of what he considers intensity.

For people who never have "safe-outs," this really doesn't mean much.  For people who carefully guard safe-outs, it can be a big leap.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 8:33:40 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: Casie

Depends on the person I suppose. Seems pretty creepy to me tho.


Why is it creepy because you would never do it?  Seems a bit judgmental to me.


She didn't say it was creepy.  she said it was creepy to her. (only her opinion) You seem judgemental because she's creeped out by something you are not.

Now...I agree with those who said ask HIM.  If you trust in him to give you the truth then that's all that matters.  If you don't trust him to give you the reason behind the request, then there are deeper problems.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 8:43:46 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Only he knows why he is doing it and you should only do this if you are completely comfortable. Of course, having a safeword doesn't make it safe. There is no way to be sure he will stop when you call red or banana or blueberry split with fudge on top. You have to trust him, and if you don't trust him - don't play with him.

Personally, I won't play with someone who won't respect a safeword. Since I only use it when absolutely needed and have only used it... once... maybe twice... so I don't see why anyone would need to get rid of it when playing with me. Just another tool in the safety box. The one time I know I used it was when an insertable egg had caught a bit of my vaginal canal.  It was causing intense pain that I know Valyraen was not aware of and did not desire to be inflicted on me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/28/2007 8:44:29 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 9:24:51 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I've played no-safe-out type scenes as a sub. It wasn't a problem, but in retrospect, I may have been a little too trusting a little too soon. I didn't know the top nearly as well as I should have, but I was young and enthusiastic, and I knew him by way of some folks who I was pretty sure would have warned me off if he was total sleaze.

Look. Life is a gamble. If you trust this guy, go for it. If you don't trust him, why are you still playing with him? Edge play can be fun - it's just something that needs to be clearly negotiated beforehand (in the fuzzy little world I live in, any way).

As to his motivations - what do you think we are, telepathic? Hell, I'd need a fingernail clipping just to weegee up a haphazard guess. With a name and photograph, I might be able to scry up some tenuous revelation. Give me a couple of days to find a live goat, and I might be able to make use of haruspicy to get you some answers (besides which, goat is delicious, and the powers whom I serve have been clamoring for a blood sacrifice). Short of the questionable powers of occult oracularism, (and if I'm such a good psychic, why haven't I won the lottery yet?), you would know better than any of us why he might want to suggest such a scene.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 10:46:50 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		No idea. I don't think anyone here could do better than offer you some possibilties, but, looking at just the ones I can think of just off the top of my head, it could really be just about anything.

This said, it's hard for me to empathize with the reasonings of a sub. (This is to say, I can't feel such things in myself, so, while I can understand such things at an academic level and as an observer, I can not feel them within myself.) So, whatever you decide, I'd be interested in hearing the outcome.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/28/2007 11:33:47 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		lol... what's a "safe-out?"

juliet

(in reply to CuriousLord)
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RE: no safe-out - 6/29/2007 1:54:25 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		What does it say about him if he is just using this as a test? What can he gather from you if you don't agree to giving yourself to him with no ability to end the scene?

Opinion: It seems like a jackass move to say "Well you don't trust me. Thanks a ton. Bitch." All because you would like a safeword in your extreme play. (Extreme = 'pretty out there' limits)  I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, let's say it isn't a mind fuck and he wants to bring your trust to a new level.  Do you trust him?

I like safewords and tanlines.  Tanlines are sexy because I get to lick what the sun doesn't.  It's empowering, having the sun be jealous of me.  Safewords are sexy because they don't get used.  What good is an act of devotion if you have no ability to stop it?  Having the power to say stop, but not using it, speaks much more deeply for your devotion. Think of it like this. 

A safeword is a parachute. 
A scene is jumping out of a plane. 
Your willingness to smash into the ground is your devotion.

You jump from the plane.  How devoted are you to the cause if you don't use your parachute and knowingly plummet into the ground?  How devoted are you if you plummet into the ground, incapable of stopping if you wanted to?  Perhaps explaining your thoughts this way will inspire him to want you to have a safeword (which is good for both of you, since you seem uneasy about giving it up.)

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The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to julietsierra)
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