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midniteReign -> Tips for the new Dominant or those with little time (6/26/2007 12:50:28 PM)
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Tips for the new Dominant of those with little time
I was a Dominant for 13 years until I found that One Mistress that captured my heart. My Mistress, however, had less than 6 months experience in the lifestyle and that made it tough. It gave me the chance to help "train" (She would hate me using that term) Her to be the Mistress that I always wanted, though it didn't really turn out that way. Just before I was with my Mistress I had a collared submissive for 3 years. This is just some of the things that I have noticed that helped along the way both as a Dominant and a submissive. Perhaps they will be of use to you, perhaps not.
When I was a Dominant we would not have a lot of time to play. I didn't want her to feel like I wasn't her Dominant though, so I would find little things to do. Sometimes just a quick spanking before bed. One night I got really bored at work and I had a box of envelopes. So I started typing up little things for her and stuffing each envelope with something. I put them into categories that I could understand. On the back of each envelope I would put a letter letting me know what category it fell under. Punishments, rewards, intellectual, activities, or punishment activites. A punishment activity might be something like cleaning out the science projects that were thriving in the fridge. Rewards could be "brownie points". When she got 20 brownie points, she could have the session of her choice, OR use them to get out of a punishment. They did not have to used right away either so she could hord them. She felt it was nice to have options. I would give her brownie points whenever I felt she deserved them, sometimes out of the blue. She could open a reward envelope that might just have 5 or 10 brownie points right there. The intellectual category was something to make her use her brain. Perhaps creating a bondage game that would be played with our friends when they came over. Maybe writing a story of her favorite fantasy. I even had her draw a bondage cartoon once. Maybe making up bondage ice cream flavors.
As a submissive, I have found that I love attention. I kneel at my Mistress' feet and kiss Her boots to please Her....ok, She gives me attention when I do this. It's a give and take thing. It's important to recognize the good things that Your submissive does for You. Try and reward her as much as possible. Again, find a way that works for You whether it's drawing an envelope, giving brownie points, an earned spanking, or whatever...but make sure that she knows that You noticed and appreciate it. This will keep her wanting to please You more and to continue to do those things. As we get older we don't always have time for sex, or maybe there are kids around and we need to be quiet. If this is a problem, then find ways to involve sexual activity without having to really "do" anything. Blindfold her, bind her legs or throw a spreader bar on her legs. Hand her the vibrator and allow her to please herself. If your schedules don't allow You much time at all, make a recording of Yourself talking to her as if this were occuring or even a generalized recording. For the first couple of times, play this while You are there. After that, allow her to play it when You are not. Then even when she is alone she will feel closer to You as if your presence was there. Say simple things, like, "you are such a good girl, you did such a good job today, I am so proud of you...and of course You can make it progressively sexual and taunting at the same time...you better wait, you know you aren't allowed to climax until you have permission." Even taking the time to just be intimate with touching makes a world of difference. Allow her to go into subspace if she can do that without sessioning. I found the book, "Extreme Space", to be helpful in ways to do this without having to session.
Anyway, I hope that this might help those of you that don't have much time due to work schedules or life in general.
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